


good night, dear heart.

by Nicolasgrimshaw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1930s, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1930s, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Bottom Louis, Chaptered, Domestic Violence, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Making Love, Running Away, Sign Language, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Top Harry, Work In Progress, and Louis does nothing, i don't actually know if this counts as historical but whatever, local color, poor Louis just can't catch a break, ranch hand Harry, so many cute scenes between Louis and Harry!!!, there is a lot of fluff though!!!!, they make each other so happy just see!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:06:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 98,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolasgrimshaw/pseuds/Nicolasgrimshaw
Summary: When Harry's forced flee from his hometown due to the careless mistake of his best friend Niall, he and Niall take it into their own hands to get another job west of the Salinas river on a ranch.Harry's life depends on his job, without it he'd be homeless and penniless. But with a group of men constantly testing his patience, the bosses son whom likes to pick fights, and Louis, the lonely and coquettish husband of the bosses son, keeping the job might harder then he imagined.An Of Mice and Men AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello, i had originally posted and finished this awhile back but i felt it was way too rushed and didn't like the ending the way i once did so if you happened to have read this before it was deleted welcome back, this is going to be continued from chapter 14 (not sure how long it's gonna be) and have a completely different, cheerier, ending. that's right, more content, drama, and angst with a brand new ending because the last version of this story was SHIT. 
> 
> if you never read this before and decide to read it now then hello, welcome as well I hope you enjoy it. comments are always appreciated, love hearing what you guys have to say.
> 
> This is based off the book Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.

The bus came to a lurching halt and the driver opened the door. 

"This is where ya get out." He announced. Niall jumped up from his seat and turned over his shoulder to Harry who was sleeping with his head pressed against the window. 

"Harrah, get up." Niall chucked his hat at him and Harry jolted awake, glancing around in a dazed confusion. He looked out the window at the little dusty town they were stopped at.

"We're goin' t' the ranch." He stated, glancing at the driver who had moved from his seat to the stairs leading down out of the bus. 

"The ranch is jus' up the road a few. Ya have to walk." He said before stepping off the bus. It was a hot and humid day, the last thing Harry and Niall wanted to do was walk all the way to Hayfers Ranch, where they were to work. They grabbed their bindles, Harry grabbed his guitar case, and Niall put his hat back on his head. They hopped out of the bus into the blistering sun and slung their bindles over their shoulders. 

Now it was more than "jus' a few" up the road. They had been walking for more than two hours and the ranch still wasn't in sight. The cloudless sky supported absolutely no shade from the sun. The gravel crunched underneath their feet and Harry wiped the sweat from his forehead. 

"Jus' a few up the road, he said." Harry mocked with a scoff. "A few wha'? Few feet? Few miles? Few days? That damn bus driver." He grumbled. 

"We'll be there soon, it can' be far." Niall said quietly and Harry rolled his eyes. 

"We've been walkin' for two hours 'n still no sign of the ranch." He stated. "All there is is mountains 'n gravel!" He yelled out angrily. "'N the fucking sun, gosh, probably over 100 degrees righ' now." They were both drenched in sweat, and even then they weren't any cooler. 

"Ain't nothing we ain't used to." Niall said. "Jus' like up in Weed." 

"If it weren' for you and yer dumb ass we'd still be there." Harry shot back angrily. 

"Oh, piss off." Niall rolled his eyes. What happened up in Weed was this: Niall had been talking to a girl one day, more like flirting, when the button of his shirt cuff got caught on the girls dress. The girl thought Niall was trying to grab her, Niall tried to pull his cuff free, and when he did it took down half of the girls dress. The girl cried rape and before Harry could even comprehend what Niall was explaining to him, men with shotguns and hounds were marching around, searching for Niall. 

They grabbed their bindles and ran to the river, hiding in the irrigation ditch until the men had cleared and it was safe to get out. Now Harry didn't have to leave with Niall, but he and Niall had been traveling together ever since Niall's mother passed away and he was alone, he couldn't just leave him. 

And they didn't have to leave, but the fate Niall would've faced if he stayed in Weed and was caught by the authorities didn't make it worth staying. 

"It was a fuckin' misunderstandin'." Niall grumbled. Harry scoffed. 

"Not t' the girl or anyone else. They would've killed ya if they caught ya without even askin' t' hear yer side of the story." 

"Job there wasn't any good either." Niall added as they continued dawdling down the long dusty road. "We get thirty jack here and ten jack back there!" He exclaimed and Harry cracked a small smile. 

"The more the merrier." Niall grinned, nodding. 

"I wish we was already there. Suns gonna be settin' soon." He then said glancing up and squinting at the sun. "What we gonna do if the sun sets and we ain't there yet?" He asked looking at him and Harry shrugged. 

"Keep walkin'." He deadpanned. "Least it'd be better than walkin' in the sun." He added. Silence swayed them both and they continued walking down the seemingly endless road. 

It wasn't until 5:06 when the ranch came into sight and an iron gate with the words 'Hayfer Ranch' branded into it was in front of them. There was a large barn to the left and on the right was a large white house. A field full of men was to the left passed the barn. Horses were gated beside the stereotypical red barn and a dog was roped to the tree outside of the house. 

Ahead of them, between the barn and farmhouse, were three different bunk houses. Harry glanced around, unsure of where to go; they had to find the boss. A man who was sitting with the dog that was leashed to the tree had stood up and approached him. 

"Ya the two new guys?" He was wearing a dirty tee shirt with dirty jeans to match. Dirt smudge his cheek and sweat glimmered off his forehead. 

"No, we're the cancan dancers." Harry replied sarcastically and the guy laughed heartily. He stuck out his hand with a smile. 

"Names Liam." He introduced himself kindly. Harry reached out and shook his hand firmly, then Niall shook his hand. 

"I'm Harry and this is Niall." He introduced. 

"Well, welcome to Hayfer Ranch." He turned around. "The boss is jus' inside the house, he's been waitin' for ya two." Liam started walking towards the tall white house and Harry and Niall followed after. He walked up to the porch and stood beside the screen door. "Jus' go on inside." He coaxed. Harry looked at him questionably before pulling open the door and stepping inside. 

A cold breeze hit their faces and Harry just wanted to stand there for the rest of the day, embracing the air conditioning. It had been a long while since he last felt a cold breeze. There were stairs that led up the second floor, a hallway leading further into the house, a sitting room to the right and the boss's office to the left. 

Harry and Niall stepped over into the office where an overweight man wearing long sleeves and suspenders sat at a desk, pouring over a stack of papers. 

"You the new guys?" He asked without a single glance up. 

"Ya," Harry nodded. "I'm Harry 'nd—'nd this is Niall." The boss put his pen down and looked up. 

"Got your permits?" Niall and Harry both dug around in their pockets before withdrawing their work permits and handing them to him. "So where ya boys come from?" He asked inspecting them. 

"Weed." Niall answered before Harry could. The boss handed them the little slips of paper back and nodded.

"You start tomorrow. Someone will show you to your bunks." With that said, he picked up his pen and turned back to his papers. Harry swallowed thickly as he and Niall turned and walked out of the room. Harry didn't want to leave the house, though. The air conditioning felt so good and he doubted the bunk houses had air conditioning. He was already spoiled. 

They stepped out onto the porch and Harry was reminded of just how hot the sun was. Liam was leaning against the wooden post, waiting for them. The men had started moving in from the field and Liam hopped down onto the dusty ground. 

"You'll be stayin' 'n the third house." He said walking towards the little bunk houses. The little bunk houses were just poorly made wooden shacks in lighter terms. There was a little porch with two chairs on each and inside were eight little beds, four on the left and four on the right. "These're ya two beds," He said pointing to the empty beds. Harry set his guitar case against the wall. Niall unrolled his bindle on top of one and Harry unrolled his on the other. 

Harry stretched his back and cracked his knuckles, whereas Niall took a well needed seat on the edge of the lumpy bed. A boy with tan skin walked into the bunks and took off his hat. His hair was matted to his forehead in sweat and a wet handkerchief was tied around his neck. His boots lefts a trail of loose dirt as he walked to one of the beds on the opposite wall. His white shirt was soaked through with sweat and clung to his chest. 

"That's Zayn." Zayn looked up at the sound of his name and glanced at them.

"You must be the newbies." He said as he took off his shoes. 

"The one and only's." Harry joked. "I'm Harry." 

"Niall." Was all Niall said with a huff. 

"Well, like Liam already said, I'm Zayn." He said with a kind smile and sat on the edge of his bed, kicking off his shoes. 

"Nice to meet ya'." Harry nodded. "So how many other guys are here?" He asked glancing back at Liam. 

"Around 24 if ya count properly." He said with a shrug. "But then again, if ya can count to 24 ya probably could be workin' somewhere else for better money." He joked. Niall laughed boisterously at Liam's lame joke and Harry just nodded. The bunk house was so stuffy, and even with little screen windows there wasn't any air moving around. It was suffocating, really. 

Harry stepped away from the beds and walked out of the bunk to the little porch, where it wasn't as suffocating as inside. Two men left the barn while another brought a horse in. Harry leaned against the post and looked around. Might as well get familiar with the place, he was going to be there awhile. 

Liam stepped out onto the porch with him and stepped beside him, inhaling the warm air deeply. Harry glanced at the white house again, noticing a man leave it. 

"Hey," Harry turned to Liam. "Are we allowed in the house?" He asked and gestured subtly over to the man in dirty overalls stepping off the porch as the door swung closed behind him. 

"Oh, no, but that guy right there is Nick, the bosses son." Liam explained and Harry pursed his lips together. Nick was wearing dirty overalls and a white shirt, which was also dirty, believe it or not. One on hand he wore a leather glove. Only one, though.

"What's with the one leather glove?" Harry questioned looking over Nick in the distance.

"Suppose he keeps Vaseline in there to keep his hand soft for his boy." Liam explained with a nonchalant shrug.

"Well, that's one special boy then." Harry remarked sarcastically and Liam laughed, his whole body shaking with laughter. 

"Ya don' even know the half of it." Harry looked at him curiously before noticing another guy leave the house, but pause on the porch. 

"Oh? And who's that, the bosses other son?" He asked cynically and Liam chuckled at him. 

"That's Nicks husband, Louis." He explained. Harry looked over again at him. It was obvious he didn't work on a fucking ranch, he didn't have a speck of dirt on him. His hair wasn't matted down with sweat, but rather blew around in the wind. He was wearing a white button up shirt, black trousers, and suspenders, way to fancy to be a ranch hand even if he weren't working a shift. His eyes twinkled in the sunlight beautifully, and his skin reflected it just as so. 

"He's fuckin' hot." Harry said with a small smile and Liam shook his head. 

"Yeah, but if I had to give ya one piece of advice it'd be to stay away from 'im. He's always lookin' for trouble, plus Nick'll have his father drop ya in a skinny minute." He warned. "No ones 'llowed to get to close to 'im, extremely territorial, thinks ever'one is after 'im." 

"Is everyone on this ranch gay or somethin'?" Harry asked with a small laugh and Liam shrugged.

"You'd be surprised." He laughed gently. "Men like 'ims 'nough to turn any man." He said and Harry laughed again. "But I'm serious, if ya wanna keep this job then pay no mind to 'im." Liam added seriously and Harry's smile was wiped away. 

"Has anyone ever gotten in trouble for, ya know, try'na chase him?" He asked out of curiosity. Liam nodded.

"Only really one." He said. "His name was Luke 'n I guess someone saw 'em in the barn one evenin' 'n tol' Nick 'bout it. All we heard was a gunshot 'nd we never saw 'im again." 

"He killed him?!" Harry shrieked and Liam nodded with his lips pressed together thinly. 

"Well, that's the legend." He joked. "'M pretty sure he's messed 'round with other guys here, but wasn't ever caught." 

"I'll remember that." He couldn't afford to lose this job. He couldn't afford to let Niall down, even if Niall had already let him down. "Any other advice ya can give?" He asked glancing at him and Liam shrugged. 

"Nothin' particular." He said. "Jus' do ya job an' you'll be set." He turned to him with a smile

"How long ya been here?"

"Year an' a half." He answered. Harry just nodded then glanced at Louis, who stood on the porch for a brief minute before turning and going back inside the house. Then he noticed Nick striding over to the bunk house. "Jus' a warning, he likes to pick fights, so be careful with what ya say." Liam whispered and Harry just nodded, looking Nick over as he walked. 

He was tall, but not that intimidating. The one leather glove he wore looked a bit goofy as well. He had dark hair matted under a hat and his boots were heavy as he stepped up on the porch. Liam and Harry turned around to face him. Nick had a stoic expression has he inspected Harry over closely.

"You're new." He stated, not questioned. 

"That I am." Harry replied flatly. 

"What's your name?" He asked. 

"Harry." He answered. "How come yer only wearin' one glove?" He asked just to spite him and Nick didn't falter. He just turned and kicked the bunk house door open before storming inside. "He seems like a real ray of sunshine." Harry commented sarcastically and Liam laughed in amusement. 

"Jus' stay on 'is good side 'nd you'll be good." Harry nodded. He was a little worried now, but if he just steered clear of Nick's husband then he'd be fine. Totally and completely fine.

-

The sun was setting, and after a hearty dinner of beans and toast most of the men gathered around the horseshoe pit for a game of horseshoes. Some sat on the porches and played cards at a little, uneven table. 

Harry, on the other hand, laid in his little bed with his hands crossed and a cloth over his eyes. Just because the sun was setting didn't mean it was necessarily dark. The sounds of the men chucking their horseshoes around the stake then cheering loudly in triumph were growing increasingly annoying. He was the only one in the bunk house, and when the door opened he jumped in his skin. 

"Oops, sorry." The high pitched voice apologized. Harry just sighed then took the cloth off his eyes, sitting up to see Louis standing in the doorway meekly. "Hi," He greeted softy and Harry didn't say anything. His eyes were placid on him and Louis stepped in a bit further. "Have you seen Nick?" He asked softly. 

"Everyone's outside 'n ya come in here to look for 'im?" Harry finally spoke. 

"Well, I didn't see him out there and he isn't in the house so excuse me for thinking he might've been in one of the bunk houses." Louis retorted back in a fiery tone and crossed his arms.

"Well, as ya can tell, he ain't in here." Harry replied. "Check the barn, maybe." 

"Are you new here?" Louis asked curiously. Harry nodded.

"Yes," He answered stiffly, remembering what Liam said about particularly avoiding him. "And I don' need any trouble from ya so-"

"Oh, and what kind of trouble would I give you by coming in here to ask a simple question?" Louis interrupted indignantly. Harry just shrugged and Louis grit his teeth, glaring at him. 

"Jus' sayin'." Was all he said. 

"What's your name?" 

"Harry." Louis turned his head up a little, his glare softening. 

"Well I'm Louis, it's nice to meet you." He stated pointedly and Harry just stared up at him stoically.

"Yer not from here, are ya?" Harry asked and Louis furrowed his brows at him.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Ya don' talk like ever'one else." He said. "Yer more. . .smarter." 

"Oh, well, thanks." Louis replied unsurely. "I think." He added. "I mean, I am from here, I guess, but everyone else here have never gone to school and have been working most of their lives. I haven't. I've gone to school and college. I have a degree in literature." He said proudly. 

"Have ya eva' worked?" Harry asked and Louis frowned.

"No," He sounded melancholy. "But I want to. And I don't mean work on a ranch or farm, not that I'm trying to belittle you or the work you do, but I want to actually use my degree instead of just sitting around here all day doing absolutely nothing." He said lackadaisically. Harry just took a deep breath, it was quiet between them. 

"Then why don't ya?" He asked and Louis sighed, rolling his eyes at him. 

"Because I can't leave. Nick works here and he won't let me leave to pursue a career." He said in a tone of annoyance. Harry just blinked at him.   

"Yeah, well, you should probably go now." He said. "Maybe Nicks out there lookin' for ya too." He laid back down on his back and put the cloth over his eyes.

"Oh, okay." Louis stumbled to take a step back and licked his lips. "Well, thanks for your help." He turned and left the bunk house, the screen door slamming shut behind him. Damn, he was so hot. 

Harry drew in a deep breath and placed his hand on his lower chest, trying to imagine what tomorrow would be like or what it would bring. Eventually he drifted off into a heavy sleep and woke up bright and early along with everyone else. 

He dressed in one of his few pairs of jeans, but thanks to shabby housing he and everyone just had to change out in the open practically, unless they wanted to hold up the outhouse for what little privacy it provided. He buttoned up his shirt, grabbed a pair of gloves, then sauntered outside to where breakfast was being "served" at the little wooden table set up under the shade of a tree between the barn and the bunk houses. 

It was an elaborate breakfast of runny eggs and charred toast. A great way to start the day. Soon the horses were hooked up to their little wooden carriers and all the men piled on to be trotted out to the fields. Harry was seated beside Niall and another guy named Calvin who had yellow teeth and smelled like a rotting carcass. He kind of looked like one too, but maybe that's what happens when you work on a ranch for a long enough time. 

They were faced towards the house and Harry watched as Nick sauntered out of it and walked towards them. He hopped up onto one of the carriages then they were off. The sun was already sweltering and it was only 9 o'clock in the morning. 

The sweat on the back of their necks was dense and it wasn't going a good job at keeping them cool. Their clothes clung to their skin and the sun was beginning to burn through their hats. Harry had the simple job of lifting the burlap sacks of hay up onto the horses carriages to be brought out. 

He could feel the skin of his hands burning through his gloves. Callouses were beginning to form no doubt, but that wasn't something he wasn't used to. He had thick skin. 

"Man, the sun jus' don' quit eva', does it?" Harry scoffed in agreement as Oli hefted another sack onto the carriage. 

"Sadly not." He replied sarcastically. 

"So where'd you and ya frien' come from?"

"Weed." Harry sighed. 

"Why?" Harry hesitated then just shrugged. Why did he have to be so nosey?

"Pay was no good." He smiled to himself for coming up with what he considered a good excuse, despite the little truth in it. The pay wasn't good where he was now either, but it worked. 

"I unda'stand that." Oli laughed as he threw another bag up on top of the carriage. Harry just continued with his duties. Oli was disgusting, Harry didn't like that he had to be working beside him. He looked like he didn't take care of himself at all!

He was dirty, had yellow teeth, a horrible stench, and his hair looked like it belonged to the matted dog. Harry just continued with his job like he was instructed, paying no mind to him or his obnoxious comments. 

At the end of the day, after they had gone back in from the field, Harry showered in the little shower behind the bunk houses and dressed into a cleaner set of clothes. It was nice to feel refreshed. Dinner wasn't much. Just some more beans and toast. Hearty. 

As the sun began to leave its footprints in the dark skies, Harry watched the stars appear one by one. He was seated out on the porch of the little bunk house. The air was cool. Suddenly the door slammed open and Liam walked out. 

"Evenin'." He greeted before opting to take the wooden chair beside Harry's. Harry just nodded and looked up at the sky. "How was ya' firs' day?" Liam asked. It was quiet. Most men were inside the bunkhouses. Nick was in the actual house, not that he didn't expect that. 

"Hot." Harry joked and Liam laughed. 

"Tell me 'bout it." He chortled. 

"Anything excitin' eva' happen 'round here?" He glanced at Liam who just shrugged in response. Harry glanced back up at the sky. 

"Not usually. Gettin' new workers is usually the only excitin' thang." He nodded. "What brung ya here?" 

"Betta' jack." Liam laughed heartily, nodding. Harry forced a small smile considering money wasn't their reason for coming there to work. If it weren't for Niall they'd both be back in Weed working there. He didn't want to have to leave, but he also didn't have to leave with Niall. Niall could've just fled, but Harry was his best friend and best friends stuck together no matter what.  

"Ain't that the truth." Harry just smiled. "I noticed ya brung a guitar, do ya actually play?" Harry shrugged. 

"Kinda, my motha taught me growin' up 'nd gave me that guitar shortly before she passed. I don' have much time t' play, though." Liam nodded, still intrigued. 

"Well that's nice eitha' way." He smiled kindly and Harry just smiled back. 

"Look, don' take this the wrong way, but I'd rather sit by myself in silence if that's okay." He wasn't sure how to tell Liam that he didn't want him around, but that was the nicest thing he could come up with. He was tired, exhausted, he didn't want to try and force a conversation with someone he didn't want to be sitting with. Granted, Liam was nice, but so was silence. 

Liam just nodded politely and stood up from his chair gracefully. Was he offended? No, why should he be? He just didn't like the irony that was created by feeling such boredom all the time on a ranch with 23 other men who were always coming up with ways to kill that boredom. But it never died. 

"Completely. I unda'stand." He stepped over to the door. Harry just tried to offer a sincere smile, and nodded. 

"Thank ya." Liam stepped into the bunkhouse and after the door was closed he turned back up to the sky. It was so big. He glanced over at the house where light could be seen brightening up the rooms from the windows. It made it look like the house had eyes, and maybe it did, but then Harry noticed a figure step in front of the window on the far left of the house. He watched intently as they, Louis (because the figure was too small to be Nick), opened the window. He reached his head out a second, inhaling the cool fresh air. 

Harry tried to watch him without being too conspicuous. His hair looked so soft. The moonlight gave him an ethereal glow; Harry was pretty sure he was just imagining it. He didn't know why he would imagine a glow around the boy he wasn't even supposed to even talk to in the first place, it was just there. 

Harry watched him lean back in then pull the curtains closed. He felt a twinge of disappointment in his heart. He knew Louis was someone he was supposed to stay away from, but on a ranch full of dirty and gritty men, how was he supposed to stop himself from falling for the only beautiful thing he could actually come in contact with? 

There were lots of beautiful things on the ranch. Like the sky for instance. The sky was gorgeous and always so pretty, but he couldn't have the sky. He was probably getting way ahead of himself, but then again, maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was creating a new character for the fantasy he played in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

When Harry woke up the next morning he already felt like he could just put his brain on autopilot and go through the motions. This was what it was going to be like. They'd wake up, eat breakfast, head out to the field, have a lunch break, work, come in from the field, eat dinner, and then the rest of the night was theirs. He was already bored. 

He was out in the field continuing with what he had been doing the day before, lifting the heavy burlap sacks of hay and whatever else onto a wagon when Zayn had approached him holding the reigns to a poor looking horse. It had a limp. 

"This horse has a broken hoof, bring 'er in to the barn to Leo, he'll know wha'da do." Harry nodded without a word. He grabbed the scratchy rope from Zayn then walked out of the field towards the barn, glad to use this as an excuse to stay in from the field. The sun only got hotter each day it seemed and he had only been there for two days. He hated the sun. 

The barn was large, and if it had ever been painted it had to have been in the last century because the paint was so peeled and washed away that you could hardly tell the barn was red. He pushed open the doors and walked in. 

"Leo?" He called out stepping into the cool shade of the barn. It appeared to be empty, Leo was nowhere in sight even though he had no idea who Leo even was. Harry guided the horse over to a wooden post on the right and began to tie the rope around it loosely. He heard footsteps crunch on the ground making his heart stop for a second. 

"She has a broken hoof, Zayn tol' me-" He turned around to face Louis standing on the opposite side of the barn. His heart practically stopped again. 

"Hi," He greeted shyly, walking over to him slowly. Harry just looked at him stoically then turned to finish tying the rope around the post. "You know, sometimes the barns even cooler than the house even if it has air conditioning." Louis said stepping around a large pile of loose hay. "The horse has a broken hoof, you said?" He asked taking a step closer and watched Harry tentatively. Harry still didn't speak a word, and when he finished tying the rope he didn't turn back around. "Is there some reason you won't speak to me?" 

"Look," Harry finally said and turned around to face him. "Yer nice, but I need this job 'nd I don' want it nixed because Nick gets the wrong idea." Was it right to just assume Louis had sexual intentions with him? Absolutely not, but he wasn't going to not heed Liam's warning that he did in fact have a reputation for that kind of thing. 

"The wrong idea about what?" Louis asked suspiciously. He crossed his arms and gave Harry a suspicious look. He knew everyone on the ranch didn't exactly have high opinions about him, but he wasn't suspecting them to transfer to newbies so soon. 

"I don' know, the idea that we're. . .foolin' 'round behind his back." Louis rolled his eyes, he knew that was what Harry was implying.

"Oh, so I can't talk to you because Nick might think I want to sleep with you. I have literally only had one other conversation with you. Have I given off any impression that would make you think I'd be trying to come on to you?" He asked in an angered tone and Harry just gave him a half shrug. He had no idea how to handle this. 

"From wha' I've heard ya don' exactly got a good reputation." He admitted. Louis scoffed, shaking his head. 

"A reputation for what? For wanting to have someone talk to?" He asked indignantly. "I have nothing to do and no one to talk to and there's 24 other men living here! But oh, nope, the only reason I'm talking to someone is to flirt or try and get them in my pants. Well guess what, I just want a friend-"

"What 'bout yer husband?" Harry interrupted making Louis grit his teeth to restrain himself.

"We are hardly husbands." He grumbled in a low tone. "Want to know what I am to him? I am a thing to him. I am the thing he goes to after a long day of working in the fucking ranch to release his tension and get his mind off things. I am nothing here." Harry blinked back at him blankly. 

"Um, sounds like somethin' ya need to be talkin' to 'im 'bout." 

"You don't fucking get it." Louis shook his head. "No one fucking gets it, they all think I'm the flirt, I'm the tease, some little tart-"

"Does the name Luke ring a bell?" Harry interrupted again. Louis paused. 

"Where the hell did you hear that name?" He asked slowly and Harry shrugged, but he was actually really curious.

"One of the guys mentioned it." 

"What did they say?" 

"Jus' that someone saw ya two 'n the barn 'nd tol' Nick 'nd then there was a gunshot 'nd no one ever saw him again." Harry explained softly. This was surely an interesting second conversation. 

"You guys talk about me?" Louis' tone was soft and melancholy. Harry flushed, immediately regretting ever saying anything, he should've just kept his mouth shut and listened to Liam!

"Erm, no, I mean, I don' know. One jus' mentioned it t' me." Louis sighed, crossing his arms tightly. 

"Well that is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard." 

"So what's the smallest load of shit ya eva' heard?" Harry joked lightly, making Louis crack a small smile. 

"We had just been talking in the barn, and I don't really remember what happened, but he tripped and fell on top of me so of course if someone were to look in at that time it might look suspicious, and someone did and Nick and him got into a brawl and Nick fired a bullet, but it missed and Luke just kept running and running and running." He explained.

"Ya see, I'd like to try and avoid that-"

"Well are you lying on top of me right now?" Louis interrupted making Harry laugh.

"No," He chuckled.

"Then I don't see why you can't just at least talk to me a bit. I only want a friend." Louis said softly. Harry licked his lips.

"Look, I'm here because my friend fucked up what we had back 'n Weed, 'n I don' wanna be the one t' fuck up here." 

"But I don't understand why you'd be the one to fuck up just by talking to me!" Louis exclaimed stomping his foot. "I'm just a person. Is it so wrong for me to want to be treated like a person?" Harry faltered. 

"Yer just...yer different." 

"Different? How am I different? I'm just like you." Harry shook his head. 

"Ya know a lot more, yer more smart. Me? I never got a education. I been workin' most of my life." 

"Levels of intelligence don't make people different, it doesn't even matter! I just want someone I can talk to. Someone I can just call my friend. You have no idea what it's like to be promised something then see that promise burn to nothing along with your ambitions." Harry just blinked at him. Louis uncrossed his arms, sighing. He kicked a small mound of hay at his foot.

"I'm...not really sure what that means." He admitted.

"Can I just call you my friend?" Louis asked softly. 

"Why me? Ya don' even know me." 

"Because you're the only one who talks to me." Harry swallowed thickly.

"Why don' others talk t' ya?"

"Because half of them are terrified of Nick because he's basically claimed me as his property and the other half are disgusted with homosexuality." 

"Really?" 

"Are you joking? It's 1932. Homosexuality is seen as amoral and an inappropriate act. Be careful with what you share with the other men because some of them will not treat you so kindly if they find out you're gay." Harry gave him a narrow, questionable look. 

"I never tol' ya I was gay." 

"You just did." Louis' lips quirked up into a smirk. 

"Do they...treat you and Nick not kindly?"

"No, everyone's terrified of Nick because they know that if they do one thing wrong he'll have his father fire them. No one wants to put that on the line." Harry just rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn't sure where this conversation was going, or where he even wanted it to go. Half of him wanted to go back out into the field, but the other half wanted to stay in the shade of the barn talking to Louis. 

"Well...I'll rememba' that." Louis inhaled slowly then let it out even slower. 

"So where'd you come here from?" Harry pressed his lips together uneasily as he glanced around. Where was Leo?

"Look, I mean, I know ya want someone t' talk t' 'nd all, but I don' think I'm the person for that. I was tol' not t' talk t' ya." Louis bit the inside of his cheek. His throat was tight and his eyes were blurry with small tears. 

"I understand." He whispered before taking a deep, deep breath. "Have a good day." Numbly, Louis pivoted around and trekked out of the barn before Harry could see the tears on his cheeks. 

He wasn't so much upset over Harry, he was upset and fucking pissed about everything in general. He had been living on the ranch for over four years. He was almost 26 and had nothing to show for it! His only companionship was from Nick and he wanted to shoot Nick in the head half the time. 

If Nick wouldn't fulfill his promise, the least he wanted was a friend, just someone he could talk to, someone he could actually just call his friend, someone else who could still be there for him. Nick wasn't there for him. Nick would just have his way with him then go to sleep or go off doing whatever it was he pleased. Louis was nothing at the ranch and he had hoped that two new guys coming to work on the ranch would maybe change that up at a bit. All he wanted was a friend. 

He stomped into the pathetic little house which was the bane of his existence. He wished he could just burn the house to the ground, it was his prison. They lived five miles out of town, there was nothing nearby for him to explore except for his favorite spot behind the house where a little creek resided behind he trees. All he did was dawdle around the house all day. He literally had nothing to do because there was no place for him to get a job, and he most certainly couldn't work out on the ranch. 

Nick promised him four years ago that they wouldn't stay on the ranch that long, that after they saved up a bit of money they'd move to New York where they could start a new life. That was a bust, but it was still the only thing Louis was holding onto to keep him happy, and maybe even sane. Once he realized Nick's promise had more than likely just been false hope to keep him there Louis promised himself that one day he'd take off for New York by himself. He didn't need Nick and Nick didn't need him. He was prisoner in his own marriage, but he didn't even consider him and Nick to be married anymore. Nope, they were just acquaintances. Louis wasn't going to refer to anyone who abused him and ignored him to be his husband. 

The house was large, but the bigger something is the more empty space there is to remind you you're lonely. Louis was always lonely, nothing around him was small. Pretty much the only things he used to entertain himself was the television set, the record player, and books, but there was never anything interesting on, he had grown tired of listening to the same old records everyday, and they only had a total of five books in the house which he's reread all 4 times. His life was nothing. 

He trekked up the creaking stair and turned down the hallway before walking into their room. Their room was big. There was one bed in the middle of the room pressed against the wall perpendicular to the door, a dresser on the wall beside the bed, a closet on the opposite wall, and a bathroom. There were four windows, he didn't know why their room had so many, but their room was in the corner of the house so two windows were on the north wall and the other two were on the west. 

He went to one of the windows that faced the barn and all then opened it to let it some fresh air. He glanced down at the ground below and watched Harry exit the barn before turning his back as he walked back into the field. 

Harry was beautiful. Louis wasn't even kidding himself when he thought that Harry was beautiful. He was tall, tan, and handsome as well. Not to mention he was pretty built up, working on a ranch for most of his life really did him some good. Now Louis didn't necessarily find himself actually attracted to Harry, he just thought he was nice looking. And he seemed kind, he just wished he would actually talk to him. Harry and Niall were his only hope. 

Everyone else on the ranch did not talk to him. Nick didn't even talk to him. Some people on the ranch used to talk to him, but sadly those people no longer worked on the ranch thanks to Nick. Louis didn't understand it. It seemed like Nick didn't care about him at all, but he cared about who he talked to for some reason. Apparently Nick thought the only reason Louis would want to talk to someone was because he was a tart who wanted something outside of their marriage. So what better way to handle that than by completely isolating him? Louis despised the idea. 

Louis shuffled through his records before pulling out one by The Ink Spots, his favorite group. His favorite song by them was 'With Plenty of Money and You'. He set the record on the record player and soon the melodious music filled the bitter silence. 

He just flopped down on the bed and sighed. He felt like he was always sighing. Sighing, sighing, sighing. He didn't want to sigh, he wanted to laugh. He didn't want to frown, he wanted to smile. He didn't want to exist, he wanted to live. He wrapped the bedspread around himself and closed his eyes because sleeping was the only thing he had control over. 

Harry made his way back out into the field without paying attention to the stares he got from the other men he passed. Leo had finally shown up a moment after Louis had left in a huff. Leo was the only black man working on the ranch. He worked in the barn, though, with the animals and such. Harry wasn't exactly sure why, he just knew that Leo didn't get treated with the same rights as him, or anyone. 

His mouth was dry, but he was, without a doubt, sure that was because he had been talking to Louis. Christ, was he magnificent. He wasn't sure how such a beautiful boy survived on a such an addled ranch. He wasn't even sure if he was going to be able to survive himself. 

He barely survived the rest of the day and dinner turned out to be even worse. He was seated at the splintery table with some of the other ranch hands. Niall, of course, Zayn, Calvin, Oli, Liam, Xander, and Jeff, all men he already couldn't stand. They were all gross, both physically and personality wise, and they were all annoying. 

"So," Calvin glanced at Niall and Harry. Niall seemed to get along quite well with everyone, even if it had only been two days already. Harry, on the other hand, only talked when he was spoken too. "How ya guys likin' it 'ere?" 

"It's pretteh nice." Niall answered with a smile and Harry just shrugged for his response. He hated it there. He didn't even want to be there. He wanted to be back in Weed. 

"Yer a quiet one, ain't ya?" Calvin asked smirking at him and Harry just looked up from his plate at him blankly. 

"Jus' ain't got a lot t' say." He looked back down at his plate stoically. 

"But gotta lot t' think?" Harry looked back up at him, his expression showing everything that was annoyance, but it was a good thing no one on the ranch was that smart, or had the intelligence to read social cues. 

"Don' got a lot t' think either." Calvins lips quirked up into a smirk to reveal his yellow teeth and black gums. Harry grimaced away in disgust. 

"Whad'dya think of Nick's husban'?" Harry swallowed thickly. "Saw ya two leavin' the barn earlia'." 

"Yer a fag?" Oli asked incredulously with the utmost disgust taking over his neutral expression. Calvin just laughed like a hyena making Harry want to rip his own ears off. 

"Wanna find out?" He shot back, making Oli roll his eyes and turn away. 

"Gotta say, pretteh quick fer a newbie. Guess ya gotta lot t' learn." Now it was Harry's turn to roll his eyes. 

"I don' know what the hell ya think happened, I jus' brung in the horse for Zayn." He didn't know why he felt a need to justify himself to them, he didn't have to, but he didn't want their presumptuous asses assuming the worst of an innocent situation. 

"Yeah, ok." Harry grit his teeth. He wanted to slap the stupid smirk off of his face. Actually, what he really wanted to do was knock in his two front teeth, but that would be uncalled for. Maybe. "I think ya may be the fastest t' come 'n go." 

"Shut the fuck already, will ya? I need this job, why would I waste it skirtin' after that little tart?" Calvin raised his brow at him, a sarcastic little smirk playing on his lips as he placed his fork down. Harry was clutching his tightly. 

"He alreada' try t' come on t' ya?" 

"No, why would 'e?" 

"Cos he's a minx." Harry just rolled his eyes. 

"He seems nice-"

"Cos tha's what he wants ya t' think. He wants ya t' think he's nice 'n humble 'n jus' when he's got ya wrapped round 'is finger he strikes 'n then yer out a job." Harrys eyes narrowed at him. The entire table had become silent, they were just listening eagerly to Harry and Calvin. They were like hound dogs when it came to sniffing out drama. 

"An' how exactly do ya know all this?" Calvin laughed. He just fucking laughed before giving him a smug expression with a shit-eating grin that just infuriated Harry because it looked like Calvin knew Harry was lying, but he wasn't because nothing had happened! Obviously past things had happened, though. He wasn't exactly getting any supportive looks either. 

"Cos too many men 'ave come 'n gone 'n word gets around quickly." Harry scoffed. 

"Ya mean t' tell me that many gay men 'ave come t' work 'ere only t' be fired because of 'im?" Calvin nodded. 

"I's not jus' bout bein' gay. Ya'd be surprised wha' straigh' men 'ill do t' let off tension. He's the next bes' thang t' the whore house in town, an' le's face it, he ain't exactly manly. He's got more feminine qualities than manly." Harry scoffed in disgust. He couldn't believe someone could talk about someone else in such a vulgar way, but was what he was saying true? Harry's head was spinning, but it shouldn't have been. It shouldn't matter what Louis did with his private life, whether the accusations Calvin was making were true or false. 

"Yer disgustin'." Harry stood up and went to the garbage where he scraped his leftover food in with his fork before dumping his plate and silverware in the washing tub. He could see Calvin still smirking at him out of the corner of his eye as he marched over to his bunkhouse. Conversation had resumed like it normally did and Harry just dropped down on his bed. 

So far he already had two people warn him that Louis surely liked to stir up shit, but in the barn he said that all he wanted was someone he could simply talk to. Harry didn't know why he was thinking so hard about it, if the world was on his side then he would never run into Louis again and he could slip past Nicks blind fury. Sometimes the world takes two sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill be uploading maybe 2 chapters a day up to chapter 14 then ill continue writing from there!!


	3. Chapter 3

Harry made it through the rest of the week without getting the third degree from the other guys, and without magically stumbling into Louis. He had made it a full week at the ranch. How many more weeks would he stay? 

It was Sunday and the great thing about Sunday's was that they didn't have to work that day. Sunday was supposed to be a holy day, but most of the men on the ranch weren't holy. Granted, Harry wasn't exactly holy himself, but that's beside the point. 

It was after lunch and most of the men were either lying down for a nap, playing horseshoes, or doing God knows what. Harry wasn't doing any of those three. He grabbed his guitar and discreetly left from the backdoor of the bunkhouse where hopefully nobody would necessarily see him. It wouldn't have been the end of the world, but it would've been the end of his world. 

Thick trees and bushes outlined the barrier of the lawn. So, Harry pushed back the branches and pushed himself through until he was in an open area of half dead trees, and bushes, and just dirt. This could be his new little escape. 

He walked down and used the house for reference. He was technically behind the house now. It had a large backyard. He looked down at his feet and tried not to create too much noise by stepping on the twigs and dried leaves. He didn't know who would possibly be around to hear him, but he just wanted to be safe because it's better to be safe than sorry. He spotted a large tree trunk that looked like the perfect area to sit and at least attempt to play. 

When he looked up he almost dropped his guitar and had a heart attack because he saw Louis sitting perched up on a tree branch. Louis was looking down at him tentatively. Harry held his hand over his racing heart and took a deep breath. Once he was breathing normally again, he stepped around the tree so he was at the base of the trunk in front of Louis. 

"Ya sure are a strange lookin' bird." Louis smiled. 

"Did I scare you?"

"What? Course not." Louis smirked at him, rolling his eyes. He looked down at him curiously and tried to put together the image of Harry and a guitar. The last thing he expected to see him holding was a guitar. Actually, the last thing he expected to see Harry holding was him. A guitar was a close second. 

"What are you doing around back here?" He asked him curiously and Harry just shrugged. 

"Lookin' for a quie' place t' play." He answered holding up his guitar as a gesture. Louis nodded, even more enticed. "What're ya doin' sittin' in a tree?" 

"It's quiet. The view is nice." He answered simply. Harry nodded before looking around. 

"Well, if ya don' mind, I'mma sit here." He didn't even wait to see if Louis had a response, he turned his back then bent down to the ground, sitting with his back pressed against the tree. He set his guitar across his lap. Louis pressed his lips together and watched Harry curiously. He jumped down from his tree branch, landing soundlessly on the dirt and dry leaves. Harry didn't even look up at him, he just started strumming soft cords. 

"Mind if I sit with you?" 

"Be my guest." Louis watched him curiously, almost suspiciously, then sat down gracefully in the space in front of Harry who still hadn't looked up from his guitar. 

"I thought you said you weren't the person for me to talk to and all." He questioned softly. Harry shrugged. 

"Yeah, well, then I heard what the guys had t' say 'bout ya which I don' believe so I don' care."  

"What did they say about me? What did they tell you?" Louis asked frantically. Harry stopped strumming his guitar to look up at Louis. He looked hurt. It was most evident in his eyes. 

"They said yer a minx, 'n that ya fool 'round with guys 'til they get fired. Shit like that." Louis scoffed loudly, rolling his eyes with the utmost annoyance. 

"That is not true. I have been here for four years and never once have I been sexually or romantically involved with another man on this ranch." He defended in a stern tone. Harry just turned back to his guitar and started strumming some random cords again. 

"Okay." 

"Okay?" Louis questioned looking at him curiously. Harry nodded. 

"Okay."

"You believe me?"

"I don' think i's any of my business." 

"But you were so adamant about not even talking to me because you thought Nick was going to think we were messing around then fire you." Harry shrugged and Louis just watched him curiously. 

"Yeah, well, I realized that yer the only person on this ranch I can somewha' stand-"

"Somewhat?" Harry laughed. 

"I don' know ya." Louis gave him a skeptical look. "An', I mean, I don' know, felt a lil bad hearin' them say those thangs." 

"You did?" Harry shrugged, making him laugh softly. 

"Kind of. Made me wonda' how they knew so much." Louis sighed. 

"It's all a load of shit, that's how they 'know' so much. They make it up." Harry just nodded. He continued playing his guitar softly and Louis just watched him peacefully. "How long have you been playing?" Harry shrugged again. 

"Don' know." 

"Who taught you to play?"

"My motha'." 

"Can you play something for me?"

"Ya sure are full of a lot of questions." Harry teased making Louis laugh softly. 

"I'm just curious." Harry glanced up at him with a small smile before looking back down at his guitar. If he looked at Louis for too long he might start getting some wrong ideas. Louis was just so beautiful, though. His skin was smooth and clean, his lips looked even smoother and so kissable. His hair looked so fluffy and healthy. 

Harry was the opposite. His skin was rough and dirty, his lips were chapped and rougher than sandpaper. His hair was almost always greasy and disgusting. Harry couldn't hold a candle to him. 

"I don' really have songs memarized." He answered and Louis just nodded slowly. 

"I don't know how to play guitar, but I know how to play piano. I've always wanted to play guitar, though." He spoke softly, wouldn't want to draw any attention to them, but then again, who would be around to hear them? 

"I've neva' actually seen a piano before." Harry remarked causing Louis to gawk at him. 

"You've never seen a piano? Ever?" Harry nodded then shrugged his shoulders, like it was a force out of his hands. 

"How many ranches do ya think got pianos?" He teased in a light tone. Louis smiled. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. Why was that? He had no idea. He just felt so happy and giddy. 

"I used to play a lot more frequently, but then one night—one night Nick got mad and tore apart all my sheet music so all I can play is what I have memorized." He explained solemnly. He turned his head down, rubbing the back of his neck, then turned over his shoulder and glanced at the house through the trees. Harry stopped strumming his guitar and started playing scales. Louis turned back to him. 

"He seems like quite the charma'." Harry said sarcastically, making Louis laugh. If Harry had to do one thing for the rest of his life he'd probably choose making Louis laugh because his laugh was beautiful, and beauty needed to be expressed. 

"Oh yeah, he sure is—something." Louis rubbed the back of his neck. His stomach always got upset when he thought about Nick, let alone actually talking about him. It only reminded him of how much of a prisoner he was. Nick was the guard, making sure he never tried to escape, but was brave enough to turn his back to him. 

"How long ya been 'ere 'gain?" 

"Like, four years." Louis answered with exasperation. He was just so tired. So, so tired. 

"Ya don' say that so happily." Harry teased. 

"That's because I'm living in my worst nightmare. How am I supposed to be happy living in a place that just smothers my ambitions and dreams? In a place where I'm constantly dumbed down to be nothing more than an object that can't even make a decision for its own self?" Harry just stared at him blankly before looking away because he had no idea what to even say. What was there that he could say? "This ranch is a prison and I feel like I'm on death row." 

"Can't ya eva' leave?"

"Well, I mean, sometimes I can go into the town, but I can't, like, leave for good." Harry looked at him curiously. 

"Why not?" Louis took a deep breath, not quite sure about how to answer Harry's question. 

"Just—because. I mean, I wouldn't have any money or…I'm waiting to leave." He suddenly blurted out mid sentence. He felt excited saying it because he had only ever thought about it. "I'm going to leave, I'm just not sure when yet." Harry nodded, intrigued. 

"With Nick?" Louis shrugged his shoulders, turning his gaze down at the ground. He picked up a single leaf and began to pull it apart. 

"Probably not. Hopefully not." Harry smiled a bit. He didn't know why he smiled, it just happened. "What do you want to do?" Louis asked looking up at him. He dropped the leaf and just bundled his hands together in his lap.  

"Wha' do ya mean?" 

"I mean what do you want to do with your life?" Harry was taken back. No one had ever asked him what he wanted to do with his life. He had never even asked himself what he wanted to do with his life. 

"I don' know." Louis smiled a bit. 

"You have no idea?"

"I mean...I don' know, I've neva' really though' about it. I don' even know wha' there would be for me t' do." 

"Well, you could want to go to school, or actually get a job, or move somewhere different, visit another country?" Harry just stared back at him blankly. 

"Um, no." Louis laughed softly. Harry just bit his cheek, looking down at his guitar.

"Maybe you want to learn more about music? Explore more than just a guitar or advance your knowledge and skill when it comes to playing?"

"I...I only really know how t' play scales." Harry was suddenly feeling very flustered. Here he was sitting with this absolutely gorgeous boy who held all these hopes, and dreams, and ambitions, who knew exactly what he wanted, just wasn't sure of when, and then Harry just held nothing. He had no idea what else he wanted to do, he was just used to working on ranches and farms. That's what he had grown up doing, that's what his life was defined by. He had no meaning. 

"That's okay, that helps people learn." Louis offered him a sweet smile and Harry just smiled back shyly. It was hard to smile at the boy he felt inferior too, but it was also easy because he was so enjoyable to look at. 

A shadow casted over them and Harry just figured a cloud had moved in front of the sun. They both looked up. Louis quickly scrambled up to his feet as Nick glared down at them suspiciously. 

"What the hell is this?" He demanded. Honestly, Harry was actually really intimidated. Like, this was the man who had the power to fire him, or beat the shit out of him, or both. He better not antagonize him. 

"This is a guitar." Louis crossed his arm across his chest and reached his other hand up to his aching forehead. So Harry wasn't exactly good at picking fights. He slowly stood up, holding the neck of his guitar in one hand. Nick gave him a condescending smirk. He crossed his arms and glanced at Louis who just wanted to run and hide. What the hell was Nick doing back here?

"What are ya doin' back here?" He demanded causing Louis to jump at the sound of his voice.  He uncrossed his arms, but began to pick at the skin around his nails nervously. 

"I was just exploring back here."

"Why?"

"Because I was bored and just walking around-"

"With him?" Louis shook his head. 

"N-No. I was just back here and-and he came back here to sit and play." He rubbed the back of his neck, taking in a shaky breath. 

"Oh, you play?" Nick turned back to Harry and Harry's senses heightened. He switched his guitar to his other hand which was farther away from Nick. He didn't answer him in any way. No words, no gestures. "Can I see it?"

"No, Nick, please." Louis stepped between them, pressing a hand to Nick's chest to hold him back. "Let's just go, what are you doing back here anyway?"

"I was looking for you, get in the house." Nick shoved him aside forcefully, causing Louis to stumble over his feet as he tried not to fall over. His heart was knocking against his ribcage. Harry just looked at Nick wearily. "Did ya not just fuckin' hear me? I said get in the house." Louis opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say and closed it. He stepped behind Nick then gave Harry a sorrowful look. He pushed past the foliage of the trees and into the backyard. 

Harry stared back at Nick with intimidation, but also the will to fight if the situation were to arrive. He could just hit him with his guitar, but he didn't want to damage it. His guitar was the only thing he had. 

"What do ya think you're doin'?" Nick's arms were crossed loosely. He glare was as cold as the ice in his veins. 

"I was jus' findin' a place quiet t' play, I ran int' him, we were jus' talkin' is all." He explained calmly. Nick didn't falter or move. 

"And I'm supposed t' believe that?"

"Are ya so insecure bout yer marriage that ya can't?" Harry retorted without missing a beat. Nick narrowed his glare on him. 

"Can I see your guitar?" Harry shook his head. 

"No." Nick scoffed a laugh, shaking his head. 

"Let me see the guitar." He demanded. Harry shook his head again. "Or you can take that guitar to your next job. That is, if you can even find one." His little smirk infuriated Harry. He grit his teeth, anger evident in his expression, and handed his guitar over to Nick. Nick grabbed it roughly and lifted it up, inspecting it. He smoothed his hand across the finish. 

"It's nice. Very sturdy." Harry watched his every move carefully as he handled his guitar carelessly in his hands. He raised it up by the neck then let it swing down, stopping before it collided with his leg. "Let's see how durable it is." Before Harry could even lunge forward to stop him, Nick raised his guitar like a bat, and swung it at the tree. The guitar shattered, the wood splintering at the impact. The only thing holding what manageable scraps could be salvaged were the strings despite the neck being broken as well. 

"You—son of a—bitch." Harry gawked at the shattered remains of his guitar. 

"My motha' was a bit of a bitch, guess that's why my father left her." Nick held out the guitar to him, but when Harry didn't take it he just dropped it. "Stay the fuck away from Louis and we won't have a problem. Understand?" Harry just glared at him harshly. He was fucking livid. 

"My motha' gave me that guitar." He said instead. "Ya...ya had no right destroyin' it. What the hell is wrong with ya?" 

"Glad you understand." Harry just gawked at him. "Next time I catch ya with him your guitar won't be the only thing smashed against a tree." Harry ran his fingers through his hair. He clenched his fists, ready to just fucking lay one on Nick, but Nick turned and pushed through the trees, leaving Harry in his own dismay and indignation. A part of him took that as his warning to just stay away from Louis, but another part of him wanted to fucking show Nick up and prove that if he wanted to talk to Louis then he very well could. But that could also lead him to his own demise...

He stared down at the ruined mess of his guitar, running his fingers through his hair (more like pulling at his hair) and glanced around in despair. Nick just fucking smashed his guitar against the tree. It was completely ruined. There was absolutely no way he could possibly fix it or even get a new one. It was irreplaceable!

"Motha'fucker!" He kicked the base of the tree before storming off. He was fucking pissed. He was mostly pissed about the fact that he couldn't fight back! He was pissed that Nick held his job against him. If his job wasn't on the line he would've fucking decked Nick right in the face for destroying his guitar. He couldn't believe he had the audacity! Well, Harry actually could, but that's beside the point. 

He was simmering the rest of the day. At dinner, he ate as quick as he could then seeked shelter in his bunk. He didn't talk to anyone and no one talked to him. It was pretty obvious that he was pissed and not to be messed with. 

He was even still pissed when he woke up the next morning. He rolled through the motions with a pissy attitude and surly expression. Every little thing irritated him in some way. He was just so fucking livid! He should've found somewhere else after having to leave Weed. Surely there was a better place to work than where he was now! 

At the end of the day he removed his gloves and wiped the sweat from the back of his neck. The sun got hotter and hotter with each passing day it seemed. Some days he wished it'd just disappear. 

When he walked into the bunk house he paused, seeing a guitar case sitting against the wall beside his bed where his old used to sit. In a fit of rage he had thrown his old case in a garbage can outside yesterday. 

He glanced around only to find the bunk house completely empty. He scratched his head, unsure of what he was looking at, then walked over to his bed. He sat on the edge and picked up the case. 

He flipped up the clips sealing it shut. He was feeling a little excited, but also a little confused. Did Louis leave him this guitar? Where did he even get it if that was true? How did Louis even know Nick had smashed his guitar? He had gone into the house beforehand, right?

Inside the case was a beautiful, brand new mahogany red guitar with and an English Brown finish and ladder bracing. Harry's jaw dropped. A card was placed in the middle of the case, on top of the guitar. Harry picked it up. 

This might not be able to replace your mothers guitar, but hopefully it'll still encourage you to persevere and continue to create music, even if it's only scales. This place needs more people like you.   
Sincerely,  
I'm sorry he smashed your guitar.

Louis' handwriting resembled him. Neat, delicate, and pretty. He smiled for the first time in 24 hours, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The sound of footsteps walking up the porch of the bunk house made him quickly close the case and lay it on the ground, pushing it under his bed. It wasn't completely out of sight, but he figured no one would care enough to look under his bed well enough to make out that it was a guitar case. 

He folded the notecard in half and placed it in his pocket when the door opened and one of the men walked in. Harry tried not to look suspicious, but what was there to look suspicious about? 

He cleared his throat, his posture stiffening as he sat up straight. He frittered the evening away until dinner time. He ate quietly by himself until happy news graced his ears. All the guys, including Nick, were planning on going into town for booze and maybe a stop at the local whore house. Okay, that wasn't a maybe, that was a definitely. And Harry was definitely sure that having a few hours alone in the peace and quiet of the night was something he'd take advantage of since he was the only one opting not to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry rocked back and forth on the rickety, wooden rocking chair slowly as he glanced up at the sky. There wasn't a cloud to be seen. All the stars were visible, even to the naked eye. It was quiet because no one was there. Everyone had gone into town just like they said they would, and for the first time since God knows when Harry felt content and at peace. 

He glanced over at the house which was completely dark, both on the outside and the inside. There was only one window brilliantly lit. Louis' window. Well, Nick and Louis' window, but the technicalities aren't that important. 

He watched as Louis' figure stepped in front of the window, opened it up, then stuck his head out to inhale the cool, fresh air. He didn't think Louis would notice him, so he just continued to watch him. Even if all he was doing was admiring the sky through the window. Then he turned and glanced down at the bunkhouses, or more specifically directly where Harry was sitting. 

Harry's heart jumped in his chest and he quickly looked away, trying to appear casual, but failing majorly. Suddenly his hands felt very clammy. He wiped them against his thighs. If only that would actually work in drying them. 

He glanced over at the house window again, but Louis was gone. He didn't know why he felt so fucking nervous, he just did. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, but then the sound of a door creaking open and slamming shut made him jump. He glanced over towards the house again and noticed Louis walking across the dusty plane over to the bunkhouse. 

He was in his jeans and a white tank top that Harry would admit fit him very nicely. But he'd only admit it to himself. Louis glanced at him before smiling shyly. He wrapped his hand around the railing and stepped up onto the tiny little porch. Harry gave him an indifferent look. He most certainly didn't want to appear nervous, or in awe. 

"You practically gave me a heart attack, I thought everyone had gone into town together." Harry cracked a small smile, making Louis laugh softly. He let go of the wood and walked passed Harry to the other rocking chair directly beside him. He sat perched on the edge. 

"I don' wanna spend more time than I got t' with them guys." 

"Not even if it came with liquor?"

"Hell, I'd need more than liqua' 'n I don' got that kinda jack." Louis pushed back in his chair and pulled his legs up, getting comfortable on the actually very uncomfortable wooden chair. He gazed up at the sky. "Thank ya." Harry blurted out. Louis turned to his right, glancing at him curiously. "For the guitar." Louis just smiled and shrugged, turning back to the sky. 

"You don't have to thank me. I felt bad considering the only reason he destroyed it was because of me-"

"Hey, don' blame ya'self." Harry interrupted softly. "It wasn' yer fault." 

"Well, it kind of was-"

"It kinda wasn't. The only person t' be blamed for his actions is him." Louis smiled softly, glancing at Harry again. He was much more intriguing than the sky. Maybe it was because of the stardust in his eyes luring Louis in with their sparkle. 

"You're different than most of the men here." 

"How so?" 

"You're just—more intelligent. You seem a lot deeper." He said. "I might not exactly socialize with many of the other men here, but—there's just something about you that sticks out." Harry smiled bashfully, sure for a second that he was even beginning to blush. No one had ever complimented him before. 

"I don' know 'bout intelligent. I ain't got a education." 

"You don't have to have gone to school to be considered intelligent." Louis said. "Some people who have gone to school are the stupidest people I've ever met." Harry glanced at him, laughing softly. It made Louis smile. He hadn't smiled in awhile. 

"How long ya go to school?" 

"Since I was a child. From the first grade all the way up to four years of college. I graduated about four or so years ago." 

"Nice." Louis shrugged humbly. He had figured that after graduating and getting married he'd move somewhere practical, get a job, and actually start his life. But nope. 

"Did you ever go to school? Like, even when you were little?" Harry shook his head. 

"Had t' help my fatha' on the farm." 

"Why don't you still help him now? That way you'd at least still be home." Harry just shook his head. 

"Gotta branch out." He joked softly with a small laugh. "Afta' my motha' passed he—decided t' drink lots. Figured it was time I get a change of scene." Louis smiled at him softly. 

"I know how you feel." He replied lackadaisically. Harry got the hint that he was implying changing scenes from the blasted ranch to New York, or wherever it was he wanted to be. Probably anywhere would suffice! 

"Where do ya wanna go?" Harry asked him even though he was almost 100% positive Louis was going to say New York. Louis just sighed solemnly and placed his chin between his knees. He gazed down at the wood. 

"I want to go home, but I don't know where that is." Harry just glanced at him, watching the way the moonlight danced across his face freely. 

"Home is where your heart lies." Louis took a deep breath then turned his head, gazing at Harry. 

"Where does your heart lie?"

"In my chest." Harry joked making Louis give him this absolutely beautiful smile that made Harry's stomach swirl with a whirlwind of feelings he was sure he had never experienced before. 

"I'm serious." Harry smiled back at him. 

"Then I don' know. I don' really have a place I consida' home." 

"Well then you and I have that in common." Louis told him confidently and Harry just laughed softly. 

"No home for ya too?" Louis shook his head. 

"Nope. Home has become a foreign concept to me." 

"What 'bout ya rents?" Louis scoffed a bitter laugh. 

"My father told me I was going to burn in hell when I die for being gay. I haven't considered that place home since I was kicked out." Harry just pressed his lips together and nodded. 

"I'm sorry tha' happened t' ya." Louis shrugged. 

"Why should I care when they don't care about me?" This time Harry shrugged. "Ever since then I've just been stumbling through the dark it seems." 

"I'll jus' call ya the wandera'." Louis cracked another beautiful smile. 

"Well then I'll call you the wanderer too." He teased. "We'll be the wanderers." Harry glanced at him narrowly before laughing softly. 

"The wandera's." He repeated making Louis laugh at the sheer silliness of it. 

"Fuck yeah, fist bump." Louis held up his fist and Harry just gawked at him before laughing loudly. 

"Fist bump?" He repeated questionably and Louis nodded, laughing with him. Harry just chuckled and shook his head at him. 

"C'mon, yeah, fist bump!" Louis reached over and wrapped his hand around Harry's wrist, picking up his hand as Harry made a loose fist. Louis bumped them together gently before letting go of his wrist and laughing with so much life. Harry admired him as his whole face scrunched together in laughter. It was music for the eyes and ears. Louis' laughter eventually tampered off, and he just sighed contently.

He glanced at Harry quickly before looking away shyly. Harry grinned at him, endeared by the shyness in his expression, the content smile on his face, and, dare he say, the blush in his cheeks? It looked like he had been eating rosebuds, his cheeks were just so pink and Harry was ready to say it was his favorite color. He glanced forward, up at the sky. 

"Do them guys go int' town off'en?" Louis shrugged. 

"There's no real pattern, typically once a month they go. Sometimes twice." 

"How long they usually gone for?"

"Beats me. I'm always asleep by the time they get back at God knows what hour." Harry chuckled softly. 

"If we're lucky maybe they'll never return." He joked making Louis laugh. He nodded his head. 

"Oh, how I pray for the day." Harry just smiled and glanced at Louis, whose eyes were trained on the stars above. "The stars are pretty, aren't they?" Harry nodded in agreement. 

"Seen prettier, though." Louis laughed softly. 

"Such as?" 

"You." Suddenly all the blood flushed from Harry's face while it all rushed to Louis'. What the hell did he just say? Oh God, did he actually just say that out loud? He was sure his eyes couldn't have went any wider as he turned his head down and cleared his throat. "I...totally didn' mean it like tha'. I didn' mean tha' at all actually. I have no idea why I jus' said tha'." Louis just hugged his legs tightly, gazing at Harry intently. 

But Harry did know why he had said that, and that was because Louis was beautiful. He blew everyone else on the ranch out of the water. He didn't know what exactly it was about Louis, he was just so alluring and enamoring. All Harry's life he was surrounded by tough, burly, sweaty men and he most certainly wasn't expecting to meet someone like Louis when he came to the ranch. He was just so clean, and proper, and just downright attractive. He had literally never seen anyone like him before. Maybe that was why he felt so drawn towards him. 

But it wasn't just about his appearance, though. Louis was kind, he was funny, he was insightful, he had all these dreams and goals that Harry truly admired. He was sunshine seeking shelter in the moon. 

Harry stood up abruptly, wiping his palms against his thighs. 

"Okay, well, I best be gettin' t' bed. Goodnight." Before Louis could even say anything Harry was pushing open the door and slamming it behind him. Louis just sat there numbly, staring at the closed door without the first clue of what to think. He felt warm, though. So warm. Too warm! He wasn't supposed to feel warm and happy about another man calling him pretty. He hated the word pretty! Pretty is what Nick called him during...but hearing Harry basically just call him pretty in the most innocent way, in a way where he was comparing him to the stars, he felt happy. 

He let go of his legs and sat up before standing up. His legs felt like jello, like he was too weak to walk. He walked over to the door, opened it just a smidge, and took a deep breath. 

"Thank you." He closed the door quietly before quickly turning around and fleeing back to the house where, for the first time since he first arrived on the ranch, he fell asleep with a smile on his face and happiness dancing around his heart. 

The next morning Harry was still in disbelief that he had actually let such a conversation happen. Louis was not supposed to know he thought he was pretty. He was not supposed to think he was prettier than the stars. He wasn't supposed to think a lot of things, but hey...things don't always happen the way they're planned. 

He woke up feeling slightly refreshed, whereas everyone else woke up hungover. Harry was already rolling his eyes. He wasn't even sure if any of them were going to be able to prep the haying equipment. They were all incompetent and they were almost finished with the first cutting. 

So he ended up prepping the equipment while the other guys choked down their breakfasts. Then while they were getting ready to head into the field Harry ate a quick breakfast. Thick clouds were masking the sky which provided a bit of assurance for Harry. He didn't have to worry about the heat or the sun. 

What he had to worry about was splinters, though, because he was stuck fixing a part of the fence with Xavier. He had short, thick curly hair and a stoic personality. Harry wasn't even sure he knew how to smile. 

They were hammering nails into the rough wooden planks and doing exactly what they were supposed to. The clouds in the sky had since gotten darker and the wind had picked up. Harry had the nails between his lips and the hammer gripped tightly in his hand. 

"Think it'll storm?" Xavier asked him. He had placed his hammer and nails down and was leaning against the tall fence coolly. Harry finished hammering in a nail before removing the nails from between his lips and taking a deep breath. 

"Maybe." He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "Sure 'as hell could use it." Xavier just nodded. 

"Ain't that the truth." Harry just cracked a small smile then turned his head up as he glanced around the sky. "So, ya like it 'ere?" Harry scoffed, shaking his head without a single hesitation. 

"Fuck no." Xavier actually smiled a bit. 

"Wha's so bad bout it?" 

"Tha' fuckin' Nick guy is a pain in my ass 'nd pretteh much everyone else is too." He explained.

"Aren't ya pals with the Niall fella'?" Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, he's alrigh'." Xavier nodded. 

"Jus' gotta fit in." Harry laughed softly, leaning against the fence casually. 

"Think that boat already sailed." 

"Well, ya just gotta go with the flow. Get ya job done without a problem 'nd ya'll be good." Harry turned his head, giving him a questionable look. Didn't he already do that?

"I already do that." 

"Then jus' try 'nd get along with the other guys and you'll probably like it 'ere more." Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Well, I'm not 'ere t' make friends-"

"No one is, but it makes jus' a little more bearable." Xavier told him with a little shrug. Harry just rolled his eyes and turned to face the fence again, lifting up his hammer and nails. Xavier just watched him intently as he left off from where he started. "Is it true that you're a fag?"

"Why do ya think i's appropriate t' ask that?" Harry retorted. "I don' need yer homophobic language."

"So that's a yes." Xavier remarked making Harry roll his eyes in annoyance. 

"Yes, it is." He replied sternly. "'Nd if tha's a problem for ya then congrats, yer a bastard." 

"Hey, I'm not the one ya gotta worry bout." Xavier responded with a laugh. Harry paused, looking at him curiously. 

"'Nd who exactly should I be worryin' bout?" 

"Jus' some of the guys aren't too kind to you gay folk." Harry rolled his eyes. Xavier glanced up at the sky as a clap of thunder made them both jump. "Well, 'm gonna head in." So he took his hammer, some of his left over nails, then turned and trekked back towards the barn and bunkhouses. Harry just turned back to the fence and once he finished with what he was doing he headed back in as well. It was beginning to sprinkle. 

An hour later it was almost completely dark out as rain poured down from the sky. Everyone in the field working on the hay were running inside the bunkhouses to seek shelter from the rain and the lightning. 

Harry was just lying on his bed, listening to the sound of the rain and thunder. He found it oddly comforting, despite the fact that the thunder practically shook the entire bunk. The wind wasn't as comforting to listen to. The howling made him want to stick the nails he was using earlier in his ears. It was impossible to hear anything over the storm! 

He closed his eyes, intending to rest for a little, but that was proving to be impossible. He heard a rustle of loud movement from all the other guys. Opening his eyes, he sat up and glanced around to everyone who had congregated around the windows, watching outside intently. He sat up, curious as to what they were looking at because surely it was the storm? They weren't watching lightning, were they?

He climbed to his feet and walked over, peering over the other men's shoulders to the outside where Louis was marching towards the barn with Nick trailing behind him. They were already soaking wet. 

"Get in the fuckin' house!" Nick screamed over the wind, but Louis just shook his head and kept walking towards the barn. Nick charged forward and grabbed his arm, yanking him back. Louis ripped his arm out of Nick's hand and turned to face him. 

"Leo-"

"Nobody gives a fuck about that ni-"

"Don't you even think about fucking using that word, you racist bastard!" Louis pushed him away, but the cold wind was biting at his skin and he was finding it hard to move with the wind. 

"Get in the fuckin' house right now." Nick lunged to grab him, but Louis moved away quickly. 

"No, the back of the barn has some missing panels and holes and his room is not safe-"

"Nobody gives a fuck. Get your ass inside now before I fucking beat it-"

"Go right ahead, just make sure it's after I make sure the tarp is up." Louis replied sarcastically before turning around and walking towards the barn. Thunder boomed and the rain wasn't showing any signs of letting up. The sky was practically black. 

Nick stormed after him and grabbed his arm again, yanking him back before turning and literally dragging him back towards the house. Louis fought against him, though, and pulled his arm free as he stumbled backwards. 

"Louis, I swear to God," Nick warned and Louis just crossed his arms. 

"How about you go inside and I meet you there in five? What's so wrong with me just making sure Leo is safe to the extent of everyone in the bunkhouses?" 

"Get inside." 

"No."

"Louis." Nick grabbed his bicep, squeezing it tightly, and Louis' face made it evident that he was in pain. 

"Let go of me, you're hurting me." He tried to pry Nicks fingers loose with his other hand, but to no avail. "Ow-let me go!"

"Will you go inside?" Nick questioned tightening his grip as Louis yelped in pain. 

"Not until-" Before Louis could even finish his sentence Nick pulled back his fist and slapped him straight across the face. His head snapped to the side and he stumbled backwards after Nick let go of his arm and he fell on his back. 

Harry's blood was beyond its boiling point. He pushed passed the guys without sincerity. He reached for the door when Liam grabbed his shoulder, holding him back. 

"Wha' on earth do ya think yer doin'?" He asked. Harry glanced at him before realizing that now everyone was watching him. He rolled his eyes. 

"Y'all are seriously gonna jus' sit 'ere 'nd watch him hit him?" He asked appalled. No one said anything in response and Harry reached for the doorknob again, grabbing it. 

"I's no' worth it, Harry." Liam urged solemnly. "Don' create more trouble than ya need t'. I's not our business." Harry just glared at him coldly before moving his shoulder out from under his hand. 

"Yer literally watchin' Nick physically hit him and we have the power t' stand up t' him. How is tha' not ya business?" 

"Yer gonna get ya'self fired." Harry just turned back to the door. 

"Like I give a fuck anymore." He opened the door and stepped outside. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to handle, or even approach, the situation. But he had already made his presence known so there was no going back now. 

The second he stepped foot off the porch he was drenched head to toe. He wiped his hair away from his face and marched over to where Nick was standing in annoyance and Louis was climbing up off the ground disoriented, a soft bruise already forming by the looks of it. 

"Wha' the hell are ya doin'?" Harry exclaimed furiously. Nick gawked at him before rolling his eyes. "Are ya aware tha' everyone is watchin' ya basically abuse him from the inside of the bunks?" He stepped between Nick and Louis.

"Get the literal hell out of here. This doesn't concern ya." 

"Ya fuckin' slapped him in the face!" Harry exclaimed. "And everyone watched ya do it. Ya don' hit otha' people like tha'. Especially not ya husband." He yelled over the howling wind and cracking thunder. 

"This doesn't concern you. Just go back into the fuckin' bunkhouse." 

"Ya can't boss me 'round when I'm tryin' to stand up for someone." Harry challenged feeling unusually brave. 

"You can think you're doin' the right thing, but in reality all you're doin' is makin' a fool of yourself, so why don't you jus' scamper off and mind your own fucking business?"

"It becomes my business 'nd everyone else's when ya fuckin' slap him in the face while everyone's watchin'. I watched ya hurt him, how is it not my business?" Harry retorted and Nick stormed up to him, completely unaware that Louis had run off to the barn like he initially planned. 

"Fucking let it go-"

"Ya have no argument." Harry taunted not backing back, despite Nick actually being a little bit intimidating. Nick ground his teeth at him. 

"I don' have to justify myself to you."

"Cos ya can't justify hittin' ya husband!" He exclaimed loudly. "How can ya do that? Aren't ya supposed t' love him instead of hittin' him?" Nick reached up and grabbed a fist full of Harry's hair before yanking his head down harshly. Harry's hands flew up to Nick's in hopes of pulling himself free, but Nick had a strong grip and he wasn't in the best angle. Nick bent down. 

"Why are you so concerned about him, hm?" He asked in a taunting way. Harry was still just gripping Nick's wrist tightly in hopes that he'd set him free because his scalp was beginning to burn it felt. Harry just bit his cheek as he stared down at the muddy ground beneath them. Nick tightened his grip on his hair and Harry was surprised he hadn't just ripped the hair out of his head yet. "Are ya gonna answer me?" Harry didn't say anything. Nick bent over so that he could turn his head and peer at Harry. "What was that?"

"Fuck you." And then before Harry could even comprehend what was happening, Nick's knee was colliding with his face and he was sure he heard a crack. Maybe it was just thunder, though. Nick let go of his hair and he fell to the ground. He reached up to cover his nose which was stinging with pain. His eyes watered with tears, but thankfully the rain made it look natural. 

Nick turned and knelt down, grabbing the collar of Harry's shirt as he yanked him up off the ground partially. 

"One more fuckin' thing from you and you won't live to find a new job, got it?" Harry didn't say anything or make any gesture. He just looked down at the blood on his fingers. "You came here to do one thing: work. Not act like a knight in shining armor for a damsel who's not even in distress. So fucking stay in your place because I'm this close to either beating your ass or firing it. Or both." He let go of him and Harry fell back against the mud. 

Nick stood up and glanced around. He rolled his eyes to himself and stomped off towards the barn. Harry swallowed thickly as he climbed up to his feet and took a moment to reorient himself. He wiped below his nose and watched the rain turn his blood pink. He pivoted around, holding his head high, and marched back into the bunkhouse. 

He opened the door where he was greeted by the solemn face of every man in his bunkhouse. The blood falling from his nose made some of them smirk. Those being Calvin, Oli, Zayn, Xavier, and some guys he didn't even know the names of. Liam gave him a somber look. 

"How long is it gonna take ya t' learn?" Harry glared at Calvin. "Nick always wins." He wiped under his nose, his wrist becoming stained with blood. He pushed forward towards his bed where he laid down, not even bothering to tend to his bleeding nose, and thought about why he even bothered to help Niall in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

That next Sunday, after lunch, Harry went off exploring again. His nose was still a slight purple, he was surprised Nick hadn't actually broken it. He wished he could've broken Nick's nose.

He found his way down the same path he had taken the last time when he took his guitar with him, only to have Nick smash it against a tree. The sky was cloudy, but the sun still managed to find open areas to shine through. The leaves and twigs crunched underneath his feet, he kept his head turned down as he watched his path. He found the same tree he sat beneath before then glanced up. Sitting on the same exact branch was Louis.

Louis looked so meek and very pensive. He turned and glanced down at Harry, offering him a small smile. Harry took a deep breath, pausing in his trek. 

"What're ya doin' back here?" Harry asked him, keeping a distance between them. Louis looked at him timidly and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Hoping you'd come back here." He replied softly. He jumped down from his branch, landing on his feet soundlessly. He took a small step closer to him. Harry took another step back making Louis swallow thickly. "I'm so sorry for what Nick did the other day, I had no idea he actually hit you." Harry subconsciously reached up and gently touched his nose. He cleared his throat and returned his hands into his pockets. 

"Why do ya apologize for him?" Louis took a deep breath, shrugging. 

"I don't know, I feel like I'm being rude if I don't." 

"Well thank ya." God, things felt so tense and awkward without reason! Well, technically there was a reason and it's name was Nick, but Harry...Harry wanted to run away. Maybe with Louis, maybe without. "But, um, I don' know if I can keep, like, talkin' with ya." Louis bit his lip. "He's made it quite clear he doesn' even want me tryin' t' stand up for ya." 

"But we're the wanderers." He joked with a heavy heart, making Harry smile. "Wanna wander with me for a bit?" Harry drew in a breath and held it. He knew he should say no because he had literally just told him he couldn't keep talking to him. He and Louis should just part paths now, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to do that. 

"Sure." He answered instead, eliciting a happy smile from Louis. God, he was so beautiful, not even the sun could hold a candle to him. He turned and Harry just watched him for a moment as he started to maneuver his way through the trees branches and bushes. 

"You know there's a creek not to far from here." His voice already sounded distant and Harry marched forward after him. He was quick to catch up to him. "Sometimes I like to come back here just to listen to the trickle of the water, it's so peaceful." Harry just smiled at Louis' back, continuing to follow him through the foliage. "And it's fun to watch the wildlife too." Louis added contently. "The frogs are my favorite." 

"Why?" Harry asked curiously and Louis shrugged. 

"I don't know, they just are. I like to catch them and hold them." The soft sound of trickling water soon graced their ears and Louis smiled with happiness because mixing two things that made him happy just made him even happier, and happiness was a concept balancing on the brink of extinction for him.

He pushed through the trees before coming upon the creek and pausing. Harry stopped beside him. 

"Voilà!" He threw his arms out into a dramatic gesture as he presented Harry with the creek. Harry glanced at him, a small smile on his lips. 

"Fascinatin'." He teased and Louis elbowed him lightly in the arm. 

"It is." He walked forward towards the edge of the creek and Harry just looked around. The trees surrounding them let in little sunlight, it was rather cool. Louis was standing on a large flat rock at the edge of the creek bed, peering down at the water with his hands on his hips. Harry wasn't exactly sure what to do. He just stayed standing in his place and took in the nature. 

When he glanced back at Louis he was crouched down on the rock, smiling down at the water and Harry began to wonder how such a complex boy was able to find such happiness in a creek. Louis reached down into the shallow water, and when he lifted his hand back up he was holding a small green frog. He stood up and waltzed back over to Harry. 

"Ever held a frog before?" He asked and Harry shook his head. 

"'Nd I don' eva' plan t'." Louis smiled, cupping the frog in his hands so it couldn't escape. 

"Oh, come on." He smiled down at the frog before turning his head back up at Harry. "He kind of looks like you." He teased making Harry grin.

"You sayin' I look like a frog?" Louis let out the cutest laugh and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I'll name him Harry Jr." 

"But I don' look like him." Harry retorted playfully. 

"Of course you do." Louis lifted his hand up so that the little frog was beside Harry's head, sitting on the edge of Louis' palm. "You're a spitting image!" He exclaimed before laughing. Harry just smiled at him because Louis was so energetic and so carefree it seemed, when in reality he was the exact opposite. At least at that ranch he was. Maybe he was only able to live outside the ranch because Louis seemed like a completely different person. 

Louis lowered his hand down and pivoted around, walking back over to the creek where he crouched down and placed Harry Jr. back in the water, who immediately hopped off rapidly. Louis watched him with contentment. He stood up again, stepping onto the rocky creek bed. 

"You just gonna stand there the whole time or what?" Louis teased glancing back at Harry who was still just standing in the same place. Harry flustered to find words before just shrugging. Louis took off his shoes, placing them neatly in front of him, then took off his socks, stuffing one on each shoe. Then he knelt down to roll up his pants. "C'mon, you can't be a wanderer if you don't even wander." He teased. He walked over to Harry, grabbed his wrist, then pulled him closer to the creek. 

And maybe Louis shouldn't have been so forward with Harry, practically acting like they were good friends when Harry had told him that he couldn't, or more like shouldn't, keep talking to him because of Nick, but as long as Harry was smiling and seemingly having a good time with him he wasn't going to back down because he was not going to let Nick have control over every aspect of his life, and even a little bit of Harry's life. He enjoyed talking and being with Harry, and if his happiness was such a threat...well then that wasn't his fault. 

Louis let go of his wrist and turned forward, stepping into the creek practically making him squeal with a certain excitement. 

"Ooh, it's cold." He said starting to laugh. Harry watched him, endeared. He knelt down and started to untie his boots. Louis turned around and grinned with enthusiasm as he watched Harry remove his boots, then take off his socks and rolled up his jeans. He stepped up to the edge of the creek, then hesitated to step in. "C'mon, you dope." Louis teased and Harry just smiled down at the ground shyly. He stepped into the ankle deep creek. 

"Ew, it feels cold." He remarked making Louis laugh. The creek was about three or four feet wide. "'Nd all...gross. Kinda sludgy." 

"That's a creek for ya." Louis teased turning and walking around the creek. Harry just took a deep breath and sloshed the water around a bit with his foot. Suddenly he felt water splash his arm and clothes; he looked up to see Louis smirking at him tauntingly. 

"Did ya jus' splash me?" He asked, a small grin on his lips. Louis shrugged, crossing his arms. Harry bent down and stuck his hand in the water before flicking water up at Louis. Louis jumped, holding his hands out in front of him as if that would protect him from the water. 

"Oh, you bastard!" He exclaimed immediately reaching down to splash him back again. 

"You splashed me first!" Harry accused splashing him back and soon they were both laughing and splashing each other simultaneously. 

"You didn't have to splash me back!" Louis called back in the midst of all the splashing. Harry was laughing too hard to speak. That had never happened to him before. They both stopped splashing each other and their clothes were damp with the creek water. They both sighed contently. "You know this creek actually leads to a little pond up a stretch." Louis said gesturing up to the creek. 

"Have ya jus' been evera'where here?" Louis shrugged, starting to walk up the creek a bit. Harry followed beside him.

"I've got to find something to do while you're all out working. I've spent too much time cooped up in the house." 

"Tha's unfortunate." Harry wasn't exactly sure what else to say. Louis just nodded, staring down at the clear water as they strolled slowly through it. 

"You know why I admire nature?" He then asked. 

"Why?"

"Because it's free." 

"I can see why it'd be enticin'." Harry remarked. 

"Is it bad that I'm actually envious of nature?" Louis asked. "Like, the trees, grass, flowers are free to grow as they please. The frogs, and insects, and other animals can leave their place whenever they want. Me?" He scoffed apathetically. "I've been reduced to nothing. I have no freedom or place to grow." 

"I don' agree." Harry stated making Louis turn to him curiously. "Ya aren't nothin'." He felt his heart flutter. "'Nd maybe...maybe ya don' have place t' grow 'cause there's no place left." Louis smiled softly. 

"I need to find some more space then." He joked softly. Harry smiled back at him before glancing down bashfully. 

"Tha's what natures for." He joked. 

"You're a lot deeper than you let on." Harry shrugged modestly. 

"I don' really know what tha's supposed t' mean, but thanks." He replied making Louis laugh. The water started to get a bit deeper as they walked and they both rolled up their pants a little more. 

"Do you like stars?" Louis asked him curiously. Harry shrugged. 

"Which ones?" He asked back making Louis chuckle. Louis couldn't believe how much laughing he was doing in such a short amount of time. And all because of Harry. 

"All of them. Every single star in the galaxy." 

"Then yes I like stars. They dress the sky 'n pretteh lights." 

"I bet that makes the sky feel pretty." Louis teased. "You should meet me in the barn tonight. Around one in the morning. Would you do that?" Harry felt his heart start to beat rapidly in his chest and his hands grew warm and clammy. 

"Why?" 

"Because I have the perfect place to look up at the stars."

"In the barn?" Louis smirked humbly. 

"It's a surprise." Harry contemplated it for a moment. Louis was asking him to meet him in the barn in the middle of night where they would be completely alone in the dark. Was that a good idea? No. Was Harry going to object? No. He didn't want to see disappointment crush Louis' happiness. 

"I guess." He answered making Louis clap his hands together happily. 

"Yay." He cheered softly. Harry smiled again. He couldn't believe how much smiling he was doing in such a short amount of time. And all because of Louis. 

They probably spent at least an hour wandering around the creek before they both put back on their shoes and parted paths. They didn't mean to spend so much time there, the time had just gotten away from them. It stood still when they were with each other. 

Going to bed that night Harry couldn't sleep. He was anxious about meeting with Louis in the barn. What if he woke one of the other guys up when he was leaving? What if he fell asleep then woke up at 3 o'clock?

He didn't even sleep, he just laid in his bed and watched the clock tick on, and on, and on, and by the time it was 1 o'clock he was ready for bed. But instead of closing his eyes, he climbed up out of his bed, carefully walked over to the door, and slipped outside with ease. It was pitch black out. Harry had to remain conscious of the other men in the bunk houses. What if he woke one of them up? 

He made his sly way over to the barn and the door leading in was cracked open. He slid through quietly. It was almost completely black in there as well, he couldn't see a thing! But then he saw a darker figure walk forward and soon enough moonlight was shed for Harry to recognize Louis' smiling face. 

"You actually came." Harry nodded sleepily, glancing around. The barn was a lot spookier in the nighttime than in the daytime. 

"Why'd ya wan' me t' meet ya here again?" Louis just gave him a grand ole smile. 

"C'mere," Louis grabbed Harry's wrist and pulled him along blindly through the barn. Harry stumbled over his own feet as Louis pulled him towards the receding darkness. He brought him to a ladder leading up to a second story of the barn. A cute little smile played happily on Louis' lips as he let go of Harry's wrist and started to climb up the ladder. 

Harry followed him wearily, unsure of where Louis was leading him or why. Especially at the hour of night it was. What if someone woke up and saw him missing? What if Nick woke up, saw Louis missing, and decided to look for him? Him being alone with Louis in a private area of the barn at one in the morning did not look good at all. 

He pulled himself up onto the second floor of the barn. It was completely barren except for a large pile of loose hay in the corner. Harry dusted off his hands. A part of the roof was missing letting in brilliant moonlight that gave Louis the most ethereal halo that illuminated the light inside of him. 

He watched as Louis walked over to the hay pile which was directly under the broken part of the roof. Harry didn't even know part of the roof was missing, but it gave him the opportunity to see Louis the happiest he's ever been, so who cared?

Louis turned around, facing Harry, then sat down on the hay. He waved Harry over gleefully. Harry couldn't help but just smile to himself because Louis looked so content and so beautiful washed in the soft grays of the moonlight.

Walking across the creaky wooden floor, he grunted as he sat down beside Louis. Once he was sitting, Louis laid back and Harry followed suit.

"Last year there was a horrible storm that took off part of the roof." Louis explained. Harry would've turned to look at Louis, but the sky was just so beautiful and pure he couldn't turn away... "They've been meaning to fix it, but I hope they never do. I like coming up here and being able to look at the stars." Harry turned to look at Louis before he realized that the only beautiful and pure thing with him wasn't the sky, but Louis. 

"Does look pretteh' nice." Louis smiled at the sky and Harry smiled at Louis. 

"The sky's beautiful, isn't it? It's just so big and there's so many stars and—it just has so much potential to be so much more than just a sky." Harry laughed, it wasn't his usual stiff laugh that he controlled. He just laughed. Without even thinking about it. He laughed happily. 

"Ya haven' been chewin' on 'n insane root, have ya?" He teased making Louis' beautiful song fill the air. 

"No," Harry turned and gazed back up at the sky. The hay was scratchy against his bare skin, but with Louis lying beside him he didn't notice it. He didn't notice a lot of things when he was with Louis. He didn't notice time moving or how the sun usually went to sleep, or how his heart knocked against his ribcage. "It's just—the sky is just beautiful. The sky holds all my hopes and dreams." 

"How cana' sky hold yer hopes and dreams?"

"I meant it metaphorically."

"I know that, I'm not that dumb." Louis laughed softly, turning his head to the side so he could gaze at Harry. His hair was soft and splayed against the hay underneath him. One arm was bent under his head and the other lay across his abdomen gently. His tank had ridden up a bit exposing a bit of his tan skin whereas Louis' shirt had remained tucked. 

"I wasn't trying to imply that you were dumb or anything." Louis replied softly before sighing contently. "What are your hopes and dreams?" Harry's eyebrows furrowed together in thoughtful confusion. 

"I don'...I don' think I got any." His expression softened and Louis looked at him curiously. How could someone not have any hopes or dreams? Louis' hopes and dreams were the only things actually keeping him going. Without them he'd be lost in a state of oblivion. 

"You don't have any hopes or dreams? Nothing you long for? Nothing you want to accomplish one day?" Harry nodded. He was flashing back to under the tree when Louis asked him what he wanted to do with his life. And still then he had no idea. 

"I mean, I don' know, there's nothin' I want." 

"So you just want to stay working on a ranch your entire life without any desire to accomplish something more?"

"That's all I'm able t' do." Harry told him somberly. Louis actually turned on his side, facing Harry. His stomach was a bundle of bees and his palms were sweaty enough to create a small puddle. 

"Dreams don't have to be realistic. They can be about anything." Harry looked at him. His eyes were placid and his lips were closed together. "One of my dreams is to become a famous writer." Louis whispered to him before covering his hand over his mouth to hide his smile and suppress his laugh. But just because he hid his smile doesn't mean Harry didn't see it. He saw it in his eyes. His eyes that lit up like the fucking sun when he grinned, or laughed, or just laid there solemnly. Their color matched that of an ocean after a storm and were warmer than hot chocolate on a winter day. 

"Why do ya laugh when ya say that?"

"Because it's silly, I'm never going to become a famous writer." Harry's lips quirked up into a smile. "One of my more realistic dreams, though, is moving to New York someday. I am so sick and tired and spending day after day just here with nothing to do." Harry watched him intently, he watched the way his expression hardened with hostility and anger. "I have it all planned out, one of these days I'm just going to get up in the middle of the night, pack all my things, take the money I need, the car, and then I'm going to go to New York and start a new life. A life I actually want to live." 

"You plan to steal from ya husban'? That's illegal!" Harry exclaimed and Louis simply shook his head as if what Harry was saying was false. 

"It's not technically stealing, plus he wouldn't be able to find me anyways. He's stolen enough from me as it is." Louis huffed stubbornly. 

"Like what?" Harry asked inquisitively. Louis took a deep breath. 

"He's stolen my integrity, my dignity, my courage, my respect, the list could go on forever!" He exclaimed. Harry then took a deep breath as well. His eyes were full of wonder and curiosity. 

"Why did ya marry Nick 'n the firs' place?" Louis let out a small pathetic laugh and gave a piteous smile. A self piteous smile. 

"I met him in San Fransisco back when I was in school. We just hit it off and everything seemed perfect. We got married shortly before I graduated without any ceremony, and he told me that his father owned a ranch down by the Salinas river. He said we could go stay there while he worked to build up some of his own money for us to go off somewhere else and actually start a life, and I could get a job." Louis paused a moment. His eyes shined in a different way because the moonlight glinted off his tears. "That didn't turn out to be so true. After I graduated we came down here and things were fine at first. But day after day after day he'd go out to the field to work while I just stayed in the house doing nothing and he promised one day we'd leave until one day he just stop making his promises and shortly after that I realized I had basically just become a thing to him. He treats me like some object of his. Almost like I'm a wife because he expects me to just submit to his sexual needs regardless of my feelings, and he talks to me like he's the one whose gone to school since he was a child and I'm the one whose just worked. He just—he does not treat me right and it was foolish of me to believe he would, even in the beginning."

"No ones foolish for believin' they were gonna be treated right." Harry replied softly. "I might not be the most smart man, but I know enough." Louis smiled at him in a way that just made Harry's heart swell. 

"Have you ever been in a relationship before?" Harry shook his head. 

"Been too busy workin' all my life." Louis frowned. "Like, I've had little—flings before I guess, but nothin' beyon' that." 

"Probably easier. Relationships can be a pain."

"Not the good ones." Harry replied. Louis looked at Harry, enticed. "Relationships can be tough, but they shouldn' be a pain." A slow smile spread across Louis' lips. 

"That seems pretty wise for someone who's never been in a relationship before." Harry smiled modestly, his cheeks reddening as he just shrugged. 

"Common sense." They laughed. Louis gazed at Harry and Harry returned the intent stare. Their smiles had slowly diminished and all they were doing was just staring at each other. All Louis could focus on was his beating heart and his lustful desire to kiss Harry immediately. They were already lying so close together. 

Louis' eyes slowly moved down from Harrys' eyes to his lips. He swallowed thickly. He quickly glanced back up and smiled softly, sure he was turning redder and redder by the second. 

"So...what'd ya learn 'n school 'nd all?" Harry asked him softly. He too was turning red. He felt so warm in the face! And in the stomach, and in the heart, and just in the everywhere. Louis made him feel so warm and fuzzy. 

"Oh, I learned lots of things." He stated animatedly. "I mean, for 12 years I took math, English, science, history, and other miscellaneous courses." He said. "I've always loved English. It was my favorite subject. That's actually what I studied in college too. I have my degree in literature, someday I'd like to become a teacher. Or a writer. Or a musician. Anything really. A teacher is more plausible." Harry smiled at him. 

"What's the most interestin' thang you've learned?" Louis thought for a moment. 

"Ooh, I took a course on sign language! That was so interesting and it was so much fun, now I can communicate with anyone without speaking."

"Sign language?" Harry repeated questionably making Louis nod.

"Yeah, it's hand movements used for communication, it's mostly used by people who are deaf." Harry looked at him curiously. He had never heard of sign language before.

"Can ya show me?" Louis nodded then sat up, Harry sat up as well. 

"I'll show you the alphabet." Harry watched him intently as he held up his hand and started making different movements with his hand while reciting the alphabet. 

"How do ya rememba' all that?" Harry asked in astonishment and Louis shrugged, chuckling. 

"I just have it memorized." He smiled humbly. He held up his fist and made a knocking motion. "That's how you say yes." Harry nodded. "This is goodnight." He held his fingers up to his lips then gestured forward before then cupping his hand over the top of his wrist. Harry started to mimic his movements making Louis smile wider. "This is 'I love you'," He then said raising his hand and bending his two middle fingers in to his palm. Harry made the gesture. "And this is good morning." Louis signed it and Harry followed suit, fascinated. 

"Can ya sign a sentence?" Harry asked curiously. Louis nodded. 

"Yes, I can." He signed as he spoke. "I might not use sign language that often, but I still remember it." He signed. Harry smiled. 

"That's really cool." Louis smiled back shyly. 

"Thanks." 

"So wai', can ya show me the alphabet again?" Louis nodded. 

"This is A." He held up his hand and Harry mimicked it. "And this is B." And they went through the entire alphabet, and they went through it probably ten times before Harry could do it all by himself without forgetting one of the letters and Louis couldn't have been more in love. "Okay, I'm gonna sign words and you tell me what it is, okay?" Harry nodded. Louis lifted his hand and started spelling out a word through sign language. Harry kept a mental track of the letters Louis signed. 

"Harry." He answered with a small smirk and Louis just giggled, nodding happily. 

"This one will be harder." He teased. Harry teasingly rolled his eyes and waved him off. He started signing the word. 

"L...i...b...-library." Louis smiled, nodding. Then he started at it again. "Banana." They both laughed softly with each other. Louis placed his hands in his lap and gazed at Harry who gazed back at him softly. Harry looked so gorgeous. Like, so gorgeous. His hair was tousled beautifully, his eyes shined brightly in the moonlight, and Louis was reminded of the green nature he was so envious of. His lips looked so red and Louis just wanted to kiss him, as wrong as it was. 

Harry stared back at him intently. He had no idea how a boy so out of his league wanted so badly to be his friend, or even more. Harry admired him so and even wished for him that one day he would find himself in New York and away from Nick. Louis took a deep breath and raised his hand, beginning to sign another word. Harry partially mimicked his hand motions and mentally kept track of the letters he was signing again. 

"K...i...s...s...m...e." Louis placed his hands in his lap and gave Harry a soft look. "Kissme?" He repeated questionably making Louis look down in shyness. "Oh, kiss me! Kiss—me." Suddenly Harry's mouth felt very dry and he wasn't exactly sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He glanced up at Louis who was just staring down at his lap with a meek expression. Harry swallowed thickly. "You want me t' kiss ya?" 

"I don't know, maybe. It's just you're really nice and you make me really happy and you said I was prettier than the stars and I'm just going out on a limb here because I really like you and maybe my own feelings are leading me to mistake kindness for—something more, but—I don't know." He let out a heavy breath thinking it might just be easier if he held his breath until he passed out. But he didn't do that and soon Harry's rough hand was on Louis' soft cheek, tilting his head up slightly and Louis wasn't sure what was happening when Harry lowered his hand. 

He gazed up at Harry who was staring down at him intently. His stomach was churning. He had so many butterflies he was surprised he hadn't exploded already. Harry knew he should definitely not kiss a married man, but one kiss wouldn't kill anyone, would it? It was just one small kiss.

He took deep breaths as he gazed at Louis. Louis was just so absolutely beautiful and he deserved so much better than Nick and the horrible ranch. He deserved to be in a place where he could flourish and actually live. He wished that was something he could offer him, but he couldn't. All he could offer was his poor companionship. 

Louis' eyes slowly moved down from Harry's eyes to his lips again. He swallowed thickly. He titled his head a bit then started to lean in, keeping eye contact the entire time. When their lips were just a moment away from touching they both shut their eyes. 

Then their lips touched and it was like a little piece of heaven Louis never knew he could explore. His stomach was just about exploding with butterflies. Harry's breath almost caught when their lips touched. Louis' lips were so soft and his were so not. His lips were dry and chapped, but Louis wasn't even thinking about that. He was just thinking about how heavenly Harry made him feel. It was a feeling he wished he felt with Nick, but...

Harry kissed him back tenderly because Louis deserved the softest affection. Their lips parted before their tongues touched and Louis smiled. He fucking smiled because he felt so good and so happy and just alive. He reached up, caressing Harry's cheek softly. Harry's hand had somehow found its way around Louis' waist. Louis never thought he'd actually enjoy the sound of wet, deep kissing but here he was practically making out with Harry and the sound had never been more gratifying. 

Harry smiled back and then Louis started laughing making Harry laugh and soon they were both just laughing into each other's open mouths while their hands roamed each other's bodies. 

Their laughter had soon ended and they were just kissing deeply and so tenderly, Louis didn't know such a type of kiss existed. It was just...soft. Not hurried, but languid, like all the time in the world belonged to them. 

Louis wanted to be close to Harry. He wrapped his arms around his neck and moved himself closer so that their bodies were practically pressed together. He felt small against Harry. He loved the way Harry's hands felt on his waist, gripping his sides loosely. 

Harry pulled away, breathing deeply as he caught his breath. Louis opened his eyes and gazed up at Harry. God, he just wanted to be kissing him again already. Harry removed his hands from his waist and Louis unwrapped his arms from around his neck. 

"I...I shouldn't have done tha', this isn't right." And that's how to take a boys heart, fill it with happiness, then smash the living shit out of it. 

"What?" Maybe it was something in the moonlight, but Louis' eyes seemed bigger and bluer than before. Harry swallowed thickly. 

"It's just—yer married-"

"You knew that beforehand." Louis interrupted, trying not to let his voice quiver to give off the hint that he was actually extremely upset. 

"I know, and it was still wrong of me, but—this jus' can't be anythin' more, I'm sorry-"

"That's not fair, though." Louis exclaimed giving Harry a big eyed look. Harry looked down at him before biting his lip and shrugging. 

"What's not fair?"

"You can't just kiss me like that then tell me that it's not right and all."

"So what? You wanna have an affair?" Louis was taken back and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Well, no, I mean, when you say it like that, but...,"

"But? But then what do ya wan'?"

"I don't know what I want!" He exclaimed angrily. 

"Hey, don' get mad at me-"

"It's hard not to get a little mad, or at least upset, after you kiss me then say it was a mistake-"

"Ya have a husband-"

"Yeah, well, I think we've established that Nick isn't exactly much of a husband."

"It's still wrong." Harry stated holding up his hands in a defensive way. Louis stared down at the hay numbly, a sense of embarrassment settling deep on his conscious. He inhaled softly, his eyes watering, then sat up. 

"Well if this wrong then I don't want it to feel right." He replied softly. 

"No." Harry ran his fingers through his hair, standing up then glancing around frantically like he was trying desperately to find something. 

"Harry, please," Harry just stood there like a stick in the mud. Louis took a deep breath before wiping his teary eyes. "I really like you-" 

"You said you wanted a friend!"

"I just want someone to talk to!"

"That's not what ya said!" Harry pointed an accusatory finger at him. 

"Harry, please-"

"Yer married and it's jus' not right. I cannot mess up here. If I mess up then I don' know where I'd even go next, this was our las' option. Goddamit, I shoulda' listened to Liam!" 

"Our?" 

"Niall and I. We've been workin' togetha' eva' since his motha' passed away." Louis stood up. He didn't exactly know what to say. You can't just propose the idea of an affair and it was clear Harrys conscious was fighting him over a simple kiss. 

"I'm sure you'd be fine no matter what-"

"Do ya hav' any idea what would happen if I got caught havin' some little affair with ya?" Louis crossed his arms, biting the inside of his cheek. "I's not good. I could get jailed. Even killed maybe!"

"I think you're exaggerating, we just kissed-"

"It still crossed a line. I'm sorry, but I jus' can't do somethin' like that." Louis didn't say anything. He looked down and started to count the grooves in the wood. 

"It's not like I said I wanted to have sex, it was just a kiss." He replied meekly. 

"Yes, jus' a kiss. Nothin' more than a mistake." Harry stated hastily and Louis nodded. "Good." Louis kept his head down. "Well—goodnight." Harry turned and quickly fled over to the ladder before practically just jumping down. Louis stood up on the second floor listening to Harry do something he wished he could do, run away.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis would be lying if he said he didn't cry after Harry had fled the barn. He didn't just cry because of Harry, though. He cried because of how shitty his life was and would always be. He cried for himself, his sad life, and the part of him that was dying. He shouldn't have ever kissed Harry. He shouldn't have taken that leap of faith and tell him to kiss him! Because at least then Harry would still talk to him, be his friend. Obviously he had just nixed that entire friendship, if it even constituted as a friendship before that. He was back to square one, except this time he was feeling worse than before. 

Harry, on the other hand, was more in disbelief. He couldn't believe he had actually kissed Louis! Like, everything leading up to the moment felt so surreal, like he was in a dream, then suddenly everything began very realistic. He kissed a married man. Louis obviously didn't have any real feelings for him, though. He was having marriage trouble so of course it would be plausible that he was vulnerable and transferring—something onto him, right? 

Harry had no idea. All he knew was that he was attracted to a married man and that was wrong. So wrong. Never in his life did he ever think such a thing could happen. He just figured he'd be working the rest of his life. He had no time, or even experience, for any sort of relationship. 

Keeping his mind clear so he could focus on working was proving to be harder than he thought. His mind just kept trailing back to Louis. He was still fixing the fence since after the previous storm parts of it still needed to be fixed thanks to the blasted wind. 

Harry came to the conclusion that he should leave the ranch and go find work somewhere else. It was the best option, after all. Between Louis and the men on the ranch there was no clearer resolution. He wasn't sure where he would go or even when, but he needed to leave. After dinner that night Niall was heading back towards the bunkhouse. Harry landed his hand on his shoulder and pulled him back gently. 

"Hey Harreh'." Niall greeted with a smile. They stepped off to the side away from the bunkhouse. 

"I wanted t' talk t' ya." Harry told him. Niall stuffed his hands in his pockets, giving Harry a questionable look. 

"'Bout wha'?"

"We should find work somewhere else." Niall looked at him as if he had lobsters crawling out of his ears. 

"Ya wanna find work somewhere else?" Harry nodded. "Why?" 

"'Cause this place is bad-"

"No i's not." 

"Yes it is."

"What's yer deal?" Harry rolled his eyes at him. 

"My deal is tha' this place fuckin' sucks. I shouldn' even be here. This is the consequence of yer action and yer the one havin' a fuckin' ball here."

"We're makin' more jack than before, ya can' tell me ya don' like tha'." Harry just rolled his eyes again, sighing internally. 

"It's not 'bout the jack, Niall. I'd rather make less 'n a place where I'm happy then more 'n a place where I'm unhappy."

"Since when do ya care 'bout yer happiness?" Niall asked him softly. 

"Since I realized this ranch makes me unhappy." 

"I'm not leavin." Niall stated making Harry grit his teeth. 

"Well I didn' want t' leave Weed." 

"Maybe ya should try 'nd be a bit less standoffish 'nd unfriendly." Harry's patience was wearing thin with Niall. Wasn't Niall supposed to be his friend? "Talk more, make some friends, the guys ain't as bad as you think."

"Yer right, they're worse." Harry snapped feeling the control over his anger begin to ravel. He couldn't believe Niall was actually defending the disgusting men they had to work with. Harry didn't have to get to know them to know they were repulsive. The only one he could somewhat stand was Liam. 

"Tha's yer problem, then. Not mine." Harry grit his teeth. 

"I though' we were friends-"

"We are." Niall replied rather sternly. "It hasn't even been a month yet, though. Give it time." 

"So if after a month I still wanna find work somewhere else we'll go, right?" 

"If ya wanna then ya can, but I like it here so I probably wouldn't go with ya." Harry drew in a slow breath and looked around like he was trying to find something, but to no avail. He glared back at Niall. 

"But we're friends. We've been workin' together for years." 

"Ya didn' think we'd be workin' togetha' forever, did ya?" Harry had never actually thought about it. Of course he didn't expect to be working with Niall forever, but—he had also never thought about the future. He was just doing what he had to do and was used to and that meant working with Niall. A part of his heart still hurt when Niall asked him that, though. 

"Well no, but friends stick together, right?" Niall just shrugged. 

"There's a first time for anythin'." He replied. "If ya wanna leave, don' let me hold ya back. Be yer own person." Niall turned and walked back over to the bunkhouse. Harry just stood there dumbfounded. He didn't possibly think Niall and him would ever even be having this conversation. Niall wouldn't even be there if it weren't for Harry. And they both wouldn't be there if it weren't for Niall. 

Harry drew in a slow breath and glanced around the yellow sky. How was it possible that his life has changed so much in the span of two weeks? How was it possible that it was all because of one person? He rolled his eyes at himself then headed into the bunk house. 

Niall and Calvin were the only ones inside and after a few minutes it was only Harry and Calvin. Aside from Nick, Calvin was the guy Harry couldn't stand at all. He wanted to drive a nail into his head half the time. He was repulsive. 

Calvin was sitting up on his bed and Harry ignored his presence, laying down on his back and closing his eyes. He could feel Calvin staring at him, though. 

"So," He spoke up loudly, his voice echoing off the wood practically. "How's the tart?" Harry grit his teeth. 

"Who?" He asked even though he knew damn well Calvin was referring to Louis. 

"Oh, ya know, the little whore tha's Louis." 

"Why don' ya ask Nick?" Harry retorted. 

"Well, I jus' figured ya know since yer already fuckin' him practically-"

"Shut the hell up. That is not happenin'." Harry snapped in annoyance. He kept his eyes closed and took in slow deep breaths. Calvin just smirked at him, snickering manically.

"Of course, not yet." Harry's stomach was churning. 

"Never. I don' know what yer obsession is with him 'n all, but leave me outta it." Calvin just tittered with laughter. 

"Ya think we don' notice?" 

"Y'all don' know shit." 

"Slow down there, newbie. We've all been here a hell of a lot longa' than you have-"

"That doesn' mean shit." Harry finally sat up, facing him. "Ya don' know me 'nd ya don' him either. So why don' ya stop actin' like there's some huge love scandal affair deal goin' on. If yer so bored then go play some shoes." Calvin just smirked bitterly and Harry stood up and marched back out of the bunkhouse. He didn't want to, but there was no way he could stay alone in a room with Calvin any longer. He was about ready to bash his brains out! So he decided to explore a little bit again. He didn't go anywhere far, but he went somewhere. 

Louis had spent the day the way he always did, doing nothing practically. He cleaned up the house a bit, listened to some music, and daydreamed about the life he'd have when he went to live in New York. 

Dinner was as strenuous as ever. It was silent, like it always was. Nick's father never actually ate with them. He always ate either in his office or up in his own room. Louis and Nick were the only ones to ever occupy the kitchen table. 

Then, as usual, Louis was the one to clear the table and clean the dishes while Nick fucked off doing whatever it was he usually did. Louis made sure to stay in a separate room until bedtime came around.

He went up to their bedroom where Nick was lying on his side of the bed with a cigarette between his lips and a book in his hands. Louis changed into his pajamas before tentatively climbing in under the covers. 

He stared down at the quilt covering his chest. His heart was beating violently in his chest and he twiddled his thumbs together nervously. He glanced over at Nick meekly. 

"So," He spoke up. "Remember when we first got here and you said after a few months we'd move to New York and actually start a life-"

"Would you fucking shut up about New York?" Louis sunk back into his pillow, biting his cheek. "It's been four years, let it go." Nick didn't look away from the book in his hand. 

"Well I can't because I still want to go to New York-"

"You're not going anywhere." Nick scoffed with a sick little smirk as he turned and blew smoke into the filmy air. Louis was losing his patience. He propped up on his arms and turned towards Nick. 

"Why not? I don't have to stay here. I can leave if I want-"

"Think again, sweetheart."

"I can!"

"But you won't." Louis grit his teeth. 

"Are you trying to challenge me? Because I can and will prove you wrong." 

"No you won't."

"How can you be so smug and sure about this?" Nick closed his book and placed it on his nightstand. He turned to Louis. 

"Because I know you-"

"No you don't. You don't even talk to me." Louis accused sternly. 

"Because you stopped talking." Nick replied coldly and took a drag from his cigarette again. "You think everything is my fault? Check yourself first, peaches."

"Well that's the pot calling the kettle black!" He exclaimed sitting up furiously. "I never did anything wrong! You know what you did? You promised us a good life, but you couldn't fulfill that! You aren't even the same person I married! You talk to me like I'm as dumb as a post, that is, when you actually do talk to me, which is hardly ever! All you do is use me for sex, then you carry on with your merry way. That's it. That's all. You treat me like I'm an object just here for you own pleasure whenever you need it-"

"That's because you are." Louis pressed his lips together and inhaled slowly. He took a deep breath and glanced down at Nick before looking away. 

"Fuck—you." He turned and climbed out of the bed.

"Oh, come on, I was just teasin'." Nick drawled out in a careless tone. 

"Well it wasn't fucking funny, you twisted bastard!" Louis shouted before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. He stormed down the hall and to the stairwell, not caring for a second if he was being too loud and waking up Nick's father. 

He stomped through the house. Once in the living room he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around himself before storming out onto the deck. He couldn't believe the audacity Nick had! Well—he could. But he just couldn't believe he would actually admit that to him!

He walked to the edge of the deck and looked up at sky. His eyes watered with tears. First Harry shoots him down and now Nick is actually treating him worse than usual? He took a deep breath and contemplated just walking to the creek and drowning himself. 

A moment later he heard the door open and he just rolled his eyes to himself. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself as Nick stepped up beside him. 

"Louis-"

"Fuck off before I snap your neck, you bastard." 

"C'mon-"

"I am not even joking. I came out here to get away from you, not to have you follow me so we can continue our fight outside." He replied sternly making Nick laugh softly. 

"Yeah, well, the stars always calmed you down." 

"Fuck off." 

"Can we just talk?"

"About what? About the deplorable things you just said about me?" Nick shrugged. 

"I was just joking, I realize now it was wrong-"

"I'm not just talking about this one time." Louis interrupted. "I'm talking about ever since we got here. You treat me like I'm your wife-"

"I do not-"

"Yes, you do." Louis interrupted. "You speak to me as if I've never gone to school, you hit me, you use me for sex, you make me extremely unhappy." It was quiet for a moment. 

"Well—how can I make you happier?"

"Um, talk to me like I have a degree, stop hitting me, and stop forcing me to have sex with you." Louis stated bluntly. 

"I don't—force you-"

"You don't get choose if you do or don't. I'm telling you that you do. You do it all the time. I say no, and you say 'don't care, I had a hard day in the field' and it's hell for me." Nick rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. Louis took another deep breath and stepped away from Nick. He reeked of cigarette smoke. "I've been thinking, maybe it would be best if we just got a divorce and went our separate ways." Nick felt his heart seize. 

"We're not getting a divorce." He stated sternly. Louis wasn't sure if he wanted to make it an open ended suggestion. 

"Well then a lot of fucking things have got to change because remember, divorce doesn't have to be mutual." Louis turned to look up at him and Nick looked back down at him, swallowing thickly. 

"Such as?" 

"No more talking to me as if I'm some ignorant airhead, you do remember I have a degree in literature, right?" 

"It's framed on our wall, how could I forget?" He replied lightly. 

"And you've got to learn to control your anger." Louis stated strictly. "If you so much as raise you hand at me one more time then I'm leaving." Nick nodded. 

"I will do that." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Easier said than done." Nick just rubbed the back of his neck. "And no more sex." 

"Oh come on-"

"I am not even joking." Louis retorted. "For the time being at least and if that's not something you can respect then I'll leave and if you try to coax me, or even guilt me, into having sex then I'll leave too." 

"If that's what'll take to make you happy then I respect that." Louis just bit the inside of his cheek as Nick took a deep breath. "I know these past few years haven't been ideal, and I haven't exactly—acted how I should have been." Louis looked at him softly. "So, I sincerely apologize for how I have been treating you and how I have been acting towards you."

"Thank you, I accept your apology." Nick smiled a bit. "But until you actually prove that you're sorry and willing to adapt to the changes while also keeping them, not falling back into your old habits, then I'll forgive you." 

"Deal." Louis forced a small smile, but his heart  already missed Harry. 

"And take it easy on the other guys. And by other guys I mean Harry." Nick physically tensed and his expression grew hard with anger. 

"I don't like the way he looks at you-"

"I hardly even see him-"

"Except for when you two were in the backyard talking-"

"And then you smashed his guitar-"

"Yeah, and you made me go into town to buy him a fuckin' new one."

"Because you don't destroy other people's property no matter how mad you get-" 

"You knew I didn't want you talking to him-"

"Why not? He's nice. We're just friends, if that, why are you so fucking threatened by everyone? I don't like being isolated here in the house." 

"I just don't trust him-"

"Well do you not trust me too then?" Louis retorted. Nick hesitated. 

"I mean, I trust you, I just—-"

"Obviously you don't." 

"I do-"

"You don't."

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"Well I'm sorry if I get fucking paranoid about you leaving." Louis took a deep breath, Nick sighed tiredly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I don't even fucking know." He exhaled. "I have this irrational fear that one day I'm going to wake up and you and one of the guys are going to be gone because you would've been having an affair-"

"That doesn't mean you can treat me like how you have been. Plus that'd never happen, Nick."

"That's why things are going to change. I'm going to change." 

"Good." Louis nodded. Nick nodded back, smiling a bit. Louis smiled back softly. Nick leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, catching Louis by surprise. 

"I love you." He whispered. Louis laughed softly. 

"I haven't heard that one in awhile." He joked making Nick laugh. 

"Neither have I." Louis turned to look up at him, a small smirk playing on his lips as well as Nicks. 

"I love you too." But he didn't know if he loved Nick and he didn't know if Nick knew or not that he truly loved Louis as well. Nick just smiled back before looking up at the sky. 

"Come to bed?" He took a step back and Louis turned over his shoulder, nodding. 

"I'll be up in a moment." Nick nodded back before turning around and retreating into the house. Louis glanced up at the stars and took a deep breath, wishing he could be one of them because then for once he would be shining. 

He went back into the house, folding up his blanket again nearly before heading up to the room. He was apprehensive to face Nick, though. Walking into the room he took note of Nick being in the bathroom. The overhead light was on and Louis went to open the window. He gazed down at the ground below. His eyes fell to Harry who was sitting on the small porch of the bunk house in the same rocking chair as last time. He noticed Harry turn and look at him. He didn't smile. 

Louis just took a deep breath, looking down at him solemnly. He lifted his four fingers to lips then moved them forward before cupping his hand over the top of his other hand, signing 'goodnight'. 

Louis watched with contentment as Harry signed 'goodnight' back. Louis smiled to himself before leaning back into the room. The light was turned out by Nick and he turned to walk back over to the bed. He climbed under the blankets and laid down on his side. Nick laid down beside him as usual and for once in three years and ten months Nick wrapped his arm around him. Louis knew he should've been happy about that, but the only thing replaying in his mind was Harry signing goodnight to him.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a month. A whole entire month in its entirety of him being on the ranch. They had all gotten paid and were planning on going into town to splurge on whatever they saw fit. Harry was going to save his money. After Niall told him to be more friendly and less standoffish he actually tried that and tried to open up, but then the guys just made Harry want to get kicked in the head by one of the horses, so he decided to stop that and went back to keeping to himself. 

They went into the town after dinner, before the sun had finished setting. Niall urged Harry to come, saying that he might actually have fun if he just gave it a chance, but no. Harry opted to stay back. Maybe once he'd go in, but that one time had yet to come. 

The sky was orange and yellow and pink and blue. The sun hung low in the sky, touching all with golden sunlight. Harry had washed up and was dressed in a tank top and pajama bottoms. His hair was damp, but the droplets caught the sunlight in such a way that he looked like he was shimmering. 

He was throwing horseshoes because what else was there to do? The pits were positioned a few feet away from each other and in front of the bunkhouses. The clanking of the shoes encircling the stake made him smile. He was never particularly good at horseshoes. Ever since he was a kid he could never score a ringer. 

He trekked across the dirt to the stake and bent down, gathering up the shoes before turning to face the opposing pit, facing the house. He held up the horseshoe, drew his arm back, then threw the shoe over to the stake, but it landed inches away from it. He pressed his lips together in disappointment. He threw the other two shoes before looking up to notice a figure standing on the house porch. Louis. 

Harry tried not to make eye contact with him, but failed. Harry looked away and walked over to the pit, picking up the horseshoes then turning his back to Louis as he positioned himself to throw the shoes into the opposing pit. For some reason his heart was pounding and he wasn't even looking at Louis.

He chucked the shoes at the stake and none of them made it anywhere near the stake. He drew in a slow breath and just stood there. He didn't want to have to turn and face Louis again. God knows what would happen this time. 

He caved in, though, and strode across the ground, reaching down as he picked up the shoes and turned to face Louis—the pit—and licked his lips. Louis slowly stepped down the steps and watched him intently as he threw the shoes, but once again he wasn't even close to even touching the stake. 

"Yer distractin' me." Harry said walking over to the pit. Louis walked closer and, after picking up the shoes, Harry glanced at him. 

"Well, you shouldn't let yourself get distracted then." Louis replied with a small smile. Harry just squinted at him before turning and facing the pit. Louis stood behind him. 

"Maybe ya shouldn' distract me." Louis laughed softly. Harry pitched the shoes where, once again, none of them were near the stake. "See what you've done?" He said throwing his hand towards the pit dramatically. "I was gettin' straight ringas' before ya came along." Louis laughed again. 

"What about me is distracting?" He teased. Harry just gave him a solemn look before sighing. Louis' smile fell and he uncrossed his arms. "I'm sorry about what happened up in the barn two weeks ago." He said. "I mean, I know it was two weeks ago and we haven't talked since, but I am still sorry-"

"For what?" Harry interrupted. "I kissed ya."

"Yeah, but—you wouldn't have done that if I hadn't asked you."

"Do ya know tha' for a fact?" Louis felt his heart seize in his chest and he drew in a deep breath. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach like on a spring day. 

"What are you saying?" He asked. Harry shrugged. "Are you saying you would've kissed me either way?"

"Well—maybe." He answered truthfully making Louis float to the tips of toes practically with hope. "But it's wrong so there's not much t' do 'bout it." And Louis was back on his feet. 

"Is Nick the only thing making it wrong?" Harry shrugged. 

"Are ya sayin' yer actually attracted t' me?" 

"I haven't stopped thinking about you since I first saw you arrive." Louis admitted shyly, smiling down at the dirt beneath his feet. 

"Same." And now Louis was blushing like a little school girl who was just told that the flower in her hair was pretty. "But—I know yer havin' marriage troubles 'nd I won't be helpin' anythin'. It's-It's not fair t' you or me." 

"Do—Do you think I'm transferring my mixed feelings from the stuff between Nick and I onto you? Like, since Nick pays no attention to me you think I'm just trying to find it somewhere else, or something? Because let me tell you that that is so far beyond the truth."

"So then what's supposed t' happen with him?" Harry asked. "I—I don' wanna be a home wrecker-"

"Nick does not love me."

"Then why are ya still married?" Louis hesitated 

"Because if we weren't he knows I'd leave."

"So what's keepin' ya here?" 

"What's keeping me here is the fact that I myself have no money, no car, no means to get anywhere. Nick treats me like shit, you've seen it yourself." He exclaimed raising his voice. "You don't even know what goes on behind doors." He added then lowering his voice. Harry took a deep breath and looked up at Louis before glancing away. 

"Jus' because he's hurt me doesn' mean I wanna hurt him in return." Maybe Harry wanted to physically hurt him, but not mentally or emotionally. Who knew what the cause for the way he acted was. Louis scoffed.

"Trust me," He crossed his arms again. "He doesn't care about me at all." 

"Have ya talked t' him 'bout it?" Louis hesitated. "'Cause I don' intend to keep ya entertained until paradise is restored or anythin'."  

"How can I find paradise when I can't even find home?" Louis retorted sternly, staring at the ground. "And it's not as if I'm looking for entertainment or someone to keep me preoccupied until Nick actually fulfills his promise he's admitted to not keeping." Harry gave him a solemn look. "I—I am looking for a friend, someone I can talk with, but I can't help it if I find myself falling for them." His voice was small and his tone timid. Harry couldn't believe he was finding himself in the middle of such a sticky situation. 

"Well—fight it. Jus' bury that feelin' deep." 

"Is that what you always do?" Harry just turned and walked over to the pit. He gathered the shoes then turned to face Louis and the other pit. 

"Stand back, don' wanna hit ya." Louis smiled softly and stepped back some. Harry pitched his shoes, all of them not coming within a foot of the stake, and grit his teeth. "Fuck." He moped back over to the pit where Louis was politely picking up the horseshoes. 

"You know I've never actually played horseshoes before." He said walking over to the pit beside Harry. "Is it hard?"

"Why don' ya show me." Louis laughed softly then lifted up one horseshoe before laughing again. 

"These are a lot heavier than I thought they would be." Harry just smiled and watched him contently. Louis swung his arm back and attempted to throw it over to the pit, but it didn't even make it half way over before thudding on the dirt, making Louis burst out into a fit of laughter. "Oh my God, I'm horrible!" He exclaimed, but with glee. Harry just continued watching him curiously. How could he be happy about failing? 

"Try again." He suggested crossing his arms. So Louis threw the last two horseshoes which both made it a bit farther than the first, but not far enough. Louis was busting a gut laughing. 

"Wow, guess it's safe to say there's a reason I never play." He giggled then walked over to pick them up. He trotted back over to Harry with a gleeful skip in his step. 

"How can ya be so happy 'bout failing?"

"Because I didn't." Louis simply replied happily. "You can't fail if you're doing something you enjoy doing." 

"But ya weren' even close t' the stake."

"So? I had fun trying." Louis smirked at him before facing the pit and lifted up one of the horseshoes. "You need to put yourself in a different mindset. If you constantly worry about failing how are you supposed to enjoy anything?" He threw the horseshoe, but once again it only made it halfway and Louis just laughed again. 

"Ya aren' throwin' it right." Harry said walking around to his other side. Louis looked up at him. "Ya don' grip it like yer holdin' the reigns t' a horse." Louis lifted up his hand, holding one shoe up. Harry took it then tilted it to the left, holding it in front of him. "Ya want yer thumb on top of the closes' shank. Then keep yer fingers unda'neath the shank, curled ont' the inner edge." Louis took the horseshoe back and held it like Harry had told him to. 

"Like this?" Harry smiled nodding. 

"Don' forget t' use all yer strength." Louis smiled softly then swung his arm back slowly before throwing it over to the pit. It only went a little bit passed his first. "I said all yer strength, not a lil." Harry teased. Louis just flashed him a spiteful smile before positioning the last horseshoe in his hand correctly then throwing it with a little more might. It still didn't make it. Before Louis could even make the motion of moving forward Harry was marching forward and gathering them up. He strolled up Louis. 

"All yer strength." He repeated. Louis took the shoes, laughing apathetically. 

"Maybe I'm not throwing it right."

"It's archin' up too high." Harry commented. "Let it go earlier." Louis nodded then positioned himself. He threw the shoe, letting it go early, but he let it go too early and all it did was go straight to the ground before rolling around and landing even closer to him. "Not that early." Harry crossed his arms and watched him. He picked up the second shoe then threw it, but it arched all the way up to the moon before landing right next to his other shoe. 

"I'm so bad at this." He stated chuckling. 

"Ya jus' gotta get yer throw right." 

"Show me." Harry stepped behind Louis, to his left. 

"Ya holdin' it properly?" He asked making Louis laugh and nod his head. Harry reached down and, in a completely and totally platonic way, placed his hand gently over Louis'. He held his hand loosely and Louis relished in the warmth Harry's body created. Harry pulled their hands back slowly then they launched the horseshoe across the plain, scoring a straight ringer. 

"Yay!" Louis cheered jumping up in triumph. Harry just tried to suppress his smile. He wanted to be holding his hand still. Louis spun around to face Harry and before Harry could even comprehend what was happening Louis was throwing his arms around him in a big hug. "You're my good luck charm." He teased leaning back and smiling up at Harry.

Harry just hugged him back loosely and smiled meekly down at him, nodding. Louis gazed up at Harry. Harry stared back down at him, breathing softly. Suddenly Louis tip toed up and kissed Harry feverishly. Harry's eyes widened in surprise, but was he actually really all that surprised? Harry closed his eyes and kissed Louis back because Louis just made this feeling of warmth and happiness bloom inside of him and grow. Louis's hands were on Harry's chest and around his neck. Harry had just wrapped his hands around Louis' dainty waist, squeezing it softly. 

They both pulled away, their mouths still hanging open as they breathed in and out heavily. Harry was quick to lean back in, kissing him sweetly. Louis smiled gleefully, loving the secure feeling that Harry's hands around his waist created. He pulled away and opened his eyes, gazing up at Harry. 

"You fill a hole that's in my soul." He whispered softly. Harry gazed back down at him, swallowing thickly. "I wish you felt the same." 

"I do." He blurted out. "But—but it's wrong." 

"They say being homosexual is wrong, do you believe that?" Louis asked him seriously. Harry was at a loss for words. "Right and wrong are made up concepts policed by invisible laws constructed by what we call morals and society. Sometimes you have to listen to your heart before you listen to anyone else." Harry just blinked down at him. 

"We canno' have an affair." Louis just sighed, nodding solemnly, lowering his hands back to himself. Harry pulled his hands away from Louis' waist, but oh how he longed to pick him up and spin him around in happiness. 

"If you died, what would people remember you by?" 

"I don'—I don' know." He answered honestly. He even felt unsure answering that he didn't know. 

"I want people to remember me." Louis replied taking a step back. "But I don't want to ever die." 

"Everything dies." 

"You're only dead when people stop giving life to your name." Louis replied. "I want to always be remembered, always be talked about—in a good way of course. I'll only truly die when I'm forgotten." 

"I'll always rememba' ya." Harry told him shyly. Louis just returned with a smile, his cheeks turning pink like a spring tulip. 

"You're sweet." Harry shrugged. 

"Ya deserve betta'." 

"Again, sweet." Harry smiled. "Are you thirsty?" Louis asked. "I could—I could grab you something to drink from the house. It's a bit dry out here." 

"Oh, I'm alrigh'." Harry kindly declined shaking his head. Louis smiled, shrugging. 

"Well, I'll grab you something anyway just incase, and if you decide not to drink it then either I will or I'll just bring it back inside." Before Harry could say anything Louis turned and trailed back into the house. Harry licked his lips and smiled to himself. 

A moment later the screen door was pushed open and Louis strolled out onto the porch with two glass coke bottles in hand. He stopped at the foot of the steps then plopped down on his rump. Harry glanced over at him then Louis patted the spot beside him. Harry placed the horseshoes down around the stake then walked over to the steps. He sat down beside Louis, the wood creaking underneath him. Louis held the bottle up to him. 

"Don' think I've ever had one of these." He said taking the bottle. Louis gawked at him. 

"You've never had Coca Cola?" Harry shrugged, laughing bashfully. "That's outrageous! Try it. Now. This instant." Harry laughed softly then brought the bottle up to his lips. He paused then side-eyed Louis making them both laugh. He took a sip before lowering the bottle down. 

"That was good." Louis laughed then sipped his own. He held the neck of his bottle with both hands and rested his arms on his knees. He stared up at the brightly lit sky humbly, wondering how many nights it would take to count all the stars dotting it. Harry glanced at him fondly. Louis turned his head slightly and glanced at Harry before turning his head back down again shyly. He blushed. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked softly. 

"Does it bother ya?" Louis shook his head. 

"It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy." Harry just grinned like a child and glanced down at the stairs. "How long did it take you to grow out your hair?" Harry shrugged in response, unsure of what to respond. 

"A year? Year 'nd a half? I haven' exactly been keepin' track of time." He lifted a hand up and ran his fingers through his unruly hair. "Gotta get it cut." 

"I haven't seen many guys with hair like yours." 

"Is that a good thing?"

"Makes you stand out." Harry smiled softly. He took another sip of his Coke. 

"Ya stand out as well." He remarked earning himself a curious look from Louis. 

"Because of what?" Harry hesitated. 

"'Cause ya stand out." He just said with a laugh. Louis laughed softly with him then elbowed him gently. 

"Because of what?" He repeated. Harry felt himself actually beginning to blush, but under the soft moonlight it went unnoticed by Louis. "Because I'm prettier than the stars?" He teased with a small smirk. 

"Because the stars probably look down on ya 'nd get jealous." He teased back. Louis was blushing too hard for the moon to cover it. He bit his bottom lip to suppress his smile 

"How do you do that?" He asked quietly. Harry turned his head, giving him a solemn and questionable look. "Make me feel all warm with happiness. You make me feel alive." 

"I don' know, I don' even try." Harry joked making Louis laugh beautifully. 

"I don't think I've truly laughed since I started talking to you." He remarked. "Thank you for that." 

"Laughter is meant t' be heard." Harry said. "It's the only song only you know how t' sing." Louis grinned at him, still looking curious. He turned to him slightly, cradling the bottle in his hands. 

"Are you sure you never went to school or anything?" He asked. Harry just nodded in response. "Because you just sound like someone who reads a lot." 

"So I have t' have gone t' school t' read lots?" Louis shook his head.

"No, I was just saying." He said. "You sound like you've gone to school. And read a lot."

"How do I sound that way? I don' even talk properly." 

"It's the things you say. Talking properly has got nothing to do with it." Harry just smiled shyly. "You could be a modern day Shakespeare." He exclaimed teasingly. 

"I ain't ever read any Shakespeare." 

"I've read lots of his stuff." Louis remarked. "I think my favorite is Hamlet, or Macbeth. I wasn't one for his poetry, I favored his plays more so." He added. 

"Ya like Shakespeare?" Louis nodded. 

"Love him. He's a brilliant man." Harry laughed and Louis sighed contently. "To be, or not to be, that is the question: whether tis nobler for the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them." 

"I have absolutely no idea what ya jus' said." Harry remarked making Louis laugh. 

"It's from Hamlet." He simply stated. "Hamlet is contemplating suicide. When he's asking himself to be or not to be, he's asking himself if he should continue to live or not." 

"How do ya possibly get that outta that?"

"Footnotes." He grinned. 

"Not sure what that is, but...," Harry trailed off then shrugged. He took a sip of his Coke and sighed contently. Louis set his bottle down on the porch then cracked his knuckles. "Could ya show me more of that hand language stuff?" Harry asked him bashfully. 

"You mean sign language?" Louis asked with a soft smile. Harry nodded, setting his bottle down. 

"I don' really rememba' the alphabet. I mean, I rememba' some, but I think I'm gettin' some of them mixed up." Louis smiled at the thought of Harry trying to remember the alphabet in sign language and doing it by himself. He was endeared. 

"Let's run through it together." He said in a teasing tone. They both lifted up one hand and ran through the alphabet and Harry didn't stumble on any of the letters. "Oh, you liar, you totally remembered it!" Louis exclaimed elbowing him. Harry blushed modestly. 

"I wasn' sure." He replied with a small smile. His cheeks were red again. 

"Remember how to sign goodnight?" Harry signed it filling Louis with so much joy. 

"Good job," Louis signed as he spoke. "You're very smart and catch on quick." 

"Show off." Louis laughed. "Show me more." Louis sat up straight and placed his hands in his knees. 

"Okay." Harry watched him intently. And so for however long it was Louis taught Harry various words and phrases in sign language and they spelled out words to each other, seeing who could guess the most in a row. Louis won. Harry lost on the word abecedarian. He had never heard that word before and accused Louis of cheating. 

They moved down on the bottom step and watched the stars from then on. Louis pointed out all these constellations Harry had never heard of before and pretended like he knew them. Louis talked about the stars with such admiration. It was beautiful. 

They laid back and closed their eyes. They pretended they were in the stars, dancing in their lights and singing with them. Then they fell asleep on the steps. Maybe it wasn't exactly comfortable, but lying next to each other they didn't notice things like that. They only noticed each other. 

They were both startled awake when the two cars came speeding back up to the ranch and parked beside the house. The horse carrying a wagon trotted towards the barn. Louis and Harry both sat up tiredly. Harry rubbed his eyes, feeling like he was in a dream. 

The sight of the men half drunk and some totally drunk stumbling out of the cars and the wagon made him jump up to his feet. Louis scrambled up as well. Harry rubbed his eyes again as things were still a bit fuzzy from his slumber. What time was it? He heard a car door slam shut and he looked to the left to see Nick glaring at him.

Harry hustled down the steps and over to the bunkhouse while Louis quickly grabbed the Coke bottles and hurried into the house. He tossed the bottles in the garbage before hurrying up the stairs. 

Louis could hear Nick's furious footsteps stomp up the stairs and down the hallway. He stormed into the room red with anger and slammed the door behind him, shaking the walls practically. He was glowering. 

Louis walked around to the other side of the bed to create space between them, but now he had no escape. He prayed, prayed, prayed Nick wouldn't go back to his old habits. 

"What the hell were you doin' down outside with him?!" He yelled furiously. Louis wasn't sure what Nicks problem was, but it pissed him off. He shouldn't be cowering from him in their own bedroom. 

"We were just playing horseshoes." He answered timidly. 

"At one in the fucking morning?" 

"I mean, we were playing a bit after you guys first left and then we were just sitting on the steps talking-"

"You know I don't want you fuckin' talking to him." 

"I can do what I want, Nick. You don't control me." Louis fought back meekly. 

"Well what the hell were you still doing outside now?" 

"We just fell asleep." Louis answered meekly.

"Oh, you fell asleep-"

"It was completely innocent, Nick! What the hell do you think happened? Do you think we just fucked on the front porch?" Nick grit his teeth, glaring narrowly at Louis. 

"Don't even suggest that." 

"Nothing fucking happened—"

"I do not want you talking to him." Louis crossed his arms and shook his head. 

"I can do what I want-"

"Except talk to Harry. I don't even want you two looking at each other-"

"I am not going to live my life around what you want!" Louis yelled furiously. 

"I'm not saying that you do that!"

"By telling me who I can and can not talk to because it pleases you is basically what you're saying!" They both were breathing heavily and grinding their teeth together in frustration.

"I don't want you talking to him anymore." Nick said calmly, but sternly. 

"I will talk to him if I want to-"

"No, you won't-"

"Yes I will!" 

"Goddamit, Louis!" Nick stomped his foot furiously. He placed his hands on his hips and stared pacing back and forth. "What's so special about him?" 

"Nothing, he's just nice and I enjoy talking with him." Louis stated softly. "And I think he enjoys talking to me. What's the big fucking deal?" 

"The big fucking deal is that you know I don't want you around him, yet you still go and pull all this shit!" Nick practically screamed, stopping his pacing. Louis' heart was beating hard in his chest, and not the way Harry made his heart beat. His palms were sweaty and his stomach hurt. 

"You promised you'd work on controlling your anger." Louis just replied calmly. 

"It's a little hard to do when you do this—"

"Do what? Just talk to Harry? Newsflash, I can have friends-"

"Not him!"

"Then who?" Louis challenged. He crossed his arms and gave Nick a condescending look. "Who are you alright with me talking to? Is it anyone?" Nick gnashed his teeth together, shaking his head. "Why can't you just trust me? I trust you—"

"Oh, you do?" Nick asked sarcastically making Louis grit his teeth together. 

"Yeah, I fucking do. If I wanted to go into town at night ever would you even allow to me since apparently I need to ask your permission to do things?" Nick scoffed, crossing his arms as well. 

"Shut up—"

"Do not tell me to shut up." Louis snapped furiously. "You know who doesn't tell me to shut up? Harry." Now Louis was just being spiteful, knowing very well that shouldn't be playing on what was obviously Nick's insecurity, but he was so pissed off and so blinded by his anger he wasn't thinking about what was right and what was wrong. 

"Shut up-"

"He's actually nice to me-"

"Shut up!"

"He doesn't scream at me!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Nick yelled. "Shut up! Just shut up!" He stomped his foot again and his face was beet red. Louis dropped his arms and swallowed thickly. Nick just tilted his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose. Louis walked around the bed slowly, pausing a few inches away from Nick. He looked like he was ready to blow. 

"You should-" Before Louis could even finish his sentence Nick raised his hand in a fit of blind fury then collided the back of his hand with Louis' cheek. The blow brought Louis to the floor as he stumbled back and fell up against the closet door. Tears brimmed his eyes before rolling down his cheeks and he raised his hand to his cheek gently. He looked up at Nick in betrayal who just breathed in and out deeply.

Louis slowly stood up, lowering his hand from his cheek. He glared up at Nick furiously. He turned around and opened the closet door. Nick watched him as he pulled out a small suitcase and threw it on the bed before trailing over to the dresser. 

"Whoa, stop right there-" Nick went over and grabbed his shoulder, but Louis just elbowed him back hard in the stomach.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" He yelled. He turned back and pulled out a random pile of clothing. Shoving it in his suitcase, he struggled to close it in. 

"Louis-"

"I told you if you so much as raised your hand to me then I was leaving!" He shouted over him. He picked up an old tin can from their vanity and pulled out a wad of cash from it, stuffing it in his pocket. 

"You're not going anywhere-"

"Oh, you just watch me!" Louis picked up the suitcase then knelt across the bed. He fled down the hallway and down the stairs, not even looking back as Nick's footsteps were quick to follow his. He snatched the spare car key from the key rack and stormed outside. The screen door slapped shut in Nick's face. He practically tore the door off its hinges as he pushed it opened and followed Louis over to the car. 

"Get back in the fucking house." Louis just shook his head and made the mistake of placing the suitcase down to unlock the car. Nick picked it up and threw it behind him without a single glance as to where it fell. Louis was at the point where he didn't care. Louis quickly scrambled into the car and locked its doors. "Louis, fucking get out of the car now or else-"

"Or else what?" Louis argued back from behind the window. "You're just going to hit me again? Try again, bastard. I'm so sick of your bullshit. You said you'd change!" Nick glared at him. 

"Are you coming back?" He asked flatly. Louis held his breath and peered up at Nick before just turning forward, starting the car, and putting it into reverse. He sped down the road into the darkness now illuminated by the headlights which were soon nothing more than two fallen stars. They disappeared with the curve of the road. Nick had his tongue between his cheek and placed his hands on his hips while he tried to regulate his breathing. 

He pivoted around on his heels and peered down at the suitcase. In a surge of fury he picked it up and threw it at the house, sending it straight through the window leading into the dining room. The entire window shattered into pieces, but didn't phase him. He directed his attention to the bunkhouses, ignoring the few men that lurked outside watching him. 

He stormed up into the bunkhouse causing most of those in bed to bolt upright startled. Harry sat up, well aware of what had just happened outside, and once Nick's eyes landed on him he marched over to him. Nick grabbed his wrist roughly and yanked him out of the bed. Harry pulled his wrist free then shoved Nick back, but Nick only grabbed his arm and shoved him through the door, down the steps. 

Harry stumbled over his feet and fell on his back, cursing under his breath. It was completely dark out. Harry was practically blind, but he could see the rage in Nick's eyes as he stood tall over him. 

"What's your fucking deal? Do you ever learn or are ya just that fuckin' stupid?" Harry scrambled up to his feet, taking a few steps back which Nick just made up for by taking a few steps forward. 

"If this is 'bout Louis then yer fuckin' nuts." Harry fought back in a timid tone of voice. 

"Why don't you answer my fucking question first, you son of a bitch." Nick retorted stepping closer. Harry wanted to back down, the last thing he wanted to get into another fucking fight with Nick, but he also wanted to stand his ground and stand up for himself. "Don't you ever fucking learn? What the hell is it going to take?"

"Nothin' cause I've done nothin' wrong-"

"You've done everything wrong-"

"Bullshit!" They both glared narrowly at each other. "Ya aren't the boss of everyone! He left cause of you, not me or anyone or anythin' else!" 

"Shut the fucking hell up!" Nick pulled his fist back before punching Harry in the cheek. Harry stumbled back, but threw back a blind punch and connected with Nick's chin. They were both disoriented and fuzzy from the blows, but that didn't stop them. Nick connected with Harry's nose, causing tears to spring in his eyes. Harry reached up, grabbing a fist full of Nick's hair and pulled him down. He brought his knee up and kneed him hard in the side, making him groan. So Nick reached up and grabbed a fist full of his hair as well, dragging him down. Most of the men and crawled out of their cots and were watching them in amusement. Others not. Liam marched down the steps of the bunkhouse and grabbed the back of Nick's shirt, yanking him back. 

"Hey! Hey!" He tried to wedge himself in between them and break them apart. "Break it up!" They let go of each other's hair and Harry stepped back, trying to reorient himself. He wiped his nose and glanced up at Liam who was guarding Nick back. 

"You're nothing but a motherfuckin' piece of shit!" He shouted bitterly. 

"Ya can't go 'nd blame me for yer problems!" Harry fired back squaring back up. "Get a fuckin' grip already." 

"Stay the fuck away from Louis-"

"Looks like that'll be real easy now." Nick practically had steam rolling out of his ears. 

"You fucker—" Nick shoved passed Liam and Harry didn't back down as he advanced towards him. Liam grabbed the back of Nick's shirt again and yanked him back before he could swing or grab Harry. 

"Ya both need t' getta grip." Liam barked, standing between them, a.k.a. no mans land. He turned to Harry. "Jus' go int' the bunk." He said gesturing that way. Harry just sighed heavily then turned, trekking back to the bunkhouse as most of the men went back to their beds as well. Liam turned back to Nick. "Ya need t' get a grip-"

"I'm goin' after him." Nick turned to go back into the house, but Liam grabbed his wrist. 

"Tha's not a good idea." He warned. Nick turned over his shoulder and glared at Liam harshly. 

"I don' care-"

"Ya need t' give it time." He advised. Nick just grit his teeth and glared at the dirt. "Wai' for him t' come back-"

"And what if he never does?" Nick retorted sternly. Liam wasn't sure if he had an answer to that. 

"Ya need t' learn t' control yer anger." He said instead. "Louis—can have friends-"

"Not Harry. Not him. He fucking knows it to, why does he feel a need to go against what I say-"

"Nick, ya don' own him." Nick took a deep breath. "Ya gotta stop actin' like ya do." 

"I don't—try to-"

"'Nd I'm guessin' ya don' try not t'." Nick gave him a cold stare, but silently admitted defeat. "I doubt he won' come back, but when he does ya gotta learn t' understand tha' next t' ya he ain't got nobody else-"

"Do you think there's somethin' goin' on between them?" Nick interrupted. Liam hesitated. 

"No." He lied because for all he knew there could very well be something going on between them. "Least as far as I'm concerned." He added timidly. "What makes ya think there is?" Nick shrugged his shoulders. 

"I just don't like the idea of them being alone together." He stated. "I don't trust him-"

"Then why don' ya trust Louis?" Nick just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms tightly. "Yer suppose' to love and trust each other, 'nd I don' think ya both do either of those things." Nick just pivoted around and stomped back into the house. Liam took a deep breath, glad Nick didn't turn on him, then went back into the bunkhouse which now fostered more hostility than it did peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this is my favorite chapter


	8. Chapter 8

Louis came back two days later. Not because he wanted to, because he had to. Well, maybe he didn't have to, but he had no plan, no clothes, minimal funds, and in all honesty he didn't want to never see Harry again. So he returned. 

He felt like he was taking the ultimate walk of shame as he pulled back up to the house. He parked beside their second car, Nick's fathers car, then climbed out. It was early morning, but not early enough as everyone was already working. 

He strolled passed the house and paused, gazing at the broken window. He sighed to himself then walked into the house. It was quiet. He took a deep breath then went up to their room. It was neatly made up, surprising him. Except the mirror of their vanity was now cracked and had missing shards. He turned to the closet and pulled open the door. Up above was the suitcase he had initially packed before Nick took it from him.

He closed the door and went over to the dresser where all his clothes were neatly folded. He glanced around the room again as if hoping to find something, but didn't. He sat down on the edge of the bed, sighing again. He laid down on his back and pressed his cheek against the pillow. 

He fell asleep. He had slept the passed two days away and yet he was still tired. He didn't intend to fall asleep, but the minute his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. 

He woke up at 1 and went down to the kitchen to eat lunch before returning to his bed to slumber the rest of the day away. He was woken up again when Nick came stomping into the room. He stopped short and Louis sat up sleepily. He rubbed his eyes then ran his fingers through his hair. He drew in a slow breath, gazing at Nick timidly. 

"Where'd you go?" Nick asked quietly. 

"I rented a hotel room and stayed there." Louis told him bravely, standing up. Nick peered down at him. 

"What did you do?"

"I slept." 

"With who?"

"With no one!" Louis suddenly yelled slapping him in the chest. "I just slept. You know how at nighttime you lie in bed and close your eyes until you wake up and it's day? Yeah, that's what I did because I'm exhausted-"

"You don't even do anything—"

"I am mentally exhausted!" He shouted again. "Just because I'm not working out on the ranch everyday with you doesn't mean I can't be tired!" Nick seemed unmoved. He stepped around him, moving over to the dresser. Louis scoffed and crossed his arms, pivoting around to face him. "How come the window in the dining room is completely missing?" 

"Threw your suitcase through it." He answered nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal. He pulled out a clean shirt then stripped out of his dirty one, dropping it to the floor. Louis huffed in annoyance. 

"Well is there anything you'd like to say?" 

"We need to fix the window." Nick replied keeping his back to him as he pulled on the shirt. Louis scoffed again. Nick picked up his shirt from the floor and dropped it into the hamper beside the dresser. 

"You need to fix it since you're the one who broke it." Nick turned to face Louis. 

"We'll see what happens—"

"Nick." Louis interrupted sternly. 

"What?" 

"You know what." He retorted feeling his anger bubble. Nick just sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I'm glad you came back." He said despite it not being what Louis was wanting to hear. "I was afraid you wouldn't." 

"Well I wasn't sure if I was going to or not." Louis admitted softly. "But, I didn't have my clothes, or a plan, or much money." Nick swallowed thickly. 

"Oh, okay, I'm glad to hear that." Nick replied sarcastically. 

"Nick-"

"No, I understand." Nick started walking forward and brushed passed him, into the hallway. Louis followed after him. 

"Nick, I told you that if you ever even raised your hand at me then I would leave." He exclaimed following him down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

"And it was wrong of me to hit you, I sincerely apologize for doing that." Nick retorted in a rather stern tone which contradicted that of his apology. 

"Nick."

"What else do you want me to say?" Nick snapped opening the fridge door roughly. He pulled out a beer bottle then slammed it shut. Louis leaned against the doorway leading into the kitchen. 

"I don't want you to say anything, I want you to do what you said you would." Nick twisted off the cap and tossed it carelessly on the counter. Louis rolled his eyes at him. "We have a trash bin for a reason." Nick just rolled his eyes back at him. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

"Don't tell me what to do." Nick partially mocked childishly. Louis grit his teeth and uncrossed his arms. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

"Are you really going to mock me?" Nick just took a swig of his beer before marching out of the kitchen and into the living room. Louis rolled his eyes to himself. He couldn't believe Nick was acting like such a child. Well, actually he could, but this was the most childish he had ever acted. Louis was regretting coming back. He marched out to the living room. Nick was standing in the middle of it with the TV on and the remote in his hand. "You can't just ignore this."

"I'm not ignoring anything."

"Yes, you are. You're acting childish, really—"

"What the hell do you want me to say?" Nick snapped. He set the remote on the coffee table then took a seat on their love seat. He stared up at Louis stoically. 

"I don't want you to say anything!" Louis exclaimed angrily. "I want you to do what you said you would! You said you would work on controlling your anger and that you wouldn't hit me. I can understand losing your temper, but when you actually physically harm me then I'm going to have a problem." 

"I already apologized—"

"Well I hate to break it to you, but an apology doesn't solve this. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but you're not the one who was backhanded in the face two days ago." 

"Well what the fuckin' hell do you want me to do about it!" Nick snapped. "I apologized, I will work on controlling my anger, I won't hit you—"

"Bullshit!"

"I won't do it again!" They were both seething at each other with anger, their ragged breaths filling the void they left open. 

"Tell me you trust me."

"What?" Louis nodded. 

"That's right, tell me that you trust me. And actually start doing that." Nick grit his teeth. "Because if you trust me like you say you do then it shouldn't be a problem." A small, bitter smile graced his lips as he waited for Nick's words. 

"I—trust you." He said slowly. 

"Do you?" He nodded. 

"I do." 

"Do you really?"

"For fucks sake, Louis, I've told you that I trusted you before—"

"Then start fucking acting like it." Nick pursed his lips together. 

"Okay." He took a seat down on the couch then took a swig of his beer. "I'll start acting like it." Louis gave him a skeptical look. Nick just watched the tv while clenching his bottle tightly. 

Louis didn't say anything in response, he just turned around and left the room. He wondered whether or not Nick would keep his word, but if there was anything he was notorious for it was repeating history, which was why Louis had stopped placing his faith in him. He wasn't a safe place for anything or anyone. 

-

That Sunday Louis snuck out of the house and went to the backyard, pushing through the trees to what he considered his safe space, praying to the stars that Harry would come back like he had done in the past. 

It was a quarter passed noon and Louis was just admiring the pink flowers growing on nearby trees. He pulled some down before placing them daintily in his pocket so that flower itself stuck out beautifully. He didn't want to crush them or smother them. He still held some in his hand while picking down even more. 

"Hey—" Louis dropped the flowers in his hands, jumping around before he sighed in relief at the sight of Harry. 

"You made me drop my flowers." He knelt down and quickly began gathering them up, which was enough to put a solemn smile on Harry's face. 

"Sorry 'bout that." Harry stuffed his hands in his pockets. Louis stood back up, a bushel of pink tiny flowers in his hands. 

"Flower?" Harry stared back at him blankly. Louis turned his head down. 

"Are ya jus' gonna pretend nothin' happened?" 

"What did happen?" 

"After ya drove off Nick yanked me outta the bunk and we tousled a bit." Louis frowned, swallowing thickly. "I wasn' sure if ya were comin' back." Harry admitted. Louis offered a weak smile before shrugging. 

"I wasn't sure if I was coming back either." He said softly. "But—I didn't want to never see you again." 

"Ya came back for me?"

"Partially." Louis answered. "I mean, I also didn't have my clothes, or any more money, or a plan." Harry nodded. 

"Well, I'm flattered." He joked making Louis laugh softly. "I—I'm glad ya came back." 

"I'm not really glad about it," Louis admitted; staring down at the flowers he was still holding. "But I'm glad you came back here."

"Some of the guys went int' town and I was gonna go with, but decided against it." Louis just nodded gently. 

"I—I'm sorry Nick fought with you." He murmured meekly. 

"What happened?" Harry asked curiously. "If a don' mind me askin'." He added. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and rubbed his calloused palms together. He stuffed them back into his pocket. 

"He hit me." Louis stated. "And I had told him that if he ever hit me again I'd leave so—I left." He sighed. "Then came back." Harry took his hands out of his pockets again and rubbed the back of his neck. He was trying to rationalize the situation in his head, but his mind had turned into complete mush because here was Louis standing before him in tight black pants with a snug white button up shirt and red suspenders. He had pink flowers sticking out of his pocket and even more flowers in his hand. How was he supposed to focus on anything other than Louis? "Harry?" He snapped back into reality. 

"I'm sorry." He blushed furiously, making Louis smile softly. "Were ya sayin' something?" 

"I was wondering why you decided against going into town." 

"Oh," Harry shrugged. "Figured I'd go another time." He answered simply. Louis nodded, smiling at him bashfully. Harry smiled back. "So—where'd ya get the flowers?" 

"The tree." Louis pivoted around and gestured to it, directly in front of him. Harry blushed in embarrassment this time because he hadn't even realized Louis was literally standing in front of the flowering tree. 

"Oh, duh." Louis turned back around, laughing gently. 

"Here," Louis stepped up to Harry, standing only a mere few inches away from him. Harry felt his heart begin to race, beating violently in his chest as Louis stood so close to him. He smelled heavenly, like lavender and vanilla, and Harry reeked of sweat and animal manure. 

Louis picked out a single flower from his small bushel and reached up to Harry, placing one gracefully on the side of his hat. He smiled at it and Harry smiled at him. 

"How does it look?" 

"Amazing." Louis took a step back. "The juxtaposition of your rough image and the dainty flower really accentuates the soft beauty of it." 

"Is that supposed t' be a nice way of sayin' I look ugly?" He teased softly. Louis shook his head. 

"Absolutely not, you're the handsomest man I've ever met." He replied without even thinking and Harry was blushing yet again! He felt warm and fuzzy and happy all around. "I was just saying, you have a very rough appearance." Louis continued teasingly. "And beauty surrounded by roughness emphasizes said beauty. It draws in the eye. It sticks out. It makes people stop and think, 'wow, that's breathtaking'. Beauty surrounded by more beauty washes it out, it muddles it. Without anything dull to provide a comparison, everything is viewed equally. Beauty and ugliness wouldn't exist."

"Ya just described yerself." Harry said. Louis peered up at Harry curiously, a soft look coming across his face. "Beauty, you, surrounded by roughness, this ranch and everythin' 'bout it, emphasizes said beauty. You are the flower you've placed in my hat." 

"You—you think I'm beautiful?" Louis asked softly. Harry nodded without a single hesitation. 

"I always wondered how you survived here." Louis' heart was just about exploding with affection. His heart couldn't possibly grow any larger. Harry smiled down at him softly and Louis was sure for a moment that he was actually going to begin crying. 

He lowered his eyes slowly, looking over Harry's shirt. It was red and plaid, rolled up above his elbows. He picked up three flowers then reached up, sliding them into his pocket. Harry laughed softly. He reached up and caught Louis' hand. Their breaths caught. 

"We don't have to talk." Louis stated with a meek smile. "We can sign." Harry gave him a questionable look. "You know," He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it only seemed to grow bigger. His heart was beating faster and faster with each second of Harry holding his hand. "I—I really like you, and I know it might seem wrong considering I am still married to Nick, but just because time is wrong doesn't mean we are." He said. "It—I mean—we don't necessarily have to label anything either. We—can just be friends who meet up and talk and maybe kiss sometimes." He added jokingly, hoping to lighten the already light mood. 

"There might be a problem." Harry replied making Louis look up at him. "I don' know that much sign language yet." He told him, returning the smile. 

"No, that's okay, practice makes perfect. We—we can still meet back here on Sunday's and-and we can maybe sometimes meet in the barn in the middle of the night. We'll just have to be really, really careful." Harry nodded, before shrugging. 

"Most of them guys already think I'm fuckin' ya." He let go of Louis' hand, lowering it slowly. 

"What changed?" Louis asked him. "Aren't you supposed to be telling me about how this is wrong because I'm married?" He teased. 

"It's time I start bein' my own person." Harry answered. "'Nd that means not livin' my life 'round other people. Even if I believe it's still wrong—that's jus' somethin' I'm gonna have t' deal with because ya make me happy. Like ya said, sometimes ya gotta listen t' yer heart before ya listen t' anyone else. Even yourself." 

"I can't believe you actually remember me saying that." Louis said gazing up at him admirably. 

"I rememba' lots of what ya say." Louis smiled up at him, speechless. He sighed contently then pivoted around. 

"C'mon," Louis knelt down and placed the bundle of flowers on the ground before walking forward beyond the trees, towards the creek. Harry followed. "I wonder where this creek ends. I mean, I know the one end leads to that pond I was telling you about, but I wonder where else it ends. Or starts. Maybe one of these days I'll be brave enough to follow it there." Harry smiled softly from behind him. 

"Why do ya gotta be brave?" 

"Because I don't have the wits to do it." Louis replied before coming upon the creek, eliciting a joyful smile from him. He knelt down on the rocky creek bed and began unlacing his shoes. Harry just watched him, endeared. Louis pulled off his shoes and his socks then rolled up his pants above his ankles. He walked into the creek gleefully. "Hey look! It's Harry Jr.!" Louis bent down and scooped up the tiny little frog before strolling over to Harry, paying no mind to the painful rocks he was walking on. "Look." He held up the frog to Harry. 

"I don' think that's Harry Jr." Louis laughed beautifully. "He ain't got the right color." Louis nodded. 

"That's true, Harry Jr. is probably off on some adventure right now." He peered at the frog in his hands. "What shall we name him?" He asked glancing back up at Harry. 

"Name him Louis Jr." He teased making Louis laugh again, which was just about the most beautiful and purest sound Harry had ever heard. 

"Okay, say hello to Louis Jr." Louis said gleefully. "He's a cute little guy, isn't he?"

"Jus' like the boy he's named after." He replied and Louis smiled up at him sweetly. 

"You are just full of sugar, now aren't you?" Harry smiled modestly. "You mustn't always say such sweet things, you'll give yourself cavities." He reached up with one hand and caressed Harry's cheek softly. 

"Don' be wipin' yer froggy hands on me." Harry teased, reaching up and grabbing Louis' wrist gently. Louis grinned even wider. 

"Here, hold up your hands."

"I don' wanna hold the frog." Harry said shaking his head. 

"The frog? I believe he has a name, it's Louis Jr. Harry, please have some respect." Harry chuckled. 

"I don' like reptiles." 

"Well that's no excuse then because frogs are amphibians." Harry still gave him an apprehensive look then shook his head. 

"Still don' wanna hold him." Louis just smiled in defeat and nodded. 

"Okay, but one of these days you're going to do it." Harry just laughed to humor him, and shrugged. 

"We'll see." He said as Louis strolled back to the creek and placed the small green frog on a rock. 

"Be free!" He exclaimed standing back up and throwing his arms out in a dramatic gesture. Harry watched him with a smile. "Oh look, another frog!" Louis bent down and scooped another frog up out of the water. "He's a bit bigger, look." Louis strolled back over to Harry who was still standing like a stick in the mud away from the creek. 

"Wowza." Harry remarked sarcastically which only made Louis laugh. 

"He needs a name too."

"Maybe he's a she." Harry commented. Louis gazed down at the small, bluish frog. He smiled and rubbed his finger gently against its back. 

"We'll name her Mary. I want to have children someday and I always told myself that if I ever had a girl I'd name her Mary and if I had a boy I'd name him James. In a perfect world I'd have both a son and daughter, but being who I am the only way I'd ever have children would be from adoption." He said. "But—Nick doesn't like children, though. Another strike I hold against him." 

"We don' gotta talk 'bout him." Harry said and Louis nodded. He glanced up at him. 

"Have you ever wanted children?"

"Never really thought 'bout it." Harry answered honestly. 

"You don't really think about the future much, do you?" Harry shrugged. 

"Too busy focusin' on the now."

"How about now you focus on holding Mary? C'mon, she's so cute, how can you not want to hold her?" Louis asked raising the frog up towards his face. 

"Not t' keen on animals."

"You work on a ranch." Louis laughed. 

"Yeah, but I do most of my work in the field, hayin'. I don' work much with animals." He explained. Louis nodded then stepped back. 

"Well one of these days you're going to hold a frog." He teased softly before turning and walking back to the creek. "Come closer." He coaxed while placing the frog in the water and watched it swim off eagerly. "I wonder how Harry Jr. is doing." Louis placed his hands on his hips then turned to face Harry who had only stepped a few inches closer. "Come in!" Louis exclaimed before bending down and sticking his hand in the water to flick water up at him. 

"Hey now," Harry warned pointing his finger at him. Louis just laughed then gave him a smile of feign innocence. 

"Don't be such a stick in the mud." He teased. "Now take your shoes off and get in here, I'm getting quite lonesome over here." He exclaimed dramatically. Harry just laughed then knelt down in one knee and started untying his boats. He took off his shoes and socks before stuffing them inside then rolling up his shoes. He walked into the creek. 

"Why is it always so cold?" He asked and Louis shrugged. 

"It needs someone warm to hold." He replied jokingly making Harry smile. "C'mon, I want to show you the pond." Louis grabbed Harry's wrist then started pulling Harry down the creek. 

"How far is it?" 

"Not too far." Louis answered letting his wrist go and Harry wanted so badly to reach for his hand again, to actually hold it properly, but he fought the urge flowering inside him and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Do you ever wonder if the stars ever get tired of shining?" Louis asked. 

"Probably." Harry shrugged. "That must be why they die." 

"Death is so sad, even for the stars." The trickling water tickled his ankles and he could see the edge of the creek where it flowed over into the pond. 

"Death is so sad no matter what."

"I wish I were immortal." Louis stated. 

"Why?"

"Because then I'd never die. I'd live forever, I'd watch centuries pass before my eyes, I'd witness all that was happening with the world, all the things kids would be reading about in history books some day!" He exclaimed. 

"Yeah, but—all great things must come t' an end." Louis shook his head. 

"Death takes the old and weak, not the young and strong. One must not be so great if death takes their toll on them."

"One doesn' get t' choose when they die, though." Harry retorted. "And the greatness one possesses doesn' make them immortal."

"I'm terrified of dying." Louis admitted softly. He was watching his feet as they walked, too much of a coward to even look Harry in the face when he talked. 

"What scares ya 'bout it?" Louis scoffed. 

"There's no ending after death." He stated forcing a bitter laugh. "Once you're dead you're dead and there's nothing after that. Even if you believe in God, once you go to heaven or hell there is no ending after that. And that terrifies me." Louis stopped walking and Harry took a few spaces forward before pausing and turning around to him. "I need to sit." He moved over to the dry creek bed before sitting down and turning his head down between his knees. 

Harry drew in a slow breath before slowly walking over and taking a seat beside him. Louis' breathing was very labored, but his face was hidden. Harry reached over and wrapped his hand around Louis' bicep. 

"Hey, you alright?" Louis nodded. He lifted his head up then wiped his eyes. 

"It's just—whenever I start thinking about death my heart starts beating really fast and I get very keyed up and it freaks me out which then just makes me freak out even more about freaking out and—I just need to take deep breaths." Harry let go of his bicep then raised up his hand. He didn't say anything, but Louis reached up and grabbed his hand tightly, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

"Describe the color of that tree bark t' me." He said gesturing to the tree across the creek from them with his other hand. Louis gave him a questionable look. 

"What?"

"Jus' describe its color." Louis turned forward, nodding. 

"Um, okay." He gazed at the tree carefully, as if even looking beyond it somehow, at its core. He took a deep breath. "Well, it's—um, a light color of wood, or bark. It reminds me of hot chocolate mixed with milk, giving it an almost pastel color. It looks dried out too, like it saw too much sunlight, or almost absorbed too much sunlight drying it from the inside out. It has some darker blotches throughout that look reddish almost, like someone started coloring them in with markers but forgot to finish their job." Louis drew in a slow breath then turned to Harry. "Why'd you ask me that?"

"What are ya thinkin' 'bout?"

"The tree?"

"'Nd how do ya feel?" Louis paused.

"Calm." He replied with a small smile. Harry smiled back as Louis leaned in, pressing his forehead against the side of Harry's head, laughing softly. "Thank you." He whispered. 

"Ya don' gotta thank me." Louis pulled back, gazing at Harry fondly. He darted forward and kissed his cheek quickly before letting his hand go and standing up. 

"Well c'mon then! The pond is just up there, I can see the end in sight already." He clapped his hands together as Harry groaned while standing up. Louis moved forward gleefully and in a matter of minutes he was pausing before the little fall into the pond below. The trees ended there and beyond the pond was a pasture of tall green grass that stretched beyond the horizon in every direction. 

"Wow," Harry leaned over slightly to look down at the pond. "That's bigger than I thought it'd be." Louis smiled happily. 

"Isn't it pretty?"

"Looks dirty." Louis gave him a patronizing look.

"Well I think you look dirty." Harry laughed. 

"I prefer t' call it rough." He joked. 

A few moments later they turned back and headed back to where they had left their shoes. They didn't go back right after, they still wandered around the trees talking, laughing, and smiling. 

After awhile they parted. Louis went back into the house and Harry strolled back out towards the bunkhouses. It was more barren than usual, maybe the other guys who had gone into town still had yet to return. He walked towards the horseshoe pit with a wanting to maybe play, but paused before doing so. One of the men who worked on the ranch walked passed him before pausing and looking him over scrupulously. His name was Jeff. 

"What's with the flowers, ya pansy?" Harry gawked at him before quickly reaching up and snatching the flowers from his hat and pocket. 

"Nothin', ya bastard." He retorted mockingly. He threw the flowers on the ground then stomped his foot over them. 

"Ya really are a queer, aren't ya?"

"Hell yeah I am." Harry fired back looking him straight in the eyes. 

"Yer fucking disgusting." He sneered turning away. 

"Fuck you." Then suddenly before Harry could even blink Jeff was turning around and launching a fist in his direction, connecting with his cheek. Harry was immediately on his back. And then Jeff was on his knees laying punch after punch while calling him homophobic slur after slur. 

"Hey!" Jeff froze before turning to look over at Louis, but the only reason Harry knew it was Louis was because he recognized his sweet voice. He was half unconscious practically. "What the fucking hell are you doing?" Louis marched over to them before shoving Jeff over with all his might. Harry just lay on the ground disoriented and dazed, his face caked with dirt and blood. "What are you doing?" Louis demanded, crossing his arms. Jeff scrambled up to his feet. 

"Oh, fuck off—"

"You fuck off, you bastard!" Louis yelled furiously. "Why were you hitting him? You shouldn't hit anyone unless it's an act of self defense—"

"Shut the fuck up, ya slut." Louis grew red with anger and stomped his foot. 

"You are literally so ignorant." He fired back. Jeff just waved him off then turned around, strolling off. "Okay then, just walk off you deplorable piece of trash." He quickly knelt down and turned his attention to Harry. "Are you alright?" He asked moving behind him then pulling him up slightly by his shoulders. "Well, obviously you aren't alright, but I mean overall are you okay? Is there anything really wrong? Oh God, your nosing is bleeding bad." 

"What?" Harry asked still dazed. He felt like he was in a dream. 

"Here, I'll help you stand up." Louis sat him up then moved in front of him. He pulled him up to his feet then wrapped his arm around him, helping him towards the house. Harry staggered beside him. Louis kicked open the screen door and helped Harry inside, guiding him to the bathroom on the first floor. He sat him down on the toilet. "What happened?" He asked while grabbing a washcloth from the closet and handing it to Harry who held it up to his bleeding nose.

"Called me a pansy 'nd asked if I was queer." Was all he said. 

"Tilt your head back." Louis instructed and Harry did just that. 

"I fuckin' hate everyone here." Harry grumbled which only made Louis laugh softly. 

"That makes two of us." He leaned against the counter before the door was being pushed open and Nick was sticking his head in. 

"What the hell is he doing in here?" He demanded furiously. 

"I saw Jeff practically beating the shit out of him through the kitchen window, I am helping him—"

"He can help himself—"

"Nick, I swear to God, if you want to let your anger out then go beat the shit out of Jeff for being a homophobic piece of trash." Louis snapped. Nick gnashed his teeth together and gave Louis a rather stern, knowing, look. "Remember what you said earlier, I am literally just helping him." Nick just huffed angrily before pushing the door wide open then stomping off. Louis closed the door halfway before stepping over in front of Harry. "How's the bleeding?"

"No idea, ya gave me a red towel." Louis laughed, taking it from his hand gently as Harry lowered his head. "I think it's stopped." Louis dropped the wash cloth in the sink before grabbing another one and running it under some warm water, adding a dollop of soap on top. 

"One of these days you're going to break your nose." He teased softly, bending down softly. He reached up and gently pressed the warm cloth to his cheek, washing away the blood. 

"Wouldn' be surprised if it already was." Harry placed his hands on his thighs, taking in a deep breath. 

"Are you okay?" He nodded while Louis continued to wash his blood clean. Again, his heart was racing and he just wanted to be close to him, but not in the way they currently were. He just wanted to be able to hold Louis. In his arms. And breathe in his sweet scent, listening to his laughter and his dreams about the future or hearing him talk about the stars in the same admirable way he always did. 

"I got thick skin."

"That doesn't make you immune to feeling hurt." Louis simply replied. "Your skin might not be as thick as you think. After all, after wear and tear it begins wear thin and crack." 

"I'm alright." Harry just said. But he wasn't sure if he actually was. He himself could avoid fighting, but he couldn't avoid whatever homophobic harassment would be unleashed on him by the other guys. He had actually contemplated just leaving without Niall and hopefully finding work somewhere else. But a part of him wasn't ready to be on his own, plus he enjoyed spending his time with Louis. Even if that entailed having him wash blood off his face. 

"Your face might still look a little red from the blood. It should wash away all together after a day or so." Louis said standing up. He dropped the cloth into the sink. 

"Is it bruisin' bad yet? Can ya tell?" 

"It's a little purple." Louis said reaching up and brushing his fingers under Harry's eye. "Do you want some ice? I could put some ice cubes in a bag or something, it might help any swelling." 

"That's alright." Harry moved towards the bathroom door. Louis just crossed his arms and turned to him. "But thank ya. I appreciate it." He smiled softly. 

"Stay out of trouble." Louis teased making Harry let out a soft laugh. 

"I make no promises." Louis wasn't sure if he was actually being serious, or just joking around. Harry turned and left the bathroom, then a moment later he heard the front door open and close. Louis sighed to himself softly before stepping in front of the sink. He picked up the cloths, running them under cool water, then began to ring the blood from them which just colored the sink bowl pink.


	9. Chapter 9

A week had passed and Harry wasn't sure if he had yet come to terms with everything. Like, he and Louis could basically label themselves as having an affair. An affair! Lord have mercy on his soul. 

His day had been long. So long. And hot. Dinner was quiet for him as usual, he still detested all the other men. Except Liam and Niall. Liam was alright to say the least. 

As the sun had gone down and the men were slowly turning in for the night, Harry remained out on the porch in one of the little rocking chairs by himself with his thoughts. 

Louis, on the other hand, was getting ready for bed. He was standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth. He rinsed his toothbrush then stuck it in the holder before spitting into the sink and washing his mouth out with water. 

He looked at himself in the mirror. Drawing in a slow breath, he let it out as he rubbed his eyes. He looked so tired. Was he already getting wrinkles? Oh Christ. He groaned to himself then turned and walked into the room. Nick wasn't in the room, and quite honestly he didn't care. 

He turned to the window. He strolled up to it and pulled it open. Cool air breezed into the room. He stuck his head out the window and gazed down below at Harry, who was strolling back to the bunkhouse from the water pump. Harry turned his head up, pretending to look up at the sky inconspicuously. He locked eyes with Louis, though, pausing in his tracks.

'Meet me in the barn tonight,' He signed down to him. Harry just returned with a smile then nodded before turning his head back down and walking into the bunkhouse. Louis stepped back into the room and turned around. Nick stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on his night stand before pulling back the blanket and climbing under. Without a word, Louis went to his side of the bed, turned out his lamp, then laid down. 

That night he laid awake anxiously in bed, tossing and turning until the hour of one came upon him. He pulled his blanket back and climbed up out of the bed carefully. He snuck around the bed towards the door before he was startled to have his wrist grasped by Nick's hand. 

"Where are you going?" Nick asked opening his eyes up at him. Louis swallowed thickly. He wasn't expecting Nick to wake up or even be awake. He was usually a heavy sleeper. 

"I'm having troubles sleeping, I was going to go into the barn-"

"The barn?" Nick snarled before Louis could finish. 

"That part of the roof is still open, I like to watch the stars from there." Nick gave him a skeptical look, but then let go of his wrist. 

"Don't be too long and be safe." Nick closed his eyes and nestled his head against his pillow. Louis smiled to himself softly then turned and left the room. After closing the door behind him he felt a rush of giddiness and hurried down the stairs and out the front door. He walked across the dirt to the barn quietly. When he stepped into the barn Harry was waiting right beside the door. Louis immediately smiled at him. 

"I wasn' sure ya were in here or not yet." Harry said and Louis reached out, grabbing his wrist. 

"Well now I'm here!" He exclaimed in a soft whisper. "Let's go." He started walking and let go of Harry's wrist. They climbed the ladder up to the second landing and Louis was immediately jumping into the big pile of hay soundlessly. Harry walked over to it slowly, watching Louis fondly. God, he was so amazing. Always so full of life and spirit. Most of the time, that was. 

Louis climbed out of the hay pile and Harry watched him touch it up a bit before lying down against it. He waved Harry over who just laughed and strolled over, dropping down beside him. Louis turned his head to the side and gave Harry a big, gleeful grin. His eyes were twinkling like the stars above them. 

"So, angel eyes, how fairs the night?" Harry asked him teasingly. 

"Angel eyes?" He repeatedly happily and Harry nodded.

"Think it suits ya perfectly." Louis giggled softly. 

"Well, if you're going to call me angel eyes then I'm going to call you...I don't know what I'm going to call you, but when I think of something I'll let you know." 

"I will hold ya t' that." Harry teased and Louis laughed before sighing contently. He laid back against the hay and stared up at the sky. He placed his hands below his chest, sighing happily again. 

"Will you take me to the moon?" Louis asked him softly. Harry nodded. 

"I'll take ya anywhere ya wanna go." 

"I want to go to the moon." Louis said smiling up at the night sky. 

"With you up there it'll turn int' the whole damn sun." Louis smiled even wider. He had no idea why he was so smiley. Maybe it was just Harry. Maybe it was the stars. Maybe it was because of Harry and the stars together! He just felt giddy and he couldn't remember the last time he had ever felt so alive and so happy. 

Louis turned over on his side and tucked his head onto Harry's shoulder. Harry was slightly caught off guard, but surely welcomed the embrace. He moved his arm from under his head and wrapped his arm around him, still finding the whole situation very surreal. He just couldn't believe it. He couldn't! 

"I love how alive I feel when I'm with you." Louis whispered softly, nestling his head against Harry's shoulder, which nudged the butterflies in Harry's stomach awake. 

"I like how spirited you act. It's entertainin' t' watch." Harry replied making him laugh. 

"You need to come out of your shell more." Louis teased. 

"I ain't got a shell." 

"Everybody has a shell." Louis said looking up at him. "The real question is how thick is yours?" 

"Nonexistent." Harry joked and Louis just smiled softly, laying his head down again as he sighed contently. 

"With time." Was all he replied. "And one of these days you're going to hold a frog." Harry laughed softly. 

"Maybe. We'll see." Louis laughed with Harry and turned his face into his neck, brushing the tip of his nose against his skin softly. Harry turned his head in slightly. 

"Stop that, it tickles." 

"Hm, does it?" Louis teased continuing to do so as Harry laughed again under his breath. He turned his head to the side, cutting Louis off from his neck, and Louis looked at him. Harry offered him a small smile which just made Louis smile in return. He reached up and placed his hand gently under Harry's chin. "You're so extraordinary." Harry was sure he was beginning to blush. 

"So are you." He replied in a soft voice. "Any guy like ya deserves a gentleman." Louis leaned in and kissed Harry softly, catching him by surprise. His fingertips were under his chin and Harry reached up, grabbing his hand delicately. 

"Like you." Louis whispered back making Harry shake his head. 

"I ain't no gentleman." Louis nodded in disagreement. 

"You don't give yourself enough credit." He laced their fingers together. "You're the only gentleman here. Besides me of course." He joked making Harry grin in amusement. 

"Not even I could hold a candle t' ya." 

"I'd disagree." Louis leaned in, kissing him again. He let go of Harry's hand and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. Harry wasn't exactly sure what to do with his hands or where even to put them. He just kissed Louis back tenderly. 

A moment later Louis was pushing himself forward gently as he moved himself over on Harry's lap, straddling him. Harry was pleasantly caught off guard by their new position and smiled into the kiss. He kept himself propped up on his forearms and Louis cupped his cheeks in his hands softly. 

Louis moved his hands down onto Harry's shoulders then pulled out of the kiss. Harry leaned in closer, not wanting it to end. Louis smiled softly, his eyes still closed, and tilted his head down to press his forehead against Harry's. He sat back against Harry's legs making Harry sit up, slouching forward. 

"You don't have to be afraid to touch me." Louis whispered softly. He reached down and picked up Harry's hands gently, placing them around his waist. Harry looked up at him. Louis placed his hands down in his lap, drawing in a deep breath. 

He reached up and began to unbutton his shirt slowly. Harry looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes and immediately pulled his hands back. Louis just laughed softly. 

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to initiate anything sexual." He said softly and all Harry could focus on was his pounding heart and Louis moving his shirt down off his shoulders and to his elbows. He was beautiful. 

Louis smiled down at him beautifully and Harry just gazed back up at him, licking his lips then taking a deep breath. Harry's shirt was practically already unbuttoned so Louis reached up and slowly undid the last three buttons. Harry was sure that at any moment he was about to get hard. 

Louis leaned in to kiss him yet again because every time he kissed him he got little butterflies and flowers blooming in his stomach, and he loved that feeling. It made him happy, and excited, and it made him forget about everything else that made his life a living hell because when he was with Harry he wasn't in hell, he was in heaven. 

Harry reached out to place his hands on Louis' waist again, but paused half way through doing so and just held his hands in the open space between them unsurely. Louis laughed softly, whereas Harry just swallowed thickly. 

"It's okay." Louis whispered, gently picking up Harry's wrist. Harry, for one, was already looking very overwhelmed with what was happening between them and it was giving Louis amusement because the innocence Harry let show contributed to the intimacy of their actions. "You can touch me." He pressed Harry's hand gently to his stomach and he smiled down at Harry. 

Louis was warm. So warm. His skin was smooth like a flower petal. It really contrasted the rough, calloused skin of Harry's hands. Louis held his soft hand overtop Harry's gently. They moved languidly. He moved Harry's hand from his stomach up to his chest. 

"Can you feel my heart?" He asked softly. "It beats for you." Harry looked up at him bewildered slightly. 

"What do ya mean it beats for me?" 

"I mean you make me feel alive." Louis answered passionately. He placed his other hand over top his own, holding Harry's hand close against his chest. "You breathe a new life into me. One that gives me hope." 

"How?" Harry asked making Louis smile shyly and shrug. 

"I'm not quite sure yet." He answered gazing down at him. "But you do. Whenever I'm with you I feel like I'm a completely different person." He slowly let go of Harry's hand and lowered his own hands into his lap. "Whenever I'm with you I feel like myself." He added solemnly. 

Harry reached up and brushed Louis' hair away from his sparkling eyes. Louis was staring down at the wood beneath them, breathing deeply. Harry picked up his hand slowly and pressed Louis' palm gently to his chest. 

"Can you feel my heart?" He asked quietly. Louis grinned down at him then nodded his head. 

"I feel it." He whispered. "I feel it. It's beating awfully fast." Harry laughed softly. 

"It always does that when I'm around ya." Louis lit up like the whole entire sun. 

"It does?" Harry nodded with a small smile. 

"It does." Louis blushed meekly. 

"Mine too." Harry leaned up and kissed Louis softly on the lips. He held Louis' hand a little tighter and might've fallen a little more in love with him, he just didn't know it yet. He didn't know what love felt like. All he knew was that he was feeling a whirlwind of emotions he had never experienced before. 

Louis had let his eyes flutter shut as Harry kissed him so tenderly. It made a feeling bloom inside of him and grow to the tips of his fingers and toes, growing passed that almost and wrapping around him. Harry let go of his hand and reached up to cup both of his cheeks. Louis placed one of his hands overtop Harry's again and hoped Harry wouldn't run from him. Again. 

Louis let out a soft noise of pleasure and Harry moved his lips from Louis' lips to his cheek down to his neck. Louis bit his bottom lip, his face flushing red. Harry kissed his neck slowly, but the second he nipped at the skin Louis yanked his head back, startling him. 

"No marks." Louis whispered. Harry nodded. He wrapped his hands around Louis' waist and splayed his hand against the small of his back. "Please."

"No marks." Harry repeated. Louis smiled softly, his eyes remaining closed as he leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. "Nick would probably kill me." He added jokingly. Louis laughed lightly, nodding in agreement. 

"And without even asking for your last words." He teased back. Harry just smiled up at him. He nodded back in agreement. "What would your last words be?"

"That depends, am I gonna know when I'm gonna die?" Louis grinned at him, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

"Let's say you do." Louis said. "You're on your death bed, you know death is staring you right in the face, and it's time for your last words. What would they be?" The moonlight was washing them in silver, giving them a certain glow that made them both appear to be angelic. 

"Depends on the life I lived." 

"Pretend it's up until this point." Harry smirked. 

"I don' intend t' die this young." He teased, beginning to brush his thumb against his back. 

"We're just pretending, obviously no one intends to die young." Harry thought for a moment. While he was pondering his answer, he realized that a lot of the questions Louis asked him he couldn't answer. 

"I don' know." He answered softly. "If I was 'bout t' die right now I'd probably say—thank you." 

"And why would you say thank you?" 

"Because my life has changed more in a month than it has since I can remember. And that's because of you. It's a good change, not a bad one. The only bad change was comin' here. But ya make this place a bit more bearable." 

"You make me a bit more sane." Louis joked back making Harry chuckle. He still couldn't fathom the situation he was in right then. Was he actually dreaming? There's no way he was a actually—having an affair with a married man, right? Oh lord, what if they ever got caught?Louis reached up, placing his hand on Harry's cheek softly, bringing back down from the stars. 

"Are you alright?" Harry looked up at him before nodding. 

"I was jus' thinkin'." He said swallowing thickly. "What would happen if we ever actually got caught?" Louis wasn't expecting Harry to ever ask him that, he was hoping Harry would never ask him that because he wasn't sure if he actually had the courage to tell him the truth. He knew that if Nick were to find out about him and Harry even just having feelings for each other guns would be involved and all the blame would be placed on Harry. 

Louis was just praying that he could stop that from happening, stop anyone from ever finding out, until Harry would hopefully agree to go to New York with him. He knew the place they were in now was calling for a long shot agreement, but Louis was just hoping that as they grew closer and fell for each other that after awhile Harry would agree. 

He didn't want to go to New York alone, but he had been planning on doing so until he first met Harry. God, Harry was just something else. He made Louis feel like the sun was something he built for him. Like the stars shined just for him. He made flowers bloom in his stomach, like he was a garden and Harry was the rain helping him grow. 

"That won't happen." 

"But what if it does?" Harry asked. 

"It won't, but if it did I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. No one, not ever." Harry smiled softly. 

"Ya must be pretty brave then." He teased making Louis laugh. 

"I am the bravest of the brave!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. "I can slay a person with one hand behind my back and my eyes closed." 

"Ya seem too small t' be able t' slay someone." Harry teased making Louis scoff in feign is belief. He crossed his arms, giving Harry a dismissive look. 

"Oh, give me a break, I'm big!"

"A big teddy bear." Harry teased further, squeezing his side softly which just made Louis squirm as he burst out into a fit of giggles. 

"Hey, stop that!" He grabbed Harry's wrists and pulled his hands away. He laced their fingers together gently. Harry gazed up at him with a certain admirable glint in his eye. But maybe that was just the moon. "So, how ya gonna get me to the moon?" Louis asked teasingly. 

"I was thinkin' I'd build a giant catapult that would launch ya all the way up there." Louis smiled in amusement. 

"And what if I don't make it and fall?"

"Then I'd be right down here t' catch ya." Harry simply replied with a small smile. 

"Oh, how sweet of you." Louis said happily. 

"I know." Harry teased back. Louis smiled bright enough to blind an airplane before throwing his arms around Harry's neck and hugging him tightly. Harry hugged him back softly, he didn't want to break him. He was delicate, much like the flower he had placed in his hat the day before. Louis seemed to hold onto him for dear life, though. 

"Promise me you'll not let a thing change this." Louis whispered, pulling back to gaze down at him. He never thought he could see the stars by turning his head down, but there they were in Harry's eyes. 

"What do ya mean?" 

"I mean—promise me no amount of harassment from the other guys or even Nick will sway you into not wanting to talk to me and all. Sway you to not want to meet in the barn or meet back by the creek on Sunday afternoons anymore. I don't know if my heart could bear that." Harry just gazed up at him intently. "Maybe I'm laying it on a bit too thick, I'm not trying to, but can you just promise me that?" Harry nodded. 

"I promise." Louis smiled softly. 

"Thank you." Harry smiled back and a moment later Louis was climbing off his lap and moving over to the space beside him on his back. He bent his arms behind his head and gazed up at the sky. Harry turned and gazed at him. Louis was just so beautiful, Harry still couldn't fathom it. He couldn't fathom a lot of things. Louis was at the top of that list. 

"Are the stars out tonight? I can't tell if it's cloudy or bright because I only have eyes for you." Louis sang softly while smiling up at the sky. Harry laughed softly, making Louis turn to him and wink before turning his head back up at the sky. 

"Don' think I've ever heard that song." Harry said looking up at the stars as well. 

"It's the only line I know." Louis replied laughing. "I don't even know what the title of it is." 

"Then how do ya know the lyric?" Harry teased softly. Louis just snickered, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Because it stuck out to me." He smiled brighter than stars above him. He sighed contently and Harry sighed contently and all was content. They laid in peaceful silence, continuing to watch the stars until later on they got up and left. Louis left from the front and Harry snuck out the back, walking around the back of the bunkhouses. 

The next day Harry was bringing in another horse to the barn due to a limp. He pushed open the barn door, welcomed by the cool shade, and guided the horse inside. 

"Leo–" Harry was startled to see Leo already standing in front of him practically. He was a tall man, rather young looking too. His skin looked ever so smooth, like polished stone. 

"What's the problem?" 

"Gotta limp in the left front leg." Harry said handing the reigns over. 

"Ya guys gotta be less harsh on these animals." Leo said shaking his head as he walked over to one of the stables. Harry unsurely followed him. 

"Who said it was one of us that caused it?" He replied softly. Leo guided the horse inside before coaxing it to lie down. 

"Because I've seen the way some of y'all treat these animals. They deserve to be treated the same way you'd treat another person. They have feelings too, believe it or not." Harry just nodded. 

"I agree. I mean, I'd never hurt an animal." Leo nodded, bending down at he inspected the horses leg. 

"I know you wouldn't." Harry wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. "You seem like a good guy." 

"Have we ever even talked before?" Harry asked. Leo turned over his shoulder, glancing up at him before he stood up. 

"I know about your little affair you're having with Louis." Harry didn't falter. 

"I beg yer pardon?"

"Did you not know my room is here in the back of the barn?" Harry turned bright red, covering his hand over his mouth. 

"Oh my God." Leo just smiled, nodding. "Oh my God, I'm—," He brought his hand to his forehead, stepping back with embarrassment. 

"Don't worry," 

"I'm not jus' worried. I'm also mortified." Harry added making him laugh. "Please—please don' say anythin'. I mean, I-"

"Hey, I'm not gonna tell anyone." Harry looked at him. 

"Yer not?" Leo shook his head. 

"I'm not like the other guys here, trust me." He said. "I've been rootin' for Louis ever since since I saw the way Nick treats him." Harry was quiet. "Plus he's nice to me, I like him." 

"How is he nice to you?"

"He's just generally friendly to me. The other workers aren't exactly thrilled about a black man working here. That's why I'm condemned to the barn and sleep here. It isn't exactly a warm or safe place to sleep. There's cracks in the wood and it rains often. He brought me extra blankets and pillows because believe it or not, I have less than all of you and some of those guys still complain about their living conditions. He also put up a tarp on my side of the barn to prevent the wind and rain from getting in." Harry listened intently. "I can hear you guys when you go up there and talk. That's why I said you seem like a good guy, from the things I've heard you say. You're a lot more genuine than everyone else here if I had a say in it. Plus it's obvious to me that you make Louis happy. I've been working here for five years. I was here when he and Nick first came here. I watched the life die from his eyes myself. I listened to the men here make up horrible stories about him all because he tried to be friendly to everyone. All he did was try to bring life into a lifeless place. But since there's no life here he had to use his own. And he burned out quick." Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Yeah, he really—he really wants t' go t' New York." He replied unsure of what to even say. 

"Good. I hope he makes it there one day and is able to be happy." Harry smiled softly. 

"Yeah, I hope the same." Leo just nodded. 

"But be careful. I don't know what exactly has been going on between you two, but if Nick is ever to find out it won't end pretty for you." Harry felt a knot twist in his stomach. "So stay conscious of your actions. You never know who may be watching you or hearing you." Harry just nodded, his mind feeling very clouded suddenly. 

"Okay, yeah, thanks." He said softly. "I better get back." He turned and started walking towards the barn door. Leo just turned back to the horse and let Harry leave without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this is my second favorite chapter


	10. Chapter 10

The next Sunday some of the guys were talking about going into town again. Nick being one of them sadly, but Harry made the bold decision to tag along. Obviously not because he wanted to spend time with the other men, but to see the town and what it had to offer. 

After lunch and before everyone was planning on leaving Harry dodged behind the trees and to the backyard where he knew Louis was waiting for him. And he was. Right under the flowering tree. Louis immediately smiled up at him. 

"Hey—"

"I jus' came back t' tell ya I'm gonna go int' town. Some of the guys are going 'nd I wanna look around at some of the shops. Is that okay?"

"What? Of course it's okay," Louis replied cheerfully. "You don't have to ask if it is, but thank you for coming back here and telling me." He smiled sweetly and Harry smiled at the grass bashfully. "Have fun and be safe, maybe we can meet up tonight in the barn." Harry nodded, taking a step back.

"Yeah, yeah, I better go, though. I'm not sure when they're leavin', but I know it's soon." Louis nodded back.

"Have fun!" 

"I'll try." Harry teased before turning back and walking back towards the bunkhouses. And so five minutes later Harry crammed into a car with Nick and few other of the guys who were still all completely obnoxious and made him nauseous. 

Once in town, Harry hopped out of the car and glanced around the dusty town. He glanced at the other men who just walked straight into the bar they had parked in front of. Harry didn't follow them, though. He started down the sidewalk, looking at all the store fronts on his side of the street and the ones on the other side. 

The town wasn't exactly large, but oh how the stores fascinated him! Of course it's not like he spent his whole entire life on nothing but a farm or ranch. Weed was remarkably smaller, but he hadn't spent much time in the shops and all. He simply didn't have much time or money. But now he had time and money. It was like he was Alice and he just fell down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. 

He paused outside a building and looked up at the sign. It read "The Owl Bookstore" making him smile softly because for some reason Louis just popped into his brain. He went to the door and stepped inside. Cold air greeted him giving him the ultimate relief from the sweltering heat he could never seem to escape. 

The bookstore was small and quaint. Soft music played overhead. Aisles and aisles of books filled the dimly lit store making it appear to be cozy. He pulled off his hat then wiped his forehead before moving down one of the aisles. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, he just knew he was looking. 

His eyes traced over the bindings of every book on the shelves, intrigued by all the various titles and authors. He picked out random books and read the descriptions, wanting to buy them all!  

The store was relatively empty. Besides him and the store clerk there was no one else there. At least no one that he saw, but then again he was so rapt up with all the books he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. 

Twenty minutes later he had picked out one book he intended to buy. Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser. He didn't intend to read it, though. He intended to give it to Louis. He reluctantly pulled himself away from the books and approached the counter the cashier was behind, placing the book down. He glanced at the newspaper rack beside him then quickly reached out and grabbed one, placing it beside the book. The girl smirked at him slightly. 

"You look a little out of place." She taunted picking up the book. Harry just gave her a questionable look.

"Excuse me?" 

"Do you work at a farm or something?"

"Hayfer ranch." He deadpanned. 

"Wow," The girl remarked. "I thought you all only came to town to drink." She laughed, ringing up the book. 

"Yeah, well, that's where they're all at." He just said with a shrug. "I don' like them very much, I still wanted t' come int' town though." The girl smiled sweetly now, placing the book down. 

"That'll be 2.50." Harry withdrew his money from his pocket before handing the lady a five, which she graciously exchanged. She handed him his change, which he shoved into his pocket, before she put the book in a little plastic bag. "Have a great day." Harry picked up the bag, returning the smile.

"Thank ya, you too." She smiled again and Harry just nodded before placing his hat back on his head and went back outside. He continued down the sidewalk. He passed all kinds of shops. He passed an ice cream parlor and he passed a clothing store and then he paused outside a music shop before going inside there. 

There he bought a book on how to play guitar for himself and he might've even grabbed a sheet of piano music for Louis. He just couldn't stop thinking about Louis! Everything reminded him of Louis in some way! God, he was so infatuated. Was buying the sheet music too much? Oh no, what if Louis thought Harry was laying it on too thick or something like that? Well, he had already bought it so there was no turning back. He continued down the sidewalk before deciding to cross the street and check out the shops on the other side. A few minutes in he came upon a barber shop. He paused outside it. Was he going to do it? What the hell, he was going to do it. 

He walked inside and approached the receptionist counter where a girl was sitting. He glanced around then looked down at the girl who was looking back up at him curiously. He cleared his throat.

"Um, do ya take walk ins?" He asked before clearing his throat again. The lady nodded. 

"What were you looking for?"

"A trim. Well, more than a trim I guess. I mean, I wanna cut my hair short." The lady just nodded. 

"You can sit over in that chair and Rob will be with you in a minute." Harry nodded. He walked over to the little padded chair and sat down. He placed his bags on the floor beside him along with his hat before looking in the mirror. Then he understood why Louis said he had a rough appearance because—yikes. Did he actually have dirt on his face? He quickly rubbed his cheek clean before sighing. A moment later Rob stepped beside his chair causing Harry to look up at him. 

"Good afternoon, I'm Rob, what kind of cut were you looking for?" He asked. He was tall and broad with short gray hair and a gray beard to match. 

"Cut it short." He said. "Please." He then added as Rob nodded, then stepped behind the chair. So Harry had his hair washed and dried then completely cut off until he could see his ears and neck. He looked so fucking different and it felt so fucking weird. He wasn't used to having his hair so short! Rob pulled the cape off of him and Harry sat forward. Rob smiled with pride. 

"What do you think?" Harry smiled at himself in the mirror. 

"It looks different." Was all he said before standing up. "Thank you." He turned and shook Rob's hand before he told him he could pay at the front. Harry picked up his bags, placed his hat on his head, then paid for his new do before leaving.

Some more time after dawdling up and down the sidewalk he found his way back to the bar they had parked at because he figured it would be best to reside there so they didn't leave without him. But the car was already gone. Harry stared down at the empty parking spot in annoyance before sighing. Shit. Well who cares. He didn't need them. He'd much rather walk to the ranch than ride back with the guys. 

So that's what he did. He didn't exactly have a choice. He strolled down the dusty road to the ranch and didn't get back until it was practically dinner time. All the guys were already sitting down eating when he strolled in. 

"Hey Styles, where ya been?" Calvin called out smirking. Harry rolled his eyes, continuing his march into the bunkhouse. He slammed the door behind him then went to his bed. He shoved his bags with his things under his bed, on top of his guitar case, then filed his money away in his safe place. He picked up his hat then ruffled his fingers through his hair before placing it back on. 

He didn't go back out to eat dinner that night. He didn't need it. He could just eat tomorrow. He successfully avoided most social contact with the other men even after dinner had finished. 

As usual after the sun had gone down and everyone was slowly turning down for the night, he went outside and sat on the little old rocking chair on the little porch of the bunkhouse. It had become part of his routine to sit out there. Mostly to see Louis so they could say, more like sign, goodnight to each other. 

And so as usual as Louis was getting ready to turn down for the night he went to the window and opened it up. He stuck his head out to inhale the fresh air. He glanced down at Harry and smiled at him contently. 

Harry sat forward in the edge of the chair and Louis just gazed down at him. Harry didn't know to sign to meet in the barn so he just gestured to it very subtly and Louis nodded. He held up one finger, giving him a questionable look, and Harry nodded. Louis just nodded back, smiling happily, then stepped back into the room. 

Harry went to bed, but he didn't actually sleep. At one o'clock on the dot he grabbed what he needed and snuck out of the bunkhouse and towards the barn before he heard the front door to the house open. He turned over his shoulder and watched Louis walk down the porch. Harry smiled to himself, walking into the barn, and a moment later Louis was joining him. 

"Hi angel eyes," Harry greeted softly and Louis just about exploded right then and there. 

"Hi sweetheart." He teased. Harry laughed softly before they were walking to the ladder in the back and crawling up to the landing. They sat down in front of the hay, crossing their legs across from each other. "What'd you bring? How was the town?"

"Great, I got some cool stuff, except the guys left me there and I had t' walk back here." Louis gave him a surprised, yet still solemn, look. 

"Did they seriously just leave without you?" Harry nodded. 

"They all went t' the bar, though. I was explorin' 'round so I'm not surprised they left without me." Louis still frowned at him. 

"Well what'd you get?" He asked. Harry smiled softly then meekly removed his hat. He stared down at the wood insecurely. Louis' face lit up happily, though. 

"Aw, you cut your hair!" He exclaimed. 

"I don' like it. It's weird, too short 'nd feels weird. It looks goofy." 

"No, no!" Louis exclaimed reaching out to run his fingers through it. "You look really handsome. It looks amazing!" Harry just smiled shyly and shook his head gently. 

"No, I miss my long hair." Louis pouted at him. 

"It's just a big change and it'll take some getting used to." He told him scooting closer to him. "But for the record, I think you look incredibly handsome. So rugged and manly." He teased making Harry laugh. Louis ruffled the soft hair touching his neck. 

"Ya really like it? Yer not jus' sayin' that?" He asked bashfully and Louis nodded. 

"Of course I mean it, I'm not one to lie." Harry just pressed his lips together to try and suppress his smile. He was blushing. 

"Thank you." 

"I can actually see the back of your neck now." Louis teased. He leaned in even closer and pressed a kiss to the side of Harry's neck. Harry laughed softly as it tickled, turning his head in towards Louis'. 

"That tickles." Louis smiled and ambushed Harry's neck with short, sweet kisses making Harry laugh happily. "Louis, stop!" Harry exclaimed through his joyously laughter and pushed Louis away gently. Louis smile at him happily. 

"I can't help it, you just look so handsome and you have the softest neck." Harry just blushed and bit back his smile. "So what else did you get?" 

"Well, I got a book on how t' play guitar for myself," He explained pulling the bag into his lap. "And then for you I got this." He pulled out the sheet of piano music and held it out to Louis. Louis looked down at it in awe, like Harry was holding a diamond. 

"You actually got me something?" He asked softly. Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, they had piano music and I thought of you 'nd how ya said ya liked t' play, but that Nick had ripped up yer music." Louis just reached out slowly and took the sheet, glancing over the title, over the notes, through the pages. 

"It's Canon In D, that's my favorite song to play." He was sure he was about to burst into tears at any moment. He was so fucking touched that Harry actually thought of him and actually spent his money on something for him. 

"I was hoping you'd like it." Louis smiled up at him. He leaned forward, throwing his arms around Harry's neck. 

"I love it, thank you so much. That was so thoughtful of you." Louis whispered sitting back. He smiled down at the music before placing it beside his lap by the hay. "Get anything else?" Harry nodded. 

"I got a newspaper." He unfolded it. "Look at this," He opened the newspaper and folded it back before turning the page around to Louis. "They're lookin' t' hire teachers at a new high school that's openin', maybe you could think of applyin' for a position." Louis looked at Harry whose eyes traced over the words of the wanted ad. "I mean, I know ya said Nick wouldn' let ya get a job or somethin', but maybe you could turn his mind. It is just in town and you'd make some money." Louis smiled at Harry brightly. 

"You are so sweet and so thoughtful." He simply replied actually making Harry blush. "How did someone like you possibly end up in a desolate place like this?" Harry just smiled shyly before placing the newspaper down in front of Louis. 

"Think about it?" Louis nodded. 

"I definitely will." He smiled giddily then picked up the newspaper before folding it up properly and placing it on top of his sheet of music. Harry reached back into the bag and pulled out the thick book. 

"I went int' a bookstore and got a book also." He handed it over to Louis for him to see. 

"Oh, Sister Carrie!" He exclaimed joyously. "I love Theodore Dreiser! I've wanted to read Sister Carrie ever since I saw a copy of it in the library when I was in college." 

"I thought it sounded interestin', but—I'm not really a big reader, meanin' I'm not really the best reader." Harry said softly. "I was wonderin' if maybe you'd read it t' me." Now Louis knew he was about to burst into tears of happiness. 

"I would love that!" He exclaimed loudly before slapping his hand over his mouth and giggling. Harry grinned in relief. "C'mon, c'mon, let's read." Louis moved the music aside again before settling down on his back against the hay. Harry moved beside himself and laid close to his side, turned on his side to face Louis who was flipping through pages to find the first chapter. "Okay, ready?" Harry nodded. 

"Ready." Louis cleared his throat. 

"When Caroline Meeber boarded the afternoon train for Chicago, her total outfit consisted of a small trunk, a cheap imitation alligator-skin satchel, a small lunch in a paper box, and a yellow leather snap purse, containing her ticket, a scrap of paper with her sister's address in Van Buren Street, and four dollars in money. It was in August, 1889. She was eighteen years of age, bright, timid, and full of the illusions of ignorance and youth. Whatever touch of regret at parting characterised her thoughts, it was certainly not for advantages now being given up. A gush of tears at her mother's farewell kiss, a touch in her throat when the cars clacked by the flour mill where her father worked by the day, a pathetic sigh as the familiar green environs of the village passed in review, and the threads which bound her so lightly to girlhood and home were irretrievably broken." Louis paused and turned to look at Harry who smiled making him then smile. He laughed softly and turned back to the book. 

"To be sure there was always the next station, where one might descend and return. There was the great city, bound more closely by these very trains which came up daily. Columbia City was not so very far away, even once she was in Chicago. What, pray, is a few hours—a few hundred miles? She looked at the little slip bearing her sister's address and wondered. She gazed at the green landscape, now passing in swift review, until her swifter thoughts replaced its impression with vague conjectures of what Chicago might be."

And so five chapters later they were both eager to keep reading, but were having troubles fighting their fatigue. Louis paused at the end of the fifth chapter and Harry squeezed his arm gently. 

"One more chapter." He urged softly. 

"I'm practically asleep and so are you!" Louis exclaimed teasingly. Harry just sighed intently and closed his eyes.

"But I like the sound of yer voice 'nd I wanna know what happens next." Louis gave him a rather skeptical, more contemplative, look before turning back on his back and raising the book. 

"One more." Harry smiled in triumph. "At the flat that evening Carrie felt a new phase of its atmosphere. The fact that it was unchanged, while her feelings were different, increased her knowledge of its character. Minnie, after the good spirits Carrie manifested at first, expected a fair report. Hanson supposed that Carrie would be satisfied.  
'Well,' he said, as he came in from the hall in his working clothes, and looked at Carrie through the dining-room door, 'how did you make out?'  
'Oh,' said Carrie, 'it's pretty hard. I don't like it.'  
There was an air about her which showed plainer than any words that she was both weary and disappointed."

And so once the chapter ended Louis dog eared the page and handed the book back to Harry, making him promise not to read ahead. Harry promised and gathered his book and hat before climbing to his feet. Louis took his music and newspaper before they parted with a sweet kiss on the cheek. Harry went to sleep with a smile on his face that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your guys comments, I love and appreciate reading them


	11. Chapter 11

The next few days went along swimmingly. Harry was content to say the least. Louis was managing by with his minimal contact with Nick. At least it was minimal at the moment. They weren't exactly talking, but that wasn't anything new. Louis was used to it. He was glad about it. 

On Sunday, just as usual, Harry stowed away behind the trees after lunch. It had become such a habit just to walk back there now. Part of his daily routine! It was the only thing he ever looked forward to. When he got to thee safe area Louis was standing beneath the tree like before. Louis turned and immediately smiled at him. 

"Hi angel eyes," Harry greeted as Louis hopped right up to him. 

"Hi sweetheart," He greeted back before tip toeing up to give him a kiss. "How are you doing?" 

"Alright, how are you doin'?" Louis shrugged before smiling. 

"I'm doing alright." He answered rather lackadaisically. Harry gave him a curious look. 

"Did somethin' happen?" Louis shook his head. 

"No," He sighed. "It's just the same old shit that I'm so sick and tired of dealing with and I just woke up this morning feeling worse than usual." Harry frowned at him then reached out and grabbed Louis' hand. He pulled him in for a hug and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck tightly. He tucked his shoulder over his chin, but a moment later he was gasping sharply and pushing himself away from Harry harshly. Harry's heart jumped to his throat, but when he turned around instead of facing Nick, like he anticipated, he faced Liam. 

"What the hell is goin' on here?" He asked stepping forward from the trees and bushes. Harry swallowed thickly while Louis just hid behind him. 

"Nothin'." Harry replied meekly. Liam gave them a skeptical look. 

"Ya two aren' seriously togetha', are ya?" Harry scoffed. 

"Course not."

"I saw ya two kiss." Liam retorted crossing his arms. 

"Then what the hell are ya askin' me for?" Harry fired back sternly. He felt like he was having a heart attack. "What are ya doin' back here anyway?"

"Well I was wonderin' where ya go every Sunday afternoon because I always see ya sneakin' back behind the trees 'nd all." Harry grit his teeth. 

"So ya jus' follow me?" He snapped. He felt Louis press his hand against his back softly. Liam just rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms. 

"So ya jus' have an affair with Louis?"

"Please don't say anything." Louis pleaded stepping around Harry. He gave Liam a somber look. 

"Why shouldn' I?" Liam asked austerely. "Yer literally cheatin' on yer husband, that's pretteh' big." 

"Because it is none of your fucking business—"

"It becomes my business when I know what's goin' on." Liam interrupted. 

"Listen," Louis walked up to him, but Louis was more intimidated by Liam than Liam was of him. "I know you and all the other guys think I'm just some fucking slut whose already cheated on Nick, but guess what? I'm not. All that shit you and the other guys spew is pure shit. Do you have any idea the level of harassment I receive here from you guys and Nick?" Liam was quiet. "Do you?" Liam shrugged. 

"I mean—not really."

"My life is a living hell and maybe running around behind everybody's back isn't smart or moral, but I don't have any other choice and Harry makes me incredibly happy."

"How do ya not got another choice?"

"Because Nick is a controlling asshole." Louis deadpanned. "I don't want to tell you too much, but a few weeks ago I suggested we should get a divorce and he literally told me no as if he was the only one who had any say in that decision." Liam shoved his hands in his pockets. "You really wouldn't understand unless you were in my position, but please, please, please do not go and tell him." Liam looked from Louis to Harry then back at Louis. 

"Yer puttin' me in an uncomfortable position." He said. 

"You're the one who made the choice to follow Harry back here—"

"I don' know how long I'll be able t' keep this t' myself. My guilt will terrorize me t' no end." Louis clasped his hands together as if he were praying. 

"What makes you happiest?" He asked him softly. 

"Bein' with my family." Liam answered without any hesitation. 

"Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone took that away from you?" Liam shifted around on his feet. 

"How long ya two been sneakin' around?"

"Um, few weeks, I think. I don't know, I haven't really been keeping track." Louis answered letting his hands go. Liam still shook his head, though, before shrugging his shoulders. 

"Ya know—Nick actually does care lots 'bout ya—"

"You have absolutely no idea how he treats me. He doesn't care about me, he cares about having someone fuck at the end of the day." Liam sighed, licking his lips. "Can you please promise me you won't tell anyone?" Liam hesitated. "Please?" Liam sighed again. 

"For now—"

"Thank you!" Louis exclaimed jumping up and clapping his hands together. Liam cracked a small smile and Louis grinned happily before turning to face Harry. Harry smiled at him. Louis recomposed himself before taking a deep breath. "Okay, well, I—um—I should probably go back in." Harry nodded awkwardly before Louis was pushing through the trees and leaves into the backyard leaving Harry and Liam alone. Liam's smile dropped as he walked over to him sternly. 

"What the hell are ya doin?" He whispered fiercely. 

"Nothin'—"

"He's married!"

"I think you and I both know Nick doesn' exactly treat him well." Harry deadpanned kicking away a rock. 

"How the hell did that even happen? I told ya t' stay away from him!" Harry rolled his eyes at him. 

"I ran int' him in the barn 'nd we talked a bit then one Sunday I was tryin' t' find a quiet place t' play my guitar 'nd I found Louis back here 'nd we talked some more. He's really nice 'nd he's really fun t' be around. So we jus' meet back here on Sunday's 'nd sometimes we meet in the barn in the middle of the night. Don't worry, we haven' fucked yet." He said sarcastically. 

"How could ya possibly think this is a good idea?"

"You don't know a fuckin' thing."

"Uh, I think I know yer gonna get yerself killed if Nick fuckin' finds out about this." Liam argued back. Harry just grit his teeth and rolled his eyes yet again. Of fucking course Liam had to follow him back there. Although, it could've worse. It could've any of the other guy who would probably go running off to spill the beans to Nick. Liam, at the very least, seemed to have a little compassion. 

"He won't." 

"And how do ya know?" Liam retorted raising his voice. "It's obvious they're havin' marriage trouble, I don' think ya havin' a thing with him will help anythin'!" He exclaimed. 

"It doesn' concern ya." Harry replied curtly. "He doesn' want t' be with him-"

"'Nd ya think he wants t' be with ya?!" Liam fired back. Harry drew in a slow breath before letting it out. 

"Yeah, 'pparently." He quipped back. "All that ya guys say 'bout him is false-"

"No matta' what, actually doin' all this with him is not right." Liam interrupted sternly. Harry just rolled his eyes. He started walking passed him, heading back towards the bunkhouses. "Are ya jus' gonna ignore me?" Liam asked walking after him. 

"I jus' got nothin' to say." Harry replied casually, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Liam scoffed. 

"I can't believe yer actually doin' this-" Harry whipped around, causing Liam to stumble to a stop. First Leo, now Liam. Fucking great. 

"Doin' what?" He asked rhetorically. "I mean, ya don' know a thing. All ya know is that—we're —havin' a little thing." He said softly. 

"An affair." Liam stated. "Because of ya he's an adulterer. He's cheatin' on his husband-"

"Nick is a fucking jackass." Harry interrupted. "'Nd you know that. Ya saw him fuckin' slap him in the face that one day, ya really think Nick is someone Louis wants t' be with?" 

"That's not somethin' ya can decide, yer not him-"

"He fucking told me that." Harry snapped in utter annoyance. Liam was rendered speechless. He felt like he was losing a battle he wasn't even in, all he wanted to keep the peace. Well, what little peace there was left. If any at all. 

"Ya still ain't got no place with him." He finally responded. Harry just rolled his eyes then turned back around, walking away. 

"Ya ain't got no place tellin' me what to do." He retorted as Liam followed after him again. "But ya said ya wouldn't say anything so you won't, right?" Liam hesitated. 

"I guess, but still." He said. "This is wrong."

"Don't think about it." 

"Harry!" He exclaimed and Harry groaned loudly. 

"Oh my God, don't worry about it. Don't think about it. Don't say anythin' about it. It's not that big of deal-"

"How can ya say that havin' 'n affair with a married man isn't a big deal? That's huge! Do ya realize what could happen t' ya if Nick finds out?" 

"He won't-"

"But if he does." Liam urged. "Do ya know what could happen?"

"I get fired?" 

"He'll fuckin' kill ya without even thinkin' twice." Liam deadpanned, his expression grim. Harry stopped in his tracks again. 

"'Nd how do ya know that?"

"Are ya jokin'? I don' think it's hard t' believe. He'd pull a gun on ya even if he thought you were havin' 'n affair with him. Which he practically already thinks." Harry shook his head.

"Things'll be fine, especially if ya jus' don' say anythin'." Liam gave him an apprehensive look.

"I'm not good at keepin' secrets. I feel like I'm put in the middle. They make me feel guilty 'nd sooner or later it spills-"

"Well then yer gonna have t' fight yer guilt." Harry replied. "Please, I know this is somethin' ya don' want layin' on yer conscious, but for the sake of everyone else please don' say anythin'. Just please, if not for me, for Louis. Ya care about him, don' ya?" Liam drew in a slow breath, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"I do, I care 'bout everyone here." God, Harry wished he was that caring. "But—with this I'm hurtin' Nick while you and Lou are all happy." 

"Why do ya care about Nick? He's a jackass."

"He might not act nice, but his heart is in the right place-"

"How can you defend him like that?" Harry interrupted again sternly. "I don' even think he has a heart. He's a complete jackass, he treats Louis like an object, if he has a heart then it's stuck in hell between a rock and a hard place." 

"Ya don' even know him-"

"And you do?" Liam nodded. 

"More than you." Harry just rolled his eyes yet again. 

"Ya know what, I don' even give a shit. Jus' don' say anythin' 'nd we'll be all good." He huffed then pivoted around, marching back towards the bunk house. Liam jut sighed apathetically before slowly walking back towards the the bunkhouses as well. 

The rest of the day went–okay. Except now Harry was anxious about Liam knowing about him and Louis. He could let the word slip at any moment. Literally any moment! God, he was so nervous. Just because Liam said he wouldn't say anything doesn't mean he actually would do so. For all Harry knew Liam could've ran straight to Nick after their little chat. He didn't, though. 

It was around 4 o'clock when Harry was just sitting at one of the tables they ate their meals at reading Sister Carrie. He wasn't reading passed where he and Louis had left off, he was rereading what they had already read. He was sure sweat was actually dropping off his forehead and onto the pages. 

He lifted his head up and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He licked his dry lips, glancing around just in time to see Nick storm out of the house with a sheet of paper in his hand. His eyes were trained on Harry and Harry just knew it was the sheet music he had given to Louis. Harry's heart jumped up to his throat. He climbed up from the table and started over to the bunkhouse. 

"Ooh, don't you even think about it." Nick called out to him. Harry just stumbled to a stop before backing up, but Nick was moving fast and a moment later he was grabbing Harry's collar and dragging him over passed the tables and to the side of the barn, under the dark shade of the trees. He threw him against the wood. Harry dropped his book. "What the fucking hell is this?" Nick demanded holding up the sheet music before slamming it against his chest harshly.

"Um, looks like music-" Harry replied softly, scrambling to pick up the music. 

"Cut the fucking shit, I know you bought this-"

"No I didn't-"

"Yes you fucking did." Nick fired back furiously. "I'm not fucking stupid, I know you bought this when we went into town." Nick placed his hands on his hips then took a step back, trying to take control over his anger. He was breathing awful hard. "How did you know he played the piano?" Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Well, that one day we were in the back 'nd ya found us 'nd smashed my guitar he mentioned he liked t' play the piano-"

"When the fucking hell did you give it to him?" Nick interrupted. 

"When I got back." He answered quietly. Nick was completely red in the face. Harry was sure he was about to shit his pants. 

"Shut the fuck up, you know what I meant. When did you give it to him?" 

"Jus' went up t' the door 'nd knocked." Harry felt like he couldn't breathe. 

"He does not need you buying any shit for him, because you know what that does? That makes me suspicious that something else is going on." He reached out and ripped the music from his hands before tearing it in half. "Of course nothing is, though, or else you'd be a fucking deadman, but still." He taunted in a languid tone. "Just do your fucking job and keep your nose out of our business. One more incident from you and I'll have you on the street begging for work, have I made myself clear?" Harry swallowed thickly, nodding slowly. Nick smiled, reaching up to pat Harry's cheek. He jerked away. "I'm gonna go fuck my husband now." Nick sauntered off with the ripped sheets of music towards the house and Harry just tried to catch his breath. 

Nick stomped up the stairs and into the bedroom where Louis was still crying on the bed. He turned away from Nick, cowering towards the very edge. 

"If he fucking tries to give you anything else you better tell me or else." Nick threatened throwing the music down on the bed. Louis turned and picked it up, more tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"You didn't have to rip it up." He said softly. "It was just piano music, it's not like it was anything expensive or intimate. Just music, I wanted to play it." 

"Well how about you stop letting him play with your heart and give you little fucking gifts." Nick snatched the music up off the bed again and began to tear it into more shreds. 

"No, Nick, stop!" Louis kneeled across the bed and grabbed Nicks arm, yanking on his arm to get him to stop. "It's just piano music! Why don't you want me to be happy!" He cried as Nick let the tiny paper shreds flutter to the floor. 

"I just don't want him fucking buying you things! He has no place here! Why would you even accept it!" Nick hollered in his face. 

"Because it was a sweet gesture and I love playing the piano! Because you tore apart all my other music so I can't anymore! Because it was my favorite song!" Louis screamed back at him furiously. He clenched his fists together so tightly his nails dug into his palms. 

"How the hell did he even know you play the piano!"

"Because I told him when we were talking in the backyard awhile ago!" Nick grit his teeth, his breath hot on Louis' face because they were just that close. 

"I don't give a fuck, I do not want you talkin' to him-"

"What happened to trusting me?" Louis replied in a low tone, his expression stern and hard. 

"What happened to just doing what I say?" Nick patronized. 

"I never said I would do what you say." Louis retorted bitterly. "Whereas you said you will trust me, which I don't see why you shouldn't." Nick just glared back down at Louis. "Clean up the paper." 

"Excuse me?" Nick asked as Louis moved back to the other side of the bed on his knees. 

"I said to clean up the fucking paper since you decided to be an asshole and rip it apart!" He yelled. "Since apparently you want to ruin my life-"

"Hey, I give you a fucking good life." Nick shot back pointing a threatening finger at him. Louis scoffed at him. 

"Are you fucking joking? Please tell me you're joking." Nick was quiet. "You don't give me a good life! You give me a shitty life! You think this is a good life? No, we were supposed to live in New York!"

"Oh my God! Why do you give such a fuck about fucking New York!" Nick screamed back in his face. Louis didn't back down. 

"Because I've always dreamed of living there! You know that! I fucking told you that repeatedly when we first started dating and you promised that after we got married we'd move there!" 

"Did you actually think we were going to fucking move all the way to New York?" Nick asked slowly, lowering his tone. Louis moved back, taking a deep breath, but still breathing hard. 

"Are you saying you were lying to me the whole time?" He replied softly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear Nicks answer. But a part of him was sure that he already knew his answer. Nick nodded. 

"I had no intention of ever going to New York. Of having us ever go to New York. What's so glamorous about New York? Why are you so obsessed with it?" Louis sunk back, looking down at the floor. He felt like his mouth was stuffed full of cotton. 

"I just—I really want to live there. I always hear all these great things about it, I just—I want to live there. Do you seriously want to keep living here?" Nick nodded. 

"Uh, yeah. Someone's going to have to run the ranch once my father gets too old to do so." Louis turned, gawking up at him. 

"I don't plan on dying here." He deadpanned. Nick pressed his lips together, shrugging at him. 

"Oh well," Louis scoffed, standing up from the bed. 

"I'm not living here for the rest of my life!" He yelled furiously. Nick just shrugged at him again carelessly. He leaned across the bed and started gathering up the small pieces of paper. 

"That's too bad, now isn't it." Louis stomped his foot, he didn't even know what to say. He hadn't even thought about living there all his life because he planned on going to New York regardless if it was with Nick or not. Preferably not. 

"Not everything is about you, you know. I'm still a person too." 

"Oh, really?" Nick asked sarcastically as he let all the pieces of ripped paper flutter into the trash bin as he dropped them from his hand. Louis grit his teeth, gnashing them together. 

"I hate you." 

"No you don't." Nick deadpanned. 

"Yes, I do. I hate you, you piss me off, you give me a shitty life, you-" Suddenly Nick whipped around, his hand closing around Louis' throat, not tight enough to strangle him, but not loose enough for Louis to escape. Louis' heart started beating even more violently than before and he gripped Nicks wrist tightly. Nick was glaring at him scornfully. 

"No. You. Don't." He repeated in a low tone. "You think I give you such a shitty life? You have food, and water, and a place to live. What the hell else more do you want, you selfish little bitch?" 

"I want to go to New York." He whispered softly. Nick could easily strangle him with one hand. Nick was huge and strong. Louis was the complete opposite. 

"If I hear you say the words New York one more time I'm gonna fucking slap you." Louis swallowed thickly and Nick pushed Louis back against the bed, letting go of him. Louis fell on the edge of the bed then reached up to rub his throat. Tears watered his eyes. But what was new? "And stop complaining like a bitch just because you're so unhappy. It could be a hell of a lot worse." Nick barked while he was marching out of the bedroom door. He slammed it behind him. 

Louis was shaking. He wasn't sure when he started shaking, but he was shaking bad. He swallowed again, but that only seemingly made the lump in his throat bigger. He stood up and carried himself to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him, looked in the mirror, and cried at how red his neck was. 

He cooked dinner that night with shaky hands and a somber expression. He didn't even eat. He just made the food and let Nick and his father at it while he cleaned dishes. He watched out the window above he sink at all the workers eating their own dinner at the tables. He couldn't take his eyes off Harry. 

He felt tears water his eyes before just wanting more than ever to leave for New York that night. As soon as the sun would set! He watched Harry look over and their eyes met. Louis sighed to himself, rinsing his hands off after placing a pot in the drying rack. Harry gave him a solemn look before Louis just looked away, stepping away from the window. 

That night he spent a little extra time getting ready for bed in the bathroom. When he actually did step back into the room, he went straight to the window and opened it, gazing down below where sure enough Harry was sitting on the porch. Now this had become an everyday routine that they were both growing quite fond of. 

Harry would sit on the porch, Louis would go open the window and look down at him. They'd smile at each other softly before signing 'goodnight' to each other. And so Harry smiled up at him and it was enough to make Louis smile back. He signed goodnight to him and smiled as he watched Harry sign it back. Then, slowly, Harry got up and went into the bunkhouse. Louis turned back into the room and went to the bed which he was afraid was turning into his own coffin.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: themes of rape in this chapter

Another week had passed and Harry was still anxious every second of the day, worried about Liam letting it slip that he and Louis had feelings for each other. Instead of not talking to him, considering they never technically talked, Liam just gave Harry some rather dismissive and disapproving looks whenever their eyes met. 

He and Louis had one meeting in the barn in the middle of the night again and just talked and talked and talked, then they read and read and read and Harry had completely forgot about all the strife and discord that constantly surrounded them. 

That Sunday Harry stowed away to the trees again, this time sure to make sure that no one was following him. Once he deemed it safe he found Louis under the flowering tree. He smiled. 

"Hi angel eyes," He greeted softly, walking over to him. Louis smiled up at him. 

"Hi sweetheart," He greeted back, tip toeing up to give him a hug. Harry kissed his cheek, just because he could and he liked the way it made Louis smile. "How are you doing? No one is giving you any trouble, right?"

"Well, Liam keeps givin' me disapproving looks, but it's nothin' I can't handle." Harry joked lightly making Louis laugh. 

"Well that's good. C'mon, it's hotter than hell today and I want to cool off." Harry wasn't sure what Louis meant by "cool off", but when Louis grabbed his wrist and started pulling him along towards the creek he didn't object. 

They walked along the creek and soon on Harry grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together instead of having Louis gripping his wrist. Louis was content. 

When they came upon the edge of the creek, where below them was the pond Louis had showed him before, Louis let go of Harry's hand then began unbuttoning his shirt. He glanced over at Harry with a smirk. Harry gawked at him. 

"Are ya seriously—?" He questioned and Louis nodded, pulling his shirt off. 

"And you are too so get undressed!" He exclaimed happily. Louis dropped his shirt on the grassy, dry creek bed then unclipped his suspenders from his pants. Harry obliged and started apprehensively unbuttoning his shirt. 

A moment later Louis was in his underwear and jumping in. Harry quickly finished undressing before jumping in after him. Louis was standing towards shallower water, the pond was actually deeper than he thought. Harry shook his head, water spraying Louis in the face, and then stepped near him. The water was about up to their shoulders. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and Harry grinned down at him, wrapping his arms around Louis' dainty waist. 

"I never realized how fucking fit you are." He said making Harry laugh boisterously. 

"I never realized how hot you are." He teased making Louis laugh even louder. Harry grinned down at him. He loved the sound of his laugh. Louis moved away before splashing water towards him. Harry jumped, holding up his hand as if that would block the water. "Hey!" He splashed him back and they both laughed even more as they both began splashing each other. Before they knew it they were both drenched head to toe. 

"Don't you even dare." Louis threatened with a smile. Harry splashed water at him again and Louis laughed in delight. "Stop!" He squealed loudly before slapping his hand down on the water. "You're being mean to me." Louis crossed his arms and pouted at Harry. Harry chuckled softly before moving up to him. 

"Aw, I was jus' teasin' ya." He said softly, wrapping his arms around Louis' waist gently then pulling him closer. 

"It was still mean. And I don't forgive you so don't even say you're sorry." Harry laughed again and Louis stuck his tongue out at him. Harry smiled at him. 

"I'm sorry-"

"Didn't you just hear me? I don't forgive you." Louis turned his back to Harry who moved up behind him, wrapping his arms around him from behind, tucking his chin over his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." Louis just blew air through his nose. "Oh, please forgive me." Harry added in a playful tone. He pressed a kiss to the side of Louis' neck making him crack a smile. He moved his arms down overtop Harry's. 

"Maybe, but you're gonna have to do some convincing." Harry smirked. He pressed his lips to Louis' neck, letting them linger for a moment before pressing slow kisses to the edge of his jawline. "Okay, I'm convinced." Louis spun around, wrapping his arms up around Harry's neck. 

"That didn't take long." Harry teased him. Louis grinned happily. They moved apart from each other. "So how deep is this thing?" Harry asked slowly wading out further as Louis just watched him. 

"Beats me. Why don't you swim down until you touch the bottom then let me know." Harry gave him a patronizing look before the water got too deep and he had to doggy paddle to keep his head above water. 

"We'll just say it's deep." He said swimming back over to Louis. Louis just looked so cute and so happy and it made Harry so happy to see him so happy. He loved it. Just loved it. 

"How deep?" 

"Deep enough." Louis laughed. 

"Don't drown." Harry smirked. 

"Could be a reason for you t' give me mouth t' mouth." He teased him, watching the blush form in Louis' cheeks. 

"Well lying isn't good, now is it?" 

"Oh, you want to talk about lying?" Louis cracked a smile then slugged Harry in the chest. 

"Shut up, that's completely different." Harry nodded. 

"I know, I know. I was just teasin'. That'd be kinda ironic for me t' say that anyway." Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, hugging him loosely. He smiled up at him. 

"Plus it's not my fault that I married the wrong guy and gave him the wrong finger." They both laughed together. "Okay, new topic!" Harry laughed again. So they swam around a bit more, they talked, they laughed, and they kissed. 

Later on climbed out of the pond, all smiles, before collapsing on their backs in the tall grass that waved around them in the breeze, creating their own little fortress of solitude. Louis turned his head towards Harry, smiling at him. Harry looked back at him, smiling as well. 

"Thank you." He whispered turning on his side and laying his head in Harry's shoulder. Harry turned his head to look down at Louis. 

"For what?" 

"For being nice." He sighed contently, they both did. Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's torso, lowering his head to his chest. He smiled. "Your hearts beating awful fast." He remarked making Harry smile.

"Well I have a beautiful boy with his head on my chest. My heart races even if you just smile at me." Harry replied making Louis giddy with happiness. Harry bit back his smile, he had to fight the urge to just wrap Louis up in a bear hug and roll on top of him. 

"You're just sweeter than sugar, aren't you?" Louis grinned up at him before reaching up and pinching Harry's cheek playfully. Harry's face scrunched together in a cute manner, making Louis laugh before just laying his head down on Harry's chest again. 

"You are like—shade." Harry stated gazing up at the sun. "On a hot summer day, I can never get enough of ya." Louis propped up on his arms, grinning down at Harry. 

"You are the nicest, most sweetest person I have ever met." He replied. He leaned down and kissed Harry sweetly. Harry placed his hand on Louis' back softly, kissing him back gleefully. Louis pulled away then brushed their noses together gently, admiring Harry. 

"I wish t' one day know all of you." Harry whispered tilting his chin forward to give him one quick kiss. Louis smiled again. 

"My previous remark still stands." He said in a quiet tone. He lowered back down on his stomach and rested his head on Harry's shoulder again. They just laid there, basking in the warmth of the sun and the warmth of each other's body's. The sun dried them pretty quick and soon on Louis had gotten up to go sit at the edge of the pond with his feet in the water. Harry was quick to join him. 

They sat shoulder to shoulder, the water up to their knees. Louis kicked his legs back and forth gently, creating small ripples in the water. He kept his hands placed in his lap, listening to the sound of the breeze swaying the grass around. It was a soft, but calming sound. They were quiet. 

"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone else before?" Louis blurted out in a quiet voice. Harry nodded, looking at him. 

"Of course," But his heart was pounding. 

"I'm writing a book." Louis stated and relief washed over Harry like a tsunami. He took a deep breath, turning more towards him. 

"Tell me about it." He said making Louis smile. He looked up towards Harry. 

"Well, it's set in a futuristic world and everything's all high tech and developed, but love doesn't exist. Like, it's been written out of history so no one talks about it and no one is allowed to talk about it. Sexualities don't exist, men and woman just get together to repopulate earth and all, but then I have the two main characters end up falling in love and they turn into renegades." He explained before laughing. "I mean, it's kind of hard to explain without just reading it. I started it when I first started college and haven't finished. I kind of fell away from working on it, like, two years ago." 

"That sounds really interestin'. The next time we meet in the barn you should bring it up so I can read a bit of it." Louis smiled again modestly then nodded slowly. 

"Okay, I guess I could do that." Harry smiled back at him. 

"Good," Louis smiled shyly. He turned his head up towards Harry. "I can't wait to read a bit of it. And we have t' continue Sister Carrie! I can't believe she's having an affair with Hurstwood. It seems completely out of character for her." Louis laughed. 

"I know, I agree!" He exclaimed. "I actually feel bad for Drouet."

"Me too." Harry agreed before sighing contently. "What are we gonna read when we finish?" He asked looking down at Louis. 

"Oh, I have some books in the house we can read when we finish!" He told him with excitement. "I have Pride and Prejudice, I think you'll really like that one. And I have The Great Gatsby, that's a great one, I really think you'll like that one as well. And I have Jane Eyre. Ooh, we have read all of them!" He clapped his hands together happily and Harry grinned at him contently. 

"I can't wait." He leaned down and kissed him softly. Louis leaned in a bit further after Harry had pulled away, not wanting it to end. He frowned at Harry, resting his chin on his shoulder. Harry laughed softly before ducking down and giving him another quick kiss. Louis smiled, sitting up properly. 

"Look at how pale my arm is compared to yours." Louis said holding up his arm next to Harry's. "I'm jealous of your tan." Harry laughed again. 

"I gotta get somethin' outta working in the sun everyday." Louis chuckled. "I hate the sun, though." 

"What do you think would happen if the sun exploded?"

"We wouldn't live t' know it had happened." Louis grinned up at him. 

"At least I'd die happy."

"We'd die happy." 

"I don't want to die, though." 

"No one does." Louis pressed his lips together before sighing. 

"I used to." Harry turned to him curiously. "Yeah, for awhile I was really depressed and actually contemplated killing myself just because I thought I'd always be stuck here." Harry reached out and grabbed his hand. "But—then I made my goal to move to New York and start a new life and I just started focusing my attention on that and other things and I'm doing a lot better now. I don't want to die, I'm actually really terrified of death." Harry squeezed his hand. "I'm still young though, so it's okay." Harry nodded and Louis smiled bashfully, turning his head down. Harry kissed his cheek then they just sat up and watched the sunlight glimmer off the water. 

Eventually they climbed back up to the creek bed and got dressed. Then they walked down the creek before parting their ways once they reached the flowering tree. And they went on with their days as if they hadn't even done anything. 

The next few days were long and tiresome. On Wednesday night Harry was sitting on the porch of the bunk house as usual when he watched Nick and his father exit the house, get in the car, and drive off. He wondered where they were going, but then just turned his attention up to the bedroom window, waiting for Louis. 

And he showed up. Louis opened the window and grinned down at Harry. Harry smiled back. Louis looked around to make sure no one was within sight before raising his hands. 

'Come inside. Back door.' He signed down to him. Harry rose his eyebrow at him. 

'They will return.' He signed back before Louis shook his head. 

'Tomorrow.' Louis smiled happily and Harry gave him an apprehensive look. 'Just for a little.' He signed again. 'Please?' Harry drew in a slow breath before looking around. He looked up and nodded. 

'One moment.' He watched Louis clap his hands together happily before nodding then stepping back into the room. Harry climbed up out of the chair and went into the bunk house. Most of the men were resting in their cots, their eyes closed. No one looked his way. He snatched something from under his bed before leaving the bunk house again. 

He went behind the trees as if it were Sunday after lunch and he was going to meet Louis. Once deemed safe he ducked between the trees and into the backyard of the house. He walked up the grass to the large wooden porch where Louis was opening the back door. 

Harry stepped through the door as Louis opened it then practically jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. Harry smiled to himself, wrapping his arms around Louis snugly. Louis kissed his cheek before stepping back, beaming up at Harry gleefully. 

"Hi angel eyes," Harry greeted softly, giving Louis a beautiful blush in his cheeks. He turned his head down bashfully. He felt so giddy though! 

"Hi sweetheart." He replied eliciting a smile from Harry. "Won't you come in." He joked lightheartedly, stepping inside and pulling Harry in as he did so. 

"Where'd Nick 'nd his father go?" Louis shrugged. 

"I'm not sure, he didn't tell me. He just said they'd be back sometime tomorrow and that I'm not allowed to leave the house." Louis rolled his eyes with a smile before looking up at Harry. "What's in your hand?" He asked him curiously. Harry lifted up the music sheet and handed it to Louis. Louis' jaw dropped as he gazed down at the sheet music for Canon In D. 

"I know Nick ripped yer other one. The other day some guys went int' town after we got off. I went 'nd got ya another copy." Louis gawked up at Harry, tears watering his eyes. 

"You—actually went into town and bought me another copy?" He asked softly. Harry smiled, nodding his head. 

"You said it was yer favorite." Louis tip toed up quickly, pulling him down into a hug. Harry hugged him back tightly. 

"Thank you." Louis whispered in his ear. "Thank you so much." He leaned back and kissed Harry quickly before turning and walking over to the piano against the wall beside the couch. He pulled Harry along with him. Louis sat down and Harry sat down beside him. Louis unfolded the music and placed it up on the stand. He lifted the cover from over the keys. He pressed his finger against one of the keys. Harry looked at him. "This is going to be rough so you can't laugh." Louis said glancing back up at him making Harry laugh. 

"I would never laugh at ya." Louis just smiled sweetly before positioning his fingers over the keys. He focused his eyes on the music. And then he started. Beautiful music filled the empty silence. And Harry listened intently. He listened to every note. He watched the way Louis' eyes traced over every note, the way his fingers moved to across the keys, so nimble and graceful. 

It had been a long while since Louis heard music and by the time he reached the end of the song he was in tears because he had just become so overwhelmed with emotion and this feeling of pure happiness all because of Harry and the piano. Harry had even noticed his tears and began to tear up himself. 

Louis placed his hands down in his lap, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears rolled down his cheeks. A moment later he felt Harry's hand under his chin, turning his head towards him. 

"Why the tears?" 

"I just feel so—overwhelmed right now. Just—with the piano and the music you bought for me so I'm actually able to play again and having you next to me." He reached down and placed his hand on Harry's knee, squeezing it gently. "I'm happy." 

"That's all I want for you." Louis leaned up, kissing Harry promptly. Harry closed his eyes and turned his body as he kissed Louis back. Louis turned his body completely, swinging his leg over the bench so he was straddling it. He cupped Harry's cheeks in his hands, kissing him passionately. 

Harry had his hands on Louis' cheeks as well, taken back by the passion pouring out of both of them. Their lips moved together smoothly, but also sloppily. It was rushed and needy and everything beautiful. 

"Will you—" They both pulled away, pressing their foreheads together, and breathing heavily. "Will you—make love to me?" Harry's heart jumped to his throat and his eyes widened. 

"I—um—now?" God, Harry had wanted to make love to him since the moment he saw him. Louis just nodded. 

"I mean, only if you want to, I just-" He leaned up and kissed him deeply again. "Have never wanted anything more." He whispered. His hand was on Harry's chest and Harry reached up, placing his hand over Louis' before nodding gently. 

"Okay, yes." Louis smiled softly. 

"Are you sure?" He asked him seriously. "If you have the slightest bit of doubt let me know, I want your full consent." Harry nodded again, kissing him tenderly. 

"You have my full consent." Louis smiled up at him. He moved back before sitting up. He climbed up off the bench and Harry followed suit. Louis grabbed his hand then started his trek out of the living room, into the foyer, up the stairs, then down the hallway into the room. Harry smiled when he stepped into the room. Louis closed the door behind them. 

He went and sat down on the bed then Harry sat down bedside him slowly. Louis smiled nervously, making Harry smile back at him. Suddenly things just felt awkward and unsure. It was a good feeling, though. It just made them feel all the more innocent in a corrupted situation. 

Harry leaned in and kissed Louis softly, caressing his cheek with his hand. Louis' eyes fluttered shut, he reached his arm around Harry's back, placing his hand down gently. He rolled down on his back against the mattress, pulling Harry overtop him as he did. 

They're actions were slow at first before they grew faster and faster and more rushed and needy. They removed each other's clothes delicately before they were almost completely bare to each other. 

They moved under the covers. Adrenaline was coursing  through their veins, the only things they were aware of were each other and themselves. Their surroundings had completely faded into the background. 

Once they were both completely bare and ready Louis snatched a condom from the nightstand before unwrapping it and handing it to Harry with a smile. They were both smiling. 

So Harry put on the condom then in the dark and under the covers sweeter things ensued until four minutes later Louis was screaming Harry's name in ecstasy. He couldn't even remember the last time he actually wanted to have sex, after four years with Nick the last thing he wanted was to ever be touched, but with Harry Louis longed for more than just his touch. He wanted more. He wasn't even sure what more was, but he knew he wanted it. 

Louis relaxed against the bed, his hands sliding down Harry's shoulders from around his neck. Harry was breathing hard. He was about ready to collapse on Louis. Louis just smiled up at him weakly. 

"That was fucking amazing." Louis whispered. "I can't remember the last time I ever felt anything." Harry smiled back lazily. He leaned down and pressed their foreheads together, taking a deep breath. Louis smiled again, brushing the tips of their noses together. Harry moved over to the spot beside Louis and pulled off the condom, tying the end in a knot. Louis propped himself up on his arms. 

"Better flush that down the toilet." He said and Harry nodded as he sat up. 

"Better clean ya up as well." He teased with a smirk and Louis laughed. "Dirty boy." Louis wiped his palm up his stomach before reaching out and wiping his hand on Harry's arm, making him jerk away. "Hey, don' be wipin' yer mess on me!" He exclaimed jumping up to his feet. Louis just laughed, loving the fact that he could actually just laugh and enjoy the moment. 

Harry strolled into the bathroom and Louis stood up. He scooped up their clothes from the floor then walked into the bathroom where Harry was flushing the toilet. Louis dropped their clothes on the floor before closing the door. Harry looked at him. 

"What? Gotta clean up somehow." He teased with a smirk. Louis stepped in front of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror before sighing. "You know, I've really let myself go." He said pulling open a drawer and withdrawing a wash cloth which he used to clean his torso with. Harry stepped behind him. 

"What are ya talkin' 'bout?" He asked making Louis sigh. He turned on the sink and rinsed out the cloth. 

"I just mean that I've let myself go. I used to be a lot more fit and all. I've literally gained so much weight in the past year." 

"Yer still pretty fit t' me." Harry told him making Louis smile, a blush coloring his cheeks pink like a rose. 

"Thanks." He glanced down shyly, ringing out the cloth. "I need to work out more, though. I used to, but then I just got tired and stopped." Harry laughed softly. 

"I don' even work out." Louis gave him a patronizing look through the mirror making him chuckle again. 

"Yeah, well we all haven't been working on a ranch for most of our lives, now have we? You're already fit enough just from your work. Maybe I'll start calling you Mr. Hard Body." He teased with a smirk. 

"Okay angel eyes, you do that." Harry teased back. Louis smirked at Harry through the mirror again. Harry placed his hands on Louis' waist then pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Louis smiled, enthralled with happiness and warmth. He snuggled back against Harry before turning around and beaming up at him. 

Harry smiled down at him and Louis pulled up his tank. Harry let go of Louis' waist then Louis reached up and pressed his hand against Harry's hard, toned stomach. Harry reached up and placed his hand overtop Louis'. They let go of each other's hands and Harry reached up, caressing Louis' cheek softly. 

He leaned down and kissed him. He kissed him softly at first, but then with each passing second it got more passionate. Louis was on his tip toes just to try and match Harry's height. His arms were hooked up under Harry's arms and he grabbed on to Harry's shoulders. 

Harry's arms were around Louis' waist and before Louis even knew it Harry was lifting him up and placing him on the edge of the counter. Louis smiled with delight, laughing cutely. He placed his hands over top Harry's, beaming up at him before closing his eyes and relishing in the warmth of Harry's hands. 

"I love the way your hands feel on my body." He whispered. 

"I love the way yer body feels. So soft 'nd pure." Louis just looked up at him, giving him a small smile before just nodding his head. 

"C'mon," He hopped down off the counter. "Let's wash up." He teased walking over to the bathtub. He stepped inside, followed by Harry who pulled the shower curtain over, then watched as Louis turned on the faucet then turned on the shower. "It's cold!" He exclaimed making Harry laugh. Louis quickly adjusted the faucet until the water was nice and hot. "So, Mr. Styles," Louis teased turning to face Harry and grabbing his hands. "How was it?" 

"Have t' admit, I'd do that again." He replied teasingly making Louis laugh. 

"Me too." He winked. Louis let go of Harry's hand then turned towards the faucet, grabbing the shampoo. "Now it's time to get all squeaky clean again. I must say, I have no idea how you guys can just shower out there in that little wooden box practically. Like, I feel like it'd just be really awkward if you're standing there showering and everyone around you can just see your head and feet. It looks like a bathroom stall almost." Louis remarked pouring some shampoo into his palm. 

"Ya get used t' it." Harry replied with a shrug. "Most guys 're afraid I'll try 'n look over." He joked making Louis smile. Louis stepped up to him and reached up to his hair. He started lathering the shampoo through his hair. "Aren't you a gentleman." He teased. 

"Hush or I'll put shampoo in your eye." Louis replied with a smirk. So Louis washed Harry's hair and then Harry wash Louis' hair and they laughed until Louis heard a door slam. 

"No, I'm serious-"

"Shut up." Louis whispered fiercely and Harry did not like the look of panic in his eyes. And sure enough they could hear the movement of people downstairs. And they both had a heart attack. "Oh, fuck he's home." Louis cursed turning the water off and Harry's eyes widened in a mixture of fright and shock. "What the hell? He said he'd be home tomorrow." 

"What the hell am I supposed t' do!" Harry whispered in a panic. 

"I don't know!" Louis whispered back sternly. "Just stay in here and don't leave until it's safe." 

"'Nd when's that gonna be?" Harry deadpanned in annoyance. 

"I don't know, when we're asleep sneak out." 

"What abou' if I get caught?"

"You won't." Louis whispered softly and stepped out of the tub and onto the tile. His heart was pounding and he wrapped a towel from the towel rack around his waist. Harry just stood in the bathtub wet and naked with his arms crossed. "Jim's a heavy sleeper, the world could end and he'd still be asleep and so is Nick, even if he wakes up I'll distract him." Harry gave him a skeptical look and Louis just smiled weakly. He scooped Harry's clothes up off the floor and thrust them into Harry's arms. "I'm so sorry." He pulled the shower curtain over and now Harry was left alone in the bathroom of the bosses house with the chance of being caught naked in the tub. He'd have a lot of explaining to do. The only upside was that he could hear everything going on in the bedroom. Louis stepped back into the room at the same time as Nick entered the room from the hallway. 

"Oh, hey babe." Louis greeted, pretending to be happy to see him. "What happened? I thought you were going into town and coming back tomorrow?" He had grabbed a second towel before leaving the bathroom and was rubbing it over his head to dry his hair.

"Changed my mind." Was all he said. Louis just swallowed thickly and nodded. 

"Well that's nice." 

"Yep." Nick replied carelessly. "Just get out of the shower?" Louis nodded when Nick looked over at him. 

"What made you come back?" Louis asked curiously. 

"Can't I just change my mind?" Nick retorted turning to his nightstand and pulling out a box of cigarettes. He stuck one between his lips then pulled out a small pack of matches, lighting one up to light his cigarette before he shook it out and dropped it on his stand. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"You know I don't like it when you smoke in the room." He remarked walking over to the window and opening it. 

"And here I am still smoking." Louis bit the inside of his cheek, frowning slightly before he just put on a poker face and turned around. Nick started walking towards the bathroom making Louis' heart seize. 

"What are you doing?" He asked sounding more panicked than he meant to. Nick gave him a strange glance from over his shoulder. 

"Gotta take a piss." He stepped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Louis' heart was pounding, but so was Harry's. Holy shit, he thought he was going to pass out. He was actually holding his breath because he didn't even want Nick to hear him breathing which was a bad idea because soon he was running out of air and Nick wasn't even finished. 

Already turning white, as soon as Nick turned on the sink to wash his hands was when Harry let his breath go. Louis was still standing anxiously in front of the bed, watching the bathroom door. Nick opened it and stepped out, stopping short. 

"What?" He demanded harshly and Louis looked away. 

"Nothing." He mumbled. He folded the towel over his arm and took a deep breath. Nick sauntered up to him before reaching out and grabbing the towel around his waist. As soon as he ripped it back Louis was fumbling to cover himself with the other towel, turning bright red. "Nick, you aren't funny." Nick was snickering anyway. 

"I wasn't trying to be. Just trying to get a peek at my gorgeous husband." His smirk mixed with a certain sarcasm behind his tone made Louis snort and roll his eyes. 

"You don't just get to do whatever you please, especially concerning me, without my consent." He retorted. "You have no respect for human rights." 

"Oh please, you're so dramatic about everything-"

"Yeah, well, so are you!" Louis fired back. "You think I'm dramatic? You're the one whose practically isolated me here because you think everyone's so attracted to me or whatever the fuck it is you believe. That's not dramatic?" 

"Nope." 

"And why not?" 

"Because it doesn't matter." 

"It most certainly does, why are you so fucking paranoid?" Louis didn't even care if Harry could hear them anymore. In fact, he had actually forgotten Harry was even in the bathroom! 

"I'm not paranoid!" Nick shot back raising his voice. 

"Yes you fucking are-"

"Do you fucking think I just made up this little fear?" Nick interrupted and Louis took a deep breath, swallowing thickly. "Do you think I just fucking woke up one day and decided to make it up? Or exaggerate an innocent situation?" Louis bit his cheek, looking up at Nick meekly. "I hear things, Louis. I hear a lot of things you do not hear." 

"Like what?" Louis asked suddenly feeling very sick to his stomach. 

"Let's see, it started when we first got here and in the field Tobias, remember him? Said he wouldn't mind getting fired if it meant he got to fuck you." Louis turned his head down. "David once said he didn't mind that you didn't have a vagina, that he'd still take you to bed any day. Bill had made comments about how hot you are multiple times, John said he'd give up his life savings just to sleep with you—do you honestly think no one here has ever been attracted to you? Times are changing, I know a lot of the men here now are shitty homophobics, but this stuff has still gone on, Louis. I don't just make it up." 

"Okay, well—I had no idea that was going on, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me the way you have." Louis replied weakly. "If you were that—angry, scared, whatever than you should've talked to me instead of abusing me." 

"Sometimes I'm not so good with words."

"That doesn't mean you don't try." Louis fought back, crossing his arms. Nick just drew in a deep breath. 

"Whatever, I'm fuckin' tense as hell right now." Nick turned away and went to his nightstand, tapping the end of his cig against the ashtray. Louis sat against the edge of the bed, trying to process the new information Nick had just broke to him. Nick glanced over at him before stubbing out his cigarette entirely. He went and sat beside Louis. "Wanna give me a back rub?" He asked teasingly making Louis crack a small smile then shake his head. 

"You know what that would lead to."

"Yeah, I know, you wanna skip the back rub?" Louis shook his head. 

"I told you no more sex." Nick groaned, letting his head fall back in despair. 

"Fucking c'mon, hasn't it been long enough?" He whined. Louis just grit his teeth, feeling a lump form in his throat. Or maybe that was just his heart. 

"Nope." 

"C'mon, just once. Seriously. I'm going to explode if this sex ban doesn't end soon." Louis forced a chuckle. 

"You'll be fine." He replied in annoyance. 

"I might not be-"

"We're not having sex tonight." Louis deadpanned, not even looking at Nick. Nick rolled his eyes. 

"And why not?"

"Because I'm saying no. That is all the justification you need. If you don't have my consent, you don't have sex." Louis retorted, but if there was anything about Nick it was that he wasn't having it. "Plus I told you that if you even tried to coax me into having sex then I'd leave." Nick just laughed making Louis frown in embarrassment. 

"Like that's ever going to work again." He taunted. "Where would you go? How would you get there? What would you even have? You don't have a car, or money, or a place to go." Louis felt his chest tighten and his throat begin to burn as tears watered his eyes. "So you can make the threat all you want, but you and I both know it's an empty threat." 

"I left that one time-"

"And then you came back." Nick taunted further. "Because let's face it, you'd always end up coming back." Louis took a deep breath then rubbed his eyes. "On the bed." He instructed standing up, scooping the other towel off the floor. 

"No, Nick, please? I don't want to do anything tonight." Louis pleaded softly even though he shouldn't have to be pleading! Nick just smirked. 

"That's a bit of an inconvenience then, isn' it?" Louis bit his lip. "On the bed. Now." 

"Nick, please-"

"What did I just say?" Nick interrupted. Louis shut his mouth and swallowed thickly. It was even worse than usual because Harry was in their bathroom listening to everything! Holy shit, Harry was in the bathroom listening to everything. "On the bed. You can give me your towel." Louis hesitated when it came to removing the towel around his waist. 

He did not feel comfortable, or even confident, being naked in front of Nick. He hated it. It made his skin crawl and every fiber in his body screamed at him to find something to cover himself with, but there was always nothing to his aid. 

He felt comfortable with Harry, though. With Harry he didn't feel a burning itch to shield and cover himself because he didn't feel uncomfortable. And that made him feel confident. 

He stood up and removed the towel from around his waist before his cheeks turned bright red. He handed it to Nick who was now smirking and looking him up and down. Louis wanted to die. He turned and went back to the bed. Nick turned over his shoulder and threw the towels in the bathroom. 

When he stepped back in the room Louis was sitting in the middle of the bed with the blanket pulled over himself meekly. Nick removed his shirt and dropped it to the floor. 

"Nick, please." Louis pleaded softly when he knelt down on the bed in front of him. "I don't want t-"

"Oh my god, shut up already." Nick rolled his eyes in annoyance and Louis pressed his lips together softly. His stomach was churning, his heart was pounding, and he was seriously contemplating just jumping out of the window. He did not want to have sex with Nick ever and he especially didn't want to have sex with him while Harry was standing in the bathroom not even 10 feet away. "Ya gonna fuckin' lie down or not?" Louis swallowed thickly, shaking his head slightly. 

"No, Nick, please," He looked down at the sheet he was holding over his lap. "Let's just go to bed, we don't have to do it every single night. I can't...I can't handle that. It's too much on my body." Nick gave him the most uninterested look Louis had ever seen. 

"Wow, that almost moved me, but then it didn't. Lie down." 

"No, Nick, not tonight. I said no more sex for awhile and you agreed. You said you'd change." 

"Fine." Louis was quiet for a moment. He gave Nick a dubious look. 

"Really?"

"No, lie down now."

"Nick!" 

"The sooner you lie down the sooner we'll be done." Louis shook his head again. 

"I said no." He fought back bravely, gripping the blanket over his lip tightly. Nick gave him an unamused look. 

"I don't care, I've had a fucking long day-"

"Then find something else to relieve your stress and tension!"

"Like what?" Louis pressed his lips together before huffing in annoyance. 

"I don't know, find something yourself!" He practically shouted. Nick just shrugged then unfastened his belt before pulling it off. "Nick, I said no." 

"And I said I don't care." He retorted moving closer and Louis had no where to run. 

"I'll leave."

"No you won't." Nick just laughed, reaching out to brush Louis' hair away from his eyes. Louis turned his head away. "Now fucking lie down now or else." Louis was beginning to tremble. He despised it when Nick acted this way. Absolutely despised it. It made him sick. But he did as Nick said anyway and slowly moved down onto his back, only cringing slightly when Nick ripped the blanket back. 

Now Harry had witnessed some brutal things in his life, but he never ever really got angry, upset, or felt a need for retaliation, and yet there he was standing in a wet bathtub with tears his eyes and a tight chest from listening to Louis beg Nick to stop his heinous crime because he was in pain and because Nick was being too rough only to be slapped in the face and cursed out. He was deplored to know that this was what went on behind the scenes, that while everyone was just lounging around in the bunkhouses after a long day Louis was in the house being forced against his will to have sex with a revolting man he no longer felt any attraction too. 

A part of him wanted to burst out of the bathroom and attempt to save Louis from Nick, but that would probably only result in a bigger casualty. The sounds made Harry want to cut his own ears off. It was literally making him sick to his stomach. 

He just bit his tongue to keep himself quiet. He had a lump in his throat making him feel even sicker. All he wanted to do was be able to save Louis, but he couldn't do that and he hated it! 

Eventually the repulsive act came to an end and all Harry could focus on was the silence. He himself was shaking. Suddenly the bathroom door creaked open making Harry's heart jump out of his chest practically. 

Louis closed the bathroom door and locked it before bursting into tears. Harry pulled the shower curtain back bravely and watched Louis collapse to his knees. He was dressed only in his underwear and Harry was dressed back in his clothes. Harry stepped out the tub and Louis kept his hands over his face. He pressed his forehead into the floor mat. And he just let it out. Harry descended to the floor in front of him and reached out gently. He hefted Louis up slightly and placed his head in his lap. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. 

Harry reached down, running his fingers through Louis' hair, feeling heartbroken to have to listen to him sob. Harry bent over and pressed his lips to Louis' ear. 

"He does not deserve you and you do not deserve this." He whispered so softly it was almost unheard. Louis just nodded, his face scrunching together in remorse. More tears rolled down his cheeks and Harry closed his eyes, titling his forehead down until it touched Louis' jawline. 

Louis propped himself up, looking up at Harry who gazed back at him somberly. He raised up his hands which were trembling and signed something to him, but Harry couldn't make it out. He just shrugged his shoulder and shook his head. Louis reached out, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and pulling him close. He pressed his lips against his ear. 

"Do you really mean that?" He whispered ever so softly. Harry wrapped his arm around him, splaying his hand against his back. He nodded. Louis tucked his head onto Harry's shoulder, bursting into tears again. Harry just held him tightly, never wanting to let him go. 

Eventually he calmed down and ultimately had to go back into the room. Harry went back to the tub to seek shelter and fought off fatigue as the hours passed. At some hour of the night he stepped out of the tub and moved towards the bathroom door. He peeked into the room. 

Nick was asleep on his stomach with his face buried in a pillow. Louis was sitting up right against the bed frame, wide awake. He looked at Harry before gesturing towards the door with his head. Harry offered him a small smile before tip toeing towards the door, then fleeing the house.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry didn't sleep that well the following nights. Louis didn't sleep well either, but he never slept well. That wasn't anything new for him. Harry spent every waking moment replaying all he heard in his head, and maybe he shouldn't have done that, but it was plaguing him. 

Louis just went through his days as usual, feeling more numb than usual. Nothing had changed for him. He walked from the kitchen into the living room. He went over to their very empty bookshelf and began looking through the five books they owned, trying to decide which one he wanted Harry and him to read next since they were practically done with Sister Carrie. 

He heard Nick enter the room, but didn't turn to look. He picked up The Great Gatsby and decided that he and Harry would read that next. He pivoted around only to face Nick who was standing directly behind him, who then slapped him hard in the face. Louis dropped his book and reached both of his hands up to his cheek, tears watering his eyes. 

"What was that for?" He asked softly. Nick glared down at him, holding up the sheet of music. 

"Where the fuck did you get this?" He demanded. Louis swallowed thickly, lowering his hands to his sides. 

"I bought it myself." He lied. "I went into town when you were out in the field and I bought it myself because I'm sick and tired of you ruining everything." 

"Bullshit, you never went into town-"

"And how the fuck are you supposed to know what I do when you're out working in the field for eight hours a day?" Louis interrupted sternly.

"The car never left-"

"The car did, you piece of shit-" Nick reached up and grabbed the back of his hair tightly, yanking it back and not letting go. Louis reached up with both hands and grabbed his wrist tightly, a pained expression on his face. Tears welled in his eyes. "Nick, let go." He whimpered in pain. 

"Not until you apologize." Nick taunted in a sarcastic tone. Louis squeezed his wrist. He didn't want to apologize, though. He was glad he actually had the courage to call him that. He didn't want to go back on that! "What was that?" Nick asked when Louis hadn't said anything and pulled his hair even harder. Louis yelped, craning his neck and standing on toes to try and relieve the pain in any way he could. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"For what?"

"For calling you a piece of shit." Nick shoved Louis over and Louis tripped over his own feet, falling on his hands and knees. He held his hand up to his cheek then turned his head up, looking up at Nick with tearful eyes. 

"Fuck this piece of shit music, you were never good anyway." Nick ripped the paper in half, then half again. He let the pieces flutter to the floor. "And you should work out more a bit, you've gained some weight. It's rather unattractive." Nick pivoted around before sauntering off. Louis scraped up the pieces of paper before sitting up on his knees, gazing down at them. He climbed up to his feet and marched after Nick. 

"I'm not here to please you." He said loudly. Nick stopped halfway up the stairs to give Louis a condescending look. "I'm not your toy, or your object. I'm a human. I'm not your punching bag to take your stress out on. I have feelings, do you know how hard is it on me when you constantly treat me that way?" Nick rolled his eyes. 

"Stop being so overdramatic-"

"And if you don't start showing me some fucking respect then I'm just gonna leave-"

"Do ya realize that is your go to threat?" Nick repeated glaring at him from the stairs. "You've been using that threat since we practically got here. If something doesn't go your way you threaten to leave, yet you don't do a fucking thing about it." 

"You promised you'd change." 

"Yeah, well, people don't change, haven't you figured that out?" Louis just drew in a slow breath, tears brimming his eyes. Nick just turned around and continued up the stairs. 

Later that night, still fed up and hurt, Louis signed to Harry to meet in the barn as he was opening the window. Harry, who was sitting in his usual spot, nodded with a smile before getting up and going into the bunkhouse. Louis laid wide awake until 1 o'clock came when he pulled his blanket back and stood up. 

"Can't sleep?" Nick asked groggily, startling him. 

"Yeah."

"Going to the barn?" Louis was holding his breath. 

"Yep." Nick hadn't even turned his face from his pillow or even opened his eyes. How long has he been awake? 

"Be safe." Louis just rolled his eyes before rushing out of the room. He hurried out of the house and swiftly moved across the dirt to the barn. When he slipped into the barn Harry was already standing by a pillar, glancing around. 

"Hey," Harry turned, smiling at him. 

"Hey angel eyes." He greeted making Louis crack a soft smile. Louis drew in an uneasy breath before letting it out in a shaky sigh. 

"I—I'm really sorry you had to listen to that." Harry looked at him. 

"You have nothing to apologize for, so please don' apologize for the disgustin' actions of a bastard. You're not at fault for anythin'." Louis shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm still sorry." Louis walked through the barn, towards the ladder then began to climb up it. Harry followed him solemnly. He stood at the top of the ladder, watching Louis drop down on the pile of hay on his back. 

"What'dya mean when ya asked if I meant it when I said that you don't deserve this?" Louis was still quiet. 

"I don't know." He answered quietly. "I was hysterical, I just said it." 

"Ya don't think you deserve all this shit, do ya?" Louis just sighed. 

"I don't know. I feel like it's my fault. I should've tried harder in the beginning, I should've fought back more, stood my ground. Instead I just…let it happen, accept his apology, and move on because I was afraid of being alone. I let him think that what he was doing was okay and now look where I am." 

"Louis," Harry took a few steps closer. Louis looked up at him. "Ya aren't the one at fault here. It's Nick's fault he's a shitty person. It's not yer fault when he hits you or…treats you like an object." Louis shrugged. 

"Whatever. I can't help but think if I had done something different this could've been avoided." Harry just gave him a sorrowful look, feeling sad for him. "He ripped up the sheet music again." 

"He fuckin' did?" Louis just nodded, staring up at the sky. 

"I left it on the piano. It's my fault-"

"It's no' yer fault." Harry interrupted sternly. He walked over to hay and got down beside Louis. He wrapped his arms around Louis, pulling him into his chest. Louis just snuggled against his chest, pressing his hand against his shirt. 

"And he told me I need to work out because I've gained weight and it's unattractive and he told me I was never good at the piano-"

"Bullshit, you were fuckin' amazing." Louis forced a soft laugh before just closing his eyes and letting his tears roll down his cheeks. "I mean, I might not know much 'bout piano, but ya were good." 

"Thank you." Louis replied softly. "I can't wait to fucking leave this hellhole." Harry stiffened. 

"Any plan on when yer leavin?" Louis laughed, shaking his head. 

"I have no fucking idea, I haven't got that far. The only thing I know is that I'm leaving. Whether that be in one day or in one hundred days." 

"Well ya can't leave without saying goodbye." Harry told him with a smile. 

"I don't intend to leave without you." 

"Without me?" He asked with a smile and Louis nodded, smiling back. 

"That is if you'd want to come with me."

"We can see." Harry replied and Louis smiled, laughing softly. His smile slowly faded and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against Harry's chest. 

"I'm so exhausted. Why am I always so tired? I never do anything." Harry chuckled. 

"Ya probably do more than ya think." Louis just shrugged, sighing. 

"I just want to sleep. In a bed. Far away from here." He said softly, making Harry laugh again. 

"I second that." Louis opened his eyes and looked up at the sky through the hole in the roof. 

"There's only one thing I love about being out here, and that's the stars. It's so beautiful out here. The stars are always so bright, you can see everything. I can see everything." Harry turned his head down, smiling at Louis fondly. 

"You've got eyes for the stars, but I've got eyes for you." He whispered in his ear. Louis turned his gaze down to Harry. 

"You're so fucking sweet." He leaned up and kissed him softly. Harry kissed him back before Louis was rolling over on top of him. Harry smirked, placing his hands on his lower back. 

"Yer so fuckin' cute." 

"You're fucking cuter."

"Don't fuckin' lie to me." 

"I'm not fucking lying." 

"I think yer fuckin' lying to me." They both just stared at each other, smiling, before they started laughing. Louis sighed contently then tucked his head in the crook of Harry's neck. Harry hugged him tightly, gazing up at the sky himself. 

And that's how they laid. Louis felt comfortable against Harry. He felt safe. And warm, and happy, and content. Harry was pretty sure Louis had fallen asleep and Harry was beginning to doze off himself when suddenly they heard the barn door open and they both jolted upright, startled. 

"Louis?" It was Nick. His voice echoed. Harry's entire face dropped. He knelt up on his knees and Louis was looking just as panicked. 

"I'm up on the landing!" He called out hastily before waving Harry to the back of the pile of the hay. Harry jumped behind it soundlessly then gave him a helpless look. His heart beat harder as Nick's footsteps grew closer. 

'Under!' Louis signed to him frantically. Harry pressed himself against the hay then Louis frantically tried to throw some more hay over him before he picked up the blanket and fanned it over the mound of hay. Nick was climbing up the ladder and Louis quickly scrambled down on his rump, lying against it casually, like that's all he had been doing. He prayed, prayed, prayed Harry wasn't obvious and that there was enough hay to hide him. 

Nick stepped up onto the landing and gazed down at Louis. Louis glanced over at him. Louis was sure Nick could actually hear how hard his heart was beating. Harry felt like he was about to throw up. He had buried the upper half of his body under the hay, he felt like he was suffocating. He prayed that his legs weren't visible. 

"You okay?" He asked softly. "You've been out here awhile." Louis nodded. 

"The sky looks very different tonight." He answered. Nick just drew in a long breath and glanced down at the floor. 

"Does it?" Nick stepped forward and ducked down, glancing up at the sky. 

"Guess it depends on the way you view the sky." Louis replied. Nick surprised him by descending to the floor and sitting beside him then laying against the hay. He glanced up at the sky. 

"We really need to fix the roof." He stated making Louis sigh. 

"Let this stay broken." He replied solemnly. 

"We can't just let it stay open, what about when the next storm comes?" 

"Then a little rain will get in, it wouldn't be the end of the world." Nick took a deep breath then glanced up at the sky. 

"It'd be the end of my world." Nick joked back softly. Louis smiled softly, but his heart was still in his throat. He took a deep breath. "C'mon, come back to bed." 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"I'm not ready." Louis replied gazing up at the sky. 

"Then I'll wait with you." Louis pressed his lips together, exhaling softly. 

"Fine, I'm ready." Louis climbed up to his feet and dusted the hay off himself. Nick followed suit and Louis rushed towards the ladder after him. "What the hell makes you think you can treat me like shit, ignore me, then come out here and act all buddy buddy with me?" He asked angrily as he stormed out of the barn. 

"Are you actually pissed at me right now?" Nick asked with a soft scoff. 

"I'm still pissed from this morning." Louis retorted marching across the ground towards the porch. "You never apologized-"

"Would you believe me if I did?" Louis stopped on the porch, turning around to face him. 

"No, I wouldn't, but the gesture would still be appreciated."

"Well if you aren't gonna believe me then what's the fucking point?" Nick asked sternly, his expression turning grim. He crossed his arms and Louis just took a deep breath before sighing. 

"I don't know, but I'm getting so fucking sick and tired you of treating me like complete shit, abusing me, then acting like nothing ever happened later on." 

"Why don't you stop acting like such a melodramatic bitch-"

"Just like that!" Louis pulled open the door and stormed inside. 

"Nothing ever fucking pleases you!" 

"Would you keep your voice down? You're gonna wake your father." Nick rolled his eyes as he followed Louis up the stairs. 

"Fine, nothing ever fucking pleases you." Nick whispered fiercely. Louis rolled his eyes this time and marched into the room. 

"You're at the top of the list of things that don't please me." Louis snarked back, he went into the bathroom then locked the door before Nick could shove his way inside. 

"You know what, it's too late for this shit. Goodnight, you stubborn bastard." On the other side of the bathroom door Louis had sunk to the ground and placed his head between his knees. He hated his life. 

Back in the barn Harry lifted himself up out of hay, believing he was finally in the clear. He stood up quietly, dusting the hay off himself. Still feeling alerted, like Nick was just around the corner, he climbed down the ladder and jumped to the ground. He left through the back of the barn, but leaning against the side of the barn was a dark figure that made him jump in his boots. 

"Fuck! Shit." Harry slapped his hand over his racing heart. "Fuckin' hell." Liam stepped forward. "What the hell are ya doin?" 

"Me?" Liam whispered. "What 'bout you? Ya were suppose' t' stay away from him-"

"Ya can't tell me what t' do." Harry interrupted indignantly. He held his nose high and averted Liam's glare. 

"Harry, it's the smart thing t' do."

"Well I've never been much of a smart man, now have I." He retorted back. Liam grit his teeth together, glaring at Harry even harder. 

"Ya got to listen to me-"

"Why can't I listen to my heart?" Harry interrupted again. 

"Because the heart is misleadin'. Yer not in love with him, yer just in love with fallin' in love-"

"What the hell is that supposed t' mean? I never said I loved him." Liam rolled his eyes at him. Harry didn't even know what love was, what love felt like. He had never loved anyone and no one had ever loved him—well, an exception to that would be his mother, but aside from love from a family member, he had never experienced love the way everyone was supposed to. And he never thought he would, he was always too busy working to ever meet anyone, plus to be homosexual was simply an abomination. The odds were already stacked against him. 

"Good, 'nd ya don' want t'." 

"Why not?"

"He's fuckin' married t' our boss, in case ya forgot." Liam told him sternly. Harry just shrugged it off. He didn't give a single shit about Nick anymore. Nick was dead to him. 

"In case ya also forgot Nick isn' the boss-"

"He might as well be."

"'Nd he's also an abusive bastard." Harry finished. He had to remind himself to keep his voice down, heaven forbid anyone wake up and here every word they were saying. 

"It's not yer job t' do anythin' 'bout that." Harry scoffed. 

"Just 'cause all y'all are too scared shitless t' admit what he does is wrong-"

"We all know that-"

"Then why the hell do ya jus' let him get away with it?" Liam crossed his arms. His teeth were grit together tightly, Harry was sure he could see steam rolling out of his ears. 

"Cause we ain't got no place tellin' him how t' act. We're jus' here t' work the fuckin' fields 'nd make money." Harry shook his head. 

"How can ya not feel guilty knowin' 'bout the way he treats him? Do ya got any idea what happens inside that house?" He asked Liam seriously. Liam was just quiet. 

"No, 'nd neither should you 'cause their relationship ain't our business-" Harry scoffed again. 

"He rapes him." Liam gave him a skeptical look. 

"No he doesn'." Harry forced a soft laugh. 

"Yes he does." He replied softly. "He does." 

"He tell ya that? He can easily lie-"

"I heard it." Harry interrupted. It was quiet between them. "Well this has been a great chat, I'm gonna head off t' bed. Night." Before Liam would even be able to utter another sound, Harry was stepping passed him and walking hastily to his bunkhouse. He settled into his bed uneasily, holding his blanket to his chest. He stared up at the ceiling, hoping for one split second that it would just cave in and end everything. But it didn't. When he heard Liam enter the bunkhouse again, he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

He couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep well a lot of nights. He blamed himself mostly. What else would be to blame? He just couldn't seem to turn his brain off at night. There were always a million different thoughts and scenarios zooming through his head. 

He thought about how Louis wanted him to leave for New York with him when the time would be right. And Harry would love that! But there was no way he could actually go. New York was so far out of his league it was laughable. Just laughable. What would he even do in New York? There were no ranches there. No farms. He had no education, what would he do other than just follow Louis around? 

These were thoughts that plagued his mind. He knew he was getting way too far ahead of himself, hell, Louis could just be all talk and no action, but the thought of it was exciting and nerve racking at the same time! He longed to see more than just ranches and farms, but those had become his home. He didn't even know if he was equipped for the big city. In fact, he knew he wasn't equipped! 

But he knew that he liked Louis and Louis liked him and if he has to go the extra mile and maybe step outside of his comfort zone to experience something he had never experienced before...then he might as well be willing to do just that. But again, he was getting too far ahead of himself. Anything can happen, anything can change. And anything can crumble to dust.


	14. Chapter 14

"What made you realize you're homosexual?" It was a week later and what had changed? Absolutely nothing. It was Sunday afternoon, and laying in the tall grass surrounded in their own fortress of solitude were Louis and Harry, staring up at the sky and counting the clouds that floated by. 

"I don' know. Saw a guy once 'nd was like, 'damn, he's hot' and I haven' been the same ever since." He said teasingly. Louis turned on his side, giving Harry a condescending look. 

"I'm serious." He replied softly. Harry smiled up at him before taking a deep breath. He sat up a bit, supporting himself up with his hands pressed into the grass behind him. 

"I honestly don' really know. I just know that I never looked at women the way I was taught to. 'Nd one day someone was talkin' about homosexuality 'nd I asked what that was 'nd they said it was when people of the same sex liked each other 'nd I started thinkin' that maybe I was one of those people. Then I found myself fallin' for my neighbor 'nd I knew." He ended with a laugh, making Louis smile. "What 'bout you?" 

"Well when I was a child I had a huge crush on my neighbor too. He was my age and we'd play together and I thought I was going to marry him. Of course, me being the age I was, my parents just wrote it off as a silly child fantasy I'd grow out of, not thinking much of it. But as I grew up it never really changed and I still had a crush on my neighbor, I just kept it to myself though. So I always knew I liked the same sex. Turned out my neighbor did too and one day my parents caught us making out in the backyard and they were livid. I've practically been disowned." 

"My rents don' even know." Harry said with a snicker. "Well, my mother didn' know. I guess I could still tell my dad, but that means I'd have t' go see him." 

"Are you not close with your father?" Harry shook his head. 

"We've always been more coworkers than we have been son and father." Louis gave him a solemn look, Harry just stared down at the grass. 

"I'm sorry about that." 

"Have you been in any other relationships before?" Louis shook his head. 

"Nick was my first boyfriend and all which is maybe why I was naive to believe everything was all bees and blossoms and not recognize the signs that our relationship wasn't exactly healthy to begin with." 

"How wasn't it healthy?" 

"Well, when I think back on it now he was really possessive and got jealous easily—hell, he's still that way now, I just didn't know it back then. I thought it was love, but I'm still learning what love is." 

"Let's talk 'bout something cheerier." Harry suggested making Louis smile again. 

"Like what?"

"Like we still need t' fuckin' finish Sister Carrie or I'm gonna explode."

"How about we finish it tonight? And I already picked out another one for us to read. It's a lot shorter, but just as good. Maybe even better. It's The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald." 

"What's it about?" Louis just smirked, motioning that he was zipping his lips sealed. 

"You'll have to find out." 

"But I wanna know-"

"Well you can't." Harry smirked at Louis and then they both laughed. 

"I think most of them guys were gonna head int' town tonight. Maybe we can read out on the porch." Louis smiled softly, nodding. 

"I would love that." 

"As would I." 

And Harry was correct. It was always the day they got paid where all the men would pile on down into town after the sun had gone to sleep to drink their sorrows away for the night. The day Harry would join them would be the day pigs flew. But sure enough, after the sun had gone down they all rallied up the cars and the men before all shuffling down into the town, Nick and Nicks father included. Louis was given strict orders to stay in the house, but fuck that.

Harry ventured out of the bunkhouse and sat down in his little rocking chair he had designated as his own. He looked up at the bedroom window for Louis who appeared a few moments later. He smiled down at him before signing "safe?" in which Harry nodded, feeling butterflies awaken in his stomach. Louis nodded back before stepping back from the window. Harry felt unusually giddy as he waited for Louis. And when he actually saw Louis step out of the house with the books in his hand Harry felt like his heart was about to actually just burst out of his chest with affection! 

Louis hurried over to the bunkhouse and paused at the bottom step leading up to the small porch of the bunkhouse. He bit back his smile.

"Hey angel eyes." Harry greeted sitting forward on the chair. Louis felt all the blood rush to his face.

"Hi sweetheart." He replied merrily. God, he was so fond of Harry it wasn't even funny. Not one bit. In a perfect world he and Harry would be living in New York together happily. But the world will never be perfect, so as long as he had Harry now then that's all he needed for it to be a content world. 

"Ready?" Louis nodded, walking up the porch. He had the intentions of sitting in the chair next to Harry's, but when Harry saw he was moving over to that chair he wrapped his arm around Louis' waist and pulled him down onto his lap. Louis burst out into laughter, almost dropping the books as he was pressed against Harry. Harry had both his arms wrapped around Louis in a bear hug and there was no implication that he was letting him go anytime soon. 

"Well I can't read if you're hugging me so tight I can't move." Louis said through his laughter. Harry just chuckled then loosened the hug. Louis sat up, dusted himself off, then nestled back against Harry cozily. "This is "The Great Gatsby", see how much shorter it is?" He asked holding up the book. Harry nodded, reaching out to take it. 

"But ya said it's good?" Louis nodded.

"The best." He said. "I love it. And I know you will too." 

"But first we must finish Sister Carrie." 

"Of course!" Louis laid back and opened the book to the first page of the last chapter. Harry had his one arm laying on top of the chair arm and his other wrapped snuggly around Louis' waist, his hand on his stomach. It was warm. They were warm. "In the city, at that time," Louis began. "There were a number of charities similar in nature to that of the captain's, which Hurstwood now patronised in a like unfortunate way. One was a convent mission-house of the Sisters of Mercy in Fifteenth Street—a row of red brick family dwellings, before the door of which hung a plain wooden contribution box, on which was painted the statement that every noon a meal was given free to all those who might apply and ask for aid. This simple announcement was modest in the extreme, covering, as it did, a charity so broad. Institutions and charities are so large and so numerous in New York that such things as this are not often noticed by the more comfortably situated."

And it was only ten minutes later they were finished with the book. Louis finished it with a satisfied sigh as he closed the book then turned his head over his shoulder to look at Harry who was smiling. 

"What'd you think?"

"I think it was fuckin' fantastic and I'm sad it's finished, but excited t' start the new one ya brought." Harry explained making Louis smile even wider. He turned his head forward then tilted it back against Harry's shoulder. 

"I can't believe we finished it." He said in disbelief. 

"Thank ya for readin' it t' me-"

"Are you kidding? Thank you for buying it and for asking me!" Louis exclaimed animatedly. Harry chuckled softly. "I've been wanting to read this book for so long, I'm so glad that I finally got the opportunity." Harry leaned forward and kissed Louis' cheek. 

"'Nd now we got your other one." He said picking it up. Louis nodded happily as he leaned over and placed Sister Carrie on the ground then took The Great Gatsby from Harry, opening it up. 

"Ready?" Harry nodded, laughing softly. Louis faced forward, licking his lips as he traced his eyes over the page. "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. 'Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,' he told me, 'just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.'". He read happily. 

And so they read. And read, and read, and read. Once they hit the halfway point, or what they considered half way through the book, Louis closed it then turned his head over his shoulder again to look at Harry. 

"Well ya can't stop now, I gotta know what happens." He urged making Louis laugh. 

"But just think of how relieved you'll be once we get to the end after all the suspense of waiting!" He exclaimed. "That's the best part of reading!"

"Well we should jus' finish it now!" Louis laughed loudly. He dropped the book down on the porch then placed his own arm overtop Harry's. 

"No, we got to savior it." He said softly. "Make it last." Harry leaned in, kissing Louis' cheek softly. It was quiet between them and they were both content. They always were when they were with each other. Louis sighed happily, resting his head on Harry's shoulder. Harry wrapped his other arm around Louis, hugging him tightly, and Louis placed his other arm over top it as well. 

"Hey, whatever happened t' the teachin' jobs in town?" Harry asked his softly. Louis licked his lips then pressed them together. He shrugged his shoulders. 

"I'll just wait for something else to come along at a better time." He replied quietly. Harry just nodded. He brushed his thumb against Louis' arm gently, his breath hot on his face. 

"Did ya ask 'bout it?" Louis shook his head. 

"You're so warm." That made Harry smile. 

"Good, cause it's a bit cold out here." 

"Well I always feel warm when I'm with you." 

"Well I always feel warm when I'm with ya too." 

"Well I'm burning up right now!" Louis exclaimed jokingly and Harry laughed in amusement. He squeezed Louis tightly then kissed his cheek again, making Louis blush pink. A little part him was coming alive. Or had already come back to life and was thriving. All because of Harry! And Harry probably didn't even realize it. 

"Well I'm on fire." Harry replied teasingly. 

"Oh yeah? Well I'm already ash."

"Well I've been ash for a week." Louis chuckled. 

"Oh really? How can you work if you're ash?" Harry laughed boisterously which only made Louis laugh all the more louder and soon they were just sitting with each other, laughing loudly over nothing yet everything at the same time. Louis sighed contently, turning his face towards Harry's. His nose brushed against Harry's cheek making them both smile. Harry turned his head. 

"I make it work." He whispered. Louis grinned then leaned in and kissed Harry softly. 

"You have soft lips." 

"Ya gotta be lying." Harry said making Louis chuckle, his eyes squinting shut. "My lips are so dry 'nd chapped. If anyone got soft lips it's you." 

"You're sweet." Harry gave him another kiss and then they just cuddled together. Louis, with his head against Harry's shoulder, closed his eyes. Harry titled his head down so their heads were touching then closed his own eyes. And then they fell asleep. 

They weren't sure how long had it been until suddenly they were jolting awake as the two cars came swerving up to the house before coming to a screeching halt. The horse carrying the carriage went trotting off to the barn as the tipsy men jumped off it. Louis launched himself off Harry's lap and stumbled off the porch. Harry rubbed his eyes before he stood up. 

Nick got out of the car, he already looked furious. Had he seen them? He slammed the car door then marched over to Louis who was already walking over to him. 

"What the hell are you doing out here?" 

"I—I was just talking with Harry-" Nick grabbed him by the arm roughly. 

"Why the hell were you doing that when I told you not to leave the fuckin' house?" He whispered in a low and fierce tone. Harry just watched from the porch. Most of the men dawdled into their bunkhouses, but those who didn't idled around to watch and see what was to unfold. 

"I can do what I want, Nick. Please let go of me." Louis pleaded softly, keeping his head down and his voice low. 

"I fucking told you to stay in the house." Nick whispered to him, but whispering for him was more like talking at a normal level so everyone standing around could hear him. It's like he wasn't even trying, or like he never cared that everyone could hear him! 

"Nick, you're hurting my arm-"

"You're hurting yourself by not fucking listening." Louis reached up and grabbed Nick's wrist. "Why don't you ever fucking listen." Nick raised his other hand and slapped the side of Louis' head, making him flinch. 

"He-" Harry was in the middle of calling Nick out, but before he could even finish one word Liam and two other guys were wrestling him into the bunkhouse. 

"Don't cause more trouble for yourself." Liam warned as they threw him down on his bed. Harry pushed their hands and arms away furiously, sitting up promptly. 

"Don't fuckin' touch me, you bastards." He snapped angrily. 

"It's jus' turnin' int' a cycle, let them solve their own problems-"

"He was going to hit him." Harry said standing up only to be pushed down again. "Fuckin' knock it off." He rose his voice and slapped their hands away again. He stood up yet again then pushed himself through the guys. He marched back out onto the porch while Liam rushed after him. 

"Harry!" 

"Hey!" Nick let go of Louis' wrist, turning around upon hearing Harry's voice. He immediately rolled his eyes. 

"What the fuck did I tell ya, Styles?" 

"I can't jus' not say anythin' when yer about t' fucking hit him!" He yelled stomping over to them. Louis just let his head fall into his hands, contemplating fleeting into the house. 

"Didn't I fucking tell you to stick your nose somewhere else?" Nick barked, stomping towards him and away from Louis. 

"Didn't ya fuckin' know yer not supposed to hit yer spouse?" Harry challenged, not backing down from Nick. 

"Didn't I fucking tell you if I had one more incident from you you'd be fired?" Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Okay, go ahead." He retorted shrugging his shoulders. "Fire me. Ya know I hate it here. Ya know I can't fuckin' stand ya, fire me. Fire me for standin' up for what is right." Nick glared down at him harshly. Everyone waited in great anticipation as Nick was hesitating. He didn't say a word. 

"Grab your things." He finally said. Harry nodded. 

"Okay then." So Harry turned and walked towards the bunkhouse. Everyone watched in numbness and awe, not breathing or moving, as Harry collected up his things, strapped his bindle to his back, then grabbed his guitar before leaving the bunkhouse. Everyone was still in their place. He stepped passed Nick before pausing then turning around to face him, or more so face Louis who was standing behind Nick still. Nick gave him a cold glare before stepping forward and shoving him back forcefully. 

"You can stay with the black ni-"

"Don't you fucking finish that word, Nick." Louis warned raising his voice from behind him. Nick just grit his teeth and rolled his eyes. 

"The black scum." He said instead. "C'mon, lets go." He shoved Harry again who stumbled backwards before turning around and walking towards the barn with Nick hot on his trail. Nick kept periodically shoving him forward roughly before he was eventually shoved to the back corner of the barn. Nick opened the door before pushing him inside then slamming the door. 

There was a little light being shed from a lantern and sitting up in a little cot in a corner was Leo. The room was very small and cold. There was a counter on the opposing wall cluttered with various things, but Harry didn't care to make sense of what it all was. 

"Welcome to the annex." He joked making Harry force a small smile. 

"Yer already kinder then all them guys out there." Harry dropped his bindle on the ground then sighed. 

"What happened?" 

"Nick was gonna hit Louis, no doubt he probably did, 'nd I called him out. Then I told him t' fire me 'nd just said t' grab my things 'nd pushed me here." Leo just nodded. 

"Well I'm glad you stood your ground. Not many men 'round here stand up for their beliefs. It takes a strong man to do that these days." Harry just nodded back, swallowing thickly. He just stood there, unsure of where to move next. Leo stood up then left the room without a word. Harry still just stood there. A moment later Leo returned rolling in a folded up cot. "Believe it or not, but there used to be two black men working here." He moved the cot to opposing corner and set it down. "You can rest here." Leo just went back to his own cot and Harry dropped in bindle on top of his new bed. 

"Thank you." 

"Don't thank me." He replied rather sternly. Harry just sat down on the cot and stared down at the floor. He placed his guitar up against the wall carefully before sighing to himself. His life was such a fucking mess. 

He turned and laid down on his back. He didn't even have a pillow. He placed his hands on his chest then closed his eyes. He started day dreaming. He dreamed that he was a millionaire with more money than he could imagine, a house suited for a hundred people, but the only people who occupied it were him and Louis, and they were living happily ever after because that's the only ending they deserved and if they didn't have a happy ending then they hadn't reached the end yet. Harry wanted to give Louis his happy ending. 

Harry had eventually dozed off until the sound of someone moving through the barn made his heart jump to his throat. At first he had to remind himself that it was probably just an animal, but nope. A moment later the door was flying open and Louis stood before him and Leo holding a pillow and blankets. 

"I'm so sorry." Was the first thing out of his mouth as he handed Harry the bedding. 

"Ya don' gotta apologize for him." Harry whispered back, even though he had no need to. Leo was awake. 

"But I feel like I have to or else you'll think I'm rude-"

"I would never think that." Harry replied softly. He placed the pillow at the head of the bed then began to fan out the two blankets. Louis smiled softly then he turned to Leo. 

"Oh, and Leo, I brought you some new pencils and paper." He reached around to his back pocket then pulled out a small stack of folded paper and wooden pencils. He placed them on the counter while Harry just watched him questionably. "He likes to draw." Louis explained smiling back at Harry. "And he's good." 

"What time is it?" 

"2 am." Louis answered as if it were only 2 in the afternoon and he was as awake as ever. 

"Does Nick know yer out here?" He shook his head. 

"I just wanted to give you that stuff real quick, it gets cold out here." He explained. Harry nodded. 

"Thank ya very much—are the books still on the porch?" 

"Shit, probably. I didn't grab them." Louis crossed his arms, drawing in a long breath. "I'll check." Harry just watched him intently, not saying a word. "This is all my fault-"

"Hey, no it's not. Don' say that." Harry spoke up, standing up from the bed. Louis just shook his head before hiding his face in his hands. 

"It is, it's always my fault-"

"No it's not." Harry interrupted. Leo stood up from his cot then moved over to the door leading into and out of the room. 

"I'm just gonna go check on the animals."

"Oh, no, Leo-" But he was already gone. Harry reached up and took one of Louis' hands. 

"He knows." Louis' eyes widened at him. 

"He knows?" Harry nodded. "Since when?" Harry shrugged. 

"Before Liam. I took a horse in here 'cause of a broken hoof 'nd he said he knew. Said he could hear us when we up here." 

"Oh." Harry nodded. 

"But he said he ain't gonna tell anyone." He quickly added. "Said he likes that...that I make you happy cause he knows how badly Nick treats ya." A smile slowly spread across Louis' lips and he squeezed Harry's hand. He didn't say anything, he just leaned in and kissed Harry tenderly. 

Harry wrapped his other arm around Louis' waist and pulled him closer. Louis smiled, laughing softly which then made Harry smile and then they were just smiling at each other gleefully. 

"We should just run away tonight. Right now. And never turn back." Louis whispered and Harry smiled softly, exhaling slowly. 

"I don' think tonight is a good night for that." He replied back in a whisper. "I ain't got much jack." 

"Who even gives a shit about money? All we need is each other." Harry reached up, cupping Louis' cheek softly. Louis let his eyes close slowly then place his hand overtop Harry's. 

"We might need a little more." Harry said with a small laugh. Louis smiled, looking up at Harry. God, Louis wanted to run. He always wanted to run. And he wanted Harry to run with him! 

"So are you saying you'll at least come with me?" Harry hesitated. He hesitated and Louis felt a little hope escape his heart, but he still had all the faith in the world that Harry would go with him to New York. And he'd like to believe his heart wasn't misleading him. 

"Let's talk 'bout that later, okay?" Louis was quiet before just nodding his head. 

"Okay." Harry kissed him softly. "I better get back inside." 

"Be safe." Harry whispered. "Don't take any of his shit." He added making Louis chuckle as he stepped away. 

"I'll try." Harry forced a smile then leaned in and kissed him once more before Louis was rosy in the cheeks and leaving all smiles. After the door closed, Harry sat down on his cot and laid down on his back. He wasn't sure when Leo came back, but when he woke up and got ready for the day, he wished it was Louis he was seeing first thing in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolol who's ready for actual new chapters and content and angst and fluff


	15. Chapter 15

Harry was still in exile at the back of the barn two weeks later, but Leo had left for the glitz and glamor of New Orleans so he was all alone. 

"I'm leaving." Leo had simply stated one night. Harry sat up in his cot and looked at him curiously. The room was dark. There wasn't any electricity, only one dim oil lamp giving things a warm glow. 

"You are?" Leo nodded. 

"I'm going to New Orleans. I got some family down there." Harry smiled softly. 

"Well that's good, far away. I'm glad yer gettin' out of here." Leo smiled back at him for the first time, nestling back into his pillow. 

"Me too. I've been here too long, need a change of scenery." 

"Ya best be careful traveling. When are you leaving?" 

"Next Tuesday." He replied happily. "I'll miss you." He had then said which surprised Harry. But it made him smile. 

"I'll miss you too." 

"And you better be careful still." Leo warned. "Keep yourself safe. Things have been quiet, but don't get settled into that. Don't get comfortable. You can't afford it with what you're riding on." Harry drew in a slow breath then let it out in a soft sigh. 

"I will." He told him. 

And so Leo left. He was gone for good. Nick was unusually quiet, meaning he hadn't picked a fight with Harry, and vice versa, since the night he had been banished to the back of the barn. It was a world record practically. Of course, that didn't mean they didn't like each other any less. They still hated each other. 

Louis and Harry were still falling in love, if not already in love. Since Leo had left for New Orleans they had a more cozy and private place to meet. They had been meeting up in the middle of the night more frequently, almost every night. Louis was so head over heels for Harry, he couldn't ever remember feeling so strongly about someone. 

And Harry was feeling...something towards Louis. God, he didn't even know what he was feeling, but every time he saw him butterflies erupted in his stomach and he couldn't help but smile because there Louis was, this stunningly proper and dapper young man who had a soft spot in his heart for him! It was a fairytale world they were living in. 

It was a Thursday night, or very early morning. It was 2:30 in the morning and lying on Harry's cot together were Louis and Harry, bathed in the ethereal glow that was moonlight. Harry wasn't sure if it was the moonlight that made Louis beautiful, or Louis that made the moonlight beautiful. 

Harry caressed Louis' cheek softly. They were both bare, a mess of tangled limbs and warm embraces in the dark. The only light that was shed was the moonlight seeping in through the cracks of the wood, dotting their skin in dances of white light. 

"How are you so perfect, angel eyes?" He whispered. Louis smiled beautifully, a small laugh leaving his lips. 

"I'm not perfect, I have my flaws." He whispered back. 

"Well, I think yer pretty perfect." 

"Oh yeah?" Harry grinned, nodding. 

"Yeah."

"Why?" 

"I don't know, ya just are." They both laughed. "Yer sweet, and kind, and funny, and yer beautiful, and intelligent, and just...perfect." Louis gazed at him intently, reaching up and tapping his finger against Harry's bottom lip. "I came here expectin' to find nothing, but instead I found a best friend."

"A best friend? I've been downgraded?" Louis teased making Harry laugh loudly. He sighed contently, his head resting against the pillow. He tilted his head forward so that his and Louis' foreheads were touching. "I like how I feel as if I can tell you anything, talk to you about anything." 

"I feel the same." Harry closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of Louis' body. And boy was he warm. Louis gave him a patronizing smile even though Harry's eyes were still closed. 

"You're so sweet." Harry leaned in and kissed Louis sweetly. He sighed contently. "Honestly, Leo leaving was probably one of the best things that could've happened for us. And for him. I mean, I miss him, he was nice, and I hope he's enjoying New Orleans, but I like actually being alone." He said turning into Harry's side. Harry grinned down at him. Louis leaned up, kissing his cheek sweetly.

"Me too. It's nice t' not have t' worry as much." Louis nodded in agreement. "Hey, I think some of the guys are planning on goin' into town the day after tomorrow. I'll go in and get another book." They had finished The Great Gatsby and had moved on to Jane Eyre. Despite only being half way through there was no shame in planning ahead! "Any preference for genre?" 

"Surprise me." Harry chuckled. 

"Okay." Louis sighed contently. He was so fucking happy. 

"I wish we could go into town and pick out a book together." Harry nodded in agreement. He snaked his arm around Louis' waist and rubbed his hand across his back soothingly. Louis let his eyes flutter shut. 

"Me too." Harry whispered. "Maybe one day." He teased making Louis laugh. He smirked up at Harry before Harry leaned in, kissing him deeply. 

"Hmm," Louis hummed softly, kissing him back tenderly. "Maybe...want to do it again?" Harry smirked back and Louis' eyes lit up gleefully. Louis giggled as Harry rolled over top of him. He brushed Louis' hair back from his forehead, then leaned down and kissed the tip of his nose. Louis settled his hands against Harry's lower back. 

He kissed him. He kissed him sweetly at first, like they were a couple in the school yard, but then it just got passionate. They moved together so perfectly. Or at least it felt perfect, it might not've looked perfect. 

The moonlight danced across their skin the way their hearts did. Their skin felt like velvet to each other, like a soft fabric they just wanted to wrap themselves in. Harry wanted to feel every part of Louis. He wanted to feel beyond his skin, feel his heart and feel his soul. 

"Hey, don't get my blankets dirty." Harry teased grinning down at Louis. Louis laughed then hit Harry in the chest. Harry laid back down beside Louis. 

"Oh hush." Harry pulled Louis as close as he could, holding him tight. "I wish we had a place of our own somewhere. So we wouldn't have to worry about people finding us or...anything." 

"By somewhere do ya mean New York City?" Harry teased softly. Louis smiled guiltily. 

"Maybe." He said lazily. "New York is an amazing place." 

"How would ya know if you've never been there?" Harry asked him curiously. 

"Because I always read about these amazing things happening there in the city. There's so many opportunities to create or start a new life. Ellis Island is where immigrants landed in hopes of a better life. I want to start my life there." Louis told him. 

"Well I hope one day you are able to do that." Louis peered up at him. 

"I want to do that with you." 

"But...what if New York is not for me?" Harry replied softly. "You and I? We're polar opposites. I would love t' run off to New York with ya, I would love for you t' get away from Nick, I would love to just be this fuckin' knight in shining armor, but I can't." Louis swallowed thickly, slightly pushing away from Harry. "You can say money doesn' matter, but what the fuck would we live off of? We wouldn't have a place to stay or jobs—what the hell am I supposed to do in New York? Sure, you could become a teacher and all, or somethin', but what about me? I don't have a proper education like you, I don't have any other work experience other than workin' on a farm or ranch, New York City is so far beyond me that it isn't even funny." 

"Not everything has to be planned to a T-"

"But I'd like to have at least some general idea!" Harry interrupted, raising his voice. "And what if we're there and you're finally living this life you've always dreamed of havin', and this new and improved you realizes you don't want me anymore?" 

"What?" Louis asked softly. "That's...never going to happen-"

"But you don't fuckin' know that. You don't know who is in New York." 

"But I know I wanna be in New York with you." Louis rose his voice slightly. "And isn't that enough? Because one day I am going to leave and I'd love for you to come with me, but I'm not going to sit and wait for you to come around." 

"So what if I never come around?" It was quiet. 

"Then you don't." Louis replied. "And this'll have been something I'll never forget." Harry felt tears water his eyes. 

"Are you leaving soon?" 

"I mean, I don't know. I haven't thought about any specific time or date." Harry just looked down at Louis. He exhaled a shaky breath. 

"Can we talk about something else?" Louis nodded. 

"How about we just don't talk." He moved closer, wrapping his arms around Harry and tilting his head down on Harry's shoulder. Harry held him gently. Louis stared down at the blanket. "I love you." But he didn't actually say it, no, he was too scared to so he just mouthed the words to himself because he wasn't sure if he was even ready to hear himself say it. And he didn't want to freak Harry out, or make him feel as though he was trying to pressure him. 

He left a few hours later and it was safe to say Harry didn't get any sleep that night. The next afternoon Harry was in the barn trying to busy himself with tedious work. The door opened and he glanced over to see Nick saunter inside, much to his surprise. Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Can I help you?" He asked standing up straight. 

"Maybe." Nick replied shrugging. He walked over to him and Harry froze. He didn't make eye contact. "You know, I may not be a smart man, but I just connected some dots. You see, often when Louis can't sleep he likes to come in here and go up on the landing to look at the stars. But then the other night, last night, after he hadn't returned for four hours, I remembered you're sleeping in the back room now-"

"Nothing is going on between us-"

"Is that suppose to mean that you two are hanging out alone in the barn in the middle of the night?" Nick asked defensively. 

"No, no, I mean—I hear him come in, but he's never come to my room and I've never gone out to see him."

"Then how did you know it was him coming into the barn?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows at him. 

"Because you just told me it was him." Nick just looked at him tentatively before glancing away. 

"Right." He cleared his throat. "So then why does he stay out here for four hours?" Harry shrugged. 

"How am I supposed to know?" He asked. "Maybe he fell asleep up there." Nick looked back at him before changing his stance and placing his hands on his hips. 

"If I ever find out something has been going on I'll skin you alive." Nick deadpanned without even a hesitation. 

"Well nothin' is, so relax." Nick pivoted around, marching out of the barn. Harry loosened his posture and rolled his shoulders forward, relaxing. That was the most civil conversation they had ever had, he thought. He continued with his duties until the end of the day. 

Louis frittered the day away doing nothing. He just wandered around the house, explored around outside in the backyard, and just...tried to pass the hours. At the end of the night, after the sun had gone down and everyone was beginning to turn in, Louis was sitting up in the bed with the blanket pulled over his lap. The door hit the wall as Nick entered the room. Louis glanced over at him, fiddling his thumbs nervously. 

"Um, I think we should talk." He said glancing over at him. Nick didn't even look at him. 

"About?" Louis swallowed thickly. 

"I want a divorce." Nick didn't seem too fazed by Louis' request. He just pulled back the bed sheets then sat down, lighting a cigarette. 

"Nope." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"It's not really something that's open for negotiation-"

"Well unless you want to be broke and homeless, I think it is. Why would you want to go and do something as silly as that? The last thing you want to be is a divorced, gay man in today's society." Nick patronized. 

"Well I don't care. I'm not happy here and I'm not happy with you-"

"When are you happy about anything." Nick muttered, rolling his eyes. Louis bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Why...do you hear me say I'm not happy and not care at all?" He asked softly. "Does that not make you feel bad at all?" 

"Well if that's what your goal is then you've failed." Louis just gawked at him. He stood up and walked to the closet. Nick immediately got up after him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" 

"I think you know, this has happened before." Louis retorted yanking down the suitcase from the top of the closet shelf. 

"You're not going anywhere." Nick yanked it forcefully out of his hands. Louis flamed with anger and rose his hand, slapping Nick hard in the face. Nick glared down at him scornfully. 

"I'm not your prisoner."

"You're right, you're my husband." Nick retorted with a condescending smirk. Louis huffed, biting the inside of his cheek. 

"I don't know which is worse, they're practically the same." He fought back. "Which is why I'm leaving-"

"You're not fucking leaving-"

"I told you I want a divorce-" 

"Yeah, okay, you can dream-"

"I don't get you!" Louis shouted. Nick had shoved the suitcase back up on the shelf and closed the closet door. "Why do you want to force someone to stay here when they don't even want to be with you!" Nick rolled his eyes. 

"Cause I don't give a shit about what you want. All you are to me is a warm mouth and nice ass at the end of the day." He muttered. Louis just gawked up at Nick whose cold, dead eyes bored back down at him. "What did we need to talk about again?" He then asked sarcastically. Louis was almost rendered completely speechless. 

"Nothing." He said softly. Nick smiled. 

"That's what I thought." Nick walked back over to the bed. Louis just stood there. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He didn't want to push his luck, but he also didn't have much luck left to push.

"I think I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight." He said numbly. 

"No, you aren't." Nick deadpanned from the bed. 

"I'll sleep on the floor in here then-"

"You take the bed." Nick interrupted sternly, standing up. "I'll take the floor." Louis just watched as Nick picked up his pillow and dropped it on the ground. Then he grabbed one of their extra blankets that was bunched at the foot of the bed, and got down on the ground. Louis just watched him with a splitting headache, dumbfounded, then turned and left the room. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. He walked to the edge of the counter near the dining room and picked up the phone. He spun the rotary, listened to the ring, and waited for it to be picked up. 

"Hello?" 

"Is Charlotte there?" 

"Who's calling?" 

"It's her brother, Louis." He sighed to himself then rubbed his temple. The phone was quiet, except for the faded voice calling out for Charlotte. 

"Louis? Is that really?" The female voice answered. 

"It's really me, lil sis-"

"I'm three years older than you, lil bro." She interrupted smiling. 

"Whatever, I was thinking of coming up to San Francisco this weekend, I need to get away for a few days-"

"And you need a place to stay?" 

"No, I'm just going to rent a hotel, I was going to see if you'd be okay with me just visiting." He explained. 

"Of course, I haven't seen you in years. Where'd you go?" She asked in a teasing tone. "Are you coming up Saturday?" 

"Yeah, I'll probably leave Friday and get there on Saturday hopefully." He said. "I'm going to need your address." 

"Do you have a pen and paper?" 

"Let me grab some." Louis placed the phone down then glanced around the counter. He picked up a random envelope then snatched a pencil out of the drawer. "Okay, go." Louis said picking up the phone again. 

"It's 272 Sweet Avenue." She told him. Louis smiled as he wrote it down on the corner then ripped it off. 

"Awesome." He said. "I hope this isn't too last minute." 

"Don't worry about it, I've missed you." 

"I've missed you as well." He sighed contently. "I better go, I'll see you this weekend."

"I'll see you too. I can't wait!" Louis laughed softly. 

"I can't wait either." They parted with sweet goodbye's before hanging up the phone. He shoved the paper in his pocket then left the kitchen, walking back up to the room. Nick was still on the floor. 

"I think I'm gonna go up to visit my sister for the weekend." He said entering the room. 

"I'll come with you-"

"No, Nick. She doesn't know I'm gay and-"

"She doesn't have to know we're married." 

"And I just want to go alone." Louis finished in a sterner tone. "I just need a weekend alone and away. I don't care what you say, I'm going to visit her." Nick rolled his eyes. 

"Ironic that after you try to leave you decide to go visit the sister I never even know you had." 

"She's a lot older than me so I haven't really spent a lot of time with her." Louis mumbled under his breath. "Plus I just need a weekend alone." 

"And how am I supposed to know you're actually going to come back?" Nick hadn't even looked up at him since he entered the room. 

"I don't know." He muttered back. "I'd say trust me, but we all know how trusting you are." He snarked. 

"So are you going this weekend?" Louis nodded his head. "Okay. I want her number." 

"Why?" Louis whined crawling under the covers. He couldn't see Nick on the floor. 

"Uh, so I know she fucking exists and so I have someone to call in case you aren't back on Monday." Louis gripped the bedsheets tightly, his nails were cutting into his palms. He had to restrain himself from giving him a snappy comeback. 

"Fine. I'll write it down for you." He gave a resigned sigh before nestling down. He pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and closed his eyes, cursing himself out for not putting up a stronger fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this is shitty but whatevs!!!!!!  
> idk how long it'll be in between updates, I got work and two other wips im currently working on (check em out maybe), and other stuff, but I'll try not to make it too long


	16. Chapter 16

"What's one thing you've always wanted to do?" It was an atypical Tuesday night. Louis and Harry stowed away from the barn and were lying in the tall grass down by the basin of water, watching the stars. Harry, once again, found himself dumbfounded by a question Louis had asked him. 

"I don' know." He answered honestly. "I think we've established I don' really think about the future." He added with a laugh. Louis turned his head, smiling at him. 

"Well, I wasn't sure if there was anything you've wanted to do." 

"Like what?" Louis shrugged. 

"I don't know, it's open to anything." Harry turned his head towards the sky, contemplating Louis' question. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to find an answer, though. 

"I mean," He started, and Louis grinned in excitement. "I would like to visit my dad again sometime, make sure he's doin' okay. I haven' seen him in years." Louis sat up slightly. 

"Do you have a good relationship with him?" Harry shook his head before shrugging. He wasn't sure how to describe his relationship with his father. 

"I mean, not really. But after my mom passed he started drinking, and maybe I shouldn' have left him when he needed me most, I just wanna make sure he's okay." Louis smiled at him. His features were accentuated by the pale moonlight, highlighting his good side. Harry gazed up at him in admiration while Louis smiled back down at him softly. 

"You know, I'm going up to visit my sister in San Francisco this weekend, maybe—you'd like to come with me. Maybe you could visit your dad." Harry looked up at him quizzically. 

"How could we swing that?" 

"Well, you know, you guys get days off-"

"We do?" Louis looked at him with a smile then nodded, laughing softly. 

"You do. Maybe, I mean, if you wanted, you could turn those in and we could spend a weekend together." 

"What about your sister?" 

"Well I'm not gonna spend every minute with her." Louis said smiling. "I already have a hotel room booked for two nights. I'm gonna be leaving Friday night. Where does your dad live?" Harry had a pensive look on his face. 

"Sacramento." He answered apprehensively. 

"Well, maybe I change the hotel reservations so that we could go to San Francisco, spend a day there, go up to Sacramento for another day, then head back here Monday night evening." Louis suggested with a small smile. 

"How would we even get to San Francisco together? It's not like we could drive off together." Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, I was thinking I could leave in the car and wait on the road where it's just far enough away from the house where it can't be seen and you could just walk a bit and meet me. Then we could drive off together." Harry looked hesitant. "It's just a suggestion. If you don't want to go I completely understand. I just thought I'd put the offer on the table." 

"So I can think about it?" Louis nodded. 

"Of course, I'm not gonna force you to answer right now." Harry smiled. 

"Okay, thank you." Louis smiled back. He laid back down on his back, snuggling up close to Harry. "I didn't know you had a sister." Harry then said making Louis sigh. 

"Yeah, she's older than me. We weren't ever exceptionally close, but we never fought much. We were just normal siblings. Nick and I got in a stupid fight and...I just decided I needed to get away for a few days." 

"What was the fight about?" Louis took a deep breath. "If you're comfortable with answering, if you don' wanna talk about it we don't have to." Louis shook his head. 

"It's okay, it was a stupid fight. It shouldn't even be a fight. I told him—I told him I wanted us to get a divorce because I wasn't happy with him and he just told me no, as if it were a yes or no thing. And then it just escalated from there. He said he doesn't care about what I want. He said that all I am to him is a warm mouth and nice ass-"

"God, he's so fuckin' infuriating." Harry muttered under his breath. Louis forced a small laugh, nodding. 

"I know right, I wanted to strangle him." Harry laughed with him. 

"I'd help you." Louis lifted his head up, smiling down at Harry. 

"You're so sweet." Harry grinned back. "I feel like I shouldn't be such a pushover, though, and actually fight back more. But it's so exhausting trying to fight against him, I don't know why I even try anymore. I never accomplish anything." Louis had laid his head back down on Harry's chest. Harry had wrapped his arm around him and was holding him close, never wanting to let him go. 

"Ya probably accomplish more than ya realize." 

"You're sweet." Harry tilted his head down, nudging his nose against the side of Louis' head. Louis turned his head up, smiling at him. Harry leaned in and kissed him sweetly. He loved kissing Louis. Louis' lips were so soft. They were the softest thing Harry had ever come in contact with. They were like velvet! 

"I love your lips, angel eyes." Harry whispered softly. Louis giggled, his eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his forehead against Harry's temple. 

"I love when you call me angel eyes, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside." Harry grinned, wrapping his arms around Louis in a bear hug, wrestling him over on top of himself. Louis burst out into laughter, feeling enthralled with happiness. Louis pressed his hands into the ground, Harry's neck trapped in the middle. Harry rested his hands against Louis' lower back. 

"Should we head back?" Harry questioned softly. "Just t' be safe." Louis sighed solemnly then nodded his head. He darted down and kissed Harry promptly before hefting himself up to his feet. Harry stood up after him. They walked back to the barn and house holding hands. They parted paths before passing the bunk houses. Louis went into the house and Harry walked behind the bunkhouses and around the back of the barn before getting into his room. 

He wasn't sure why Nick thought forcing him to the room in the back of the barn was a punishment. He had privacy and space. His bed wasn't as comfortable as before, but still. He and Louis had a place to meet, to talk, to cuddle. He actually liked it back there! 

The next day Harry thought about Louis' proposal. Go away for the weekend with him? Possibly see his father again? He never thought he'd see the day. He never even thought he'd think about seeing the day! There's no way he could go through with it, right? There was just so much that could go wrong, it was too risky. 

A new guy arrived on the ranch Wednesday afternoon to replace Leo. His name was James. Harry didn't care for him. Calvin and the others had seemed to take him under their wing. Gross. Harry still kept to himself, he didn't pay any of them any attention. 

It was Thursday morning and everyone was scarfing down their breakfasts. Harry was sitting at a table under the shade by himself, stirring his eggs around his plate. He faced the house, inconspicuously watching the one window to see if Louis would pass by. 

James had gotten up from his spot at a table two away to dump the rest of his plate. Harry didn't even cast a glance his way as James stepped behind Harry's back before turning his plate overtop his head. His left over beans and egg yolk dropped down onto Harry's head. Harry gasped, reaching up and placing his hand on the top of his head. He turned over his shoulder. 

"What the hell?" 

"Oops." The guy smirked. "I though' this was the garbage can." Harry just gawked up at him in disbelief; what the hell? 

"You're an ass." Harry stated sternly. 

"And yer a fag-"

"Goddamn right I am." Harry interrupted proudly. "You think you're gonna make me feel bad by callin' me a fag? Think again ya filthy animal." 

"Maybe this'll make ya feel bad then." Before Harry could even react to what was happening, James was dropping his plate carelessly and pulling back his fist. He punched Harry straight in the face, his head snapping back. Harry was disoriented, but stumbled up to his feet. He threw a punch back, but when he missed he just tackled James to the ground. 

They wrestled around, each trying to pin the other to the ground, but no one succeeding. Harry had almost succeeded, though. He was on top of James when James lunged up, shoving Harry back forcefully. Harry fumbled backwards, hit the back of his head on the bench of the table, and everything went black. 

When Harry came to he was in a white room lying on his back. He felt fuzzy and the lower back of his head hurt. He blinked a few times before looking around. He recognized Louis sitting in a chair beside him. Was he in a bed? 

"Louis?" He questioned in confusion. "Am I dead?" He then added making Louis laugh softly. 

"You're in the hospital. You didn't wake up-"

"Are you here alone?"

"Liam's in the waiting room." 

"Liam came?" Louis nodded. 

"Nick said I couldn't take you alone so Liam and I brought you to the car and drove you here into town." Harry just took a deep breath then looked around the room. 

"I want to come with you this weekend." He then blurted out turning his attention back to Louis. Louis gave him a questionable smile. Did Harry just say what he think he had said?

"Really?" He asked with excitement. "You really want to come with me up to San Francisco? What about your dad? Do you want to visit him too?" He asked happily. Harry nodded. 

"Sure." He answered. "I want to get away." Louis grinned from ear to ear. 

"Yay!" He cheered standing up. "I'm so excited now! I can't wait to spend some actual alone time with you." Louis leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss to Harry's forehead gently. Harry smiled up at him softly. 

"When can I leave?" Louis chuckled, sitting back down. 

"I'm not sure, we're waiting on the doctor." Louis explained with a shrug. Harry sighed. 

"At least I'm not in the sun." He joked. Louis just smiled at him. They talked idly and waited for the doctor, who didn't show up for 40 more minutes. When the doctor did show up, Louis pushed his chair back against the wall and Harry sat up a bit more. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Back of my head hurts a bit, but aside from that I feel fine." He answered. The doctor smiled, nodding. 

"That's good. We're just gonna run a few more tests to make sure there isn't any damage we can't see. A nurse should be in shortly to conduct those." He explained. "If all is well you'll be free to go, but you should take the rest of the day easy and rest. You shouldn't partake in any physically demanding labor." Harry nodded, enthralled to hear he'd had an excuse not to work for the rest of the day. 

The doctor left shortly after and a nurse came in shortly after. She checked his vitals, ran some tests, then deemed him to be in tip top shape. He checked out of the hospital then found himself sitting in the passenger seat of the car, beside Louis and in front of Liam. 

"So, back to the ranch?" Louis asked flatly. 

"We should stop by the bookstore-"

"We can' go shoppin', we gotta work." Liam piped up. 

"Not me." Harry said with a smile. "Stoppin' by one store won't kill ya." He added. Liam glared at him. 

"Yer done, yer fine, it's time t' go back." He retorted sternly. 

"We can go this weekend." Louis said before cringing to himself. 

"Weekend?" Liam questioned. 

"Okay, back to prison." Harry said hastily. Liam frowned in disapproval then sat back, turning towards the window. Louis pulled the car out of the parking lot then started the drive back to the ranch. It was short drive, Harry thought back to the first day he had arrived and having to walk down that road in the blistering sun. 

When they arrived back at the ranch Louis parked the car beside the house. Liam headed out into the field to work. Louis locked the car and Harry idled a few feet away from the car. Louis glanced at him. 

"You should come out tonight." Harry said softly. Louis smiled, shoving the keys into his pocket. 

"Okay. You rest up now, I'll fill Nick in." Harry nodded. 

"Thank you." They both smiled at each other before parting paths. Harry went to the barn, back to his room, and laid down on his bed. The back of his head was still sore so he laid on his side. He sighed to himself then closed his eyes. 

Louis walked into the house as Nick was coming down the stairs. Nick stopped at the bottom and watched Louis hang the keys up on the key rack. 

"He should be fine, but the doctor said he's supposed to take it easy today and not do any strenuous work." He explained. Nick just rolled his eyes. 

"Alright." Was all he said before walking out of the house. Louis sighed to himself before walking up the stairs. He wasn't sure what he was going to do to pass the time, but he was going to find something. 

The day was nothing short of uneventful. Harry slept and napped the day away and Louis cleaned, napped, and explored the day away. Harry didn't get up for lunch or dinner, and Louis made dinner, but didn't eat any because he wasn't too hungry. He couldn't wait for Friday evening. 

That night, at 1 am, Louis snuck out to the barn and found his way into Harry's room. Harry rubbed his eyes, he hadn't actually been asleep, but dozing. Louis smiled down at him. He was so in love. He wanted to spend the rest of his life driving home to Harry. 

"Honey, I'm home." He announced walking into the room with a grin. Harry opened his eyes and smiled at Louis. Louis felt himself blush as he closed the door then walked across the floor to Harry. Harry scooted to the very edge of his very small cot to make room for Louis. Louis got down on the bed, laying down on his side to face Harry. 

"Welcome home." Louis leaned in and kissed him softly. He loved hearing Harry say that. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Better." Harry answered. "Don't got a headache no more." He added with a smile. 

"So this weekend," Louis started, feeling his smile widen. "What time do you want to leave?" Harry shrugged. 

"I don' know, whenever. How are we gonna do that again?" 

"I was thinking I could drive up the road until the car can't be seen from the house and then you could just walk a bit until you get to the car and then we could drive off." Lois explained happily. "And for when we head back, I could probably drive up the road and drop you off so you don't have to walk all the way, and then I'd just drive back to the town for an hour or so so it isn't too suspicious." Harry slowly nodded his head, letting the information resonate in him. Could they make that work?

"That sounds…plausible." Louis smiled at him. 

"If you change your mind at any point before Friday evening just let me know." He said. "You won't hurt my feelings." Harry nodded.

"Okay." 

"So, how was your day of lying in bed?" Harry smiled in amusement, chuckling. 

"I wish I had you to lie with me, but other than that it was good. Maybe James and I should fight more often."

"He's a bastard." Louis sneered rolling his eyes. 

"We don' have t' focus on him." Harry wrapped his arm around Louis and pulled him to his chest. Louis smiled, wrapping his arm back around Harry and snuggling into him. Harry smiled down at him then leaned in and kissed Louis softly. Louis was pleasantly surprised and kissed him back. He smiled. Harry cupped Louis' cheek in his hand gently. 

"Don't forget, the doctor said no strenuous activity." Louis teased, the tips of their noses brushes against each other's. 

"Fine, no sex now, no sex ever." Harry retorted. Louis smirked. 

"It's gonna be a long weekend then." He replied. Harry laughed softly. 

"I hope so." Louis' smirk softened into a smile. He just smiled at Harry, not tearing his eyes away from him. Harry gazed back at him, a small, quaint smile on his lips. Louis loved Harry. He wasn't even kidding himself anymore, he had fallen in love with Harry and still was to that day. He just hoped Harry was falling back in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lawlz this chapter is short and sucks but good news the next few should be alright :)


	17. Chapter 17

The trap was set. Harry was all prepared to leave for the weekend and Louis couldn't have been more excited. He literally felt like he was going to explode with excitement! It was Friday evening and Louis was making sure he had everything he needed packed. He might've even snuck a few condoms in there somewhere. 

"You wrote your sisters number down, right?" Louis sighed, nodding. 

"It's on the kitchen counter." He answered softly. He zipped the suitcase shut. He stood there for a moment, just staring down at the suitcase. He took a deep breath. "Well, I'm set so I'm going to head out." Louis lifted the suitcase off the bed and placed it down on the floor. He rolled up his sleeves, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Whatever, travel safe. Pull any shit and I will find you." Louis just rolled his eyes. He picked up the suitcase and went into the hallway. He walked down stairs, out the door, and over to the car. He opened the trunk and hefted the suitcase up into it. He closed the trunk then turned over his shoulder. He could see Harry standing in the crack of the barn door. He smiled at him. 

'Ready?' Louis sighed over to him. Harry nodded. 

'You leaving?' Harry signed back. Louis nodded back. 

'I'll wait for you up the road.' He signed. Harry smiled back at him, nodding his head. Harry stepped back into the receding darkness and Louis turned back, walking to the driver side door. Louis got in the car, started it, then put it in reverse. He felt so elated driving away from the ranch, seeing it grow smaller and smaller as he got farther and farther away.

As soon as the ranch was out of sight Louis pulled the car over along the side of the road and parked it. He sat back, a smile on his face. Harry had finished gathering his things into his little pack and headed on out. The sun was low in the sky, painting it in golden colors of yellow and orange. He trotted down the road happily. At first sight of the car Harry felt a rush of excitement and ran over to it. 

He opened the passenger side door and got, fumbling to fit in with his pack still strapped to his back. He took his off and placed it down by his feet. Louis turned to him excitedly. Harry grinned back at him. 

"Ready?" Louis asked. Harry nodded. 

"I'm ready, angel eyes." They both leaned in and kissed each other before both sitting forward. Louis started the car up again and pulled out onto the road again. Harry glanced at him, his fondness being nothing but obvious. 

"I think it's about an hour and half from here to San Francisco, think you put up with me for that long?" Louis teased. Harry nodded. 

"I don't know, I might just go crazy." Harry teased back making Louis laugh giddily. 

"Well prepare for a crazy weekend." Harry laughed, he couldn't stop smiling. 

"How would you sign, 'I'm so fucking excited'?" He asked. 

"If I weren't driving I'd show you. I'll show you at the hotel." Louis answered. Harry just sighed contently, smiling at Louis happily before sitting forward and looking out the window. 

The drive was peaceful and quiet, aside from some light chatter as they drove down the never ending road. They watched the sun set together. The moon was high in the sky when they arrived at the quaint Ocean Park Motel. Louis parked the car in excitement. They both grabbed their bags and walked in together. 

"Hi, welcome to Ocean Park Motel. How may I help you?" 

"We're here to check in. Reservation should be under Tomlinson." The concierge glanced through a little booklet in front of him before nodding. 

"Yes, right here. You'll be in room 4." He turned around a plucked the room key off the key rack before handing it to him. "Enjoy your stay." 

"Thank you." Louis took the key then started for the hallway. Harry walked behind him before they were already coming to a halt. Louis stuck the key into the lock, turned it, then pushed the door open. He stepped inside. Harry's mouth dropped open in shock as he gawked around the room, kicking the door closed behind him. 

"Oh my God." Harry gasped. The room was a fairly decent size. There was a queen bed in the middle of the room against the wall. On the opposite wall there was a vanity in the corner with a chair, and directly across from the bed was a television set. Another door leading into the bathroom was on the far wall, across from the main door. "This is the nicest room I've ever been in. Holy shit, that is the biggest bed I've ever seen." Louis laughed softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Is that an actual television?" Louis laughed again as Harry walked over and turned on the TV. His face lit up in amazement. "Oh my God! This is amazing!" 

"You've really never seen a TV? Or a queen sized bed?" Harry just shook his head, his attention still rapt by the television as he flipped through all the channels. 

"I've been working on farms and ranches all my life. They ain't got all these finer things in life. I've been sleeping on small cots and such for as long as I can remember." He turned away from the TV, looking at Louis. "This is the nicest room I've ever been in." 

"You're so cute." Louis gushed. Harry smiled at him. "Do you want to go out tonight?" Harry blinked at him. 

"What? Where?" Louis shrugged, a coy smile spreading across his lips. 

"I was thinking, like, go out on a date. There's a bar across the street, we could go get some drinks and food." Harry contemplated it for a moment before nodding his head slowly. 

"Okay." He said. "A date." Louis smiled. "What do people do on a date?" Harry then asked sheepishly, making Louis laugh. 

"I don't know, it's just a thing people go on to get to know each other and spend time together." 

"Oh." Louis smiled at him. "Okay." 

"We could head out in a little of you want, since it's getting late." Harry nodded. 

"I think that sounds all right." 

They found themselves sitting across from each other at a bar called 'Paddock Bar and Grill' ten minutes later. Harry kept glancing around at all the decor and pictures on the wall whereas Louis was looking over the little menu on the table with drinks on one side and food on the other. 

"We could get a pizza." He suggested. Harry didn't even hear him, he was too distracted. "And some beers. What do you like?" 

"What?" Harry turned back to him. Louis looked up at him, chucking in amusement. 

"I was just thinking out loud, how do you feel about just getting pizza and some beers?" 

"I've never had pizza before." Harry remarked. 

"I've only had it one other time, let's get it." Harry just nodded in agreement. When their server returned they ordered a regular cheese pizza and two beers which were brought back to them a few minutes later. 

"This is my first date." Harry stated placing his frosty glass down, licking his lips. Louis smiled at him happily. 

"Aw, happy first date." He teased softly. Harry just smirked back at him before laughing. 

"Who would've thunk little ole me would actually be on a date." He mused sitting back casually. Louis sat back as well, crossing his legs tightly and properly, the way a lady wearing a dress is told how she's supposed to sit. 

"And with someone as hot as I." He joked. Harry rose his eyebrow up at him, his lips quirked up into a smirk. 

"Are ya saying you're too good looking to be with me?" Louis gave him a teasing look back then just shrugged. Harry scoffed a laugh. "Let me remind you you courted me." 

"I know." Louis replied happily. "Because I thought you were so handsome and then you were really nice and funny. Now look where we are." Harry felt his heart skip a beat. He was so in love with Louis. He was head over heels! He just wasn't aware of it yet. 

Louis was aware of it. He was totally aware of how much he was in love with Harry. He fucking loved Harry with all his heart. He couldn't even fathom how strongly he felt about him. There was just no way to put it into comprehensible words. He just adored Harry in every way possible. He adored the way Harry called him angel eyes, he adored the way he smiled, his eagerness to read, his generosity, everything about him. 

He even adored the way Harry spit out his very first bite of pizza because it was too hot. The way his face scrunched together made Louis practically burst with fond. Oh, how he was in love. They filled the night with idle chatter and conversation. At the end of the night they were at that happy medium between tipsy and feeling looser. As they strolled back to the motel, Harry snatched a newspaper from a rack in the lobby. He settled down on the bed with it while Louis went into the bathroom. 

Harry was sitting on the bed, glancing over the front page of a news paper. He could hear Louis rustling around in the bathroom, but didn't let that distract him from reading the articles. About five minutes late, he heard the bathroom door open, but didn't look up. Louis poked his head out from around the door. 

"Oh Harry," He drawled out in a seductive tone. Harry looked up over at him. Louis stepped forward, leaning up against the doorframe, completely naked. Harry was sure his jaw had actually dropped open and was currently packed with cotton. Louis smirked at him. "You up for some adult fun?" Harry nodded hastily, sitting up promptly and throwing the newspaper aside. 

"You're beautiful." He said breathlessly. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed, reaching his arms out to wrap them around Louis' waist as he stepped between Harry's legs. Louis draped his arms down on Harry's shoulders. 

"You make me feel confident." 

"Well I'm about to make ya feel a hell of a lot more than just confident." 

"Oh yeah? Show me." Harry smiled. 

"I'd love to." Harry stood up, keeping his hands around Louis' waist, and turned them around. Louis sat down on the edge of the bed and Harry brought his hands back to himself. He unbuckled his belt then slowly pulled that off, dropping it to the floor. He unbuttoned his jeans then pulled those to his ankles. Louis watched him with excitement. Harry stepped out of his jeans then began to unbutton his shirt slowly. 

"Can you hurry up?" Louis teased impatiently. Harry smirked at him then began unbuttoning his shirt even slower. "Harry!" Harry just laughed and finished removing his shirt, dropping it to the floor as well. He pulled off his undershirt then reached down to his briefs. Louis licked his lips, looking up at Harry with a seductive look in his eyes. Harry pulled them down slowly then stepped out of them. He gazed down at Louis. Louis smiled up at him, reaching up and grabbing the sides of Harry's face, pulling him down so he could kiss him. 

Harry pressed his hands into the mattress as he kissed Louis back deeply. Louis rolled down on his back. As Harry knelt up on the bed, Louis scooted back so they were fully on the bed. Louis smile up at him, the muscles in his faces stretching all the way to the back of his head. He reached up, his hands gracefully cupping Harry's cheeks gently. Harry's hand were pressed firmly into the mattress beneath them, Louis' head locked between his arms. 

"Here I can be as loud as I want." Harry wasn't sure if what Louis had said was a warning or a simple statement. Nonetheless Louis was still smirking up at him and Harry found himself smiling back down at him in amusement. He dipped his head down and kissed Louis sweetly. 

"Anything you want, angel eyes." 

"Hmm, well I want you." Louis hummed against Harry's lips. He bit down on his bottom lip playfully and pulled it back. Harry smirked. Louis just smiled at him with pride. Their movements and touches were nothing more than gentle brushes, like they were dealing with fragile glass and afraid of shattering it with the slightest wrong move. They were but men playing with porcelain dolls. 

There foreplay consisted mostly of rolling around the bed, one trying to pin the other to the bed, but neither succeeding for an amount of time longer than 20 seconds. Eventually Harry succeeded. He was quick to brush his lips and the tip of his nose down Louis' body, over his small, hollow chest which maybe wasn't as hollow as it had grown to be, and across his soft pouch of a tummy. He teased the tip of Louis' cock with his tongue before simply dragging the tip of his tongue all the way down to the base. Harry then moved his head down between Louis' thighs, nipping the sensitive skin. 

"Oh, you bastard." Louis whined breathlessly, thinking he was going to do just a bit more with his cock with his mouth. Harry just smiled, his hands gripping Louis' waist tightly, so tightly he was probably marks darker than the ones he was creating on the inside of Louis' thighs. He let one hand go of Louis' waist and wrapped it around Louis' cock, stroking it while he created more love bites on the inside of Louis' thighs. Louis was humming and letting out little moans of pleasure. He had lowered both of his hands and tangled his fingers in Harry's hair. 

"Feel good?" Harry briefly lifted his head to get a glimpse of Louis. His head was thrown back into the pillow, and his eyes closed while his mouth was slightly parted as he panted softly. 

"So fucking good. I love you." And suddenly everything froze. Louis had snapped his eyes wide open, his heart was racing—and not in a good way. Did he really just say that? Harry completely froze, he let go of Louis and slowly propped himself up. Turning his head down, he gawked at Louis. He was in disbelief. Did he just say what he thought he said?

"What?" He asked softly. "Did you just say you love me?" Louis was not reassured by the frightened look on Harry's face. He swallowed thickly. Harry moved off of him, sitting up on the edge of the bed. Louis sat up a bit. 

"I—yeah. I did because I do." Harry's mouth had dropped open. He turned to look down at the blankets, unsure what to make of it all. Louis loved him? Like, actually loved him? Louis had no idea what to say. He was definitely not planning on telling Harry that he loved him, it just came right out of his mouth before he could even think about it. 

Harry turned away numbly and stood up off the bed. He grabbed his briefs from the floor and just walked over to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Louis sighed to himself, turning his head down in dismay. He sat there, waiting for Harry to hopefully leave the bathroom and say something, but he didn't. Louis eventually laid his head down and closed his eyes, but then he fell asleep. It was 2 in the morning when he woke up. 

"Harry?" He looked around. The room was empty. "Are you still in the bathroom?" He got up from the bed and walked over towards the bathroom, which was empty. The door was ajar and the light was off. Did Harry leave? When did he leave? Where did he go? When was he coming back? Louis felt tears water his eyes as he walked back to the bed and laid down. He curled up with the pillow, laying his head against it. 

Thirty minutes had passed until Louis could hear Harry fumbling to unlock the door. Louis sat up, pulling the blanket over his lap. Harry walked in, and Louis looked at him with curious awe when he saw he was holding flowers. Harry stopped short, gazing back down at Louis. 

"Hi." He said. Louis smiled a small, timid smile. 

"Hey," Harry replied softly. "I'm sorry if I upset ya. Here, these are for you." Harry walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He handed the flowers to Louis, making him smile. "I took a walk to clear my head, saw those in a park. They reminded me of you and the flowering tree by the creek. I know we don't got a vase or anythin', but I thought you'd like them."

"I do." Louis smiled down at the pink and yellow tulips. "I-I'm—sorry if I scared you by saying that I love you." Louis then said looking back up at Harry. "I'm not going to tell you I didn't mean it, though." 

"I didn't get—scared, so to say." Harry admitted. "I just got caught off guard. It was very—random. I've never had anyone love me, and I've never loved anyone in return." 

"You love me too?" Harry gave him a helpless look then shrugged. 

"I-I don't know. I don't know what it means to love someone. I don't know what it feels like to even be in love. I mean, my mother and father loved me, but that I've never personally loved someone, or been loved by someone, the way two people romantically love each other. I just...I have no idea. This is all completely new to me." 

"Well, you know, love can feel like a lot of different things." Louis said. "Love can be the way your heart races when the persons enters the room, love can be the insurmountable joy and happiness you feel from being with them, love can be wanting them to be happy with and without you, love can be...so many things it's practically impossible to describe." Harry looked at him curiously. 

"Why do you love me?" He asked him softly. Louis smiled softly. 

"Because you are the reason I'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about." Louis told him. "You make me happy, you make me laugh, you make me feel like I'm worth something, like I'm more than just that stupid ranch. You just make me so happy, I love spending my time with you." Harry managed a small smile. 

"I enjoy spending my time with you too." Louis smiled back at him. "You know, I'm not...sure if I love you." Harry admitted. "But I'm open to the idea of being in love with you, I'm probably already falling. What I do know, though, is that I really like you. And...I've never really been attracted to anyone before so this is new to me. You make me happy, and you make me laugh too. You also make me think about my future and make me think about deeper things I've never once thought about. I'm even talkin' better because I've been spending so much time talking to you and reading. So, I'm sorry if not hearing me say I love you in return disappoints you, I don't want to tell you something I'm not undoubtedly sure of."

"Your honesty means more to me than an empty gesture." Louis told him with a smile. "You don't have to apologize, or worry that you've disappointed me. I don't want you admitting anything you don't feel comfortable saying." 

"Thank you." Harry replied sweetly. 

"So, maybe you'd want to finish up our...adult fun from earlier?" Harry smirked. 

"I have a better idea." Harry took his hand then stood up, prompting Louis to stand up at well. Harry turned the lights off then went over and opened the blinds, letting the brilliant moonlight highlight the accents of the room. "Let's dance." Louis was standing by the bed. He had slipped back into his underpants and was now giving Harry a curious look. 

"Dance?" Harry nodded, taking Louis' hand and guiding him over closer to the window, where the moonlight was strongest. 

"I always wanted to dance. My mother and father used to to their records. I make no promise I won't step on your toes, but I'll try." Harry placed his hand on Louis' waist then joined their other hands together. Louis beamed up at him, placing his other hand on Harry's shoulder. 

"We don't have any music." Louis said as they began to sway back and forth slowly. 

"There's music when I look at you." Harry replied smiling down at him. Louis laughed beautifully; Harry just smiled and nodded his head. "Yep, there are bells and birds singing and even some violins, I think. And they're as beautiful as the way you smile." 

"You know you're first night at the ranch when you were the only one in the bunkhouse and I came in saying I was looking for Nick?" Harry nodded. "I wasn't looking for Nick, I just wanted to meet you." Harry smiled at him, eliciting a smile in return from Louis. 

"And is the shady barn actually cooler than an air conditioned house?" 

"It actually is sometimes." Louis said. "That day I was bringing something to Leo, and I was lingering in the shade." 

"I'm glad you did, even if I wasn't the kindest that afternoon." 

"Yeah, I wasn't too happy after that encounter. But look at us now." Louis beamed up at him so brightly Harry was sure the moonlight was reflecting off his perfect teeth. 

"Look at us now." He repeated slowly. An almost thoughtful look came across his face as he looked up to the right. He wasn't looking at anything particular, it looked as if he was reminiscing and that moment was playing out before him in thin air. "I can't...believe I'm here right now." He said in awe. He and Louis were still swaying back and forth, the moonlight dancing across their faces as they moved. 

"Why not?" Louis asked him softly. 

"I don't know, I just can't. I never saw myself ever being in a serious relationship, or even anything less than that." Louis felt his heart flutter when he heard Harry say 'serious relationship'. He wasn't sure why, it just enthralled him to know that Harry thought of them as being in a serious relationship. 

"You consider us being in a serious relationship?" 

"I mean...yeah." Harry replied. "Am I being too forward?" Louis laughed lightly. Louis had told Harry he loved him, and Harry was worried he was being too forward by calling their relationship serious? He was so cute. 

"Not at all, I agree with you." Harry smiled in relief. Louis grinned back at him, his heart skipping beats—in a good way. Harry took a deep breath then tilted his head down, pressing his forehead to Louis'. The tips of their noses brushed together. And they just stayed there like that, swaying gently in the moonlight, their bodies so close that their hearts became one. Music could've been playing and they wouldn't have even been aware that it was playing. All they were aware of was each other and their beating hearts. 

"I wish we could stay like this forever."

"Dancing in the moonlight?" Harry smiled, lifting his head up to look at Louis. He nodded. 

"Dancing in the moonlight." Louis let go of Harry's hand. He threw his arms around Harry's neck, laying his cheek against Harry's shoulder, his face buried in his neck. Harry wrapped his other arm around Louis' back, his hands pressed against the small of his back. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to the corner of Louis' forehead he could reach. Louis, in turn, turned his head up and tried to catch Harry's lips with his own before he pulled away. 

They kissed tenderly, completely unaware they had even stopped swaying and were just standing there, kissing. Louis was on the tip of his toes, feeling so light he thought he might actually float away. Harry held him tightly, though. Louis pulled away, letting his lips brush over Harry's briefly. 

"Take me to the bed." Harry made no objection, and had no hesitancy when it came to guiding Louis back to the bed. In the dark and moonlight, sweeter things ensued until they were a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and warm embraces. They fell asleep in each other's  arms, feeling not only happier, but maybe the slightest bit more in love. 

The next morning was nothing short of chaotic. Louis was awake and moving around at 8 in the morning showering, packing up whatever had been removed from their bags, and brewing coffee from a coffee maker Harry didn't even know they had. 

"C'mon, sweetheart. Get up, get up, get up." Harry just groaned, pulling the blanket over his head. 

"I just wanna sleep in. Why are ya up so early anyway?" 

"I want to get to my sister's, I haven't seen my nephews since before I graduated college when they were born." Harry sat up slowly, the blanket falling forward and billowing over his lap. 

"Does your sister know I'm coming?" He asked him suspiciously. Louis was sitting at the vanity. He turned over his shoulder, shrugging his shoulders at him. Harry glared at him in feign harshness. 

"No, but it'll be fine. It's not like we're staying the night. It's just a day visit. Plus my sister does not know I'm gay, so I'll be introducing you as a friend." 

"When are we leaving for Sacramento?" 

"It's an hour and a half away so I was thinking we could leave around 4 o'clock-ish." Harry just nodded before lying back down. "Hey, no, get up! Get dressed." Harry just groaned loudly as he forced himself to sit up again. He got dressed and then they grabbed their bags, checked out of the motel, and went to the car. 10 minutes later they found themselves standing outside the door to a cookie cutter house. An older woman who strongly resembled Louis opened the door with a chipper grin. 

"Louis!" She exclaimed cheerfully, immediately pulling him in for a hug. Louis smiled quaintly, welcoming his sisters hug with open arms. 

"Hi Charlotte." He greeted, leaning out of the hug. 

"And who is this?" She asked glancing at Harry. 

"This is my friend Harry." He introduced. "And Harry, this is my older sister Charlotte." 

"It's very nice to meet you." Harry stuck out his hand politely. Charlotte shook it kindly, her hand feeling small and delicate in his rough, calloused one. 

"You as well." She replied sweetly. "Why don't you too come in, Matthew and Tyler are in the living room watching cartoons and just couldn't be pulled away from them to come greet you." She said with a light laugh. "Boys!" She then called out walking further into the house as Louis and Harry stepped in. Louis removed his shoes and Harry brushed his hand across Louis' back as he stepped around him, bending down to remove his shoes as well. 

When they were standing up again two little boys with dark hair and blue eyes came running into the front room. They had to be identical twins because they looked exactly alike, except one boys hair was slightly longer than the others. They looked to be around 5 years old, and both stood beside their mother timidly. 

"My goodness, you two have grown so much. The last time I saw you you guys were only a few days old." He said in awe. 

"Boys, this is your uncle Louis, my brother. Go say hi." They both walked over to him, and Louis knelt down to match their height. 

"Hi," Matthew, the one with the longer hair, said. Louis smiled happily. 

"Hi." 

"I remember you." Tyler then stated making everyone laugh. 

"Honey, the last time you actually saw him you were only an infant. There's no way you could remember him." 

"But you talk about him a lot." He retorted to his mother. "I don't know." He murmured then. Louis smiled. 

"Well I'm thrilled to see you guys again. I can not believe how much you both have grown." Matthew peered up at Harry. 

"Is he our uncle too?" He asked curiously. Louis shook his head, standing up. 

"No, he's just a friend I brought along." 

"He looks like a farmer." Tyler stated. 

"I actually do work on a ranch." Harry replied. "But I grew up working on a farm." 

"That's interesting, Tyler here actually loves farms, says he wants to work on one when he's older." Charlotte stated making Tyler smile happily. 

"Well I know a place when the time comes." Harry joked lightly. Louis smiled at Harry fondly. 

"Well, would you guys like something to drink? I have some coffee brewing if you'd like some." 

"Ooh, I'd love some." Louis said. 

"I've never had coffee before." Harry remarked earning himself some dumbfounded looks from Charlotte and Louis. 

"Well would you like to try some?" Harry just stood there for a moment before nodding. 

"Sure." The boys went back into the living room and Louis, Harry, and Charlotte went into the kitchen/dining room. Louis took a seat at the table and Harry pulled out the chair beside him, sitting down. 

"You've seriously never had coffee?" Louis asked him in disbelief. Harry nodded. 

"I've never had a lot of things." He told him with a smile. Charlotte walked back out with two coffee mugs and placed them down in front of them. She left again before coming back with her own mug. 

"So how was your travel? Where'd you travel from?" She asked before taking a sip of her coffee. 

"We traveled from a small little town south of Weed." Louis explained. "Do you have any milk?" He then asked sweetly. She nodded, getting up and walking into the kitchen. Louis watched Harry as he picked up his mug carefully, take a sip, then make a sour face and place the mug back down. Louis smiled fondly. "Don't like it?" Harry shook his head, pushing the mug away. "It's an acquired taste." 

"You're tellin' me." Charlotte came back with a little cup of milk and handed it to Louis. He thanked her as she sat down. 

"So what are you doing down by Weed?" 

"Just trying to get through the day." Louis joked making Charlotte smile. 

"And what do you do, Harry?"

"I work on a ranch." He said with a nod. "Um, what do you do?" 

"I mostly stay at home and take care of the boys." She explained contently. 

"Where's Daniel? Does he work Saturdays?" 

"This Saturday he had too unfortunately." She said. Louis frowned. 

"That's too bad." Harry glanced around the home. 

"Do you have a bathroom?" She nodded. 

"If you just go up the stairs, it should be the first door on your right." Harry smiled thankfully as he stood up. 

"Thank you." He walked off to the stairs, up to the hallway, then into the bathroom. Charlotte smiled at Louis. 

"Is Harry your boyfriend?" Louis flustered to find the right words to say. 

"W-What? What makes you say that?" Charlotte smiled sweetly. 

"I know you're homosexual, Louis. Dad has ranted about it plenty of times to me." Louis felt his throat tighten. He wasn't sure why his eyes were watering with tears, but they were. 

"Of course he did." He muttered. 

"So?" She asked happily. Louis forced a small smile. 

"I guess you could say he is." He said shyly. 

"How long have you two been together?" She asked curiously. 

"A few months." He answered. "It feels like forever, though." He smiled sheepishly. 

"That's sweet." They heard the bathroom door open and both glanced over at the stairs as Harry slowly descended them. He forced a small, awkward smile then went back to his seat. "Do you want something else to drink besides coffee? We have juice if you'd want, or just water." 

"A water would be nice, thank you." When Charlotte got up to fetch his glass of water, Louis turned to him. 

"She knows." He said. Harry furrowed his eyebrows at him. 

"What?" 

"When you left she asked if we were together because my father has told her I'm gay. So she knows we're together." He explained. 

"Oh." Louis smiled to try and reassure him. "Okay." Charlotte came back with a glass of ice water, setting it down in front of him. 

"Thank you." 

"So, is there any plan for the day?" Louis asked. 

"Nope." Charlotte deadpanned then laughed. "Well, I was thinking maybe we could all go to lunch, then maybe the park downtown." 

"I think that sounds nice." Louis said. He glanced at Harry who then nodded as well. Who was he to oppose? Louis smiled, reaching under the table and squeezing Harry's knee reassuringly before folding his hands together in his lap again. 

"You should call and visit more often." Charlotte then said. "How come you haven't? Called at least. I would've called, but I never had a number for you." 

"Sorry, it's just been a rough couple of years since graduating college and I've just been trying to get a grasp on things." He lied smoothly, forcing a fake smile. 

"Well if you never need help with anything you know I'm here for you." She said. "I don't want you to struggle-"

"I'm not struggling, I'm just…I'm trying to move to New York." He explained. 

"Wow." Her eyes widened. "Why New York? That's so far away." 

"Because it's my dream. That's where I want to create my life." She smiled at him. 

"Well I hope you're able to get there." Louis smiled back with an actual, genuine smile. 

"Thanks, me too." Idle chit-chat and catching up continued. Later in the day, after they had all returned from lunch, Harry was in the living room with Tyler being introduced to his various plastic toy horses. Matthew was showing Harry plenty of his own toys as well. Louis was watching them from the dining room, fonding over the way Harry interacted with the children. The phone rang and Charlotte went to answer it.

"Louis, someone is on the phone for you." She then said. Louis turned over his shoulder, looking at her curiously as she held the phone over his shoulder to muffle the receiver.

"Who?" Louis asked without thinking, of course he knew it had to be Nick. 

"Some guy named Nick, said he was your husband." She said giving him a bit of stern, questionable look. 

"Oh." Louis walked over to the phone, taking it from her hand. He waited until Charlotte had walked into the living room to speak. "What the literal hell, Nick? I told you my sister hadn't known I was gay, but lucky for you my dad apparently already told her or else you'd be up a creek." 

"Calm the fuck down." Nick retorted carelessly. "Just makin' sure you're actually there." 

"Well I'm here. I'll be back Monday evening, okay?" 

"Okay, watch the fuckin' attitude." Louis rolled his eyes then hung up the phone. He turned around and came face to face with Charlotte, startling him. 

"So who's Nick? I thought you said Harry was your boyfriend. How can you be married?" Louis swallowed thickly. 

"Nick is a bastard of a person. I met him in college, and we dated, and then we got secretly married. He promised us we'd move to New York after spending some time at his father's ranch working so he could earn some money, but we've been there for over four years. He told me he never had any intention of moving us to New York. He hits me, Charlotte. And rapes me. And he verbally harasses me. He's the reason I've never called or visited in the last four years."

"So then how'd you meet Harry?" 

"Harry came to work at the ranch a few months ago. We met by a creek behind the backyard on Sunday and we just kept meeting back there, and meeting up when the ranch hands, including Nick, go into town to drink. I've tried to talk to Nick about getting a divorce, but he shuts me down every time. I just...I'm powerless against him." 

"Regardless, you shouldn't be seeing anyone else until you are divorced, you're still married." Louis gawked at her. 

"Did you hear a word I just said?" Charlotte nodded. 

"Yeah, obviously Nick isn't someone you should be with, but cheating on him and having an affair with one of the workers on the ranch? Louis, come on-"

"Are you really going to shame me for this?" He asked softly. "You have...absolutely no idea what kind of shit I've put up with everyday for the past four years. I've gotten black eyes from him. And he rapes me, Charlotte-"

"How can he rape you if you're married?" 

"Because I always say no, but he forces me into it anyway!" Louis exclaimed loudly. Harry had heard the fuss and perked up, listening in from the living room. "He basically controls every aspect of my life-" 

"So then why haven't you just left?" She asked him crossing her arms. 

"Because I can't!" He shouted at her. "I don't have a job, I don't have any money, I don't even have a fucking car. If I want to leave I'm going to have to steal from him, which I already plan on doing, but I can't just up and leave. I went through hell just to be able to come here." 

"You plan on stealing from him?" She asked incredulously. 

"So I can leave, yeah." He patronized. Charlotte sighed, giving him a disapproving look. "What? What are thinking?" He asked. 

"Just...you don't seem to be really making good decisions here, Louis." She told him honestly. He scoffed. 

"I might as well be talking to dad." He grumbled before turning and walking to the front room. He grabbed his shoes, opened the front door, and stepped outside. Charlotte just watched him go, then turned noticing Harry in the corner of her eye. 

"Ya know, he has been...completely isolated at that ranch." He told her. "And all them other guys working there just drag his name through the mud and say horrible things about him. I was the only one who stood up for him. I was the only one who stood up to Nick when he'd hit him. He was just looking for someone to show him a sliver of kindness and compassion, and I think we both fell a little in over our heads." She just looked at him, breathing deeply. Harry forced a small smile, turning his head down then venturing over to the front door, where he stepped outside and let close behind him without a second glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lololol sorry for the long wait my fam and I went on vacation and i didn't have any data or wifi so i might as well have not have my phone at all!!!!! 
> 
> hope ya enjoy


	18. Chapter 18

Louis was sitting at the bottom of the concrete steps leading up to the door. Harry was surprised he hadn't made it farther. The tears on his cheeks, and redness in his face, made it evident he was upset. He rubbed his nose with the side of his hand. Harry took a seat close beside him. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked him softly. 

"Like complete shit, I can't believe my own sister would say that. I can't believe Nick told her he was my husband even though I specifically told him she didn't know I was gay! I'm livid!" 

"Well—just try to take some deep breaths-"

"I want to leave." Louis started to stand up, but was stopped when Harry grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. 

"Don't." He said. "I mean, I think you should at least try to resolve this before we leave 'cause if ya don't then you're just gonna end up regretting that you didn't and feel guilty." Louis gave a resigned sigh, sitting back down. 

"How are we supposed to resolve this?" 

"At least talk to her again." Harry urged. Louis rolled his eyes, staring down at the concrete beneath his feet. "Try to at least get on good terms." 

"Fine." Louis said with a huff. He didn't even think about what he was going to say, there wasn't anything he could say to put Charlotte at ease. He stood up anyway, and went up to the door, knocking. Harry stood up, walking down the car to wait. When Charlotte opened the door she gave him a sympathetic look. "I don't want to leave on bad terms, Charlotte." He said reluctantly. She nodded. 

"I don't want to either-"

"But I don't know what you want me to say to bring us to some sort of solution. You know, I'm happy with Harry, I'm not going to stop seeing him. And Nick? I've been trying and failing to leave him, I just...you don't understand a fucking thing I've been put through, and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad about pursuing what happiness I have found." 

"I never wanted you to feel bad. I just want you to be making the right and smart decisions so they don't come back to bite you in the ass, or make things worse. What if Nick finds out about this? Have you ever thought about that?" Louis nodded. 

"Yes, but he isn't going to-"

"And how do you know?" Louis just rolled his eyes, exhaling, not saying anything. "I'm just worried about you, Louis." 

"Yup." He said dismissively. 

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" She asked. "I mean, if you need a place to stay you can stay here. Or, if you need help leaving him go to the police, or get a lawyer, or...I don't know." Louis sighed. 

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." 

"Are you sure? Do you need any money?" He shook his head. 

"I'm all right, but thanks." He forced a small, short smile. "Harry and I are gonna head up to Sacramento, though. If Nick calls you again, tell him I'm here, or that I'm headed back, and if he asks to speak to me just...make something up-"

"I'm not comfortable lying for you-"

"For Christ's sake, Charlotte. Just tell him I left then. Is that too much to ask for?" She shook her head meekly. 

"Will you call more often?" She asked. Louis rolled his eyes, turning his back to her as he reached for the door. 

"I'll try." He opened it, stepping through it. 

"I love you, Louis. I really do."

"And I love you too, sis." He replied flatly before letting the door slam shut behind him. He hopped down the steps and saw Harry leaning against the car. Harry stepped towards him. 

"How'd it go?" 

"I don't know if things are necessarily better, but whatever. Let's just go." Louis went to the driver side and unlocked the car. They both got in and buckled up. The drive to Sacramento was nothing short of tense. Harry could tell Louis was still upset, but didn't want to push him on talking. 

They got into town around 5:50. The hotel was small and cozy. They were on the second floor. When they got into the room Louis immediately dropped his bag and dropped down onto the bed. 

"Wow, I feel like I could sleep forever." He remarked. Harry smiled fondly. He placed his bag down against the wall and sat down on the edge of the bed, across from Louis. 

"Me too." Louis lifted himself up. He gave Harry an apologetic look. 

"I'm sorry if I ruined the afternoon." He said softly. Harry smiled reassuringly, shaking his head. 

"You didn't." He replied. "I just...don't think your sister really understands what kind of person Nick is." 

"She fucking doesn't and it pisses me off." Louis snapped. "Like, she acted like just getting a divorce was that quick and easy. And I felt like she was shaming me for being with you." 

"Everyone has different ideas of what right and wrong are." Harry simply replied. Louis just looked at him, a glint of sadness obvious in his eyes. "Oh, angel eyes." Harry gave him a sad smile, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder. He knelt across the bed, pulling Louis closer. "How about I draw us a bath?" He whispered. Louis nodded. 

"I'd like that." Harry kissed his cheek softly before leaving the bed and waking over into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet. 

"How would you like the water?" He called out to Louis. 

"So fucking hot my skin burns off." Louis replied making Harry laugh. 

"I'm on it." He plugged the drain and watched as the water began to fill up. He stood up and walked back into the room. He smiled down at Louis. "It's scalding hot, just like you requested." Louis smiled back up at him, smiling. 

"You're such a gentleman." He teased walking around the bed over to him. He stopped in front of him. "Ok, c'mon, off with the shirt." He reached out and untucked Harry's shirt for him. Harry laughed. He took the hem of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, tossing the shirt to the floor. Louis took off his shirt as well, tossing it onto the bed. They both unbuttoned their pants then stepped out of them. Louis reached out and yanked Harry's briefs down. 

"Hey!" He exclaimed laughing. Louis laughed with him, pulling down his own. 

"Keep up, sweetheart." He said stepping out of his underwear and brushing past Harry, into the bathroom. Harry turned around, and walked into the bathroom after Louis. "You can get in first since you take up the most volume." 

"You're lucky you're cute." Louis just smiled at him with feign innocence and watched him lower himself down into the water. Louis got in next, wedging himself between Harry's legs. 

"Scalding hot, just how I like it." He said happily. Harry wrapped his arms around him, and Louis laid back against him, nestling his head beside Harry's, so that their temples touched. "Tell me about your past." A puzzled look came across Harry's face. "Like, what life was like growing up for you. Tell me about your parents."

"Don't suppose I got a lot to say." Harry answered softly. "My family lived on a farm and basically, since I was old enough, I would help my dad in the field and with the crops and animals during the day, and in the afternoon I'd help my mom around the house." 

"So versatile." Louis teased. Harry just smiled. 

"Then my mom got sick and I spent more time taking care of her and the house while my father worked the farm. After she passed away my father started drinking heavily and ignoring his responsibilities, so I was the only one taking care of the farm at that point. Eventually I got sick of it, though, trying to deal with everything plus his drunken self. So I left. It probably wasn't a good idea for me to leave him when he needed me most, though." 

"How'd you meet Niall?" Louis asked curiously. 

"Niall was a family friend—well, our parents were friends. He'd lost his mother too, and actually came around often to help. We just kind of banded together, I guess. He didn't want to stay either, so we just kind of started floating around from ranches and farms. He's the only other person I've really had in my life." 

"That's sweet." 

"Yeah, but—I don't think he really sees it as that. You know, I thought we were friends and all, but...I don't know. I don't think he ever considered us friends." 

"Really?" Harry nodded. 

"Well, he hasn't really acted like a friend. I guess it was kind of foolish of me to think just because we worked together meant we were friends." 

"Hey, there's nothing foolish about that. It's his loss if he doesn't want to be your friend." Louis replied. 

"You know the reason we left Weed and came to the ranch was because he had a run in with a girl and she accused him of rape?" Louis turned his head, gawking at Harry questionably. 

"Did he really rape her?" Harry shook his head. 

"No, at least I don't think so. He said the cuff of his sleeve got caught on her strap, and he accidentally pulled her top down. I don't think he's smart enough to create that elaborate of a lie." Louis chuckled. 

"Well, who needs him. Fuck him." Harry smiled, tilting his head against Louis'. 

"Fuck him." 

"More importantly, you should fuck me." Louis said seductively. He sat up, turning around to face Harry, and sat back on his thighs, draping his arms over Harry's shoulders. "If you'd be up for it." 

"I'm already half hard." Harry replied with a smirk. Louis smirked back at him, leaning in to kiss him passionately. Harry wrapped his hands around Louis' waist, pulling him even closer than he already was. 

7 minutes later, there was more water on the floor then there was in the tub. Harry was lying against the back of the tub, and Louis was laying against the opposite side by the faucet, his feet poised out on Harry's stomach. 

"That was fucking amazing." Louis said breathlessly. Harry smiled at him, he was massaging Louis' feet for him. "And this is fucking amazing. Keep going." Harry chuckled. "You're too sweet to me."

"You call me sweetheart for a reason." Louis smiled at him. 

"Wow, I fucking love you." Harry just smiled at him softly. "Um, are you comfortable with me saying that, or would you rather I not?" 

"You can say it." Harry replied with a small smile. "I just hope you're okay with me not saying it back—yet." 

"I'm okay with that." Harry, still smiling, turned his head down shyly. Louis grinned back at him, enthralled with happiness. He was so warm, and happy, and just...at peace. 

The rest of the night consisted of wiping up the water on the floor with towels, then cuddling together on the bed. They slept peacefully, warmed by the embraces of each other. In the morning they got dressed, got some breakfast, then found themselves sitting in the car. It was 10 in the morning. 

"Do you remember where your father lives? You're going to have to direct me." Harry nodded. 

"I remember. It a bit ways away." 

"Okay." Louis started the car, then turned to Harry. "Where t-"

"What if my dad doesn't want to see me?" Harry asked out loud. "He doesn't even know I'm gay-"

"And he doesn't have to if you don't want him to." Louis reassured. "You know, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you, and if he isn't then we'll be tourists for a day." Harry smiled at him. 

"Okay." Louis reached out and squeezed Harry's knee before putting both hands on the wheel. 

"So, where to?" So Harry guided Louis through Sacramento then out into the country. They were driving down a desolate road, rolling pastures surrounding them as far as the eye could see. Harry's nerves were through the roof. 

"Right here." There was a large white house up to the right. A pasture with horses was to the left of that, with a paddock in the corner. Large fields of crops stretched far behind the house. Louis pulled up to the house, parking. Harry climbed out of the car, taking it all in. 

"Wow." He mumbled to himself. 

"Just like you remember?" Louis asked closing his door. Harry nodded. 

"Just like I grew up in." They both walked over to the porch, the steps creaking beneath them. Louis kept behind Harry as he walked up to the door and knocked on it. A few moments passed before a girl he didn't recognize answered the door. He looked at her questionably. 

"Can I help you?" She asked politely. 

"Doesn't Thomas live here?" She looked back at him with a challenging, questionable look. 

"Not anymore. He sold this place last year and moved closer into town. He works at the local bank now." 

"Oh, okay. Thank you." She smiled kindly. 

"You're welcome." She closed the door and Harry turned around to Louis. 

"My dad works at a bank now?" 

"That's good, right?" Harry shrugged. 

"How am I supposed to find him?" 

"Maybe we could find a phonebook and see if he's in it?" Harry pivoted back around and knocked on the door again, making Louis laugh for some reason. The same lady opened it with a small smile. 

"Yes?" 

"Do you happen to have a phonebook?" She nodded. 

"I also have a phone if you'd like to use it." 

"If you'd be so kind." 

"Come on in." They both strolled inside, glancing around the house in awe. "So how do you know Thomas?" The woman asked curiously. 

"I'm his son." He answered walked over to him. 

"No shit," She said turning to look over at him. "Harry?" 

"That's me." He said with a smile. "You know my father?" 

"Well yeah, we bought this place from him." 

"And he talked about me?" He asked curiously. The lady nodded, standing beside the kitchen counter with a rotary phone sitting next to her. 

"Yeah, you know, when we met about the house he told us about how this was the house he raised his family in." She pulled opened a drawer and withdrew the little phone book. "He might not be in the phonebook, but I still have his number." She placed the book down then lifted up the phone and started to dial the number. Once she had finished her handed the phone to him and walked over to Louis, offering him something to drink. Harry listened to the phone ring, and when it got picked up, his heart stopped. 

"Hello?" His father's voice still sounded the same. 

"Hi Pop." The line was quiet. 

"Harry? Is that you?" 

"It is." Harry said. "I'm at the farm, I'm in Sacramento; I didn't think you'd have moved." 

"Oh, yes. It was just so big and I was so alone, I decided it would be best for me to move somewhere smaller, in town, and get a practical job." 

"So you're not drinking?" 

"I'm not." 

"Well, I'm in town for the day and was thinking of seeing you—if you'd want to see me." 

"Are you kidding me? You're my only son. I'm on 323 Cherry Street and don't work today." 

"I can remember that." 

"So I'll see you soon?" Harry smiled, nodding despite being on the phone. 

"We'll see you soon." He hung up the phone and turned to face Louis. 

"323 Cherry Street." He said. Louis, and the lady, both smiled at him. 

"Perfect, shall we get going?" Harry nodded. 

"Thank you very much for letting me use your telephone." He said graciously. 

"Was my pleasure." She replied humbly before guiding them back to the door. They parted with goodbyes before Louis and Harry were sitting in the car again. 

"We might have to ask someone in the town for directions, not totally sure where Cherry Street is." Louis nodded. 

"We can do that." And that's exactly what they did. They stopped by a gas station and left with directions written on a crumbled napkin. Even with that they got lost navigating through the streets. It wasn't until 30 minutes after they left the gas station they were pulling into the driveway of 323 Cherry Street. They both climbed out and looked up at the little house. "Ready?" Louis asked glancing at him. Harry nodded. 

They walked over to the three little steps made of brick and paused. Harry reached out and knocked three times on the door. A moment later the door was pulled open. 

"Hi Pop," His father grinned at him. His hair was gray like moonlight, but his stature was still tall. Harry couldn't believe he wasn't drunk. 

"Harry?" He asked. "Is that really you?" Harry managed a small smile before nodding his head. 

"It's me, dad." 

"And who's this strapping young lad behind you?" He asked glancing over Harry's shoulder at Louis. 

"This is Louis." Harry stepped back, turning over his shoulder to look at Louis as well. He smiled. "And Louis, this is my dad." 

"It's nice to meet you." Louis stepped forward then reached out his hand to shake Harry's father's. 

"You as well." Harry's dad replied kindly. "Well, why don't you two come in." His father stepped aside and Louis and Harry stepped into the house. Harry closed the door behind himself. "Is there a reason for you stopping by-"

"I'm gay." Louis' eyes widened and he stared up at Harry in shock from behind because he had no idea he was planning on coming out to him. Harry's dad just gave him a quizzical look. 

"Nice to meet you Gay, I'm Thomas." Harry managed a small, amused smile. "Is this your boyfriend?" His dad asked. Harry felt himself relax. 

"Yeah, he is." Louis smiled, feeling little butterflies in his stomach after hearing Harry call him his boyfriend. It just made him so giddy. 

"Well I'm glad you two came by." 

"You're supportive of this?" 

"I got too much more to worry about then two boys kissin'." His dad replied. "I mean, we lived through the depression. Ya wanna tell me what's more important to focus on preventing?" Harry laughed softly. 

"I didn' think ya would really be supportive."

"Why not?" Harry reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"It's not important. How're ya...how's the drinkin'?" 

"It's gotten better." His dad answered honestly. "A year and almost one month sober." Harry smiled. 

"I'm glad." His dad nodded. 

"Well, come in, come in. Let's not idle in the foyer. Can I get you something to drink? To eat?" His dad strolled farther into the house, and Louis and Harry trailed behind him until they were in the kitchen.  

"When'd you move?" Harry asked. 

"About a year ago. Decided to give up the farmin' life and move into town. I'm a bank teller now."

"Well congrats." His father smiled. 

"Thank ya. Do you guys want something to drink? I have water, or some juice?" 

"Water would be fine." Harry requested. His father glanced at Louis. 

"Water as well, please." 

"I'm on it. Why don't you do two have a seat somewhere." While Harry's father ventured into the kitchen, Harry and Louis went over to the kitchen table and took a seat on the same side as each other. "So," His father walked over to the table, placing down two glasses then sitting down. "How long have you two been together?" 

"A couple months." Harry answered. 

"How'd ya meet?" 

"Um, we met at this ranch I'm workin' on currently." 

"Oh yeah? Where's that?" 

"Um, it's east of Weed a bit."

"Do you like it there?" Harry scoffed a laugh, rolling his eyes. His father smiled in return, and Louis reach from under the table, squeezing Harry's knee reassuringly. Harry grabbed his hand, and linked their fingers together, holding Louis' hand in his lap.

"Not really, but the jack is the best I've ever had so—I put up with it." His dad smiled at him. 

"Well I'm glad to hear that. I'm glad you've come by well, you look...so much more grown up since you left." Harry purses his lips together in a constricted smile. He nodded. 

"Yeah, sorry I kind of...bailed on you and left." His father held up his hand to stop him. 

"Don't apologize for nothing, I understand why you left." He explained. "I'm just glad you came back. How long will you be here?" 

"Just today and tonight. We head back tomorrow." His dad nodded. 

"Maybe we could all get dinner tonight, then. I know a great diner just a few blocks away. Everything they make will just floor you." Harry chuckled and Louis smiled. 

"That sounds nice, we'd like that." His father smiled happily then turned to Louis. 

"So, Louis, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where'd you grow up, what do you do for a living, etcetera." 

"Well, I grew up around San Francisco, I went to school there as well. I have a degree in English literature and education. I'm currently unemployed, but I'm hoping to become a teacher someday. That's my dream." 

"Well I hope you're able to accomplish that dream. Did you like San Francisco?" Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, it was pretty nice there, but having spent so much of my time there I was excited to leave and explore what else is out there. Another dream of mine is to move to New York City. If I could move there I'd be the happiest boy alive." 

"Wow, that's a ways away. It does seem rather glamorous, though. I'd be happy just to visit there for a couple of days." Louis chuckled. "Have you ever been there before?" He shook his head. 

"No, I've only seen the pictures and read stories of what happens there and stories of these people who start out with nothing, but end up with everything and...I don't want everything, but I want a better life for myself." 

"Do you ever worry you'll get there and it'll end up being worse than what you have here?" Harry's father asked him curiously. Louis pressed his lips together in a tight lipped smile. 

"I don't think my life can get much worse than it already is." He told him honestly. Harry's father gave him a concerned, questionable look. 

"Um, are things all right? You two are…happy together, right?" 

"Oh, yeah! I didn't mean anything by that, I mean…Harry's the only one who gets me through." 

"Life on the ranch not so glamorous?" Harry and Louis both laughed. 

"The other guys working there are awful and homophobic, and the bosses son is…an asshole to say the least. He's unbearable." Harry said. 

"Oof, sounds like a hostile work environment." Harry half shrugged, half nodded. 

"It is what it is." His dad just looked at him. Harry cleared his throat. "Um, how is it working at the bank? Gotta say, was a bit shocked to find out you sold the farm and moved into town t' be a banker." 

"Yeah, so you actually showed up to the farm?" Harry chuckled, nodding. 

"Well I didn't think you'd have moved." His father chuckled heartily. 

"Yeah, well…there was just too much space. It was too big for one person." Harry smiled softly, nodding his head slightly. Louis squeezed his hand. "But being a banker is nice. I actually really enjoy it." 

"That's good, I'm glad." 

"What made you choose banking?" His dad shrugged. 

"I applied to lots of places and they were the first to get back at me." Both Harry and Louis laughed lightly. 

"That'll do it." Harry remarked under his laughter. His father smiled, laughing softly with them. Harry sighed contently, turning to Louis with a smile, who smiled back at him and squeezed his hand again. Harry turned back to his father, feeling as if he was looking at an older version of himself, and also feeling as if he had never left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so boring sorry :)


	19. Chapter 19

"So, when are you two headed back again?" After dinner at the diner, they headed back to Harry's father's house to drop him off, considering they had taken one car. Louis waited patiently in the car, as Harry had walked up to the porch with his dad. 

"We're headin' back tomorrow. Not sure what time, it's only little over a 2 hour drive." Harry said. 

"Well I'm real glad you came by. It was great to see you. And it was great to meet Louis." Harry nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. 

"'M glad ya guys got to meet." He said. They loitered outside the door. 

"Your mom would've loved to meet him." Harry felt a small twinge in his heart, but he still smiled at the thought of his mother and Louis meeting in person. 

"Yeah, I think she would've too." 

"Well, I'll let ya go. Give Louis my wishes...again." He chuckled. "And, ya know, I wish you guys the best of luck."

"Thanks, dad. I really appreciate that." They gave each other a tight hug before parting paths. Harry's father went into the house and Harry went back down to the car. 

"How'd it go?" Harry just sighed softly to himself as he buckled his seatbelt. 

"I wish I had more time here." Louis gave him a solemn smile, turning towards him as he placed his hand on Harry's knee. 

"We'll come back." Harry looked at him, reassured by his smile, then nodded. He smiled back, reaching down to place his hand overtop Louis'. "Ready to head back to the hotel?" Harry nodded again. Louis smiled to himself, putting the car in reverse as he pulled out of the driveway. After they got back to their hotel, Harry dropped down on his back on the bed, closing his eyes. Louis kicked his shoes off then went over to the bed, falling down next to him on his back. 

Harry turned over on his side, laying his head on Louis' shoulder. Louis smiled, turning his head to the side and nestling his cheek against the top of his head. Harry smiled. 

"I love you." Louis turned to him sharply, a grin spreading across his face. 

"What?" Harry smiled, turning to look up at Louis. "Did you just say what I think you said?" Harry laughed, nodding his head. 

"I think I did." He teased. He lifted his head up and kissed him softly. Louis kissed him back sweetly. He pulled Harry over on top of him. Harry pressed his hands into the mattress, pulling away from their kiss to bury his face in Louis' neck. Louis hummed in pleasure, his hands wrapping tightly around Harry's shoulder as he curled up under his touch. 

In the dark, and under the covers, sweeter things ensued until they were a hot mess of tangled limbs and warm embraces. Louis' head was on Harry's shoulder, using the tip of his finger to trace patterns against Harry's chest. 

"Wow, I can't believe what this trip has done for our sex life." Harry laughed happily. He grinned at Louis. 

"It's so weird not havin' to be quiet." Louis laughed loudly. 

"Like hearin' ya." He said biting back his grin. Harry smirked. He leaned down and kissed him. 

"I like hearin' ya too." Louis brushed the tips of their noses together, sighing contently. 

"We better sleep, we got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow." Harry nodded. They wished each other goodnight before cuddling close, then falling asleep. 

The next morning was quiet. They packed up their stuff, checked out of the hotel, then packed the car. The drive back to the ranch was quiet. Neither of them were looking forward to going back to the ranch. At all. 

They made a pit stop in the town the ranch sat on the outskirts of. 

"We should pick out a book." Harry said to Louis. Louis smiled, nodding as he parked the car outside the bookstore. They both climbed out and walked in together. 

"Split up?"

"I'm going to find a better book than you." Louis just laughed before they parted paths down different aisles. They both poked through the piles and piles of books. Harry was fascinated by all the books, he wasn't sure how he was going to narrow it down to one. 

Thirty minutes later he bumped back into Louis. Louis smiled up at him, holding two books in his hand while Harry held one. 

"I found a book on sign language for you." He held up the book to show Harry. He took it, looking over the front and back cover before flipping through the pages. 

"This is amazin', thanks for grabbin' it." Harry said, eliciting a fond smile from Louis. "What else ya find?" 

"I found Their Eyes Were Watching God, you?" 

"Gone With The Wind." Harry held it up proudly. 

"It's thick."

"But it sounds so good." Harry said. "We have to at least give it a try." Harry gave him a cheesy smile, and Louis smiled back. "Are you ready to go then?"

"Uh, did you still want to look around at all?" He asked softly. Harry shook his head. 

"I'm done, unless you still want to look around." 

"No, no, I-I'm ready too." They both walked up to the cashier counter. Louis paid for the three books, and after the cashier put them in a plastic bag Harry took it graciously. They left the store and went back to the car. 

Harry buckled his seat belt then placed the bag with the books in his pack. He sat back. Louis sat there, his hands gripping the steering wheel loosely. He didn't move or say anything. He just stared out the windshield. Harry turned to him questionably. 

"Is something wrong?" Louis took a deep breath. His eyes were watering with tears. 

"I don't want to go back." He turned his head down, pressing his forehead against the steering wheel. "I don't want to die a simple souvenir of someone's kill." 

"You won't-"

"Yes, I will. Of course I fucking will. I practically already have, Harry." Harry took a deep breath, his eyebrows furrowed together in question. He was unsure of what to say. What could he say? 

"I'm not sure what you want me to say." He said softly. 

"I don't want you to say anything. I'm just complaining. I just...I really don't fucking want to go back. I want to leave." Harry bit the inside of his cheek. 

"To New York?" He asked half heartedly, a forced smile on his lips. 

"It's not a joke." Louis replied softly. 

"I wasn' trying to make a joke of it." 

"Well it sounded like you were. Like, oh, ha ha, New York is such a fucking long shot, you'll never make it there despite always saying you will." Harry gawked at him. Louis just kept himself faced forward. 

"You know damn well that is not even close to what I fuckin' meant." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever." He started the car. 

"Hey, no, if there's something you want to say then say it." Harry said turning his body more towards Louis. Louis sighed then turned his head towards Harry. 

"I want to go to New York and I want you to come with me. It's nothing I haven't already said." He replied with a huff. Harry swallowed thickly, sinking back. Louis rolled his eyes again. "I know it's a touchy subject with you-"

"Well, it's touchy 'cause you're basically asking me to leave everything I know, everything I've grown accustomed to, for a foreign place I never had any interest in going to in the first place." Harry retorted. "There's just...there's so much that could go wrong-"

"Like what? Your life changes for the better? You actually expand your horizons outside of ranches and farms? We could create a good life together, Harry. I know you're doubtful, but we really could." 

"But how long would that good last?" Harry asked sternly. "I've been around long enough now to know that the good things never last. They never last." 

"Well of course good things never last, not if you don't let them!" 

"But you can't control if good things last or not, there are some forces we have no control over, Louis. What if you can't find work? What if I can't find work? What am I even supposed to do in a big city? What if we can't find a place to stay? What if you fall out of love with me? What if we end up growing in different directions?" 

"What if none of that happens?" Louis countered. "What if we both gets jobs and a place to stay? What if we fall even deeper in love with each other? What if we both grow as people together, loving and supporting each other no matter what happens?" He replied. 

"I don't know if I'm willing to take that chance."

"I'm leaving within a month." Harry gawked at him. 

"When did you decide that?" He asked softly. 

"When I realized how much I love feeling free." Louis replied. "And because of how sad I feel having to go back. So I'm going to leave the ranch for good within a month. And I want you to come with me—god, I want you to come with me so bad." Harry felt his eyes water with tears. "So if you'll take my hand and come with me I'll be more than elated, but if you decide you want to stay here...I'll be upset, but I'll understand." Louis finally pulled the car out of the parking lot and into the street. 

"What a fuckin' great ending to a great trip." Harry muttered, turning to the window. Louis just scoffed, turning down the road that led to the ranch. It was awkwardly quiet as they drove down the road. When they were just close enough, Louis stopped the car to let Harry out. 

Harry opened the roughly and got out. He pulled out his pack and strapped it to his back. Before he closed the door, he bent down. 

"You're actually going to come back, right?" 

"Yes, Harry, I'm not just gonna take off now." Louis replied sternly. Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Good." He stood up straight then slammed the car door. As Harry walked on, Louis turned the car around and headed back to the town to kill some time. 

As Harry strolled back into the ranch, he marched straight to the barn, making eye contact with no one as he walked into the barn, going straight back to his little room. He dropped his bag to the floor before he dropped down on his bed, closing his eyes. 

Louis returned 3 hours later. He parked the car beside the house, then grabbed his suitcase from the trunk before heading inside, waiting his fate with Nick. 

Nick was in the bedroom, sitting on the bed while he smoked a cigarette. Louis just walked into the room, not even offering him a greeting. He set his suitcase on the end of the bed and began to unpack. 

"How was your sisters?" Nick asked flatly. 

“It was good. It was nice seeing her and my nephews.” Louis replied in a tone just as flat and uninterested. 

“Sounds nice.” Louis just nodded his head and continued to unpack his clothes. Once he had all his clothes put away, he put the suitcase back in the closet. He flopped down on the bed on his back, closing his eyes. 

“Thanks for calling, by the way, and telling her you were my husband. What if she hadn’t already known?” Louis asked in annoyance. Nick just laughed, blowing smoke in the air. 

“Wow, haven’t even been back 10 minutes and you’re already picking a fight.”

“Well I’m annoyed that you did that when I specifically told you she didn’t know.” Louis retorted. 

“But she did-”

“Only because our idiotic father had told her behind my back.”

“Okay, well, I don’t know what you want me to do about that.” Louis groaned, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, maybe an apology would be nice.”

“I’m sorry your father told your sister about your sexuality?” Nick replied questionably. Louis rolled his eyes. 

“I meant for calling her and telling her you were my husband.” 

“Oh, okay.” Nick just put his cigarette between his lips, filling the air with filmy smoke. Louis groaned to himself, standing up and walking over to the dresser. 

“I’m getting ready for bed.” 

“It’s barely even 6 o’clock.”

“Well, I’m exhausted.” Louis marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He dressed in his pajamas, brushed his teeth, then turned down their sheets. Nick had left the room. 

After turning down their sheets, Louis walked over to the window, opening it up. The cool air felt nice on his face, and it was a nice breath of fresh air for his lungs. The smoke began to clear out. He sat down on the ledge, leaning against the windowsill has he gazed outside. The sun hung low in the sky, creating billows of orange in the navy sky. 

He was secretly hoping he might catch a glimpse of Harry. And after awhile he did. He must’ve been taking a shower because I’m the low lights outside the bunkhouses Louis could tell his hair was damp. 

Harry glanced up at Louis in the window as well, lingering outside the barn door. Louis signed ‘goodnight’ to him, to which Harry responded with the same. Then Louis signed ‘I love you,’ to which Harry signed back ‘I love you too’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it’s been awhile sorry college is chaotic and I’ve been sick :(


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s been awhile :(

The entire week was tense. Louis and Harry only communicated through sign language at night just to tell each other 'good night' and that they loved each other. When Harry wasn't thinking about his and Louis's argument, he was thinking about Louis's proposition with New York. He weighed out every scenario, good and bad, and he contemplated all the pros and cons he could some up with, but in the end the cons still outweighed the pros every time. 

On Sunday, Harry ventured back behind the tree's as usual, and he still found Louis by the flowering tree waiting for him. He smiled at Louis who gave him a meek smile in return. His heart was racing so fast he thought he might actually be having a heart attack. 

"Hi," Louis greeted softly. 

"Hey," The tension rested heavily on both of their shoulders, and neither was sure who was going to the first one to say something. "So," Harry started. "I-I've been thinkin' a lot about New York and all, like, it's the only thing I've been thinking about practically." Louis looked up at him, fiddling with a couple flower petals in his fingers as he listened to Harry. "And-and...you know, I love you very much, like...I can't even communicate it to you, you've colored my life with so many hues, but," Louis's heart started sinking. "I-I don't—want to go to New York with you." Louis felt as if his heart had forgotten how to function, and as the oxygen slowly stopped filtering through his body he was suffocating more and more with each passing second. He hadn't even realized how hard he was gnashing his teeth together until he released all the tension, and felt the ease of his muscles relaxing. Harry just looked back at him meekly.

"Well this is really quite unfortunate, now isn't it." Louis whispered back. His throat was so tight, he couldn't even speak above a whisper without his voice cracking. He blinked back his tears and pivoted around, walking away, but Harry quickly hurried after him. He grabbed his arm and yanked him back. 

"You said you'd understand-"

"Well if I'm being completely honest then I was really hoping you wouldn't have chosen that option, Harry. What's so bad about New York?" 

"Um, let's see. We wouldn't have jobs, we wouldn't have a place to stay, we'd be all the way across the country from where we do have a bed to sleep in at night, I am not a city boy like you. I don't dream of big lights and staying in a cramped apartment trying to make a better life for myself. I like just doing what I'm doin' now, what I'm comfortable doing and have been doing since I can remember-"

"How can you just not want a better life for yourself, though? How can you want to stay here and be a fucking ranch hand for the rest of your life?"

"Because that's what I know how to do!" Harry shouted back at him. "I'm perfectly happy doing that. I'd say my life right now is pretty alright. I don't need to drop everything and go all the way to the other coast-"

"But this is about so much more than just going to New York to start a new life." Louis interrupted. "What are we doing?" He asked softly. "What's our end goal? Is this just...something to keep you occupied until you move on, or I do? Because I really fucking like you and I want us to be together. I want you to be the person I come home to every evening. I want you to be the person I sit across from at the dinner table where we talk about our days over a shitty dinner I probably cooked. I want you to be the person I fall asleep next too every night, and wake up to every morning. I want that. I want that for us." Harry swallowed thickly, he licked his lips then rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I want nothing more than all of that as well-"

"Then come to New York with me-"

"I just...I can't." Harry told him firmly. "New York is not for me. New York is for you. It's your dream, not mine." 

"Because you have no dreams." Louis retorted. Harry took a deep breath, just blinking back at him before eventually nodding.

"You're right, I don't. And that's just who I am. I don't think about the future, or make plans for it. I have no dreams or aspirations for myself or my future because I wasn't brought up to dream. I was brought up to work and make money and be a provider, whether that be providing for myself or my future family, which will probably never exist."

"How can you be so pessimistic?"

"How can you be so optimistic?" Harry countered. "If anything, I would've pegged you as having the most cynical attitude out of the both of us -"

"Because I know that this shitty situation I'm in won't last forever if I actually take the initiative to change it." Louis interrupted.

"But you're not even changing it, you're just running away."

"Well if that's what I have to do to change my life around then you can bet your fucking ass that that's what I'm doing." He told him firmly. "And I don't care if you see it as just running away, sometimes that's all you can do! There's nothing wrong with doing what is necessary to make myself happy." Harry just on the inside of his cheek. He ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of how to respond, or even what to say. 

"Aren't you scared?" He eventually asked. Louis scoffed, his lips spreading into a forced, sad smile.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm pretty terrified. But don't get me wrong, I'm excited too. I can not wait to leave this fucking hellhole." He said, blinking back tears. "I just wish I was leaving with you." Harry sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he thought about what to say. What was there even to say? He already said he didn't want to go, and he had no intent on changing his mind. There was just too much risk, and he was not a risk taker. 

"Well, you know, we still have the time we do now before you leave-"

"Why bother?" Louis interrupted. "If we're not going to be together a couple weeks from now, let's not be together now." It was evident how choked up he was getting because he was beginning to wonder if New York was even worth it now. With the relationship he and Harry had established, and now knowing he was going to be leaving Harry behind, his excitement to leave was dulled. Sure, getting away from Nick would be freeing, but without having someone to celebrate that freedom with was it even worth it to him anymore? 

Louis felt like his throat was closing and he couldn't even look at Harry anymore. Harry's heart dropped to his stomach, and he watched in despair as Louis walk away from him disappearing within the foliage of the tree and coming out the other side in the backyard. And Harry just let him go, what else was he to do?

His head dropped down in despondence. He felt numb, almost as if he didn't know how to feel, or what emotion to process first. He walked over to the flowering tree and pressed his back against it, sliding down to the floor. He stretched his legs out and let his hands fall limply into his lap. Did he just lose Louis forever?

He didn't want to lose Louis forever. In fact, he wanted him and Louis to stay together, to be together, for awhile. But he didn't want to go to New York, and there's no way he could just ask Louis to stay on the ranch. He couldn't imagine being that selfish. He stared down at the dirt, his eyes going back and forth from all the dried petal leaves around him. He picked one up, crunching it in his fist before opening his palm and letting it blow away in the breeze.

He crunched up many of the petals, amazed by how delicate they were. Some of them crumbled even when he just picked them up. He sighed to himself, throwing his fist against the solid ground before yelping in pain. Tears watered his eyes and he just let his head fall against the tree trunk, conflicted with whether or not he had made the right decision. There was no way he would survive in New York, he'd be eaten alive...wouldn't he? And they say that if you love something, or someone, you should let it go. That was definitely the situation he was in, right? Letting the person he loved go so that he could prosper and create the life he wanted for himself.

He stood up from the tree and went back to the barn, settling down on his cot and curling up on his side. He tried to rest, close his eyes, but was unable to fall asleep. When dinner rolled around he didn't have much of an appetite, but still went out and sat at a small table by himself, and poked and prodded at the same meal he had been eating since he arrived. He missed the pizza he and Louis had ate when they were in San Francisco. 

Even after dinner time had long passed and all the dishes they used had been cleaned, Harry was still sitting at the table by himself with his head in his hand because he just couldn't bear to be in his room because all it reminded him of was all the nights he and Louis had spent in there. All the memories they had together, like the simple laughs they shared, or the books the read, or even the love they made. 

The sun was beginning to set and Harry was still sitting there. Liam had noticed him, and he had noticed the somber expression of his, even more somber than usual. And even though he and Harry weren't the closest of friends, Liam still walked over from the bunkhouse and sat down across from him. Harry looked up at him. They locked eyes, and neither one spoke for a couple seconds. Harry eventually looked away, down at the table. 

"What's got ya down?" Harry glanced up at him again before shaking his head, looking away.

"Nothing you'd care about." Liam folded his hands together on the table, giving Harry a mildly condescending look.

"I wouldn' have asked if I thought I wouldn' care." Harry just stared down at the table, trying to follow the grains in the wood with his eyes. "Trouble in paradise?" Harry didn't say anything at first. He shrugged his shoulders before slightly nodding his head.

"Louis...wants me to run away to New York City with him." Harry said quietly. "But earlier today I told him that I didn't want to go and so, you know, we argued, and he said he was still going to go, and I said we still have time here, and he said that if we aren't going to be together in a couple weeks, we might as well not be together now. So I just...I don't know. I feel sad."

"Why don' ya wanna go to New York?" Harry rolled his eyes.

"You honestly think I'm cut out for the city? What would I do in a city?"

"Survive." Liam answered softly. He smiled a small smile. "Ya really think the city would be that bad?" 

"Do I look like a city boy?" 

"Well ya sure sound like one." Liam replied. "Guess i's a good thang ya don' talk t' them other guys, ya talk a lot more proper now." 

"Louis and I enjoy reading together." Liam smiled. 

"What's yer favorite book?"

"Sister Carrie. Maybe I'm biased 'cause that's the first book we read together, but it really was a fun read." Liam just nodded, looking Harry over.

"Do you want you and Louis to stay together?" Harry did not hesitate to nod. He was already starting to tear up again. 

"I do, but I worry that New York isn't going to be all it's cracked up to be and it's not going to all happen how he plans it to, plus I have no idea what I'd even do there. I have no education, I only know how to work on farms and ranches, which I'm pretty sure they don't have in the big city. Plus, I just feel more comfortable here because I know I have a job, and a place to sleep, and food and I don't even know if we'd have that in New York. But, you know, he doesn't want to stay here and I could never ask him to. Like, Nick is fucking horrible to him, and, I just, I want us to be together, but I also want to see him get away from here whether I'm with him or not." 

"Well, do ya feel like ya made the right choice?" Harry ran his fingers through his hair, practically pulling at it as he shrugged his shoulders. 

"I think so, but a part of me is still uncertain." Liam just placed his chin in his palm, letting his elbow rest near the edge of the table. 

"Maybe ya jus' gotta give it time." He suggested. "Emotions are still high, judgements clouded, wait a day o' two, see how ya feel 'bout yer choice then." Harry just gave him a solemn look. "'M bad with love stuff, but ya seemed upset so I though' ya might like someone to talk t'." 

"Thank you." Harry forced a tiny smile. "I appreciate it." 

"I know I was hard ya earlier 'nd all, first findin' out 'bout you guys. I'm sorry for that."

"I forgive you." Liam smiled back at him. 

"Well," He grasped the table with both his hands as he stood up, stepping away from the bench. "I'll let you be." 

 

"Thank you." Liam gave him one last smile and nod. Once Liam was back in the bunkhouse, Harry got up from his table and went back into the barn, retreating to the darkness of his tiny room. He curled up on his cot again, pulling his tatter, sandpaper like blanket over himself. He closed his eyes and indulged himself in dreams of him and Louis living a happy, carefree life together. 

In the house, Louis was sitting at the window. He went back and forth from staring down at the ground to looking up at the sky. He wasn't even sure if he was going to see Harry, but every detection of movement caught his eye and he let his hopes get up, only to be let down by the shadow of a tree branch, or one of the other workers he didn't care for. 

But nonetheless he remained by the window, refusing to accept the idea of Harry wouldn't even tell him goodnight. Although he didn't want to believe that was what was going to happen, he would understand why it would. He had basically broken up with Harry, so why would Harry want to see him? A part of him wanted to believe that Harry was going to fight for him, but he knew it would be selfish to expect something of someone he had broken the heart of. He had tried to fight for Harry, to reassure him of the potential New York held, to communicate just how important he meant to him, but it just ended up not being enough.

"Why are you sitting by the window?" Louis jumped, his eyes widening and his posture stiffening, at the sudden sound of Nick's voice.

"I just like the cool air and looking up at the stars." He replied in a quiet voice. He kept himself turned towards the window, his eye's trained on the barn door.

"Well close it, it's gettin' chilly in here." Louis took a deep breath.

"No." He replied boldly. Nick's eyes widened at his back, and his eyebrows raised. He had been lying on the bed on his back and he sat up a bit. 

"No?"

"I said no. I want the window open so I'm going to keep it open, and when I'm done I will close it. But I am not closing it now." 

"I said--" Louis turned over his shoulder, flaring over at Nick. 

"You know what, Nick? I really do not give a shit about what you said. I said I will close it later, so that's when I'll close it." He turned back around, pressing his elbow against the window frame then placing his chin in the palm of his hand, sighing. 

"Watch the fuckin' attitude, mister."

"Watch yours, you talk to me like you're my dad." Nick rolled his eyes. 

"Because you act like a child."

"Standing up to you does not equate acting like a child." Louis replied calmly. 

"Well I-"

"Haven't I made it clear I don't care what you think?" Louis stood up. He closed the window forcefully then pivoted around. "Happy? I'll be downstairs now, and I'm probably just going to sleep on the couch. Please just let me be." Nick just watched him with disdain as he left the bedroom, closing the door with a slam behind him. 

Louis went down to the living room and dropped down on their sad, flat couch. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling and wishing it were the stars. He thought back to how the sky looked the very first time he and Harry ever kissed. What an exhilarating night that had been. He closed his eyes and reminisced about all the different memories he and Harry had created within the many months. 

He figured he'd eventually drift to sleep, but he didn't. He tossed and turned for hours. No matter what position he laid in, or how long he kept his eyes shut, he didn't fall asleep. After awhile he just gave up, lying there in annoyance as he stared up at the ceiling again. His mind kept trailing to Harry, and at 4 am, when he fed up enough without sleeping, he stomped out of the house and over to the barn.

He let himself in quietly, and ventured back to Harry's room where he just let himself in. Harry was sound asleep in his bed, and Louis was slightly jealous that Harry had been able to sleep and he hadn't. 

"Harry." He said standing beside the cot. Harry didn't move or say anything. "Harry." Louis repeated in a louder voice, reaching down to nudge his shoulder slightly. Harry stirred a bit, grumbling incoherently before he opened his eyes and practically leaped at the sight of Louis.

"Jesus Christ!" He yelled. Once he realized it was Louis, and not Nick or anyone else, he relaxed a bit. His heart rate calmed. Louis just stood there, staring down at Harry who turned on his back and looked back up at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I can't sleep and I keep thinking about you which is probably why and...I'm sorry if I was harsh when I said why would we bother being together now if we won't be later. I was just hurt, but that doesn't deter my feelings for you, so why shouldn't we embrace the time we have left? I guess at the time I was thinking it would just be easier to leave if we had already cut things off weeks before, but...I just, I don't care about that anymore. I don't care how much it'll hurt leaving, I want to be with you if I can." 

"Really?" Harry asked softly. Louis nodded. Harry sat up, and Louis sat down on the edge of the cot, in front of him.

"Yeah. I still plan to leave at least by the end of the month, but I don't want to spend those weeks avoiding you, or simply not being together."

"I agree." Louis smiled. "I-I'm sorry about New York. I hope you can understand my reasoning for staying." Louis nodded reluctantly, sighing solemnly. 

"I do, I do. It still makes me sad, though." Harry smiled softly.

"Well, we can be sad together."

"I'll hold you to that." He laughed, eliciting a smile from Louis. Harry reached out, placing his hand over top Louis's which rested against the cot. 

"I'm glad you came out here and talked to me, even if you frightened me to death at first."  

"I'm glad you didn't actually die." Louis teased back. Harry reached out, cupping his hand around the back of Louis's neck before pulling him in for a kiss. Louis reached up and held Harry's cheek, brushing his thumb across his soft skin. 

"I love you so much." Harry whispered into it. 

"And I love you." Louis whispered back. The kiss ended and neither one pulled away. They pressed their foreheads together. "And we still have about a month-"

"Let's not focus on time." Harry interrupted softly. "It distracts from the now." Louis smiled sweetly, then kissed him again tenderly. And they could say they weren't going to focus on time, but each of them already had a clock counting down in their hearts.


	21. Chapter 21

"You're not gonna forget about me, are you?" Louis and Harry were lying on their backs at the base of a tree, in a pasture of grass. It was their typical Sunday afternoon date. One of their remaining two now, that is. Despite their efforts to focus on each other, and not their impending separation, that was all they could think about. 

"How could I ever do something as silly as that?" Louis replied. Harry's tone had sounded somewhat playful, but the seriousness behind it was obvious and Louis surely picked up on it. Although he had no idea how Harry could ever, even for one second, believe that he would forget him. 

"Well, you're going to be thousands of miles away surrounded by all these amazing and unique people," said Harry with a sniffle. "How could you not?" He just stared up at the clouds, watching the way they slowly glided across the sky. Louis had turned his head and was looking at him, but when Harry didn't look back Louis rolled up on his side and leaned over him, so that he had to look at him. 

"Because I love you." Louis simply responded. Harry looked somber, closing his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

"We're never going to see each other again, you're going to fall out of love with me." He reached up and dried his tear. He tried to keep his composure, but he could just feel the tears building up, and up, and up before the dam broke and they all fell. 

"Hey, that's not true." Louis retorted, feeling himself tear up at the sight of Harry crying. "I could come back, I could visit. We can keep in touch, write letters." He suggested. "And Harry...you just, you hold such a special place in my heart that I think it'd be impossible to ever not love you. I spent four years of my goddamn life on this ranch, and nothing in my life ever had any meaning until you came along. You've given me so much happiness, and joy, and love, and companionship that I don't think I'd be where I am without you." More tears fell when Harry blinked. They were so warm, and they just rolled down the side of his face into his hairline. He rubbed his eyes with the side of his hand. 

"I'm just going to miss you so much." He said hoarsely. Louis smiled sadly, nodding his head. He placed his hand on Harry's chest, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. 

"I'm going to miss you just as much." He replied softly. "But we still have three weeks. That should be plenty of time to finish 'Their Eyes Were Watching God'. And then...then maybe we could start 'Gone With The Wind'." 

"Or we could just make love every second we're together." A coy smile spread across Louis's lips as he grinned down at Harry.

"I dare you to do me under this tree." Harry laughed, smiling back up at him.

"You're daring me to have sex with you?" Louis nodded. 

"Yes, I am." Harry leaned up, wrapping his arms around Louis as he turned him over on his back. Louis smiled up at him gleefully, already unbuttoning Harry's shirt before he even got a moment to position himself. Harry pressed his hands in to the soft grass beneath him, and leaned over to kiss Louis. Louis held Harry's face in his hands as they kissed. It was sweet, and tender, and all Louis wanted for the rest of his life was to be able to feel the warmth of Harry's lips on his. 

They undressed each other before under the shade of the tree, in broad daylight, sweeter things ensued. Once finished, they both collapsed on their backs beside each other. They slowly got dressed, but Louis was too dazed to even button his shirt back up, or his pants. He just laid there with his slacks unzipped and his shirt wide open, staring up at the sky.

"Wow." Harry laughed. He finished buttoning up his shirt before laying back with a content sigh. 

"Wow." He repeated softly. Louis turn his head, grinning ear to ear at Harry. His face was actually beginning to hurt. 

"That was fucking amazing. Like, holy hell." Harry laughed. Louis zipped up his pants finally, and started buttoning his shirt. "Best sex we've ever had." 

"Glad to know every other time has been subpar." 

"You know that's not what I meant." Harry chuckled, nodding. 

"I'm teasing." Louis cuddled up close to him, laying his head on his shoulders as he stared up at the sky above. He loved the way he head fit perfectly there. It was as if Harry's shoulder had been sculpted just to fit his head, like they were meant to be. 

Harry loved it to. He just loved the feeling of being close to Louis. He had never developed any real close relationships aside from his parents, and maybe even Niall, but to have experienced an relationship that played around with as complex of emotions as love, and understanding, and forgiveness was something else. He didn't want to say goodbye to it.

"You know, I think I'm going to miss our Sunday dates the most." Louis stated. "Or our midnight dates. Or signing 'good night' and 'I love you' to each other. Oh, fuck it. I'm going to miss everything. Remember when you tried to show me how to play horseshoes?" Harry smiled fondly as he thought back to that evening. 

"You were so bad, but still so happy." He recalled. "You were so cute." 

"I almost chickened out on kissing you." Louis admitted. "I'm glad I didn't." 

"Me too." 

"Oh the memories." Harry laughed. 

"Will you come out to the barn tonight?" Louis nodded his head. 

"I can try. We should try and finish 'Their Eyes Were Watching God', I'm curious to know what happens with Teacake." 

"That's such a weird nickname." Harry remarked. Louis nodded his head in agreement. 

"Maybe I'll start calling you Teacake." 

"But I already love how you call me sweetheart." Louis smiled at him, blushing the slightest bit pink himself. 

"Okay, sweetheart." Harry grinned back at him. He wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close. Louis laughed softly, placing his hand on Harry's chest as he held himself up. He gazed down at him. 

"I want to go to the creek and look for frogs." Harry drew in a long breath before sighing loudly. 

"But we're so comfy right here, why do you want to move?" 

"Because I can't be a wanderer who doesn't wander." He simply replied before standing up. He dusted himself off, fixed his clothes, then held a hand down to Harry. Harry grasped his hand reluctantly, then stood up to his feet. 

Hand in hand, they walked back into the fortress of the trees, splashing around in the cool water of the creek and petting all the little frogs they came across. After they had finished exploring the creek, they parted paths and went back to their own separate worlds.

Later that night, Louis had gotten ready for bed and was sitting by the window as usual. He stared down at the barn below and waited for Harry to make his usual stroll from the outhouse back towards the barn, signing 'goodnight' and 'I love you' as they kept eye contact. Once Harry disappeared in the barn, Louis stood up and closed the window. He went to the bed, which was empty, and pulled back the covers. He got under them. 

Nick kicked open the bedroom door and stomped in. He looked over at Louis then walked around the bed to the dresser. He grabbed pajamas, went into the bathroom, changed, then came back out. He dropped his day clothes in their hamper then got in bed with Louis. Louis scooted at close as he could to the edge. 

It was silent between them, and it stayed silent. Nick eventually fell asleep, and Louis just laid awake. He counted the cracks in the ceiling, waiting until it was late enough for him to sneak out. Nick's heavy and even breathing led him to believe that at 1 am he was safe to get out of bed. He snuck out carefully, not moving the mattress too much as he got off of it, then making sure not to creak too many of the floorboards as he left the room. 

He was still quiet as he made his way down the stairs and out the front door, strolling across the dusty plain to the barn. He slipped inside and went back to Harry's room. Harry was sitting up on his cot when Louis entered. A lantern on the back shelf gave the room a warm, low glow. It flickered slightly. 

"Hi angel eyes," Louis smiled, walking over to the cot and sitting in front of Harry.

"Hi sweetheart." Harry smiled up at him fondly. "How are you?"

 

"I'm good. Sleepy, but good. I'm glad you came out." Harry already had the book in his hands. "How are you?"

"Sleepy as well, but ready to read and find out what happens with Teacake." 

"Let's get to it." They both moved towards the head of the cot and sat shoulder and shoulder, even if they didn't necessarily fit that way. Harry held up the book and turned the pages, and Louis read out loud. Sometimes they took turn reading pages. But they read and read until the book had been finished and they could barely keep their eyes open. They tilted their heads against each other, their temples touching. They had their hands locked together as well, resting in the dip where their thighs touched. Louis had his eyes closed, and Harry stared down at the book cover.

"That was really good, I liked it." 

"Me too. I'm sad about Teacake, though." Louis replied. 

"Me too, he was the best one." They both sighed softly. "You're hand is warm." 

"Well, I feel warm when I'm around you." Louis said making Harry smile. 

"You'll have to send me some warmth once you're in New York." Now Louis was smiling. He opened his eyes, grinning down at their hands. 

"I'll send you so much warmth the paper will singe." 

"Good, I want that." 

"And you have to send me your hugs. I want a million." 

"I'll send as many as I can muster up." Louis chuckled softly before he let out a big, content sigh. 

"We're being so cheesy right now." 

"I know, but with you I don't mind it." But maybe a little part of him did, because he knew that soon, within two weeks time, they wouldn't be able to sit up at 1 in the morning, holding hands, and being cheesy with each other. And that bugged the hell out of him. He wanted to always be cheesy with Louis, always be in love, always be with him. But their time was running out, and they only had so many more moments with each other. 

Harry wasn't even really aware of the tears that had formed in his eyes until he blinked and they rolled down his cheeks. He also wasn't sure if they were happy or sad tears, or both. Louis hadn't noticed them because he had closed his eyes again and was simply thinking about how much he wished he could freeze time. Harry sniffled and Louis opened his eyes, lifting his head and looking at him. 

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't know, I'm just...I've been emotional lately." Harry replied in a quiet whisper. "I seriously don't know what I'm gonna do here without you. I just...I don't even know." He lifted his free hand up and wiped his cheeks and eyes dry. The book rest against his thigh.

"If you..." started Louis, but then he paused. "If you ever change your mind you're always welcome to come. I mean it." 

"I know." Harry swallowed thickly. "I don't think I will." Louis nodded his head, starting to feel the slightest bit numb.

"I understand." Harry inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly, then licked his lips. 

"Lets lie down." Harry picked the book up off his lap and simply set it down on the floor. He and Louis let go of each others hands as they re-situated themselves on the cot, laying on their sides with their arms tucked in tightly. 

"I'm gonna fucking fall asleep." Louis said with a small smile.

"I'll wake you up." He gave Harry a curious grin, furrowing his eyebrows at him.

"Aren't you tired? I mean, you work, like, 8 hours a day 6 days a week, and probably only get, like, 4 hours a sleep half of those nights." Harry just shrugged his shoulders, not sure what to say. Of course he was tired, he was exhausted all the time, but aside from Sunday afternoons the only other time they got to spend together was in the middle of the night, when no one else was awake. Louis was worth those sleepless nights. 

"You're worth it." Was all he said. "I would so much rather spend time with you reading, or talking, or making love, or even just sitting in silence. I can sleep when I'm dead." Louis laughed. "Aren't you tired?" 

"Sometimes, but I also don't do a lot and sometimes I nap during the day."

"You lucky son of a bitch." Louis just smiled wide and Harry smiled back contently. He leaned in and kissed him sweetly. "I've been going through the sign language book and it's actually really helpful. I'm really glad you found it."

"Well I'm really glad you're enjoying it." Louis blinked slowly, letting his eyes stay closed and Harry just watched him fondly. It was quiet, and the light from the lantern danced across his face beautifully. Despite fighting to keep his eyes open, Harry just stared at Louis. His skin was soft like a rose petal, and Harry was beginning to wonder how he hadn't begun to wilt yet. Then he started to think how long it would take for himself to wilt once Louis was gone, and Harry had never thought he would ever be comparing himself to a rose, but there he was, doing it, because Louis had taught him to see the beauty in things. He wondered if it was even worth it to stay at that ranch after Louis's fateful departure. He could go back to Weed, or somewhere else along the coast, but the ranch was the only thing that connected him and Louis. If he were to leave, he might never hear from Louis again, and the only thing he wanted when Louis left was to receive a letter from him, to hear from him. 

Eventually Harry wasn't able to fight his fatigue anymore. He closed his eyes and fell asleep shortly after. Louis slept soundly behind him, and neither one of them woke up until the the sun was coming up over the horizon and the sound of the other men outside, getting ready for the day ahead roused them. 

Louis felt a sense of panic as he jumped up off the cot and glanced around hastily. Harry was still groggy, and laid his head against the cot, his eyes closed.

"Oh my god, Harry, we fell asleep. I slept out here. Nicks up and is probably wondering where I am, or looking for me, and he's going to yell at me, or hit me, probably both! Oh my god," Louis run his fingers through his hair, looking down at Harry as if he had the magical answer to make the situation go away. 

"It's okay, just...wait until we head out into the field to go back to the house. If he asks, I don't know, say you got up early to do something. I don't know." Louis exhaled, sitting down on the edge of the other cot that used to belong to Leo. "It's okay. It'll be all right." 

"And if it isn't?" Harry just blinked back at him. He glanced away, towards the floor, then licked his lips before looking back at Louis. 

"Then tell me." He finally said breaking the silence. Louis took a deep breath, nodding his head slightly as he bit down on his knuckle. Harry looked him over before standing up. He ran his fingers through his hair, walking over to the counter where one of his five shirts he owned laid. He took off his white tee, which wasn't exactly white anymore, and traded it in for a tan, long sleeve button up shirt then hooked his overall straps together. He snatched his hat up off the shelf, then walked over to Louis. "I love you very much. Is there anything you want to talk about?" Louis shook his head. 

"I'll be fine." 

"Okay." Harry leaned over, and Louis titled his head back as Harry kissed him softly. When Harry pulled away, Louis stood up and reached out, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him back down again. He placed his other hand on Harry's cheek, and Harry wrapped his arm around Louis's lower back. They kissed tenderly and like all the time in the world belonged to them. 

"I love you too." Louis whispered before pulling away. Harry smiled at him. "And you look really cute." 

"Cute? I was goin’ for rugged." Louis just laughed, and watched solemnly as Harry strapped on his boots, gave him one last smile, then left the room. Once the door had shut, he exhaled loudly. 

He wasn't sure how long he had waited before leaving. He wondered how Harry ever knew what time it was considering there was no clock in the room. But, when he thought the coast was clear, he left through the back of the  barn and walked around to the house. 

He entered it quietly, but the screech of the screen door seemed deafening as he entered the foyer. He ascended the stairs, walked down the hallway, and opened the bedroom door, slipping inside. It was empty. He felt relief and went over to the window, where in the faint distance he could see all the ranch hands plowing through the hay. He smiled to himself, thinking of Harry. 

When he turned around Nick was standing in the doorway, and Louis gasped so loud he was sure he had actually knocked the wind out of himself. He slapped his hand to his chest, trying to catch his breath, and closed his eyes. 

"Holy shit, you scared me half the death." He said, but Nick didn't falter. He just placed his hands in his pockets, looking Louis over. 

"Where were you this morning?" Louis swallowed thickly, still trying to catch his breath. He placed his hands on his hips. 

"Um, I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep. Around the back there's a hill and I thought I might go out to watch the sunrise." 

"Okay, so where'd you go at 1 am?" 

"To look at the stars on the second landing of the barn."

"Because you couldn't sleep, right?" Louis nodded his head slowly. His heart was pounding within his chest, but for a different reason now. "Maybe you should see a doctor since you've been having so much trouble sleeping." The sarcasm behind his tone was not sitting well with Louis. At any moment Nick could snap, and Louis had to be ready. 

"Maybe I will." 

"Good, I hate to think about how hard it must be not getting any sleep." Louis shrugged. 

"I make do." A creepy, unsettling smile spread across Nicks lips. 

"You do, don't you?" Louis nodded unsurely. Nick was creeping him out, it seemed as if he knew something Louis didn't...there's no way he found out about him and Harry, right? "Where were you really?" 

"I told, the barn then the hill." 

"Well that's really weird, because you see, I checked outside this morning and you weren't there. But you know where you were? The barn. I saw you walk out from behind it; you really think leaving through the back and walking around is sneaky? It's not, Louis. So...I want to know why the fuck you just lied to me and what you were doing in the barn." 

"I was just looking up at the stars at night, but I fell asleep."

"So why'd you lie about going the fucking hill to watch the sunrise?" 

"I don't know, because I know how paranoid you get and how angry you would feel if I fell asleep in the barn." 

"I don't believe you." Louis rolled his eyes, crossing his arms tightly as he gave Nick a rather scornful look. 

"Well, it's the truth-" 

"Really? That's the truth? The truth is that at 1am you went out to the barn to look at stars and fell asleep, and when you woke up you thought of this elaborate lie that you went to the barn then a hill to watch the sunrise to cover your ass from what? What were you trying to protect yourself from?" 

"You." Nick didn't look moved. "Because you get-"

"You basically told me you spent the entire night out there, so why would you falling asleep in there make any difference?" He interrupted. "Were you too tired from fucking Harry to come back?" 

"Oh my God, why is that your go to accusation? Me going to the barn to look at the stars at night translates to Harry and I fucking?" Nick just shrugged his shoulders before nodding. “Well if you’re so sure then how come you never do anything about it? You’ve had that paranoia for months now. What? Are you just waiting until you find evidence you’re never actually going to find?” 

“Maybe I just don’t want to believe that something like that could actually be going on.” 

“You rape me, physically abuse me, verbally abuse me, you’ve created this hell for me, made me afraid of my own bedroom, and you wouldn’t want to believe I’d want find someone else? Not even a friend?”

“Is that a yes?” Louis scoffed, throwing his hands in the air. 

“You’re ridiculous!” He exclaimed. “I swear, just…just let me be, let me go on with the day, go out to the field and work.” Nick hesitated before speaking. 

“This isn’t over.”

“It never is.” Nick just glared at him before he pivoted around and left the room. Louis exhaled deeply before turning back to the window. He looked at the ground, the sky, then the men in the field. And all he could think about was how he couldn’t wait to leave.


	22. Chapter 22

It was the night before Louis was leaving. Much to both their dismay, Louis had cut back on his midnight trips to the barn to ease Nicks suspicion. The last thing they needed was for Nick to actually find out about their affair. 

Harry couldn't believe how fast the time had gone by, and he was mad that they didn't have any more days to spend together. He also felt like he hadn't made the best of the time they did have left. Had he done enough? Done everything he could've? He wasn't even sure what he could do. He couldn't do anything. 

He was lying on his back, staring up at the cracked and splintered wood above his head. He wasn't sure if Louis was coming out that night. They had signed goodnight and love you that night, but nothing about meeting in the night. 

He still laid awake, though. He kept his eyes open as long as he could before eventually he closed his eyes and the next time he opened them was in the morning. He sighed to himself, rubbing his eyes as he rat up. The next 24 hours were gonna flow like concrete. 

During the day, Harry and Liam worked together to fix up the paddock. The sun beat down on the back of their necks relentlessly, and it was particularly quiet between them until Liam spoke up. 

"So, when's he leavin'?" Harry took a deep breath, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. 

"Funny you should ask, he's leaving tonight. Like, in the middle of the night." 

"How're ya feelin'?" 

"Kinda shitty." Harry replied hoarsely. His eyes glossed over with tears, and when he blinked a couple tears rolled down his cheeks. "I don't want him to leave, and I feel kinda selfish for wanting that." 

"Well, ya know, I'm sure if the roles were reversed, he'd feel the same as well." 

"Maybe." Harry turned his head down, looking at the wooden panels. "I'm going to miss him." 

"Nicks gonna 'ave a field day."

"Probably pull a gun on me." 

"Ya know he's gonna think ya had somethin' t' do with it." Harry nodded his head. He was fully anticipating Nick storming to him in a blind fury once he realized what Louis had done. It's all he'd be waiting for once Louis had left. 

"I know, I ain't gonna say shit, though."

"Didn' think ya would." Liam said with a laugh. Harry didn't laugh, or smile back. He just continued working on the paddock and picturing Louis in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about him. 

"Do you think...," Harry started, looking up at Liam before pausing. "Ya know that saying, if you love something, or someone, let it go, and if they come back they're yours, and if they don't they never were, or whatever it is?" Liam, who was on the opposite side of the paddock now, nodded his head. He had paused what he was doing, looking at Harry intently. "Do ya think that's true?"

"I don'." Liam answered. "I've also never really loved anyone, so who am I t' say?" 

"Why don't you think that?" He shrugged. 

"'Cause I feel like it implies insincerity. T' say someone, or somethin', was never yours jus' 'cause it don't come back makes it sound like a one sided thing, or relationship. T' base how much someone loves you on one action is...harsh. It'd be like if ya tol' Louis the only way to prove he really loved ya is t' come back for you, and ya don' need him t' do tha' to know he loved ya, right?" Harry thought about what Liam had said before slowly nodding his head. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know he loves me." He replied softly. 

"There ya go." Liam said with a kind smile. "That's all ya need t' know." Harry managed a small smile in return. They continued working on the paddock in silence before they were finished for the day, and headed back in. 

Harry went to his room in the back of the barn and rested until it was dinner time. Even then, he just didn't have an appetite and ended up moving his food around his plate more than he did actually eat it. He just wasn't hungry, he was too anxious about the night to follow. 

He followed his usual routine. After dinner, he went back to his room and dawdled the evening away. Eventually, once the sun had set, he took a shower and changed into clean, sleep clothes, and then on his way back to the barn, he looked up at the window of the house where Louis always sat, and was currently sitting at, looking down at him. 

Harry looked around to see if anyone was out, but all the men were either in the bunkhouse, or somewhere else out of sight. Harry signed 'I love you' to him, which Louis signed back, and then he signed for him to stop by the barn later. He could see Louis smile from the faint light of the room that highlighted his face. He sighed back 'of course', and then Harry smiled back, and they parted ways. 

Once again, Harry couldn't even sleep. He wasn't even sure when Louis was planning on leaving, but he waited up in the barn that night. He couldn't even lie down because he was too restless. He just sat up, skimming through all the different books they had read together in the past months. 

He must've made it through almost every book because before he knew it, he could hear the front door to the house creek open softly, and he knew it was time. God, Louis hadn't even come to the barn and he was already tearing up. He listened to the sound of the car trunk opening, and Harry assumed Louis had put his bags in first before coming to say goodbye. 

He eventually left his room, standing out in the middle of the barn, a few feet from the door. Louis pushed it open slightly, poking his head in before walking inside. He paused right outside the door, locking eyes with Harry. He walked forward briskly, closing the distance between them as he jumped into Harry's arms. 

Harry wrapped his arms around him tightly, lifting Louis up slightly so that his feet just brushed the floor. Louis had his arms around Harry's neck tightly, his face buried deeply between his arm and Harry's neck. 

Eventually Harry lowered Louis, and they just stood there wrapped in each other's arms. Once they did pull away, they watched wiped their bleary eyes before smiling at each other and laughing. 

"Hi angel eyes," Harry said softly. 

"Hi sweetheart," Louis replied, blushing. He still got butterflies every time Harry called him angel eyes. He loved it, absolutely loved it. He just wished there was a way to capture Harry's voice saying that, so he could keep it with him forever. 

"So what's your plan? Are you leaving now or...waiting a bit?" Louis shrugged his shoulders. 

"I already have everything packed and in the car. Once I'm ready, all I have to do is get in the car, and drive away." He explained. "But I want to spend some time with you first."

"And are you ready?" Louis shrugged his shoulders again. He really wasn't sure if he was ready. He always said he was ready, ready to leave the shithole he had to call a home for 5 years, but now that the opportunity was presenting itself to him he was unsure, unsure of what life would be like for him when he left, what would happen, unsure of if he would even be happy. Had he just convinced himself this was what he needed to do to be happy? He honestly wasn't sure, and the only way to find out was to do it. 

"I think so." Harry was conflicted because he wanted Louis to be ready, to feel ready, to leave, but at the same time Louis being ready hurt him, probably because he wasn't ready. And he never would be. 

"We could go up on the landing, look at the stars-"

"We could make love up there." Louis interrupted, catching Harry off guard. "Because I just want to be with you. Just you, just us. If I'm looking up, I want it to be at you because the stars will always be with me, but you won't." Harry smiled fondly, endeared and saddened, then nodded his head. 

"Okay." Before leading Louis up to the landing, he grabbed a blanket from his room which he used to spread over the pile of hay they had flattened down. Louis smiled, laughing softly to himself as he stared down at the blanket. He turned back to Harry, stepping in front of him as he wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. 

"You're so special to me." He told him softly. "And I'm literally never going to forget you. Never." 

"I don't think I'll ever forget you either." Louis leaned up and kissed Harry tenderly. They just stood there kissing, their hands roaming each other's body's because if this was the last time they were ever going to see each other then they wanted to feel everything, touch every inch of skin that they could. 

Louis was still dressed in day clothes, so Harry reached up and started to unbutton his shirt for him. Louis kissed Harry's face, and his neck, and his shoulders. He pulled at Harry's collar just to expose more skin before taking it off him completely, and once Harry had finished unbuttoning Louis's shirt, he let it fall to the floor then took off his undershirt. 

"I want you...to give me as many fucking love bites as you can." Louis said in Harry's ear. 

"You said no marks—"

"But we don't have to worry about Nick now." He interrupted. "Got nothing to hide from him anymore." Harry still looked apprehensive, and Louis just stared back up at him intently. "Please." Harry eventually smiled, and nodded his head, leaning in to kiss Louis's neck then bite down on the soft skin. Louis's breath hitched, and he smiled. 

Eventually Harry laid Louis down on the blanket, and in the dark and silver glow of pale moonlight, sweeter things ensued until they were just a sweaty and breathless mess of high emotions and tears. 

Harry wrapped them up in the blanket, snuggling close to Louis as they each held a corner of the blanket. They pressed their foreheads together, their faces so close their noses touched and breaths got mixed around in the space between them. 

"I don't know how I'm ever going to find someone who makes me feel the way you do." Harry whispered. "Who's going to catch the frogs at the creek and name them now?" 

"I fully expect you too." Harry smiled, chuckling. 

"I'll name the first one after you, in your honor." 

"Oh, you're sweet." Harry laughed softly, and Louis smiled back at him. He leaned in and kissed him softly. 

"So," Harry started. "What's the first thing you're going to do once you get to New York?" 

"I'm not sure, probably just...park somewhere then walk around and explore, sight see, then probably start inquiring about jobs to get myself on my feet." 

"Think there’ll be teaching jobs?" 

"Maybe," Louis shrugged his shoulders. "If not, I'll find something small and wait until something better comes along, even if it's not teaching at first." Harry nodded, brushing the tips of their noses together. Louis smiled. "Think you'll be able to hold down the fort here?" 

"Hopefully." Harry laughed softly. "Wonder if I'll get to move back into the bunkhouse once Nick realizes you're gone. I actually hope I don't. How do you think he'll react?" 

"God, I don't know. A part of me worries that one day someone's gonna knock on my door and it's going to be him, but then another part thinks that there's no way he'd find me." 

"Yeah, I can't imagine he'd find you. He'll probably freak out, yell at me insisting I know things, which I'll refuse, and then after his hissy fit ends things will go on as usual." Louis laughed quietly, nodding his head. It was quiet between them. They just laid there, relished in the warmth of each other's body's. They weren't even sure how much time had passed. It had felt like hours, but was only a couple minutes. Louis kissed Harry's cheek before trailing soft kisses to his lips. 

“You’re so sweet.”

“I’ll always be sweet for you, angel eyes.” Harry replied, nuzzling the tip of his nose against Louis’s. 

“My god, there you go again. Being sweeter than sugar. You still give me so many butterflies.” Harry smiled at him, enthralled with happiness and Louis smiled back even wider because Harry just had the most beautiful smile—it reached beyond his eyes. 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you.” They continued laying there for who knows how long. It had to have been at least almost an hour. They were both feeling drowsy, and Louis nudged Harry gently. 

"We should probably get dressed again." He whispered, much to Harry's dismay. 

"No," He whined, tightening his arms around Louis so that he couldn't move. "You can't move because then I'll be cold." Louis just forced a small laugh, pressing his hand against Harry's chest. 

"Harry, darling," He said, giving him a knowing look. Harry exhaled deeply, his heart already heavy with despair because he wasn't ready to say goodbye. 

"Okay." They unwrapped themselves from the blanket then got dressed back in their clothes. Harry folded the blanket over his arm, and they climbed down the ladder back to the ground floor. While Louis made his way towards the main door of the barn, Harry dropped the blanket off and picked up a book before going back to Louis. 

"Here," He said, holding the novel out to him. "Take Sister Carrie. As a memento of the time we had together." Louis took it from his hand, glancing down at it before looking up at Harry. The moonlight seeping in through the cracks of the wood glinted off the tears in his eyes, and he had the saddest, softest expression Harry had ever seen. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were like home to me. You're the only man I've ever come to love." Louis wiped his eyes with the edge of his hand. "And of course I don't want to say goodbye, but I do want to see you get out of here, get away from Nick, and live the life you've always dreamed of. I came here never having dreamed of anything, and here you are making your dream come true." Harry said with a small smile. Louis laughed softly, his eyes so full of tears that all Harry was was a blurry collection of dark colors. Harry swallowed thickly, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm kinda just babbling now."

"Babble away." Harry forced a laugh, which turned into a cough. He rubbed his eyes, he wasn't sure if they would ever dry. He spent the whole month knowing and preparing for Louis to leave, yet he was still in disbelief he was even saying goodbye to him. 

"Why do you gotta make it so hard to say goodbye, angel eyes?" Louis smiled sadly. Warm tears rolled down his cheeks when he closed his eyes. 

"You think you make it any easier, sweetheart?" Harry grinned, blinking slowly and keeping his eyes closed for a moment. They just stood there, looking at each other, tears still rolling down their cheeks. Louis tiptoed up, throwing his arms around Harry in a hug. "I'll stay if you want to me to-"

"No, no.” Harry quickly answered. “I would never ask you to do that." He leaned back, keeping his hands on Louis's waist as he stared down at him. "Go to New York, get the job you've always wanted, and move into an apartment you've dreamed of living in, and...just be free." Louis was quiet. He nodded his head. 

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Harry nodded back. 

"I'm sure." But he wasn't. "I'll always love you and always be rooting for you. You deserve this." 

"There's no way I would even be here if it weren't for you." 

"This is all you, Louis. All you. I can't take any credit." Louis hugged him tightly again, unsure if he would ever be able to let go. Harry relished in the warmth and feel of Louis's body, knowing this was probably the last time he would ever get the chance to touch him. 

Louis eventually stepped back. He just stared up at Harry, wiping his cheeks with the edge of his hand as Harry smiled down at him. He couldn't even believe he was able to smile in such a sad situation. 

"Goodbye." 

"Goodbye, angel eyes." And Louis was tearing up again. "I love you." 

"And I love you." Harry smiled sadly, and Louis tried to smile back, but couldn't because his bottom lip and chin just quivered and he couldn't do anything else but frown and try to hold back his tears. 

He leaned up one last time, kissing Harry so sweetly he thought Louis's lips were dipped in honey. When he pulled away, Harry swallowed thickly and watched as Louis turned to the barn door. He wrapped his hand around the edge, pulling it open slightly before looking back at Harry over his shoulder. 

'I love you', he signed. Harry smiled so wide and didn't hesitate to sign it back. Louis managed a tiny smile, then turned back to the door. He opened it wider before slipping out and closed it until it was open just a crack, walking over to the car. 

Harry stood right behind the barn door, listening the squelch of the tires underneath the rocks and gravel as Louis pulled the car away, then he listened as it roared, the sound of the engine eventually fading in the distance until Harry was left alone with the silence. He knew he had no reason to continue standing there, but a part of him, a very small part, was convinced he might just hear the car return, that Louis just couldn't be without him, and Harry could run off with him, but the car never came back.


	23. Chapter 23

Two days. It had only been two days that had passed when Harry got his unexpected visit from Nick he had been anticipating. He had just been sitting on his cot, reading "Gone With The Wind", when Nick threw open the door and stomped inside. 

"Where the fuck is Louis?" 

"I don't know." He didn't look away from his book. 

"I know you fucking know, don't play dumb. Tell me." Nick demanded. He grabbed the book out of Harry's hands and threw it across the small room. 

"I do not fucking know where he is. The house? Town?" 

"No, no, it's been over two days and the car is gone and so is almost all of the money from the safe in my father's office. You're going to tell me where the fuck he is, and you're gonna tell me now." Harry just took a deep breath, he was not in the mood for Nick's shit. Louis had only left two days ago, he was still hurting. 

"Listen to me closely since you apparently have trouble comprehending sentences. I do not know where the fuck Louis went with your car and money. And it's not my fucking problem. Call the cops, tell them all about how your husband who you raped and abused finally got the courage to leave." Nick scoffed. "Are you really surprised he finally left?"

"He could come back—"

"Why the hell would he do that? Why is that something you'd actually think? You really think he's going to come back?" Harry exclaimed furiously. "You treated him like shit! You isolated him here, didn't let him have a job, or friends, or anything, you fucking hit him, and forced him to have sex with you, and you really have this hope that he'll come back? What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Nick countered. "You seem awfully upset by this—"

"Yeah, because you're a shitty person and I'm tired of you. And I don't know anything about where Louis went, but I'm not surprised he finally fucking left. So if you could just leave me the fuck alone now, I'd really fucking appreciate it." Nick just gave him one cold glare before pivoting around and storming out of the room. Harry exhaled sharply, letting his head fall back against the wall as he closed his eyes.

A couple tears rolled down his face, but he just wiped them dry before standing up, and walking across the room to pick up his book. He went back to his cot, find the page he been on, and continued reading, praying he wouldn't have to deal with Nick again. 

-

It had been well over a month, maybe almost two, and Harry was beginning to think Louis's notion of writing letters was just an empty gesture, false hope. He let his pessimism get the best of him, thinking Louis no longer cared for him. After all, he was in New York City! Or at least supposed to be, why would he want to bother with a dirty ranch-hand in California?

But then one fateful day a letter did arrive for him in the mail! He held the crisp white envelope in his hand, his eyes tracing over Louis's dainty handing. The return address at the top didn't say Louis's name, it had a completely different name, but it was from New York and Harry didn't have a single doubt in his mind that it wasn't Louis. 

He went directly to his room, still in the back of the barn, and opened it before he even sat down. He pulled out the folded paper, a large smile on his face, and unfolded it. He felt so happy and excited. 

Hi Harry,   
It's me, angel eyes. Didn't want Nick, or even Jim, getting suspicious, so I hope this reaches you and finds you well. I miss you and I think about you everyday. New York is extravagant, and I don't regret for a single second coming here, I just wish you were here to experience it with me. I've gotten a job as a waiter in this popular diner downtown until I can find something better. I also moved into an apartment finally. It's small and near the city center, but it's everything I've dreamt it'd be.  It's also 7 stories up, and I hate elevators. But it's home. Something about it still feels incomplete.   
I hope you're doing well and are able to write back. The reason it too me so long to write was because before I had my apartment I was living out of the car and didn't have a return address. Now I do! I'd love to hear from you. I'm sending you all my love, and hugs, and kisses.  
Love,  
Angel eyes 

Harry felt unparalleled happiness reading the letter. He probably read it 10 times over before just sitting there, smiling down at it with this stupid, happy grin that was so wide his face was actually getting sore. 

He set it down before standing up from his cot. He knew he didn't have paper or a pencil, but he thought he might be able to find some in the room. He remembered Louis mentioning Leo liked to draw, and even bringing him paper and pencils. He scoured the work bench and counter for any left over paper or pencils that Leo might not have used, or left behind. 

He was already writing his letter back to Louis in his head, and all in that moment the only thing he wanted was a pencil and paper. He wasn't able to find that, though. He did find some paper, but not a pencil. And he looked everywhere. 

He dropped down on his cot, slumping against the wall in disappointment. He sighed to himself, picking up the sheet of paper again and reading what Louis had wrote. It filled him with so much joy. But there was nothing he could do. 

Later that night, as he sat down to eat his dinner, Liam sat down across from him. He and Liam had grown considerably better friends, and Harry was just glad he felt like he had someone he could rely on, that he wasn't totally alone. 

"Ya look happy." Liam noted as he set down his small, metal tray. 

"I am, I got a letter from Louis today." Liam's eyes widened in surprise. 

"You did? What'd he say?" 

"He said that he's in the city and that he loves it, and he got a job at a diner and an apartment, and he said he misses me and thinks about me everyday." Harry exclaimed joyously, another giddy smile on his face. 

"Well that's good t' hear. Ya gonna write him back?" 

"Yeah, but I don't have a pencil, or even an envelope or anything to mail it back in." He explained solemnly. He hadn't taken a bite of his food yet, he just clutched his bent fork tightly and traced it through the grooves of the wood. 

"Well, tomorrow's Sunday, you could go int' town 'nd get that stuff." Harry hadn't even thought of that. 

"Oh yeah," He said perking up a bit. "I could do that." 

"Tell ‘im I say hi." Liam said with a smile. 

"I will." Harry swirled his food around with his fork now. Liam ate slowly, he watched Harry closely. 

"Ya miss him?"

"Of course, I miss him." Harry replied quickly. "Why wouldn't I?" 

"I don' know, that was a stupid question t' ask." Liam said shaking his head. Harry just sighed, staring down at the table. 

"Do ya think...do you think I made the right choice to stay?" Liam shrugged. 

"I think that's a tough question for me t' answer." He told him truthfully. "I think the real question is if you think ya made the right choice." 

"I don't. I don't know, I think about it everyday and I'm not sure." 

"Maybe that's yer answer." Liam said. "That if ya spend so much time thinking 'bout if the choice ya made is the right one, then it's not." 

"So then what the hell am I supposed to do? Go to New York and see if I feel any better about that decision?" Liam laughed, shrugging his shoulder again. 

"I don' know, man. Just follow your heart." 

"Well which part of my heart?" 

"Whatever part ya wanna listen t'." Harry groaned loudly, closing his eyes then exhaling. 

"You're not helping." 

"It's never too late." Liam stated. 

"What does that mean?"

"I don' know, it means it's never too late." He replied with a smile. "So, think this is the month we'll get paid again?" With Louis basically robbing the ranch, they had a minor financial set back which meant none of the workers were getting paid indefinitely. Which was why almost half the men had left and no new workers had come in. 

“Maybe.” Harry responded apathetically. He wasn’t too worried about the pay set back, he had been saving up his money through the years, so he was comfortable. 

“Was thinkin’ ‘bout heading up north. Findin’ work somewhere up there.” 

“You wanna leave?” Liam nodded. 

“Need a scenery change, plus I wanna be closer t’ my ‘rents.” 

“Understandable. Where do they live?” 

“Auburn.” 

“Oh, my father lives in Sacramento. That’s pretty close.” Liam smiled, nodding. 

“Been there a couple times.” 

“Well, if ya go I’ll miss ya.” 

“I’ll miss ya too man.” Harry smiled softly. A slightly uncomfortable silence settled over them, and both just looked down at the table, eating quietly, not really having anything else to talk about. 

After they had finished eating and cleaning their dishes, they parted ways for the night. Harry went back to his room. He laid in his cot and daydreamed about what life would be like if he had gone to New York with Louis. He imagined them in a cramped little apartment, cuddling together in an actual bed made for two people, as opposed to a rickety old cot that barely fit Harry by himself. He imagined greeting Louis home from work, going out and exploring the city, and even getting a job himself. He pictured himself doing some type of industrial work, maybe in a factory of some sort. 

He fell asleep dreaming of holding Louis again, smelling him, just touching him. He dreamed about wondering what Louis dreamed about, did he dream of Harry? Did he think about him often? Did he truly miss him? And if so, how long would it be before those feelings faded? Harry didn’t think they’d ever fade for him, but for Louis he wouldn’t be surprised if they already were fading. Maybe Harry felt Louis meant more to him than he did to Louis, but a part of him told himself that was ridiculous, that Louis really did love him, that he had loved him. But Harry just couldn’t picture himself making that lasting of an impression on anyone. 

-

That Sunday, Harry walked the long trek into town and walked even more from store to store until he had all he needed. He had paper, pencils, an envelope, and a small sheet of stamps. 

He then found himself seated in a little booth within a local cafe, all his little supplies in front of him and a dewy bottle of coke to the side. He picked up a pencil and dated the paper, before beginning to write his letter. 

Dear angel eyes,  
You don't know the excitement I felt reading your letter. To know you made it to New York and are prospering not only provides me with relief to know you're safe, but also pride and excitement because I had been rooting for your freedom from Nick before we even shared our first kiss.   
It makes me so happy to hear you're doing so well in New York. The ranch has been the same. A couple guys left, but none that I cared about. Don't really care about any of them, except Liam. He told me to tell you he says hi by the way. I still go back to our spot on Sunday afternoons, the tree has begun to die with fall settling upon us, but the frogs are as lively as ever. As I said, I named the first one I found after you (he was a very handsome frog).   
I miss you terribly, and not a moment goes by where I don't. Sending all my love and warmth to you. I love you.   
Love,  
Harry 

A couple tear drops fell onto his paper because of course he started crying. He had both letters in front him, Louis's which was written so beautifully in blue ink and than his which was written messily with graphite. His handwriting was awful, he wasn't even sure if Louis would be able to read it. But to him that only reinforced the idea of how different he and Louis were, and how Louis was destined for greatness in New York City, and Harry was just born to work in the slums of ranches or farms. How was he supposed to do anything more if he could barely legibly write? He wasn't. 

He wiped his eyes with the edge of his hand, before clearing his throat in an effort to minimize his crying. A delicate hand with pale pink painted nails touched the edge of the table, and he looked up at the woman standing beside it. She looked familiar, but Harry had no idea where he would know her from. 

"Are you okay?" She asked softly. "I work at the Owl bookstore, I've rung you up a couple times." Now it made sense why she seemed familiar. Nonetheless, he just nodded his head. 

"I'm fine." He whispered hoarsely, but everything in his expression pointed to him being not fine, and she didn't believe his words. 

"Are you sure?" She asked. "Because it's okay not to be." He nodded. 

"I just...I'm trying to write a letter, but...my handwriting is so bad that you can barely read it and I don't even know if he'll be able to read it, and if he can't read it then how is he supposed to respond? I just...I don't want to lose touch because he can't read my letters." 

"Is it okay if I sit?" He exhaled, nodding his head. "I could help you write your letter if you'd like." Harry just stared down at the table before looking up at her. 

"Really?" She smiled, nodding. "Why? Why do you wanna help me?" 

"Because I think you're nice, and I want to help. Just as you said, you shouldn't have to lose touch just because your penmanship is bad." He still seemed reluctant to accept the help, but who was he to turn it away. "Can I see what you have written?" Harry reached out and picked up the paper before she could, not that she was reaching for it. 

"This isn't...written to a woman." He said slowly, glancing back and forth from the table to her face, wanting to gauge her reaction, but being almost too scared to. 

"That's okay. Is it the guy you were with that one time in the store?" He just nodded. 

"He went to New York." She gave him a sympathetic look. "How do you remember that?"

"You're the first man to work at Hayfer ranch and step foot in the bookstore. You're memorable." She smiled sweetly. Harry just forced a small smile in return before going back to looking despondent. He stared down at the letter. She looked down at the paper before looking back up at Harry. "That must've been hard to say goodbye." Harry nodded again. "Why'd he leave?" 

"Because it's been his dream and he's been stuck in a really shitty situation for five years at the ranch. He invited me to go with him, but...well as you can see, I stayed."

"How come?" 

"Just...because New York isn't for me. It's for him. I don't...I don't even know if I could survive in New York, I'm barely doing it here. And at least here I know I have a job, and a place to sleep, and food." He explained. "But...I don't even know, after reading his letter and trying to write mine I question if I made the right choice. I miss him so much." He was still holding the letter, and he wasn't even sure why he was opening up so much to a stranger, but it felt kind of good to get all his feelings off his chest, to actually say then out loud and acknowledge them. He had already spent his whole life convincing himself he never felt anything. 

"Yeah, that sounds like a really huge, and hard, decision to make. And it'd make sense that you'd doubt yourself on whether you made the right choice." Harry could feel himself begin to tear up again. "Can I see your letter?" Harry hesitated, but then handed it over to her. She looked it over. "Well hey, your handwriting doesn't look that bad." She said. "Does this say excitement?" He sighed, nodding. "And I think this says prospering, but it's misspelled." Harry groaned loudly, slumping back against the booth in annoyance. 

"I'm illiterate." 

"Well hey, this doesn't make you illiterate. It's obvious you have a good vocabulary, it's just the penmanship." She said with a smile. "Like I said, I could help you write it if you'd like." 

"You mean like write it for me?" 

"If that's what you'd want me to do, then yes." Harry took another clean sheet of paper and slid it in front of her, then he rolled the pencil in her direction. She smiled, setting Harry's letter down then picking up the pencil. "Angel eyes, huh?" She asked, writing it out. Harry nodded. 

"It's his nickname." 

"That's cute." He smiled softly. "So after you wrote you were excited to read his letter, you say knowing he's prospering in New York provides you with what? I can't really make out the word. Looks like it begins with an R." 

"I said provides me with relief to know you're safe, but also pride and excitement because I had been rooting for your freedom from Nick before we even shared our first kiss." She smiled, laughing. 

"You're going to have to repeat that slowly." She said, making Harry smile. So she and Harry sat there while Harry basically read his letter aloud and she wrote it down in her neat, legible handwriting. Once she had finished it, she turned the paper around and pushed it in front of him. "I think you can sign it yourself." She held the pencil out to him. 

Harry took it and looked down at the paper. He gripped the pencil tightly as he pressed the tip of the graphite to the paper before signing "Love Harry" in his messy chicken scratch. He smiled softly. 

"I'm Sarah, by the way." 

"Harry." She smiled. "Thank you." 

"It was no problem." She got out of the booth and stood up. "I must be off now. I hope all goes well, and you feel better soon." 

"Thank you, I hope you have a great day. Thanks again for taking the time to help. I appreciate it." She smiled kindly, assuring him there was no need to thank her, then they parted. Once she was gone, Harry stared down at the letters. He folded up Louis's and put it in his pocket. 

He stared down at the two versions of his letter to Louis. He pressed his lips together before picking up the pencil again. He pulled Sarah's version in front of himself and took a deep breath. 

P.S. I had someone else write this out incase you can't read my handwriting. Love you. 

Then he dropped the pencil, folded up both pieces of paper, and stuffed them both into the envelope. He pulled out the envelope Louis's letter had came in and addressed his own, writing extra neat so that there was no way the letter carriers would mix it up, or be unable to read it. He slapped a stamp on, left the cafe, and dropped it off before heading back to the ranch, already eagerly awaiting Louis’s response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anticipating one more chapter left


	24. Chapter 24

Louis removed his apron with a sigh and hung it up. He ran his fingers through his hair before trying to fix it up a bit, then checked his pockets to make sure he had his keys, clocked out, and headed for the door.

He had gotten a job at Krolls diner and so far that was working. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to be doing, but he checked the papers for new jobs daily. It had yet to yield any results, but he know one of those days he'd find something. He just had to give it time. 

He pushed through the doors and walked out onto the sidewalk. It was bustling with life, everyone shoving passed each other to try and get to their destination just a few minutes earlier. 

"Hey, Louis!" Louis's heart stopped for a moment. He turned around and saw Daniel, another waiter from the diner walking his way. He exhaled deeply, putting on a smile for him as he stepped up beside him. "How's it going?" 

"Well, just headed home. How are you?" 

"Good as well." He replied with a smile. "What're you up to tonight? Couple of friends and I are going to go out for a drink. Sandra's going to be there, and I know she wants you to come as well." Louis just shrugged, looking away. He knew what Daniel was hinting at, and he wasn't in the mood for it. Sandra also worked at the diner, and Louis just didn't care for her. He didn't care for anyone who wasn't Harry. He was getting frazzled, though, because he hadn’t gotten a letter from Harry in almost a month. His mind was running ramped!

"I'm good, think I'll just stay in tonight." 

"You're not already with someone, are you?" He shook his head. 

"No, no, but I left someone behind in California when I moved here and I still miss them dearly.  Not really ready to get out there and...court yet." 

"You've been here 3 months—"

"When I'm ready, I'm ready. You'll be the first person I tell." Louis said, eliciting a smile from them both. They stopped at a crosswalk and waited to cross. 

"Well Sandra's going to be crushed." Daniel stated, making Louis laugh. 

"I think she'll survive." 

"So," Daniel nudged him in the arm playfully. "Who's this mystery person back in California?" 

"The love of my life." Louis didn't hesitate to reply. "I invited them to move here with me, but they didn't want to."

"Why not?" Louis shrugged, not even wanting to think about it. 

"Eh, it's complicated. Either way, they didn't think it'd be good for him to come here, so he decided to stay at the ranch."

"He?" Daniel repeated in confusion, and Louis's heart dropped to his stomach. He broke out into a cold sweat, his face turning redder by the second. "You're a homosexual?" 

"No, no, I totally misspoke." Louis said hastily, praying that there was God in heaven who would save his gay ass. "I meant she." Daniel looked skeptical. 

"You said he and him." He replied flatly. The light changed, and they started crossing the street, along with everyone else who had been waiting. 

"I—"

"I mean, I guess...that's okay if you are. It's just...weird." Louis bit his tongue, rolling his eyes. "Anyway," Daniel continued. "You'll still have to join us one night." 

"Maybe the next time." Was all Louis said in response. 

"You better be a man of your word." Daniel joked lightly. Louis just forced a smile, glancing at him before looking back down at the sidewalk. 

"I am." Daniel smiled. 

"Good." They continued walking side by side before they inevitably had to part paths. Louis continued down the streets until he made it to his building, trekking up the 7 flights of stairs and into his cramped apartment. He set his keys on a little table, removed his shoes, then walked into his tiny living room and dropped down on a small couch he had bought. 

His apartment was small. It was maybe only a bit bigger than his bedroom back at the house in California, but he didn't care about size, he cared about having his own place he didn't dread going to. He had a living room, a kitchen, and a bedroom. There was a large window in the living room that oversaw the street below, and Louis liked to sit at his couch at night and watch the city lights. 

And that night, that's exactly what he did. He made himself a peanut butter sandwich for dinner, drank a glass of milk with that, then curled up by the window with a book, spending a nice quiet evening people watching, and reading his book. 

-

That Saturday he was off. It was a dreary day. Rain pattered against the window and the soft roar of thunder made Louis want to go back to sleep, but it was already two in the afternoon and he had just gotten up at noon. 

He was sitting at the window, slumped up against the sill, staring down at the lively street scene below. He sighed to himself, feeling melancholy with the weather. 

He was startled when there was a knock on the door, but he wasn't in the mood to even get up and answer it. If it was important, whoever it was would come back. Except they didn't leave, they just kept knocking. 

Louis groaned, forcing himself up and trudged over to the door. He pulled it open. His mouth dropped at the sight of Harry standing in front him with his wild, unruly hair damp from the drizzling rain and his bag and guitar case sitting at his feet. He had gasped so loud that even Harry jumped, then started to laugh. Louis felt his eyes water with tears as Harry smiled back at him. In his hands he held some flowers. 

"Oh my god, shut up." Louis exclaimed in disbelief. 

"I haven't even said anything yet." Harry replied, still laughing. Louis just held his hands over his mouth in shock. "Hi, angel eyes." Harry greeted softly. Louis dropped one of his hands, but was still covering his mouth with the other, smiling too wide, and too stunned, to say anything as happy tears rolled down his face. "You know, sometimes you spend your whole life thinking you're happy and content with how it's been and how it's going, without having any aspirations for anything better. Then you meet a boy who dreams of creating a better life for himself, and eventually finds himself compassionate and generous enough to want to share it with someone, but you're too scared to say yes so you let him go all the way across the country thinking he fell in love with a boy who didn't love him enough." Louis rubbed his teary eyes. "But the truth is he was loved very much, even too much, and that only scared you even more because love is as much of a foreign concept as thinking of your future is. But then you realize that sometimes in your life you just have to take a chance on love, so you end up traveling all the way across the country, standing at his door only hoping he'll take your hand and invite you inside." They both smiled at each other before Louis was reaching out and grabbing Harry's wrist, yanking him inside, then immediately pulling him in to a tight hug. "Thank god, I had no idea what else to say."

"I never thought I'd hear your voice again." Louis said in a quiet voice. Harry hugged him tightly, his chin nestled over Louis' shoulder. Louis cupped Harry's face in his hands and pulled him in, peppering his face with soft, little kisses before kissing his lips. Harry kissed him back deeply. 

"It feels so good to hold you again." Harry whispered against Louis's lips. Louis laughed. They pulled away and smiled up at each other. 

"Are you sure I'm not dreaming?" Harry nodded. "How did you even get here?"

"A lot of hitchhiking and busses. Some walking too." He answered. "And then it took me at least two days to get around and find this building, but I found it and I'm here and I hope that's okay. I hope you still want me here—"

"Harry, are you fucking kidding me? Of course I still want you here. I can't believe you actually traveled all the way here for me." Louis was throwing his arms around Harry again and pulling him close, squeezing him tightly just to convince himself that Harry was actually there, and he wasn't just in a vivid dream where Harry would disappear at any moment. "I seriously thought I was never going to see you again." He whispered hoarsely, tears rolling down his cheeks again as he cleared his throat. 

"Me too." Harry replied. He stepped back, smiling down at Louis. "But I realized that staying back and letting you go to New York alone was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and even though I'm here now I'd still go back in time and come with you if I could, these last three months have been agony. I never thought I'd miss someone as much as I missed you." Louis was smiling so big his happiness was palpable. His eyes were crinkled and the corners of his mouth were creased because he was just smiling so wide and he didn't plan on stopping. His eyes glistened in the soft light above them. He didn't even know what to say. "And to answer your question, this is what I want to do with my life." 

"What?" Harry smiled back, wiping his eyes before he cleared his throat again.

"That first Sunday we sat together under the tree, you asked me what I wanted to do with my life, and I said I didn't know because I had never thought about it. Well, this is it. This is what I want to do with my life, I want to be with you." 

"How do you even remember that?" Louis choked out. He could barely even talk, his throat was so tight and he was about ready to just burst into tears. He was surprised he hadn't already.

"I remember every moment with you." Harry simply replied. "It was one of the first real conversations we had." He was still smiling down at Louis, amused by how much he was crying, but relieved to know Louis still wanted him there, and still loved him. "And I don't know what I'm going to do here, where the hell I'm going to find a job, if I even will, but...I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out." 

"I literally don't even know what to say right now, I'm speechless." Louis said through laughter. Harry moved his hands down around Louis's waist, pulling him closer. 

"Well I do, and it's I love you." Louis reached up, wrapping one arm around the back of Harry's neck and bringing his other hand to Harry's cheek, brushing his thumb against the skin softly. 

"And I love you." Harry leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "You really need a shower, you reek." Louis whispered, making Harry laugh.

"I know, it's been awhile." 

"But I need to hug you longer first." Harry just laughed as Louis pulled him closer again, pressing his body against Harry's and tucking his chin over his shoulder. "I still think I'm dreaming."

"You are awake, I promise." Harry replied sweetly, his arms wrapped around Louis's lower back. 

"Don't know if I believe you yet." Louis squeezed him, making Harry laugh, then leaned back. 

"I'm here." Harry stated. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Tears of happiness and joy rolled down Louis's face, and he still stood there hugging Harry because he just wasn't quite ready to let go of him yet. He had 3 months of hugs to make up for. And he didn't care if Harry thought the hug was too long. When Harry tried to pull away, Louis didn't let him, he just tightened his arms around him. 

"Okay, Louis," Harry said laughing, pressing a hand to his chest. 

"No, you can't move because then I'll be cold." Harry smiled. He leaned back with Louis still wrapped around him like a tree, and pulled his bag and guitar case into the foyer with one hand. He closed the door after that, then twisted back around to face Louis. He wrapped his one arm tightly around Louis's lower back, then his other under his thigh, lifting him up so that Louis could wrap his legs around Harry's waist. "Bedroom is behind that door." Louis titled his head to the right. 

Harry carried him there, kicking open the cracked door and then lowering Louis down onto the bed. Louis smiled up at him, enthralled to even believe Harry was actually there, had actually travelled all the way across the country for him, for them. 

Harry gazed down at him, watching his face delicately as he sat up. He ran his fingers through his hair, and Louis reached out, grabbing Harry's wrist. 

"C'mere." He yanked Harry forward and he fell down onto the bed on his hands and knees. Louis laughed beautifully, and Harry readjusted himself, laying down on his side beside Louis. 

"Holy shit, this mattress feels amazing." He practically moaned, closing his eyes and keeping them closed for a moment. 

"Where'd you sleep last night?" 

"A bench." Louis laughed. 

"Well, no more benches for you." Harry smiled. "So, tell me, what made you change your mind? How's the ranch? How were things after I left?" 

"I don't think it's that hard to say why I changed my mind." Harry replied. "I figured...it was time I did something bold, step outside my comfort zone because my whole has literally been...working, and working, and working, and...I missed you so much. I figured it was time I did something that would make me happy." Louis was filled with so much happiness. He caressed Harry's cheek softly, leaning in to kiss him. "And the ranch is the ranch. Nick is still an asshole, shockingly. Insisted I knew where you were, and picked a fight with me more than usual. We got in a fight one day, he had a black eye for at least a week." Louis laughed. "I probably did too." 

"Boys." Louis said shaking his head. Harry just smiled, closing his eyes again. He could feel himself nodding off, but he didn't fight it. And Louis didn't stop it either. He just watched Harry. His eyes traced over his sun kissed face, taking in every inch of it from his greasy mess of curly hair all the way down to his neck. "Are you hungry? I could make us something to eat." 

Harry didn't respond, though, leading Louis to believe he had already fallen asleep. Louis smiled at him, leaning in to kiss his cheek gently. He laid there, listening to Harry's deep and slow breathing. It was peaceful partnered with the rain. 

Louis got up off the bed, and picked up a bundled blanket at the foot of the bed. He fanned it over Harry, all smiles the entire time, before turning out the bedroom light. He closed the door quietly behind him, retreating to the living room to let Harry sleep. 

-

When Harry woke up, it was dark and he was alone. He sighed softly, curling into the mattress as he yawned. He pulled the blanket tightly around himself and just laid there. It was still raining, and he listened to it beat heavily against the window. 

He wasn't sure how long he just laid there. Eventually he turned over on his back and sat up, turning to look for a clock. There was one set up on a night stand, it read 8:30. He rubbed his eyes and glanced around the room. It was small. The walls were beige without any decor, and aside from the bed and nightstand, the only other piece of furniture was a dresser. There was door to the left of him which he presumed led to a bathroom or closet. 

He climbed up off the bed and went to it, opening it up to find a tiny bathroom. He went to the tub and turned on the faucet, holding his hand under the rush of hot water and feeling thankful to even have hot water at his dispose. 

Out in the living room, Louis was rummaging through his kitchen, trying to find something to make. He had heard Harry get up and figured he would be starving, but his grocery count was low. He didn't have a lot. He found a box of Mac and cheese, and decided to make that. 

While he waited for the water to boil, he sat on his couch and read a book he had picked up at a store the other week. Then once the water was boiling, he poured in the noodles, cooked those, then finished putting the dish together once all was ready. He left it in a pot on the stovetop. 

He was sitting back at the couch when the bedroom door opened, and out walked Harry wearing a flannel shirt he hadn't buttoned up, and a pair of plain pajama bottoms. His body glistened with water droplets and his hair was damp. 

"Hope you don't mind, I took a shower." He said. Louis just smiled back up at him, placing his book down and standing up. "And sorry for falling asleep."

"You don't have to apologize." Louis stood up from the couch. "I made some mac and cheese, I assume you're hungry." 

"You made what?" Harry asked, following Louis over into the kitchen. 

"Mac and cheese." Louis replied with an amused smile. He turned over his shoulder to glance at Harry, who just looked confused. "Macaroni noodles and cheese. You've never heard of it? Seriously?" 

"My diet for my entire life has been toast, beans, potatoes, and occasionally some beef. Sorry I don't know you're fancy noodle dish." Louis laughed, so enthralled to have Harry there with him, and pulled down two bowls from a cupboard. He spooned some of the Mac and cheese into both, grabbed two spoons, then handed Harry a bowl. "This really does look fancy." 

"Well it's not fancy." 

"It's got color, it's fancy." Louis laughed again. He was probably going to laugh at everything Harry said because he was so smiley and so giggly, how could he not? 

"The couch?" Harry nodded. They both walked from the kitchen over to the living room, sitting cozily together on the couch. Louis watched Harry in amusement as he scooped up some of the food with his spoon then inspected it. He put it in his mouth and looked pleasantly surprised, nodding his head. 

"This is actually pretty good." 

"Crafted to perfection by yours truly." 

"The cutest cook around." Louis grinned, digging into his own bowl happily. 

"So how long did it take you to get here?" 

"Been travelin' for little over two weeks." He said to Louis's amazement. 

"Shit. No wonder you passed out the second you laid down." He joked lightly, making Harry laugh. 

"Yeah, haven't gotten the best quality of sleep recently." Louis watched Harry intently, who was eating his mac and cheese contently before he noticed Louis staring. "What? Do I have food on my face?" 

"No, I just still can't believe you're here. You're in New York! Had you ever even been outside California before leaving?" Harry shook his head. 

"Nope." 

"Well I'm really happy you're here." Louis said, making Harry smile back at him, dimples showing and all. "Like, so fucking happy. I love you so much." 

"I love you too." Harry replied. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He leaned across the space between them and kissed Louis. "The best fucking thing." Harry whispered after the kiss had ended, pressing their foreheads together lightly. 

Louis could already feel himself tearing up again, and he reached up to touch his hand to Harry's cheek. Harry grabbed his hand gently, rubbing his thumb against the edge of Louis's hand. 

"Best fucking thing." Louis repeated hoarsely, opening his eyes to look up at Harry. They kissed once more before going back to talking and eating their mac and cheese. 

After awhile, their dishes were in the sink and Harry had downed at least 9 cups of water. They were cuddled together on the couch. Harry had his arms around Louis, who was laying between his legs with his head resting on Harry's chest. 

"I can't stop thinking about how fancy mac and cheese is." Harry said breaking the silence, and Louis burst out into laughter. 

"It's not even fancy, there are so many more fancier foods out there, I promise." Harry smiled, chuckling softly. 

"It's fancy to me." 

"You're silly." The lights were off, and the only thing that lit up the apartment were the lights outside and the moon, highlighting everything and casting shadows that danced across the walls. 

"It feels so nice to sit." Harry remarked contently. "Feels so nice to hold you again." 

"Feels nice to be held by you." Louis replied quietly. He sat up, pushing himself away from Harry. "I'm gonna use the bathroom." Louis disappeared in the room and entered the bathroom. Once he had finished washing his hands, he looked at himself in the little mirror. He fixed up his hair a bit, and might've unbuttoned an extra button of his shirt. 

When he opened the bathroom door to leave, he saw Harry standing at the foot of the bed, the flannel shirt he had been wearing now in his hand. He looked over at Louis and smiled. Louis walked over to the bed and crawled on top of up, sitting on his knees at the edge in front of Harry. 

"You're so...muscly. Wow." He said, reaching out and wrapping his hand around Harry's bicep. Harry laughed softly. 

"Years of hard, manual labor will do that to you." 

"Obviously." Harry reached down, cupping Louis's cheek in his hand and titling his head up. Louis smiled softly, butterflies in his stomach running amuck and his heart already racing. Louis raised himself up, so he and Harry were level height. 

He leaned in and kissed Harry sweetly. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling Harry closer as he started to scoot backwards on the bed. Harry kneeled onto it, lowering his arm around Louis's back as he lowered him onto the bed. 

Louis held Harry's face as he kissed him tenderly. Harry leaned over him, pressing his hands into the mattress to hold himself up. Louis wrapped his legs up over Harry's waist loosely, moving his hands from Harry's face to around his back. 

Harry pulled away from Louis's lips, and trailed quick, soft kisses down to his neck. Louis reached up to cradle the back of Harry's head as he craned his neck to give Harry more access. 

"Give me as many fucking love bites as you can." Louis whispered. 

"Again?" Harry asked with a smile and Louis nodded, his breathing labored. 

"You have three months to make up for." He replied, making Harry laugh. 

"If you say so." And so that's what he did. He kissed every inch of Louis's skin, leaving soft pink marks on his neck, his chest, his thighs, everywhere he could. Just as Louis had requested. 

And they made love into the night, touching each other like it was the first time all over again, and they just weren't sure how fragile the other were yet. They wanted to touch each other with the sole purpose of learning all of them, and they wanted to deepen the feelings they felt that already couldn't go any deeper. 

Once they had finished, they were cuddling in bed with each other, the sweat on their bodies glistening in the soft wash of moonlight. And for once in Harry's life, he wasn't sure what he was doing, or where he was going, but all the uncertainty didn't matter because he had Louis, and they could be uncertain about it together. This was Harry's chance to explore the world, explore it with the man he loved who also had dreams of reaching each end of the earth. And of course, they didn't know how they were going to do that, but the world was theirs, and one thing was for certain: they were going to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end hope you liked it and/or enjoyed it!!! comments appreciated, kudos appreciated, can’t believe I actually finished this. be on the look out for more fics!!!


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